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Main Event #4: Serif vs. ZombieGirl


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#1 Landon

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Posted 06 May 2012 - 07:05 PM

I hate zombies. I really do.

If they die, what do they do? They just come back. They defy death. That’s the very concept of the zombie. Undying. That doesn’t offend me just because my job involves making people die, that offends me as a writer.

If you need someone to come back, you just work a little necromancy and poof they’re back as a zombie. And it’s even easier to bring back a zombie. Just jump start its brain or something and it’s back to shambling and eating other brains.

And don’t even get me started on how every other book is being rewritten as an “And Zombies” thing. I’m afraid someone’s going to get a hold of the rights to my book and make it to where I’m killing zombies while going to magical writing school. That was cute in 2009, I guess. Now? No. Now that warrants a freebie hit. And, no, the third book in my series only used zombies as a subplot. It wasn’t the crux of the whole thing. So shut up.

So. Zombies suck. ZombieGirl sucks even more. She’s done all of the above and has done it in real life. One of my rival assassins did her in and what does she do? She comes right back to life. She’s retconning reality. You don’t get to do that, Girl. I need to retcon your retcon.

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I hate writers. I hate them so much.

They’re all a bunch of hatemongering propaganda whores. They find out about awesome concepts like “coming back from the dead” and do their best to vilify anyone who comes close to associating with conquering the absence of life in a dead body. What the hell, man? What do they have against a corpse that keeps on living after its soul decides to leave the mortal plane?

You know that the first account of zombies eating the flesh of the living comes from a movie? A movie that was written by some jerk who had his hate on for the undead. Yeah, you know who I’m glowering at. It’s these fanboy dorks who created the myth of the hungering zombie, and only then did we start to see that lie manifest in reality. It’s all the fault of some fat geek sitting at his computer or typewriter spewing out Nazi-level lies!

And then you have these modern trends of trying to humanize zombies. If you’re reminded that the zombies were once humans, it somehow makes it all the more scary. What? First you make us into monsters and then you try to rob us of our identity as a unique demographic? We aren’t zombies anymore, we’re just humans who can’t control themselves. I AM ZOMBIE.

Yeah, you writers suck. And this Serif chick that wants to off me sucks even more. You ever read the third book in her series? It’s all about how her best friend becomes a zombie and how she has to purify her soul to allow her to ascend to the afterlife. Yeah. She typifies everything that’s wrong in this undead-hating world. Maybe I should give her a zombie hickey just to show her up.

#2 Callisto

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Posted 06 May 2012 - 07:05 PM

Learn More About
Serif
Origination: Eldritch
Alignment: Villain
Team: KALI

ZombieGirl
Origination: Eldritch
Alignment: Hero
Team: The Sentinels of Liberty and Justice




#3 deojusto

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Posted 06 May 2012 - 08:05 PM

Loved it.

#4 FoxFingers

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Posted 06 May 2012 - 08:20 PM

Awesome Landon.

These are both great characters and I wish both contenders the best. I'm a ZombieGirl Fanboy though. Either way, both are top notch.

#5 treacherous

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Posted 08 May 2012 - 07:01 AM

Serif is great, but Zombie Girl is a bit more relevant, fun and overall enjoyable.
Spoiler


#6 Darkender

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Posted 08 May 2012 - 10:13 AM

<_<

I like both of these characters, but I've written for Zombie Girl and feel more of an attachment. But, I thought she was a ghoul?

#7 deojusto

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Posted 08 May 2012 - 01:24 PM

I like both of these characters, but I've written for Zombie Girl and feel more of an attachment. But, I thought she was a ghoul?


She is, but admittedly the name is confusing, and its only a minor difference. Zombie is like a general term for an entire class of undead, and ghoul is like a sub-class.

#8 Pseudonym

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Posted 08 May 2012 - 02:11 PM

I gotta say, I'm a big fan of ZG

#9 treacherous

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Posted 08 May 2012 - 03:15 PM


Nyuk.

#10 Darkender

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Posted 09 May 2012 - 08:33 PM

Nyuk.


...que?

#11 Callisto

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Posted 11 May 2012 - 08:01 PM

Match Final Results
ZombieGirl Won a match against Serif
9 to 2
Overpowering Win ... Brutal Loss: Fame points doubled!
Serif: -50 fame points
ZombieGirl: 50 fame points





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