GARY:&nspb;&nspb; That is the last obscure
pop-culture reference I'll EVER make! *achem*...we're back. Swamp Thing has
almost reached the crux point of this fight.
DALE: He's hoping to take the mindless
brute by surprise, making a mad dash for the portal, melting into the
GARY: OOF! Caught ...uh, where his throat
WOULD be by the Man-Thing. OL' Ted there is really protective of the Nexus.
DALE: Swamp Thing hits the ground swinging
as he commands the growth of two huge vines to snare the Man Thing
GARY: Man-Thing is being held aloft by the
DALE: And his body slides right through!
He lands on top of our pal Swampy, and, diversion and removal of obstacle
having failed, the slugfest begins!!!
GARY: Swampy deals a double-fisted
sledgehammer-swing to the Man-Thing and plows right through his whole
DALE: Manny's face reforms as he tosses
Swamp Thing aside like a sack of potatoes. If only Manny'd take the
GARY: But he can't even think to do that.
He's probably forgotten about Swampy already. Big mistake, as Swampy
..kind of MELTS into the swamp floor and comes back HARD...UPPERCUT style!
DALE: SHORYUKEN! Man-Thing is rocked back,
and recoils to meet Swamp Thing's flying fists face first.
GARY: Man-Thing rears back and throws a
massive blow at Swamp Thing...
DALE: Who dodges easily....leaving him open
to Man-Thing's backhand!
GARY: Neither fighter is giving an inch!
Swamp thing is trying to throttle the life out of Manny while covering him
in growth-accelerated foliage...
DALE: While Man Thing just keeps trying to
nail Swamp Thing with those massive blows, his body ripping right through
those constrictive tendrils.
GARY: Inconcievable! Swamp Thing pulls a
very cartoony move, accelerating the growth of a sapling until it's Slugger
DALE: Like Jose Conseco himself, Swampy
lets the log fly into Man-Thing's torso!
GARY: Tis only a flesh wound! Man Thing
maintains composure and plants one of his iron fists right through
Swampy...hehe Dale, ya get it? Plants? HAHAHAHAHA....
DALE: : stop it. Swampy begins healing at
a bit slower rate than Manny as soon as Manny retracts his forearm to deal
out another blow....
GARY: Swamp Thing lets himself be absorbed
into the ecosphere...and comes up again right behind Man-Thing! It's a
full-nelson...trying to force the Man Thing into submission!
DALE: Swampy's anger is getting in the way
of his judgment. He could just bolt for the portal...but now it's personal.
He hefts Man-Thing off his heels...
GARY: shoulda ...PLANTED his feet, eh?
DALE: STOP IT! JUST...JUST DIE! Manny gets
a suplex laid on him, and Swamp thing causes the underbrush to coil around
GARY: Man-Thing breaks through! Rarely ever
have two opponents been so evenly matched! Manny delivers a sharp
blow...and Swamp Thing hits the floor! Hard as it may be to believe...I...I
think Manny knocked the wind outta Swamp Thing! Inconceivable!
DALE: You keep on saying that word. I do
not think it means what you think it means. Man-Thing and Swamp-Thing are
in a death-lock......what the monkey?
GARY: ACK! GRATUITOUS GUEST STAR! Howard
the Duck has arrived on the scene! IF folk see Howard here this column'll
dive-bomb overnight! Get a mic in his hand, act like he's a commentator!
HOWARD the DUCK Hi out there all you
hairless apes! My old buddy Man Thing is locked dead-even with this fella
from the Distinguished Competitors! Even Quack Fu couldn't save him! Manny
is in it deep...the other swamp creature wins the struggle and hefts Manny
overhead to toss him! This looks bad...
DALE: ...heard me, get security down
there! UH...I mean thanks, Howard! Man -Thing goes flying into a nearby
tree, which gives under the force of impact.
GARY: Swamp Thing is spooked. Never has he
been so evenly matched! He's making a break for the portal...while Man
Thing seems to have forgotten about him!
DALE: Oop! Looks like Swampy must be
feelin a twinge of anxiety...the Man-Thing stirs! He senses FEAR! He's
inches away from Swamp thing in one mighty leap...this is BAD!
GARY: And as it is written, whatsoever
knows fear...BURNS at the Man Thing's tou...
HOWARD Manny! Hi guy! Remember me?
DALE: I said SECURITY! Both Swamp
creatures stare at Howard in an uneasy silence......and Swamp Thing breaks
him in half! Man Thing backs off of Swampy, Alec's fear gone...
GARY: : Swamp Thing hurls Howard's torso
into the portal...and something's WRONG! Energy's spewing outta it like
Rosanne Barr eating in reverse!
DALE: The Nexus of All Realities...it
must've crossed over!!! With HYPERTYME! CURSE YOU DC! HYPERTYME SUCKS!
GARY: : Dozens of Swamp Things start
pouring outta that portal and attacking Man-Thing, while the real one just
walks right by Manny. But...will he make it?
DALE: Man-Thing looks horrified! He knows
what'll happen if someone evil gets hold of the Nexus. He isn't even paying
attention to the mass beating he's receiving!
GARY: Manny is tossing away Swamp Thing
left and right as the real SWAMPY IS INCHES FROM THE PORTAL!