NOTHING TO SEE HERE!
Posted 12 October 2009 - 12:25 AM
Posted 12 October 2009 - 12:28 AM
Posted 12 October 2009 - 08:21 AM
My character is the one below Zreth's, in case someone missed it.
Posted 12 October 2009 - 05:29 PM
Okay my character is edited I hope it's okay.
I noticed something worth pointing out, if it hadn't been pointed out already. In his good skills under charisma, you say he has a silver tongue. But later in the bad skills, you say that he can't convince anyone of anything with diplomacy. He has high charisma and is a smooth talker, but is unconvincing???
Posted 12 October 2009 - 10:20 PM
Couple of things: First of all you didn't use all your Skills. You get 8 as base and then +1 for every Bad Skill you take beyond 2. So you SHOULD have 9 trained skills.
Second: Your skills are almost EXACTLY mirroring Zreth's character. Considering the possible diversity this is a big no-no.
So, yeah, first come first serve really. So we're going to need you to rethink your character there. So. Yeah.
Fair enough. I'll edit it now.
Posted 12 October 2009 - 11:10 PM
Only problem here is the hair bit. Can't blame you for it, since we didn't say anything about it. Golems don't have hair, at least not what we'd call hair. They have have stylized ridges or outcroppings and the like that "mimic" hair, but they don't have actual hair. Their genetics have altered so much that they don't really resemble humans outside of their form.
I'd also go with "Walter" rather than "Waler," but that's just a personal preference.
Go with poaching. If an Abomination is killed simply for their nature, it's most likely the result of them being targeted by poachers. While Abominations are second class citizens and may be treated like crap by some people, it rarely escalates to violence in most places. There aren't really any anti-Abomination organizations, the way we have things like the KKK and neo-Nazis in the real world. There was a period in time where such thing were common, but since the experiment that created Abominations occured a few centuries before "present" time, that kind of blatant hatred has simmered to "accepted" discrimination. So yeah, go with his parents being targets of poachers.
The bullying as a kid works. I'd recommend that his family comes from a "core" world system, where Abominations aren't as common, and therefore tend to get singled out more often than systems further from the "center" of the known galaxy. He escapes by dedicating himself to his education, trying to prove his worth or find a way to get away and forge his own path. Something like that. He probably likes the freedom of exploration and being out "in the field," since it puts him in more tolerant, educated company of his choosing.
My only beef is the bit where his brother teaches him how to use a gun and how this is a major turning point. It isn't the "brother showing him how to use a gun" part that bothers me, but the "learning how to use a gun suddenly ends his bullying" part. Sounds a little like he turned around and USED the gun to end the bullying. With a bullet. I'd say that his brother mentoring him in this way gave him some much-needed self-confidence and allowed him to stand up to the bullies, who soon backed down when he was no longer an easy mark. Somthing along those lines.
The rest of the Bio works.
Everything else looks like a good start. I'm gonna post an example character, HOPEFULLY tonight. Once I do that, use that as a basis to elaborate and expand upon your character.
Posted 13 October 2009 - 01:13 AM
Name: Lu Wei or “Brother Wei”
Appearance: Due to his former high ranking within the Church, Lu Wei is always well kept. However, he has long thrown away his Church dressings for attire more suited to his new monastic lifestyle. Lu Wei only wears two main uniforms: A warrior monk’s orange single arm traveling robes and a single arm training suit with pants. Lu Wei is a large man in stature. His body is at its zenith. Since his isolation within his religious faction, Lu Wei and all followers wear their heads bald.
Background: Lu Wei is a holy man: once a powerful member of the Church’s military faction. He later joined a radical thinking movement based on controversial teachings of Ziang Zi, a former high ranking affiliate of the Church. Ziang Zi believed that after Pharaoh’s death, his life essence went into all of Man. That through the inner esoteric powers of the Pharaoh, man could transform and possess their true potential. Herein, man became their own gods. Supposedly, Ziang Zi possessed a text that explained all of this in great detail and used it to teach his philosophy.
Since the body was considered to be inhabited by Pharaoh, the body was considered to be holy. Ziang Zi and his followers were often looked down upon as heretics. Therefore, they cast themselves away from outside interference and spent their entire existence learning, training and meditating on physical and mental improvement. The movement thrived for a century undisturbed on a remote frontier planet long after Zi’s death. A great set of tombs were built in Zi’s honor. These tombs contained the text behind Zi’s controversial teachings, which were now passed down verbally. It was completely forbidden to go anywhere near these ruins. Only the absolute best trained fighters within the community defended this rule. Lu Wei was their leader.
As leader of the guards of the most important tomb within his sect: The tomb of the Ziang Zi. Lu Wei required special rigorous training up to his 25th birthday to protect this unique treasure. On his 25th birthday, he became the 70th warrior monk to inhabit this position. Many years later, the tomb was brilliantly robbed. His entire sentinel unit killed. Lu Wei was the only survivor. The sect leaders suspected outside intrusion from either follower’s of the Pharaoh, seeking to destroy the extremist teachings or the Three Queens Syndicate. The thief was never found and as punishment Lu Wei was banished from his sect. His terms for coming home were to return with the stolen text of Ziang Zi or never return at all. So Lu set out to find the historical artifact.
Personality: Lu Wei like most in his sect, cherishes all antiquity concerning the Pharaoh and will sacrifice much to preserve this past. Lu Wei is very reserved, choosing not to speak unless his words are wise. As part of his training, Lu had to endure many long hours meditating within a tomb. Because of this, Lu is often withdrawn in his thoughts. Having had no former relationships, he is extremely shy around women.
Physical Artistry: Lu Wei has spent the entirety of his life training in what would be considered Kung Fu and perfecting the strength of his body.
Melee Weapon Expertise: Lu Wei chief weapon is the long Bo, which he wields in defense and offense.
Strong: Due to Lu’s training, he is exceptionally strong. Known to be able to burst multiple layers of brick easily with his small strike.
Durable: Due to Lu’s training, he is able to withstand strenuous amounts of pain. He has been known to hold a burning cauldron in his forearms for minutes with no ill effects.
Acrobatics: Lu Wei is able to achieve incomparable feats of agility such as a two finger hand stand.
Strong Will: Lu is set on one major objective: Find and return the text of Ziang Zi. Let nothing stand in his way.
Stealth: Through rigorous training, Lu has mastered an art form of meditation that allows him to become seemingly omitted from existence. When in this meditation, Lu can sit still in a room full of people and simply become dismissed. Although he is still in the room, people just tend to forget he is there. He can go into this state within seconds. However, Lu can only slightly hear or see when in this status; only awakening upon pure will.
Tactical Knowledge: Due to his past with the Church military and his training as a master guardsman, Lu is an expert at tactical strategy. This fact makes the defeat at Ziang Zi’s tomb devastating to him.
Theology: High ranking member of the Church and Ziang Zi’s movement, Lu is well versed in all things related to the ways of the Pharaoh. This is something he is immensely proud of.
Thievery: Lu Wei abhors thieves, particularly after his failure at the tombs.
Politics: Lu Wei believes the Church and politics do not mix. This thought is even more honed after his bond with the sect.
Equipment: Lu Wei is never without his long staff and prayer beads.
Posted 13 October 2009 - 01:18 AM
Bad Skills 2
So you either need two more 2 Bad Skills or you need 2 fewer Trained Skills.
Posted 13 October 2009 - 01:54 AM
The character is very well thought out. Best one submitted so far. There's just one catch. A pretty big catch.
Spirituality in the manner that you describe doesn't exist in this word.
The only spirituality that the world has known is Pharaoh's Church. While its been several centuries since Pharaoh has been a physical, living presence in the world, his influence is still felt and there's never been room for non-Church religions to develop. I wouldn't say there's no room for such things eventually, but at this point it's something I want to avoid tackling.
This doesn't mean that secular, philosophical orders and the like don't exist. There's plenty of room for groups that have developed alternative ways of life on a philosophical level, and such a group could take the form of a martial, monastic order as described here. But the reality of God actually existing in the flesh at some point in the relatively recent past is still etched into everyone's psyches, and such groups' ideals will not have progressed far enough to propose a spiritual reality that differes from the one that has physical, objective proof still in existence.
Not your fault at all, since these details aren't explored in the stuff I have posted.
That said, here's an option for how you can change things up:
He belongs to a philosophical movement that is focused on simple, asthetic living and physical conditioning. It was founded by someone (the master you mention in your writeup) who was a high-ranking member of the Church's militant sect. He had what some would call an epiphany, and what others would call a loss of faith, and left the Church. A handful of his subordinates left with him, agreeing with whatever vague ideal he came upon that didin't agree with the Church's doctrine. They secluded themselves on a remote frontier planet and began a small colony where they slowly attracted other disenfranchised Church members, and eventually laymen as well. The colony becomes famous for the physical arts style that was honed by said leader over the years and passed down to many of the people who live at this small colony.
I'd imagine that this colony has been active for about 100 years, give or take.
On this frontier planet is a old set of ruins. Knowing something about these ruins that no one else at the colony knew, the founder of the colony forbid anyone from going into them and tasked the best trained people with defending the ruins from potential marauders and explorers. Your character was in charge of the small group of defenders, but he failed to protect the ruins when a group of (insert pillagers here) overwhelmed his small group, leaving him the only survivor. Out of shame for his failure, he chooses to leave the colony and find a way to atone for his mistakes, which leads him to being recruited for this group.
As far as your skills go, other than removing references to "spirits" and the like, you might want to consider diversifying. He's a combat monster, but in situations that don't require fighting he'll be at a major loss. Keep that in mind. If you WANT someone who is weak in that area, I trust you to play that up and accept it when he's in a pinch that requires him to think or feel rather than hit.
Posted 13 October 2009 - 02:46 AM
Posted 13 October 2009 - 08:53 AM
He's a combat monster, but in situations that don't require fighting he'll be at a major loss. Keep that in mind. If you WANT someone who is weak in that area, I trust you to play that up and accept it when he's in a pinch that requires him to think or feel rather than hit.
That was going to be his whole thing--Out of place...loner on a mission guy. No problem. I'll work on it. Thanks.
Posted 13 October 2009 - 10:33 PM
Appearance: Marina, or Mia, as she prefers has long light brown hair that is normally tied up in a bun under her leather broad rimmed hat. Her eyes are a hazel brown that almost matches her hair. It’s easy to see, judging by her pale skin that she is not one who sees the sun very often, and the dirt and oil under her fingernails tells a story of working with her hands. Neither tall not short, she stands around average height, with a matching build that shows her on the lightly built side. Her favorite color is turquoise, and is often seen using it in her outfits, from her shirts to the many rings she collects from her journeys.
Background: Mia’s story isn’t anything exciting. At least from her standards. Born the oldest daughter to a single mother, Marina, or Mia, as her younger sister called her, helped her mother every day after school. And only after school.
“The world can take everything from you, except your knowledge” her mother would tell her. And it was a quote they all lived by. Mia poured herself into her studies, history was her favorite field, initially. She would spend afternoons pretending to go off world and discover alien civilizations long since extinct.
As she grew older she discovered a skill for all things mechanical. she loved it as much, if not more, than the excursions held by the school to the local quarries. She often found herself “talking” to the engines and mechanical oddities she would take apart. Giving them male or female names as she saw fit.
After graduating school she was suggested for a assistant for a well known archeologist who was also in need of a spare mechanic. It was then that she found her true love. Within days of her arrival she had constructed multitudes of mechanical ingenuities and tinker toys to aid the other camp workers and herself. Over the next few years she moved her way up the chain of command, until she was able to save enough money to start a dig of her own.
Personality: An optimist at heart, Mia lets that fact show while on the job. “The Core is the limit” she’s often heard saying to her younger tradesmen, even when they’re often older than she is. But she often has hidden doubts about her ability to lead others.
1. History: Mia is well versed in the local and wider-spanning history. Able to recall important events and battles, leaders and rebels. As well as the knowledge of the older and deeper stories behind them. Part of her love of archeology lies in the hopes to find new artifacts that will lead to new sides to the commonly known stories.
2. Archeology: Mia loves nothing so much as herring her hands dirty while out on a dig. Well maybe except devising a way to get it back to the surface. But that aside she has been working in dig sites since her young schooling days. And has only increased her love of the work from then on.
3. Mechanics: in her spare time Mia can always be found in her tent, tinkering on her latest idea. As a general rule, if an item goes missing in the camp site, Mia has a hand in it. Somewhat of a klepto, her idea of a fun time is turning an odd object she’s found recently into a new item to be used in tomorrow’s work.
4. Robotics: Mia’s love of all things mechanical doesn’t stop at engines and the like. Her known feats include creating a small battalion of spider-like robots, programmed to use echolocation to search through cracks in rock beds to find deeper chambers. Her favorite, suitably named Draco, is a dragonfly shaped robot no more than ten inches long with two sets of translucent wings. It’s normally seen flitting around her, landing on her shoulder, and illuminating the tunnels as she travels them.
5. Thievery: When on a dig, kilometers from the nearest signpost of humanity, and there are no spare parts for a brilliant idea that popped into your head late at night, where would you get the parts? Yes. That’s right. The dozens of co-workers all seem to bring trinkets and holo-disks from home. They won’t notice one, or three, missing. And If you happen to notice your grandfather’s pocket watch cannibalized and used in a new Spiderbot, oh well. She’ll probably give you a raise in exchange for it.
6. Perceptive: as you might expect, after years of creating and disassembling machines and seeing workshops in full swing, Mia has gotten used to the way things work. From the common since point of view. You don’t lay the arch welder next to the propane tanks. You don’t avoid eye contact when the boss asks you if you’ve met your quota, and you don’t “misplace” your only set of night vision goggles in the worksite. (More like you left them at the local bordello.) If only people themselves were as simple as their actions.
7. Tactical Knowledge: after years of studding the great battles of the past, Mia is quite versed on the tactics used in both modern and ancient commanders. A skill she often puts to good use on her digs.
8. Physical Science: there is no skill more useful to a tunneled than the ability to properly plan and execute a way of getting to the buried artifacts. The exact amount of braces needed in a tunnel, the proper amount of ventilation needed per worker, everything needs to be taken into account. Luckily Draco’s holo-projector stores the most essential and commonly required facts needed.
1. Socially Aware: While machines and robots come second nature to Mia, the prospect of human nature is a much harder thing to grasp. While she often sees the habits of the people around her, more often than not she fails to see the reason behind it. Since she was a child she has had a hard time making friends, this has changed very little over the years. Mia often finds it easier to just ignore a social problem entirely than deal with it. A tactic that often blows up in her face, leaving her, and those around her, more bewildered than before.
2. Piloting: Never, Ever, let Mia behind the wheel of a vehicle. It will end badly. A common joke around the camp is that the mechanical dragonfly could drive with more skill than she can, and he can’t even reach the pedals.
Equipment: At any given time Mia carries Draco, the mechanical robot with built in holo-projector. A set of arch-welders. Night vision goggles (helpful for spelunking) a miniature coil of cable with attached grappling hook. And her trusty wide brimmed hat.
Posted 14 October 2009 - 12:50 AM
Posted 14 October 2009 - 02:54 AM
Magnus' character is in. That means we have five character slots left. I may need you to make some edits, Magnus, but your character looks fine so far.
Posted 14 October 2009 - 10:31 AM
Agree about the name. I originally thought of naming him Walter, but feared I would start identifying him with "Walter the fwiendly wobot, fwiend of Dwedd", who is almost the opposite of what I had in mind. But after changing the name, I realized it wasn't a problem.
I dropped the first mentioning of the small firearms skill in the background part; partly because it was already covered under the skill itself, partly because it might lead to misinterpretations.
Posted 14 October 2009 - 08:35 PM
Posted 14 October 2009 - 08:56 PM
Posted 14 October 2009 - 09:00 PM
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