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Martial Mayhem - Round Two!


Galactus vs. Unicron

[Rudolph] [En Guarde] [Frosty]
star star
Rudolph "Rudy Rude-Boy" Reindeer
Frosty "The Iceman" Snowman
With your Special Guest Hosts Charge Man and White Knight


Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year, everyone, and welcome to the Khazan Ice Hockey Rink. Those who have come for the hockey game, please do not be disappointed that the game has been canceled due to lack of interest. Instead, we bring you a suprising event almost as violent. Rudolph: From the 1964 Children's Classic that revolutionized T.V. Specials as we know them - it's Rudolph, son of Donner, who was taunted by fellow reindeer, but saved Christmas with his scarlet schnozz. The story of Rudolph gained prominence through the endorsement of such celebrities as Burl Ives and Gene Autry. Frosty: From the 1969 Children's Classic T.V. special everyone has seen once - Frosty, with his corn cob pipe and button nose who was friend to lonely kids (at least until the sun came up) and who promised he'd be back one day. The story of Frosty gained momentum through re-tellings by such celebrities as Fred Astaire and Jimmy Durante. Both: had a little-known T.V. sequel called "Rudolph and Frosty's Christmas in July". They were very good friends. That all changed a few days ago. Rudolph, spooked by a popped balloon during the Macy's Christmas Day Parade, caught Frosty off guard. Let's just say the jolly snowman ended up with hoof prints on his back and the reindeer with snow on his face. So, while these combatants' lawyers "work" things out with Macy's, this no-holds barred battle will decide whether Santa will have to find another reindeer to lead the pack, or if Frosty won't be back one day

Join us now for a battle we had to call...

All I Want for Christmas is your Two Front Teeth


CHARGE MAN:   Oh boy, I can't believe Pat and Jay are missing this. 'Course, we're not the sportscasters lost in an interdimensional timewarp chased in by a very large head.

White Knight:   Ignore it. We're on.

CHARGE MAN:   Oh! We are, aren't we? LIVE, from the Khazan Ice Rink, welcome to this holiday CBUB fight. I'm Charge Man.

White Knight:   And I'm White Knight.

CHARGE MAN:   To start off, we'd like to dedicate this fight to Frank Williams, who is currently in traction due to... uh... it says here "multiple cat scratches" ...?

White Knight:   Yeah, seems he was spreading rumors about his little holiday with Catwoman. She got ticket. Okay, Do we have a fight for ya! This holiday special will be the classic-type of fight that we all love.

CHARGE MAN:   Just stop the one-liners and we'll be on our way.

White Knight:   Hey, shut up, 'kay? I'm getting at something here. Anyway, expect a real good, old-fashioned mix of snow slaps and hoof hurtings tonight.

CHARGE MAN:   That was the corniest line I ever heard.

White Knight:   Shut up! Don't make me... ah, forget it. Anyway, tonight in the ring - red-nosed Rudolph against that surly snowman Frosty.

CHARGE MAN:   Cut it out with the melodrama, White.

WHITE KNIGHT:   Shuuuuuut uuuuuuup. Here's our guest commentator, Mr. Mxyzptlk.

CHARGE MAN:   I don't find this very Christmas-y.

White Knight:   KNOCK IT OFF!!

CHARGE MAN:   Okaaaaaaaay! Sheesh! Mxy, the camera's yours.

Mr. Mxyzptlk:   You should see it down here!! The competitors have been swearing their heads off ever since they got here. But, I think that this is Frosty's fight. As you can see in my example, magic truly is the winner.

White Knight:   Thanks Mxy.

CHARGE MAN:   Now let's cut to your opinions before White Knight here explodes.


Favorite Letter of the Week

WhereWolf writes:

Goin' with the Reindeer on This one... No bias 'gainst the "snowman", but ya' gotta' look at the facts.

  1. Rudy's got hooves... hooves hurt. Believe me, I've taken down a few caribou, elk, an' white-tail deer... An' them little nubby horns the kid's got hurt worst than a police baton, buddy.
  2. Rudy's got that glowin' red nose thing goin' for him. It's gotta' give off, what... 60 WATTs? All he's gotta' do there is do a little "brown nosin'" an' that big snow flake a** will fall off in no time.
  3. Frosty's main strength is also his greatest weakness. That majickal top hat of his gives him his power. BUT, that majickal top had of his ALSO tends to blow off his head a lot, makin' him vulnerable to Rudy's buck fu attacks.

Now, for my bias against Frosty... ... that yellow streak down his back might not be due to cowardice. :)

AkumaDaimyo writes:

Rudy would definitely win. I remember seeing the cartoon as a kid. One thing you both forgot about Rudy...his nose generates HEAT. He can melt old frosty. Don’t you guys watch this stuff and do your research? Frosty has magic? Bah! Yeah like little kiddy magic to entertain children. Sorry but Rudy would whoop Frosty’s ass and turn him into a iced mocha for Santa. No competition at all here. Heck if anything, Rudolph and the other Reindeer might just all gang up on Frosty and beat his icy ass down. I mean there are 12 Reindeer and one wanna be Jack Frost. Frosty ain’t coming back one day... Editor's Note: Still, there was that other Jack Frost.... :)

Donar writes:

Let's face it. Rudy has horns, but Frosty is the (snow)man!!! He has managed to kill at least one South Park resident. Who's to say some lame piece of venison with a luminescent nose won't be any easier.

My vote goes to the Frostmeister...every time.

Trekkie writes:

Frosty is snow! How's he gonna hold together against antlers? Besides that, he can't keep up with Rudolph! What's he gonna himself apart and throw snowballs at him? Poke him with his carrot? Gimme a break. Rudy all the way.

Skunk187 writes:

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! I'M BACK!!!!!! Anyways, Frosty-boy's gots it in da bag!! He like, has magic and stuff, so I'm sure that he'll beat the living shit outta rudy, 'cause he's just a damn wussy reindeer that got picked on because he was gay and he hung out with a gay dentist-wannabe. FROSTY ALL THE WAY!!!!!

Silent Knight writes:

The stag's got this one in the bag. I've seen what deer can do to people, and it ain't pretty. Further more, the fact that he's a reindeer, a breed born and raised a few feet from the north pole makes him resistant to virtually any snow based offense the Iceman can throw at him.

LordFish writes:

Frosty has this one all wrapped up. I used to doubt the abilities of common snow-men, but if you've ever seen Jack Frost (not the new one you fool! The classic thriller one!) you'll know that an enraged snowperson can kick some serious ass if provoked.

End writes:

OK, let's see... we have a reindeer versus a freaking snowman?! You gotta be kidding me. Rudolph doesn’t need some inanimate object to exist, but Frosty needs that magic hat. All Bulb-Nose has to do is knock that hat off and the fight's over, period.

Jeff"T-REX" Hayes writes:

Why will Rudolph win. Simple Frosty melts darnit! All our red nosed friend has to do is let his shnozz glow real hot and Frosty is as Sheryl Crow would say in a puddle on floor. Unless Iceman or Mr. Freeze shows up Frosty is a bucket of water. Why? BECAUSE T-REX SAID SO! Thank you Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah (hope I spelled that right) and Happy Kwanza as well

XXUTAK the Unconquerable writes:

That little wuss Rudolph will have no chance against the pure evil of Frosty. One ice sickle to the heart outta put "Rude Boy" out of the running.

Mr. Graves writes:

Just the idea of having a Rudolph vs. Frosty battle makes me question you folks' sanity... But for the record, I picked Rudolph, cuz

  1. The hooves are gonna cause MAJOR damage.. and
  2. Frosty's got one glaring weakness.. the HAT.. once you knock it off, he's out for the match!

So, I say Rudolph all the way... get it? All the way?? Oh, what fun, it is to watch this crazy fight today!! ...Great, now your insanity is spreading to ME....

Editor's Note: The insanity makes this site.

NeoTomba writes:

All I gotta say is that anyone with a glowing red nose is clearly too stupid to beat Frosty the Snowman. Beware Frosty's mighty red hat! =)

Noel Schornhorst writes:

I go with Rudolph since as "Mad TV" so eloquently pointed out, the red-nosed reindeer has mob ties. With a click of his hooves and a blinking code to his goons, he has ol' Frosty iced... literally! Before ya know it Frosty's side by side with Jimmy Hoffa.

WolfBayne writes:

Rudolph or Frosty...... Rudolph or Frosty..? I’m gonna have to go with Rudolph this time around why???

  1. Frosty is snow, five seconds inside and hes toast.
  2. Rudolph can fly, before frosty even knew what hit him Bam! there’s Rudolph over his head and behind him with a major can of whoop ass opened up
  3. For cryin’ out loud Rudolph's got the main man Santa in his corner even if frosty did win Santa would melt his ass quicker that slick

so yes definitely my vote goes to Rudy.

Esrom writes:

I'd say Rudolph will take this one, simply because he's in much better fighting shape than Frosty. If Frosty swings a broom at Rudolph, our red-nosed reindeer could probably easily disarm him...literally. And if Frosty turns out to be tougher than he looks, Rudolph can turn to his friend Yukon Cornelius, the silver and gold prospector who tamed the feared Abominable Snowmonster of the North. So I think in the end, Rudolph will be the victor.

Editor's Note: Rudolph's Lawyers have informed us that he has disavowed any knowledge to Mr. Cornelius and his subsidiaries. :)

Robotech Master writes:

Rudy the Rude boy! Wow, were sure changing the face of Christmas spirit aren't we. Since both characters are comical, and have the power of 'goody goody" on their side, it comes down to Rudolf’s red nose. I'm sure Rudy could walk up and send out a charge from his nose that would melt Frosty forever.

Bella Donna writes:

I have to go with the constant underdog. Something about Rudy's story moves me. I mean he was just a kid from the North Pole that everybody picked on. Then Santa came to say "Rudy, with your nose so bright, you could be a contender." Clearly its a case of the outsider making good. Rudy has pulled himself up from being a nothing to a mean lean fighting machine. I'd bet he goes down in history. I don't know about the other 'deer, but Frosty better not laugh and call him names. Doesn't this remind you of Rocky in a weird round about way? Maybe its just me?

The Brain writes:

Oooo... now this one is a toughie. There's absolutely no logic to this one. One's a flying reindeer with a glowing nose, the other's a snowman who comes to life because of a magic hat... Two questions come to mind - what exactly were the creators on, and where can I get it :) Anyhooch, Rudolph is the win-nah, simply because I don't think that Frosty can do all to much with those sticks he calls arms. He'll go down faster than a computer running Windows.

Fire-Pig writes:

I'm gonna go with Frosty, I mean he will be durable enough as he will be able to re-generate again and again and again...also with his mighty weapons of "Stick arms" and "Carrot Nose" how can he lose??? He is loved by more children and has a far better song. Not only this but Rudolph is generally rather pathetic and has the worst name out of all the Reindeer. Finally what is more scary? A killer snowman or a poofy dear? Q. Why does Rudolph have a Red nose and all the others Brown? A. He is the only one with brakes. LOL

Captain Freedom writes:

Anyone who has ever A) been a serious deer hunter, B) known a serious deer hunter or C) worked in a sporting goods store that sold supplies for serious deer hunters (I fit into two of those categories...) knows that deer urine is one of the most powerful and noxious liquids on earth. Rudolph takes careful aim and writes his name across Frosty's chest with a steaming stream of the stuff and the Snowman is history. Extremely smelly history.

Katrover writes:

Rudy all the way! No matter what Frosty has up his sleeve, as soon as the sun comes up he's down faster than a 4-year old running away from K-mart. Let it be 3 minutes long or 3 hours long, the cards are in Rudolph's favor. Oh wait, it the Khazan Hockey Ring indoors?

The Re-Return of the Infinite Goof writes:

Rudolph is going to win.. by... (are you ready for this?!?).... A nose!!! Think about it... "a shiny red nose that lights the way"... that's got to generate SOME heat... It's all simple Math, really.

Light = Heat, Heat + Snowman = A really large (and wet) mess on the floor of Arena Khazan Arena floor...

Falcon writes:

If Frosty ain't careful Rudolph 'll use that old "flyin' reindeer" speed of his and plow through the old icicle.Or he could use his antlers as a battering ram and send frosty south for the winter. Or he could break those twigs that Frosty calls arms. Besides, Frosty will be too busy helping little girls find warmth in a greenhouse to fight.

anubis writes:

uh, hello?!?! It's a reindeer against a Freaking' snowman!! That kind of stuff just doesn't happen!! All Rudy has to do is light up his nose and melt that bum. then after the match, the crowd can enjoy a healthy round of Snow Cones (if you get my drift) !!

Nine writes:

The crowd will be cheering "Rudy! Rudy! Rudy!" at the end of this foray. The reindeer has been through adventure upon adventure, and is a little more "thick-skinned" than Frosty. Having had the last laugh of all the other reindeers who gave him such a rough time as a young'n, the deer no doubt has a pretty nasty attitude now. Frosty, on the other hand, still has a naive streak and is far too trusting. A good butt of those claymation antlers and the Snowman turn into a slush turtle within a few minutes.

AIM writes:

COme-oN! Where are a snowman's vital spots? Exactly where is Rough Rudy gonna gore? Best he can do is take to the air and run for it. Even then Frosty's gonna take him down with ice packed snowball AA fire. The best he can do is knock Frost's hat off, into, you guessed it, the SNOW where he'll just form a new body and get right back up! ANd Mr. Sun ain't gonna help here.. . They're fighting on 5th avenue Manhattan, between the pollution and the shadows of the buildings no one has even seen the sun there in decades. Many children doubt it exists. Flying and shiny nose don't mean nothing against an immoral fueled by black magic. AIM

JonnyAce writes:

Quick re-enactment:

Rudolph: Hey, nice hat.

Frosty: Don't touch...! Frosty falls to the ground and begins to turn to slush as Rudolf stomps around his melting carcass. Elapsed time: 10 seconds.

Gavok writes:

Let's compare snow men to reindeer. What damage can snow men do? In the cheesy B-horror movie Jack Frost (not the bad Michael Keaton movie nor the foreign movie from MST3K) a killer snow man goes on a rampage. By the end of the movie Jack killed 10 people. Then there is Bad Mr. Frosty from the Clay Fighter video game series. Over the years he has gone toe-to-toe with an evil clown, the Statue of Liberty, a giant hand, a robotic bunny, Earthworm Jim, and many others. Who has a reindeer ever beaten up? All I can think of is: ''Grandma got run over by a reindeer.'' Frosty wins.

DamieN Brimstone of the OIMVSAC(tm) writes:

Doesn't Rudolph sound like a German name? That means that the Rude Boy is going beat Frosty with extreme prejudice. That overgrown frozen pile of giz going to surrender faster than France in a World War.

The Big Puking Rhino writes:

Rudolph, the immortal reindeer,who leads Santa's sleigh, who is beloved of billions of people world wide vs. a lump of smow. You people must really have something against Frosty. All Rudolph needs to do is put some heat out of that glowing nose, and Frosty will melt like the Wicked Witch of the West under Niagra Falls.

Mr. Silverback writes:

According to NORAD's Santa-tracking arm (Yes, the American Military tracks Santa... Click here to check it out) Rudolph's nose produces enough heat (when fully lit) to be detected by satellite systems designed to track missiles in flight. This means that that schnoz is putting out several hundred degrees at least. How long would a snowman last in an oven? If all else fails, there's traction. God designed reindeer hooves for traction on ice and snow, so Rudy would be able to rip the hapless Frosty into snowman cutlets in a matter of moments.


Frosty:   Listen here, you freaking misfit! There won't 'always be tomorrow' once I'm finished with you! First I'll snow-blind you, then beat you to a senseless PULP!

Rudolph:   You bag of infected snow! I'll strangle you and impale you with my antlers before I shove my nose where the sun don't shine!

Frosty:   Pretty big words for a guy who hangs out with a gay dentist elf.

Rudolph:   Ooohhh, cranky. Looks like Crystal kept you up last night.

Frosty:   You wanna come over HERE and say that?! COME ON!

White Knight:   The competitors are now fully prepared to kick some ass.

CHARGE MAN:   The horn has blown. Frosty wastes no time and takes off his hat and covers Rudy's entire head with it! He stomach-punches him multiple times!

White Knight:   But the reindeer isn't going to stay this way at all. He has shimmied his antler out of the hat's brim and thrown it away.

CHARGE MAN:   We all know Frosty can't survive long without the hat, so he glides over and snatches the hat before he freezes into a normal snowman.

White Knight:   Rudolph grabs the opportunity and backflip kicks him, separating Frosty's body into segments!

Rudolph:   Little slow there, man.

Frosty:   Let me remedy that.

CHARGE MAN:   Frosty is spitting in his hand and rubbing them?

White Knight:   Charge, he's making an icicle rope! He reaches into his body and pulls out a branch. He ties it to the rope and makes sure that the ice is warm enough to be pliant.

CHARGE MAN:   He spins the rope like a lasso...

White Knight:   He's tossing the lariat Rudy's way!

Frosty:   Get over here!

White Knight:   Charge, Frosty the Snowman has successfully pulled off a 'Scorpion'!

CHARGE MAN:   The branch attached to the antlers and Frosty is just pulling Rudy to his doom!

White Knight:   And the snowman connects with a solid jaw-punch! But his opponent isn't going to stand there and take it!!

CHARGE MAN:   He starts to buck and the man of snow loses his grip...!

White Knight:   Rudolph backs up and snorts. He starts running Frosty's way.

CHARGE MAN:   Ker-POW! Frosty didn't expect he would run so fast!

White Knight:   Frosty's back on his feet and he backhands Rudolph.

Rudolph:   Hmph.... ringing in the new year?

Frosty:   More than that. I'm partying like its 1999!

Rudolph:   THAT expression will wear out momentarily!

White Knight:   Well, you should know. You were the idiot who chased that New Year kid in one of THE most annoying sequels I EVER saw!

CHARGE MAN:   Frosty molds his hands into boxing gloves and starts to use Rudy as a punching bag... but he stops!

White Knight:   He wants to finish this...!

CHARGE MAN:   He headbutts Rudolph!

White Knight:   But wait.... he can't remove Rudolph's nose from his head! He's stuck!

CHARGE MAN:   Frosty looks embarrassed! Look at his face turn red!


White Knight:   Dear Lord! A red light has just shot out of Frosty's head!


CHARGE MAN:   And here we go! Frosty's head has broken apart and his body is flailing wildly.

White Knight:   Rudolph rams the body and turns the lights back on. The body quickly melts...

CHARGE MAN:   This fight's over, folks. Frosty's survived through a full body meltdown before... but he won't be getting up anytime soon.


'Nuff Said!


Rudolph: 376

Frosty: 219


White Knight:   Rudy places the hat on his head and he struts out of the ring.

CHARGE MAN:   White, I just had an idea. Mr. Mxyzptlk, can you wave those fifth dimensional hands of yours and return Pat and Jay back to the present-day Earth?

Mxy:   What? ...Oh, sure! I'll have those two back here in a jiffy. I can have them here faster than you can say Kltpzyxm. Ha ha! ...Nuts. *disappears*

White Knight:   Took the words right outta my mouth.

CHARGE MAN:   You think Pat and Jay can wait another three months in the future?

Pictures for this weeks big fight came from:

Santa Net.

The North Pole.

CBUB: The Comic Book Universe Battles