Match 10927 Mr. Hyde (League Of Extraordinary Gentlemen) vs. Sabretooth
You Be The Judge
Posted 28 February 2012 - 01:38 PM
I used to think that the best thing about being dead is that you don’t have to worry about paying rent. I can live in any house, any hotel or any women’s dorm that takes my fancy. That’s right, cost savings and being a perverted ghost seem to go hand in hand.
But that was before I discovered the main advantage of being a ghost… and that is the metaphysical law of reality which states that being undead and incorporeal means that you are not actually tied to your plane of existence. I have met quite a few ghosts and it is surprising how few actually realise that fact.
Note that this law also applies to some of the other intangible undead such as shades, spectres and wraiths but not to corporals like vampires, zombies or ghouls. Those corporals are weird anyway… always obsessed with blood and brains and forever lamenting their place in society.
It was purely by accident that I discovered this fact but I soon began experimenting. After a few very interesting adventures, I suddenly found myself in Hell. Not a great start I admit but it was interesting to come face to face with a demon. I’m not sure to this day who was the more scared of us. One moment I was sitting in my living room surfing the internet (yes, I am more than old enough to be able to control my ectoplasm and manipulate objects; no, I’m not going to tell you how old), the next I’m standing in a pit filled with flames and facing a very surprised looking demon.
His body was muscled and completely red, huge bat-like wings sprouted from his back and he held a long whip in his right, clawed hand. He had been in the process of whipping a grey haired man in a suit and tie.
“What the f***!” he growled as I appeared
I am not ashamed to admit I screamed like a girl.
“Shut up” he shouted, the whip lashed out. And passed straight through me.
“F***ing sh**, I’m gonna rip you apart you f***ing little turd”. He moved forward and I lashed out with my mind, an old trick I had learnt from a poltergeist buddy of mine. I have had many years to practice it, even if mainly on short skirts (god bless the 1920’s).
The whip curled around the demon’s hooved foot and he stumbled over, banging his head hard against a rock and knocking himself out. Having gotten over my initial fear, I turned to run only to find there was nowhere to go; only stone walls all around.
The demon mumbled something and slowly got to his feet. Shaking his head wearily he said “OK, who the f*** are you?”
“I’m a bit lost actually” I muttered cautiously. “One minute in my room, the next here opposite you. Any idea how I can get home?”
“Can’t you just will yourself home? You must be bloody powerful to have gotten here so just flap your ectoplasmic wings and f*** off”
I tried smiling. “I’ve been trying to ‘flap my ectoplasmic wings’ but for some reason it’s not working. Is there another way out?”
“You do know you’re in Hell right, room 49,993,343,222 to be precise” the demon said perplexedly.
“The demon whipping what looks like a lawyer kind of tipped me off” I replied. “Look, no offense but I’m missing the end of the sixth sense which I haven’t seen yet. Everyone I know has said I will find the ending hilarious. Do you know a way out or not?”
The demon waved his hand and opened up a white, shimmering portal.
“F*** off you undead scum”
I didn’t wait to be told twice. As I was leaving I heard him say “Oh, and he’s a ghost by the way.” I assumed he was talking to the lawyer.
I stepped through the white, shimmering portal into a world that was white and shimmered. Interesting.
There was nothing around, and I mean literally nothing. Just white, like I was starting at a sheet of paper up really close. The shimmering took the form of white swirls that came and went in the corner of my eyesight. It disappeared as soon as it appeared.
‘Where on earth am I now’ I thought to myself
--- You are in Purgatory --- Boomed a voice. It was all around me, close yet far away, loud yet a whisper as well. It sounded male and female and strangely metallic as well.
I nearly jumped out of my ectoplasm. “Who are you?” Looking around I could still not see anything.
--- I am Purgatory ---
This gave me pause.
“I’m in you?”
--- Yes. I am all there is here ---
“That’s disgusting. I don’t want to be in you.”
--- It is not disgusting. I happen to be very clean. I am pure and uncontaminated ----
“Ugh. Anyway, how do I get out of here?”
--- Why would you want to leave? Everything you need is here ---
“There’s nothing here”
---- Yes, you will want for nothing. Ha ha ha ----
“… Very funny. Now tell me how to get out of here before I show you something a lich necromancer once showed me”
--- Why in such a hurry oh departed one. You could learn so much from me ----
“I seriously doubt that. But go on, what do you have?”
--- For example, I could teach you the meaning of everything; life, death, good or even evil. ---
“Oh I know evil. I have had a long time to get acquainted with all types of evil and witness the atrocities that can be inflicted.”
--- Oh really. That sound like a challenge ----
--- Yes, to see who has seen the most evil. ---
“I’m somehow in a challenge with a plane of existence. That’s weird even for me!”
--- Do you accept? –
“Sure. Why not.”
I suddenly felt a great power entering my incorporeal body, something which should have been technically impossible.
--- Just as you have entered me, so I shall enter you --- shouted Purgatory
“That sounds a bit gay” I said through gritted teeth as the power of a whole plane surged through me.
--- Well it’s not. There, you now have a fraction of my power and can pull through evil from any of the countless planes of existence. Bring forth your minion of evil and I shall bring forth mine. ----
I thought about my recent travels and reached out to a universe dominated by superheroes and the most dastardly villains and brought forth a mutant who had given into his darker side, the literal beast within. Sabretooth appeared before us in a black circle amidst the sea of white.
--- Not bad ---- said Purgatory, ---- Certainly one with great potential for evil. ----
“So what you got then?”
--- How about the pure evil within, isolated from any goodness and given form? I give you Mr Edward Hyde ---
The beast appeared opposite Sabretooth and the two instantly squared off like bulls fighting for a mate.
“This should be interesting” I said, leaning back into the whiteness.
---- Indeed --- replied Purgatory
Straight up fight between Hyde and Sabretooth in Purgatory. No weapons or objects of any kind.
Posted 29 February 2012 - 07:53 PM
Intriguing set-up as usual, Culwych, especially in the way it's not necessarily about the combatants.
I'd say Sabretooth wins. Hyde may be bigger and stronger than Creed, but Creed has his healing factor, skill, brutality, and just about every other advantage.
Posted 29 February 2012 - 11:24 PM
I really want to say Mr. Hyde slaughters Sabertooth, but that's not going to happen - not enough to win anyway. Sabertooth's speed, tenacity, and healing factor pulls him through a tough battle to topple Hyde.
Current score: Tom +1, Purgatory 0
Posted 01 March 2012 - 02:50 PM
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