Posted 23 March 2012 - 10:34 PM
This will not be any fun if I send you to hell so easily. I will teach you the meaning of fear Reynolds, you think you are fearless, that you will not whimper and cry as the others have? But; by the time i end you it will be the same. You will cry, and scream as i slither from the shadows. You will howl when I snap your arm at the elbow. You will choke on your blood when I slit your throat from ear to ear.
Be wary John Reynolds.
Posted 24 March 2012 - 02:09 PM
Posted 24 March 2012 - 03:39 PM
The set up was pretty good, but your character could use some work. Take a look at some of the well off characters on the database and you'll see characters that "show instead of tell" do way better.
what do you mean?
0 user(s) are reading this topic
0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users