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USA vs North/Central America: Gold Cup Part 2

Posted by Marvel Man , 20 June 2011 · 1,537 views

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Welcome one and all! This is Marvel's Corner!

Today we tackle the USA's Gold Cup performance, an NFL linebacker, and do quick overview of the other Gold Cup nations. So yes, for the time being, this blog is more about soccer than it is comics, movies, etc. I promise I'll get back to serving mistake-filled rants on those topics soon. But for now, there is only one reason for existing. 

To see the USA take it all. 

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Today's Topic: The Gold Cup 2011 Part II

THE GOLD CUP! : Continued

When we last left of, the United States was preparing to take on the home of hockey, the kingdom of beavers, and the land of the maple leaf, Canada. The world watched with awe as the two titans clashed. 

Sadly, the game was nowhere nearly as interesting as anyone hoped. Both teams seemed off, and although the USA took home a win, it was definitely not a prize winning performance. That's what I was told. I changed the channel half way in and instead watched "Cake Boss" on Netflix. 

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Originally I had been looking for the Sopranos. I kept waiting for the italian chef guy to order a hit on someone for the first few episodes.  Maybe he'd hide a hitman in a cake or something?

Anyways, disappointing as it was, the Canada game was nowhere near as sad as the next one. Facing Panama, the USA hoped to crush the country, install a dictator, and maybe drill a canal through the team. Why? Cause, the USA's awesome and whatnot!

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#1, 4evah Baby!

Sadly, it was not meant to be. In a heartbreaking game, the USA fell for the first time to Panama. Americans everywhere mourned their nation's fall from grace.

Stunned, the team of the bars and the stripes stumbled through Guadalupe (who? Is it my public education, or did someone just make up that team? Does that country actually exist?) and into the quarter finals. 

MARVANOTE: In case my Canadian viewers are following the Gold Cup too, the Canadians were unable to best Panama and had to settle for a draw. With only two spots open, the USA and Panama walked into the next round, while the Canadians fell back and wondered what could've been. If that wasn't enough, the Canucks would also go on to get owned by Boston in the NHL final. 

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Look at this man's happiness. LOOK AT IT!

Meanwhile, the tournament's favorites, Mexico, ripped through all three teams in their group. With no real opposition, the Mexicans expected their face off with Guatemala to be a breeze too. It was a lot closer, but in the end it doesn't even matter. Mexico came back from a one zero deficit to win with two goals. Thanks, of course, to Javier Hernandez, the "Chicharito" (spelling?)

As Mexico crushed its opponent, the USA faced a new foe in Washington DC. Who?The nation with the coolest accent ever, JAMAICA!

At this point I encourage all my readers to do their best Jamaican accents. 

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Anyways, the USA played their game yesterday, and although the Jamaicans had an insanely good goalie, they were no match for the world's richest nation. The Americans won 2-0.

MARVANOTE: Despite this victory, I must point out this terrible, terrible play by the USA player who's name is now synonymous with sucking and being a terrible person. I hope this guy gets his house rolled with toilet paper, or beaten up by Bob Marley's ghost: 

Now, two games will decide the final. Both are this Wednesday.  

• Mexico vs Honduras, which Mexico is expected to win. 
• USA vs Panama, the rematch we've been waiting for. Panama won last time, but the USA is coming back with a vengeance. Time to slap some South American countries around, Reagan style! Carry a big stick and stomp around in cleats, right?

May the best team win. 

That's it for today. This is Marvel Man, signing off.
Until next time, Excelsior!




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