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[Pseudonym]

Biography

Walsh Vincent Weston was hard at work in the Computer Science labs for Khazan International Bank. He was designing algorithms to work with the hundreds of gigabytes of data that piled heavily on the computers daily. He finished typing out his last iteration of the massively complicated program.

Kenneth walked by and clapped a hand on Walsh’s shoulders. “You ready for tonight?” Walsh nodded and turned to face Kenneth. What Kenneth was so excited about was the wheelie chair Olympics. Once a year, every year, in the Khazan International Offices, a bunch of the top workers in the financial sector went all went to the biggest conference room in the building and tested each other with feats of speed on wheelie chairs. And every year, Walsh won.

He was the Picasso of wheelie chairs. Every year, he came back with a new trick. Last year, he had lapped the room in ten seconds.He had a new trick ready for this year.

Personality

The room was electricified. Inside there was one man at a time: one man with a chair, a broomstick and a dream to be the best wheelie chair skater ever. On the outside lining the glass wall, excited spectators did their best not to cheer out loud. They were not always successful.

Walsh sat, game face on, clutching his broomstick in ready position. He started sweeping and the wheelchair got up to speed. And then it was time. He was about to attempt the biggest trick he’d ever done. He stuck his leg out parallel. He could feel from the incredible speed threatening to rip it out of its socket. The trick was almost complete. Walsh tightened his abs, leaned forward...

And the lights cut out.

Powers


Vehicle Standard

Walsh could hear the groans from outside. Everyone slumped away from the windows to sit at their desks as per protocol. Walsh stayed in the arena, sitting on his wheelie chair, broomstick held loosely in his hands. Walsh felt that in the darkness, he should have some sort of deep thoughts. But instead he was just kind of lonely now that everyone had left. He was about to get out and walk back to his desk when the door on the other end of the office floor slammed open against the wall.

The man who stepped through had a gun. Walsh narrowed his eyes.

Acrobat Superior

Walsh slowly pushed the chair out of the office, making sure not to attract the attention of the gunman prowling. Then he sat down on his wheelie chair, touched the bristles of his broom to the ground and began to row. Slowly at first, but then picking up speed and intensity. They didn’t take notice. Everything was going perfectly according to plan. Walsh knew he had to unveil his most recent trick.

He stuck his leg out parallel. The gunman turned and noticed Walsh steaming down the hall at top speed. He levelled his gun when Walsh executed his first move.

Walsh tightened his abs, leaned forward, and jacknifed his foot back as fast as he could into the chair leg. He went soaring through the air, keeping the momentum from his run-up, but this time, in a more terrifyingly aerial manner. A gunshot went off. Walsh was far too concerned with spinning through the air at thirty miles per hour to worry about whether or not he’d been hit.

Terror washed over the face of the gunman.

Crushing Weapon Standard

Crack!

The broomstick broke over the face of the gunman, staggering him. Then the impact of the chair, complete with the weight of a full grown IT professional slammed him into the wall. Walsh stood up, picked up the gun and tried to expertly dismantle it like in the movies. It didn’t work, so he just laid it on the table next to him.

Walsh was aware that all around, employees were rising from their hiding positions below their desks. Kenneth was starting a slow clap and it seemed like it was starting to take amongst all of the people in your office. Then the slow clap rose in a tumultuous cacophony of happiness. Walsh knelt and picked up his broken broom handle. Then he went over to inspect his chair. The back had a bullethole in it: a hole that would have serious drag implications for wheelie chair racing. His tools had been seriously compromised. Even amidst all the happiness of the saved office, Walsh was sad that day.

[BlueDream]

I... eh. Just "eh." It's not really FPL worthy, I mean as a comedy piece it doesn't work that well, and it's short and not all that entertaining. Mozart is a thousand times better than this.