Every once in a blue moon the wealthy and influential Khazan Wizards Guild holds a contest to test it's latest defenses against would-be thieves.
The challenge is simple... survive a serious of treacherous traps and gruesome guardians to grab the prize: a priceless artifact from the guild vault.
Responding to the challenge are three of the worlds master thieves.
Black Cat: A cunning planner and incredible athlete, Felicia Hardy uses careful strategy to simultaneously pull heists and simulate the "Bad Luck" powers of a black cat. Those who cross her path find some accident befalling them, usually a trap Felicia has placed.
Felicia's burglary style relies heavily on the implants which boost her already considerable strength, speed and agility, and give her the ability to always land on her feet. She is usually outfitted with an assortment of useful devices.
Catwoman: A master thief with an almost encyclopedic knowledge of security systems and their flaws, Selena Kyle rules the night with confidence. A master of martial arts and incredible athlete, she has no "super powers" so must rely that much more on pure skill, which she has in spades.
Already filthy rich, Selena will purchase all of the special devices, outfits and sensitive documents required to penetrate a given target. A consummate professional, she may spend days observing the target for weaknesses before moving in.
Gambit: Raised from a very young age as a member of the legendary Thieves Guild, Remy LeBeau matches ingrained thief skills with a rash, devil-may-care attitude which makes him flamboyant but effective. LeBeau possesses the power of charging items with energy (usually playing cards) which then detonate.
Gambit tends to rely on this for making exits from hard targets. Gambit is an outstanding social engineer, and prefers to pull burglaries by gaining the confidence of, and access to, a target.
Join us now for a battle we had to call...
Steal Your Face Right Off Your Head
THE SPORTS BOX
PAT: We are LIVE from the Khazan wizards guild where we have an exciting match for you today. Hello and Welcome, I'm Pat Summers.
JAY: And I'm Jay Peoples. It's an imposing walled edifice here before us today... The Khazan Wizards Guild is notorious for providing an untimely end for would be thieves. Today, to test their defenses, they have thrown the gates open to all challengers and placed a fat prize at the end.
PAT: That's right Jay. And now lets go down on the field to our own Sideline Commentator Harlene Quinzelle who is standing by with the challengers.
Harley Quinn: Hi gang. We got the battle for the top thief today and my
first rogue is Black Cat. In case you don't remember her, she was the girl that got dumped by Spiderman.
Black Cat: What!?
Harley Quinn: Come on. It's like no big secret and it's nothing to be
ashamed of. You know, you win some you loose some.
Black Cat: It's a little more than that... And why am I talking to you about it!
Harley Quinn: It's all right, let it out. You can cry on my shoulder if you need to.
Black Cat: You actually get paid for doing this! I have a match to get ready for. Good bye.
Harley Quinn: Poor girl, she's really needs to express her feelings more.
My next interview is with Gambit.
Gambit: Mon ami, mon chere.
Harley Quinn: So Mr. Gambit, do you think luck will be on your side today?
Gambit: Hmmmm. I'm hoping that luck is on my side right now. Has anyone ever told you that you have the prettiest eyes?
Harley Quinn: Oh you. Stop it!
Gambit: But, I am serious...
Harley Quinn: So am I. So buzz off, take a hike, take a long walk off a
short pier, there's a bus leaving shortly, be under it and don't let the
door hit you on the way out!
Gambit: De la formage! I can take a hint petite, you don't have to go and fly off the
handle. Pretty but a few bytes short of a full meg.
Harley Quinn: Of all the nerve! Nobody puts the moves on me except Mr J. Well, our last thief is Catwoman. Hello Selinaaaa!
Catwoman: Hello Quinn!>
Harley Quinn: Gee, you're looking well... Say, is that a wrinkle?
Catwoman: Still as charming as ever Quinn. I'm impressed you actually know which end of the microphone to speak into.
Harley Quinn: Gee, thanks that's very... HEY!!! Gimme that back!!
PAT: This is an extra treat folks! We have an unscheduled fight, Catwoman
VS Harley Quinn.
JAY: Our stadium security is moving in to break the two up. They're trying to step in between them now and....
Ugh! I think we better send down some more security, Pat. Those ones did not last long.
PAT: This might take a while so we better go and check the mail.
Favorite letter of the Week
Mr. Silverback writes:
Every fantasy fan knows that stealing from a wizard's guild requires not only a lot of thieving skills, but experience defeating magical defenses. The contestants today have little or none. Therefore, they all fail to detect booby traps that teleport them to a basement cell. After being cooped up together for about three hours, Black Cat and Catwoman get into a cat fight, and I mean that almost literally. The Wizard's Guild films it with a hidden camera and puts it on the Internet.
Winner: The Khazan Wizard's Guild
Gambit is a très cool character, but the male eye needs something too, so I'm going with a feline babe here.
Lessee...Felicia is usually drawn way sexier than Catwoman. On the other hand Catwoman was played by Michelle Pfeiffer in the movie. Then Again Black Cat is Spidey's ex-girlfriend, which counts for something, but then again Selina got it on with the Bat guy - or did she? But the whip thing is definitely too SM pour little old moi. Still, it's a tough call.
But hey, Black Cats are bad luck, so Selina is gonna luck out in this contest. Felicia Hardy, you are the one, pussycat...mrrraaawwww. Go throw that purple oldie into a truck filled with kitty litter.
Ok, let's see what we have here:
On the one hand we have a mutant French speaking bum whose only redeemable value is being able to blow up playing cards (a talent that will get his butt blown away by the wizards of Khazan) Unless he has the other X-Men showing up, they'll be picking up his pieces in a body bag (and that wager is so sure it can't be considered a Gambit at all)
On the other hand we have a wanna-be burglar cat who was supposed to be to Spidey what the real queen of the night was to the Bat. Guess what sequels are bad and spin-offs are even worse!
And then we have the truly conniving and kleptomaniac one herself. Yes, she may not have the powers (let's face it comic book characters didn't have to go for cheap tricks to look cool in the ol' days) and no matter what comes, she is going to out trick 'em all...
Noel Schornhorst writes:
Okay. Catwoman in a heartbeat. Sure, she's *ahem* a little top-heavy, but while Gambit is a bit more rush in and get the job done and Felicia merely stole things to get Spidey's attention and for the fun of it, Thievery is all Selina has. Gambit is an X-Man and a thief. Black Cat is a superheroine and a thief. Catwoman can focus on the goal more, because more is at stake. Robbing is what she does. She doesn't really have hobbies and Bats doesn't pay her much attention. She'll give the case undivided attention. Odds are, she'll distract Gambit and Black Cat by getting them to "notice" each other ;) Then, she'll sneak past all the security stuff and leave nasty surprises of her own. She'll rob the place blind and when BC and Gambit realize they've been set up, it'll be too late. The cops'll arrive, find the place empty (aside from some "evidence" pointing to Gambit and BC), and Catwoman would be safe at home planning her next caper, which will pit her against Carmen Sandiego...
hmmm...Catwoman's got skills, Black Cat's gat da looks, but Gambit's got da bomb super powers. Let's look at the facts: W/ them superpowers that let him blow shit up, he could totally fry those bitches w/out ever getting close to them, and then he could blow the vault. And as for the traps that Black Cat will probably lay, well, we all know that Gambit can navigate the danger room AND take out wolverine at the same time (if you don't believe me, refer to the following comic book: The Uncanny X-Men #273)'Nuff Said!
I gahrahntee it'd be da Cajun Gambit. He has the body armor to soften blows to his body, He's got the telekinetic powers, and he has the cool trenchcoat and staff to round it out! If something gets in his way he'll lob an exploding playing card at it! Hell, he could just touch something then throw it at it! Felicia's nothing more than a rich snob and Cat Woman, although curvy and sexy, would get distracted by anything that resembles a bat! Give these chicks some cat nip and tuna and because Gambit's gonna down this like a bowl of gumbo.
Captain Freedom writes:
Whatta we got on this one:
A) Black Cat - strictly a talented amateur. She's got some good moves, but really ain't much more than an imitation Catwoman.
B)Catwoman - a tough, smart and experienced professional. She earned her rep on the mean streets of Gotham, matching her wits and skills against the greatest detective and crime fighter ever. She has a very good grasp of martial arts and is as agile (and apparently has as many lives) as her namesake.
C)Gambit - a well-trained thief with the mutant power to make things go BOOM. He has the skills, but may be a bit out of practice with them. And, although his powers can help him defeat any guards he might encounter, they will do so at the cost of stealth and surprise.
Winner - Catwoman. She is far and away the most gifted thief of the three. And while she may lack Gambit's power in a dust up, she is far more skilled at avoiding a fight than either of the other two.
Harper's index writes:
Gambit's one weakness: sexy Women.
His competitors are both: Extremely sexy women
Number of seconds Gambit will fight for before succumbing to his competitors sirens call: 0-3 seconds.
Catwoman’s 3rd greatest assets: leather and a whip
Black Cat's greatest assets: bad hair
I went with Black Cat on this little contest. Why you ask? Her incredible skills and that fact that she runs her own security service. I believe that she hasn't had an single complaint yet. Felicia would know about the faults in a given system like not unlike Selina. The super soldier serum that helped to create Captain America and implants are a major help. All in all her use of gadgets and super human strength, dexterity and resilience to normal and killing attacks are a great combo that is hard to beat. Selena has the skills, but when it comes right down to it she is a normal human being (although admittedly faster than most normal humans). Her martial arts and such may help but how far can you go with just skills. The Joker / Green Goblin contest is an obvious exception to the last statement, but I digress. The raging Cajun AKA Gambit is a real stand out. As for thieving skills, he relies too much on blowing things up in order to get the job done. The staff is useful, but he is way too cocky for his own good. He will blow it somehow. Oh, I almost forgot, the Black Cat may have natural UV (not sure), where as the other two have to rely on UV / IR goggles and these puppies use up the juice pretty fast.
Editors Note: Guy, I like what you write OK, but the fact that you do not Capitalize or leave any spaces between periods and new sentences drives me crazy. If you write in the future and don't get printed, you know why... because I grew tired of correcting your text.
DamieN Brimstone writes:
This is gonna be a cakewalk for Gambit. He's the only one who'll be able to obliterate any armed defenses he may encounter with ease. More importantly, the crafty Cajun is the smoothest talker around. A few pick up lines, and both those cats will be willing to bear his children. So while the two chicks (screw being PC) are clawing it out over him, he'll have all the time he needs to grab the goods (you know what I mean). Then he'll disappear faster than a Big Mac aboard Air Force One.
The Match Maker writes:
Hey, wait a minute... Haven't we already HAD this match? Well, something like it I believe. Anyone remember the Aladdin vs. Autolycus vs. Robin Hood match? The match where a priceless treasure was up for grabs? Someone call the rerun cops! But, be that as it may, I have to go with Gambit. Now this isn't because he is the master thief of the three, I would have to give that to Catwoman, but he takes it because he doesn't really perform as a thief. Let me explain. Both Catwoman and Black Cat act like thieves. They sneak into places, they are stealthy, they have gadgets to help them steal, and when they get into trouble they go to hair raising lengths to escape. Such as using gymnastic skills, running, hiding in doorways waiting for the guards to go by, etc. They do typical "thief things". Now Gambit is different in that he doesn't follow the "mold", so to speak. If he gets in trouble all he has to do is blow out a wall and he's gone. No hiding, no distractions, no "skin of your teeth" getaways, just touch a wall and BLAM! If this was suppose to have been a test of "true" thievery skills Gambit should not have been included. But since he was, I think that he will take the match.
Gambit, and no, not because I love Gambit, the X-Men, Marvel, the TV series, the toys, the shirts, hats, wallets, or Gambit Brand Spray Cheese. I'm going with Gambit because of his track record of thievery and his powers. Not his "Charge it, twrow it" power, but his natural charisma. Back in the first few issue of X-Men when Gambit reared his black-eyed head (I know not which issue...I am not that much a geek...), he showed an innate ability to charm the hell outta you. He almost charmed his way past the Shadow King for Clairmont's sake! Every...I mean EVERY woman Gambit has encountered he was able to snag their hearts for a brief time. Because his other two competitors are women, Gambit could have the easiest job if he's smart enough (and he is). All he has to do is wait for them to sneak past the alarms, kick the crap outta each other, then walk up to them and ask if he "c'n 'ave de pretty bauble, eh chere?"
Gambit, all de way, de Casanova of T'ieves...
Catwoman...lets see. She's held the test of time - the Character has been around longer than transistors. She's the Premiere Thief of the DC universe (which hasn't filed for bankruptcy like Marvel).
The Black Cat... hmmm Selina should sue!
Gambit is cool and all but... too burdened by feelings for a southern belle. And besides, reading his accent is just plain annoying
One time, I saw Gambit take a rail-road spike in the leg, just so later on he could pull it out with his teeth, drop it, catch it with his feet, raise it above his head, and pick a padlock to unlock the chains he was hanging from.
"Social engineer"? Sure.
Although Gambit will prob'bly take this one due to the throngs of mindless Marvel zombies out there (please read Scooby Doo fans from the Cenobite fight), I've gotta go with Catwoman on this one. Gambit's not really much of a cat burglar... he goes in and blows stuff up... a REAL professional wouldn't draw attention to himself like that. Plus, you never see Gambit actually steal anything... he jus' hangs with the X-Men and, well, blows stuff up. Sure, Catwoman doesn't have dopey Stat-boostin' implants like Black Cat, or dumb freak mutant powers like Gambit... but she was played by Michelle Pfeiffer.... grrrrrOOOWwwl. And that alone should be the basis for judging this fight. :)
Aron Nam writes:
I say Gambit is going to win because look at Black Cat's powers: bad luck. Now if I had that power I would have cast it on Harley Quinn's hyenas so a 16,0000000000000000000001 ton steel yeranein (Editors Note: what the heck is a "yeranein"?) drops on the hyenas forehead and Cat Woman (or shall I say Cat Twerp) has no stinkin power, but Gambit can burn things (throw it at the same time). And a master in getting out of trouble. So what more do you want from the ace trickiest guy in the world? (uhh... Sentence structure?).
I'm gotta go with the half-unknown underdog, here. I don't think I've ever happened to buy a comic with Black Cat in it, but she sounds like basically Catwoman plus cybernetic enhancements. Her strategic preparations will--presumably--be useless if she has no prior access to the scene of the contest, but the same goes for Catwoman's planning.
Gambit, finally, hardly seems worth mentioning here. He's just not quite the cat burglar the other two are. No pun intended.
Polar 8 writes:
My god you guys picked a hard fight. All of these people have good agility, great intelligence, and amazing fighting abilities. I mean this fight is so close the person that wins will probably conquer with their last ounce of strength. But as close as this fight is I would say that Gambits mutant ability just gives him the thing he needs to win. I mean give him a deck of cards and watch him blast his way through with a style that will impress the women.
The Bunyip writes:
You guys are dissing Gambit on the idea that he is all talk and no action - but you forget:
1) Gambit, as an External, has been around a LONG time - don't forget that he trained Storm in thief skills, and he's got TONS of raw life experience as a thief (some wonder if he's almost as old as Wolvie). In a recent X-men issue, he went after the Gem of Cyttorak with Shadowcat and Storm - and left both of them wondering where he was while trotted off with the prize.
2) Gambit seldom lets women get the better of him. He's probably the only male character left in comics who gets the better of women, instead of the other way around. Look how long he kept Rogue guessing!
3) Catwoman depends too much on her sex appeal to get her way. It won't work on Black Cat, and Gambit has too much experience beating vamps at their own game to be taken in by her.
4) Black cat is a second-stringer, period.
The game ends with Catwoman and Black Cat fighting each other over who gets to spend time with Gambit, while Gambit gets away with the prize.
Gambit, defeating Catwoman in a contest of thievery? You are cracked!
Oh, sure, Gambit can blow through the walls while Catwoman has to actually do something thief-like such as pick the fraggin' locks. Ooooo, how *subtle* of him. I am in awe of his thiefly talents... NOT!
Come on, Gambit barely remembers how to pick locks anymore! Ever since he stopped thieving and started X-Manning, he hasn't stolen anything. He really ought to turn his Thieves Guild membership card, he's been inactive as a thief for how long?
Catwoman. Catwoman all the way. So she's not the fastest, the strongest, or packing the most powerful energy blast. But she is by far the *smartest* of all the contestants. Catwoman regularly takes on Batman in a battle of wits... and walks away scott-free! And tough? How tough is Catwoman? The Joker's tried his absolute best to kill her... and missed. Repeatedly. Now that's *tough*!
Infiltration skills? Read JLA#16-17... Catwoman infiltrated the current headquarters of the Justice League, while the JLA were all at home, and while there were 100 reporters invited there for a press conference. And the JLA's Watchtower is *located on the freaking moon!* We seen Gambit single-handedly sneak onto any moonbases lately? Under Superman's *and* Batman's nose, no less?
And not only did Catwoman infiltrate the Watchtower, but while she was there she single-handedly defeated Prometheus, a villain who had just proven himself capable of flattening the entire Justice League single-handed! (She had to defeat him... he was standing between her and the exits. Nothing personal.)
My call -- Black Cat's left at the starting gate, Gambit blasts his way into the sanctum first and retrieves the prize. And just as he's getting back to the exit, he suddenly pats his pocket and says "Where the HELL did it go?!?"...
... just in time to see the lovely and talented Ms. Kyle swinging off into the sunset... with all the contents of his wallet. Isn't Gambit such a gentleman? He did all the grunt work for Catwoman, so that she didn't have to even break a sweat.
Final Verdict -- Catwoman will win this one faster than the Flash can deliver a pizza.
'Lord' Rev. Dr. Paul Soth writes:
So it's comics most heroic thieves? Let's take a look:
Black Cat: Spoiled rich brat. She'll last as long as a sitcom on UPN (and that's your new catch phrase). Next.
Gambit: If this was going to involve a lot of combat, Remmy would have it made. But we're looking at skill. Gambit's got skill, and style. LOT's of style. But he's got more of that then the former. Not to mention he's a bit loud. So unless he can win this with charm (and using that subtle psychic skill of his), Remmy's our close second. Leaving...
Catwoman: She's got style, she's got looks, she's got attitude, and she's got SKILLS. Selena will have won this contest without anyone knowing before it's too late. And if she's got to take down any guards (unlikely, but...), she'll do it quick, painfully, and QUIET.
Lady Alhana Brightblade writes:
It's Catwoman. There's just nothing more to say. Catwoman can break out of jail, kick Batman's cape covered butt, snatch whatever diamond or precious artifact she came for, ditch the cops, climb in her window, make dinner, and still have time to watch "Lions, Tigers, and Bobcats" on the Discovery Channel. The Black Cat will be spared as she is a fellow feline thief but Gambit, I'm afraid, is a goner. Compared to these two cat burglars, he is chopped rat.
Whoo-hoo! Props to me and everybody else who shared this idea! Okay, I have gotta go with Catwoman on this one. The Black Cat is nothing but a Catwoman rip-off, plain and simple. Sure, she may have increased strength and agility, but she ain't got that snazzy whip. Plus, she doesn't even look like a cat in that ridiculous costume of hers. Catwoman just outclasses the Black Cat across the board. Batman is in the dark about half the stuff Catwoman gets away with and he's a detective...literally! While Spiderman is a doofy newspaper photographer, and still manages to catch the Black Cat 9 times outta 10. As for Gambit, the only advantage he would have is his Mutant powers. To make a long story short, his ability to blow stuff up can easily be achieved by Catwoman with the use of some sort of explosives, but she's got too much style to bother with that. If she can't jimmy open a lock, she can claw through it. And COME ON! Gambit would be way too busy gaping at Catwoman's ...um....er... assets to waste time trying to steal something.
Sailor Xena writes:
I like the Catwoman for several reasons. One, and I think the most important, is that Selena has no powers. You might ask why; here's the reasoning. Gambit and Black Cat have considerable abilities, but they might rely on them to much. Selena Kyle is pure skill, she got to be on top by sheer talent and ambition. She(Kyle) is also a super genius.
Gambit is good; but has one weakness, he has an eye for the ladies. Both Black Cat and Catwoman are Centerfolds and their beauty will distract the Cajun and Selena's aggressive ninjitsu will finish the job. Black Cat, unlike Catwoman, has had no real challenge in terms of super hero's. Sure Spiderman's decent, but he's no Batman. And Black Cat does not have the resources that Catwoman has.
Charge Man writes:
Gambit isn't very stealthy and he only uses those floppy Pop Rocks of his to get what he wants. He may be an X-Man but against a Wizards Guild? No!
The Black Cat may be quick but she has the brains of a doorstop. With that, she concentrates so much on her looks that some of her costumes let half of New York see her breasts.
Our other resident feline, Catwoman, is top cat. She refuses to flaunt off her beauty and her photographic memory is best (once she sees a move she knows it for life). She is a Cat Burglar and is a master at karate _and_ boxing. Beat that, rich girl! Go, Selina! Don't take no crap from nobody! :)
General George S. Patton writes:
In a battle of strategy vs. high explosives, the one with the most high explosives usually wins. This I know better than anyone. Mix high explosives with a cunning mind, a strong grasp of tactics and strategy, and an awesome skill at charming the ladies right out of their jewelry (and clothes!), and I don't doubt for an instant that before this contest is over the Guild vault will be a total shambles from all the charged aces, courtesy of Gambit, and both Catwoman and the Black Cat will have willingly cooperated with Gambit and given him their phone numbers to boot in exchange for the booty. (Not the only booty going around, either!)
But the girls will wake up in the morning to find Gambit gone and the prize is too. But at least he left roses on their pillows. What a guy! Gambit looks like a clear winner here. He steals the prize and two hearts, and later discards the hearts in favor of the prize.
The Brain writes:
Well, here we are. Another battle of the thieves. Last time 'round, we were witnessing Robin Hood, Autolycus, and Aladdin. The MASTERS of thievery. Now witness the spectacle that is... er...
Well, let's face it. Remy's soft. He's been with the X-Men too long. Thievery isn't like riding a bike. I got it narrowed down to Felicia and Selina. Felicia's got some moves, but I think Selina's sexier, so she gets my vote.
A Concerned Citizen writes:
Thanks for setting up this match. I've wanted to see it for quite some time, and the addition of Black Cat is a nice touch. Sadly, I think she's out of the loop on this one. Felicia's tough, but she's not in the league of Selina or Remy. Win or lose, I know Gambit's going to enjoy this face-off (although Rogue might not be pleased). I look for him to try to charm one of his opponents and then make off with the goods. With Black Cat, this is almost a given. Look at her infatuation with Spider-Man. So it comes down to a battle of skills, hormones, and willpower between Gambit and Catwoman. While I don't think the feline felon would normally be thrown off-track by a male opponent, Gambit may or may not have that Emotion Control power (check your Marvel rule book).
But if that falls through, Gambit can always just grab Selina's whip and give it a charge. Gambit!! (but it's close)
Allow me to quote Gambit #4... "Out of the ashes of the old, a new legend is born on the streets of New Orleans." "A legend used by Creole mothers to frighten BAD little children." "The dark handsome thief sneaking through the shadows of the night." "The thief who tosses lightning from his hands and steals the heart of your girl." "The thief searching for the love he can never have." "THE THIEF." "THE TRAITOR TO ALL." "So goes the legend of..."
"GAMBIT" Catwoman and Black Cats would get spanked like four year olds trying to steal kitty litter and catnip at K-Mart.
The Cat writes:
You know if Gambit wasn't a sexist pig I might say something nice, like he might last even five seconds. I wouldn't even try to with Blackie there. She's just a love interest and a Barbie Type Girl(TM). As defender of the downtrodden fangirl I vote for Catwoman who is the lead female bad-ass (for all you guys Catty was voted the sexist girl in all of Comic Bookdoom, so she's good for you too).
Black Cat is a fat snob of a bad imitation. As for Gambit, he's okay for a bumpkin swamp-rat. That leaves the ultra-feminine Catwoman. Her dainty wrists paired with that S&M whip can steal as many priceless artifacts as she can hearts.
Normally, this would be a close one between Catwoman (brains and gear) and Gambit (skills and powers), but given the circumstances, it being a wizard's guild and all, Gambit's powers give him the edge. Having designed magical defenses myself, I have to say that Catwoman's tricks are no match for what lays before the guild vault. What was that saying...? Never steal from an alchemist in his own shop? I hope Remy's armor is all fixed up!
Well, let's see. While Gambit has in recent months been reduced to a third-rate adventurer, he came on the scene with enough cool points to last him for a LONG time. The boy is a master thief, part of the thieves' guild in New Orleans, he's agile as, pardon the comparison, a cat (having fought people on the top of a moving plane), he has been able to pick locks with a spike fired from a cyborg's cannon, and even if he runs into Catwoman or the Black Cat, he does have the little-known power of emotion control. He'd have Catwoman and the Black Cat handing over the loot, and both sitting side-by-side trying to figure out how it was so reasonable to give him the loot after he had long since vanished. Catwoman has experience, Black Cat has the superpowers, but only "de man" has both.
Let's be realistic, when it comes to STEALING and being a THIEF, Catwoman EASILY wins this one. It's her CAREER. She's not some cheapo knock-off like Black Cat, nor is she some CHEESY dumb fan-boy loved X-men character. In hand-to-hand combat she beats them all if they were fighting, but they're not, their supposed to be stealing something. She'd win, easily. Followed by her cheap knock-off, Black Cat. What has Gambit stolen aside from the hearts of his mindless fanboys? Later.
This is Catwoman's turf so all cheap impostors step-off... this means that Black Cat is first to be eliminated. Horndog Gambit will also go but not before she seduces him to do her bidding. One wink of the eye and the smooth talkin' Cajun will forget all about his frigid flyer and be tripping over his own tongue. Catwoman will walk out with another antiquated paperweight before this day is done.
JAY: Okay, there they go into the Guild... each by their own method.
PAT: Catwoman has been casing the joint for days. She found a secret entrance through the wall which the wizards sometimes use and is going in. Gambit is tempting fate by walking right through the open front gates. Black Cat is going up over the wall.
JAY: Pat, she doesn't look like she's going anywhere.
PAT: My goodness, you're right! It's like the whole wall suddenly went tacky. She's stuck in some kind of stone colored goo!
JAY: What do you think, Pat? Maybe... 5th level magic-user spell there? "Rock to Mud" or something?
PAT: Oh, no. What is this, Dungeons and Dragons now? Don't even go there.
JAY: Yes, well, Illusionist spell maybe. At any rate, Black Cat appears to be mired. That was quick. Her strength implants aren't doing the trick either. One down.
PAT: Let's turn our attention to Gambit. He's inside now, approaching a pair of wooden double doors. The corridor he's in is long, straight and dark... wait... some kind of light from the door there...
JAY: There is some kind of writing appearing on the surface of the door...
Gambit leans forward to make it out...
PAT: It says...
Door: Donald and Daffy....
JAY: Gambit hits the floor!
PAT: Duck!!! Just in time to avoid being skewered as a massive Ballistae arrow comes crashing through the door and sailing on down the hall...
JAY: Whew. Guess he made his saving roll.
PAT: Jay, you're giving me bad Gary Gygax D&D flashbacks. Say "Gelatinous Cube" once and you die.
JAY: We're moving to track Catwoman now. She rounds a corner and spots... A long tunnel with assorted blades
and spears mechanically swinging and jabbing outward.
PAT: Catwoman studies the deadly obstacle... She's smiling?
JAY: She's not! She'll have to maneuver through 30 feet of spinning and
cutting blades and thrusting spears. I know she's good but...
PAT: Selina is running forward.
JAY: She is!
PAT: Catwoman leaps over the first slicing blade ... lands... immediately dodges a spear jabbing from the
ceiling, missing her by an inch!
JAY: She's now facing two fast moving blades slicing up and down like a
couple of automatic doors. They're about 4 feet apart... the bottoms are razor sharp! She gets their timing and leaps!
PAT: She lands between them. Catwoman pauses before jumping again past the last one
JAY: This lady has the moves.
PAT: And a thirst for a challenge. She continues on dodging and evading the lethal obstacle course...
JAY: And smiling all the way! Rolling under another spinning blade, now... She readies for the next. Wait! A spear jets out from her right! Stomach level!
PAT: Catwoman senses it at the last second! She mini-leaps backward, remembering the spinning blade behind her... sucking in her gut...
JAY: The sharp point just grazes her costume and draws a thin line of blood across her abdomen.
PAT: That pissed her off! She grabs it and snaps the wooden spear before
it can retract back into the wall.
JAY: Snarling, she rams the point into the slit of the last moving blade
before her and jams it up.
PAT: ... And walks out of it. I guess she no longer found it to be any more fun.
JAY: Guess not.... OK, Gambit is making pretty good progress here, Pat.
PAT: Yes, Gambit is making good time. However, he has now arrived at a some sort of large, weird-looking crystal chamber. This can't be good.
JAY: Very odd looking room indeed. It's a huge area with crystals covering the walls and ceiling.
PAT: Gambit glances about before entering. Like it or not, he has to go through the room to reach the other side and keep moving.
JAY: He's about half way... What's that sound Pat?
PAT: The crystals are growing! They're expanding!
JAY: The doorway that Gambit just entered through is quickly sealed!
PAT: He races forward to reach the other doorway... it's blocked growing crystals, too! He's trapped!
JAY: The crystals continue to grow... He only has moments before becoming Cajun paste. The room is filling... Wait.. he pulls a card and energizes it.
PAT: Gambit tosses it against a group of the expanding crystals ... blasing them into tiny fragments.
JAY: It doesn't work. They just quickly regrow! He pulls another,
energizing it too. This is pointless. He just can't keep blasting away...
PAT: He throws it to the ground! The stone floor erupts into an
JAY: The section of floor collapses to reveal a room beneath the crystal
chamber. Gambit jumps down to safety.
PAT: Whew. Okay, back to Catwoman, now. She is doing well bypassing traps. This room ahead looks rough, though.
JAY: Selena treads lightly on catfeet, moving towards the room.
PAT: I am seeing a huge, deep pit of spikes in the center of the room. There are thin walk ways along either side of the room...
JAY: Catwoman is scanning the room with her night vision goggles. She is
just standing in the doorway studying the room.
PAT: She's a pro... that's why she's still alive. Unfortunately, magic
security is a little different than the kind she is used to. She's making a move now...
JAY: Stepping gingerly out onto the left-side catwalk. She's tense...
wired... ready for anything...
PAT: She's in motion!
JAY: A purple blur... somersaulting off the walkway...
PAT: As the floor of the walk shoots up to the ceiling! Driven by massive
springs! God, there's spikes on the ceiling!!
JAY: It's left Selena nowhere to go! She detected the vibrations... leapt
clear of the catwalk trap... but...
PAT: but she's flying into the pit!
JAY: Wait... uh...
PAT: She lands on the ground. The pit is an illusion!
JAY: If she's shocked, she hides it well and she seems to run across empty air to the next room....
PAT: Well, this is some exciting contest, huh? Let's move our cameras ahead to the final room. Both Gambit and Catwoman are getting close.
JAY: The final room holds the treasure of the contest... a ruby with some sort of mystic powers. We're not too clear on the powers, but we are real clear on the layout here. A locked cage suspended above a seething pool of acid holds the prize.
PAT: Wait, Jay... there appears to be somebody in the cage....
JAY: A final guardian maybe...
PAT: Wait... Wait I think I know who...
JAY: Pat, let's direct out cameras over to...
PAT: Wait... OhmiGod!! It's Frank!
JAY: Frank? No, I don't...
PAT: So THAT'S what you did with Frank Williams! You sold him to the Guild!!
JAY: "Sold" is such a strong word...
PAT: You sold him as research fodder!
JAY: Did not! He said he might enjoy a break from sportscasting...
PAT: Jay, selling one of your best friends into slavery just so some clown
girl in skin-tight spandex can show up and thrill you every week
JAY: uh... he wasn't that good of a friend.
PAT: Oh the secret shame!!
JAY: Yeah... well... Oh, look! Catwoman and Gambit have made it in! They're both here for the prize. And... they are both trying to coax Frank into throwing the prize to them.
Catwoman: Throw the jewel to me and I'll send back help!
Gambit: Naw, don' fall for dat ol' line, friend. Toss me de jewel and I get ya' out'a der.
Frank Williams: Oh, no. You people want this? You're taking me out with you!
JAY: Oh goodness!
PAT: I don't believe he just swallowed the jewel!
JAY: Wow, this leaves our thieves in a sticky situation, doesn't it? Both
are eyeing each other and the rather smug looking Frank Williams with equal disgust.
Gambit: Okay, chere. I pitch, you catch.
PAT: Uh... Gambit fastballs an explosive card... blowing the chain on the cage...
JAY: The cage falls! The acid!
PAT: No! Catwoman snaps her whip over a chain... catches the top of the cage... it holds! Frank is suspended inches above the acid!
JAY: Now they can swing him over to the side! Frank looks shocked. He's just staring at Catwoman.
Frank Williams: Oh, Baby! You're incredible. I wish I could give up this stupid jewel and just spend a week on an island with you...
THE FINAL VOTE
Black Cat: 109
THE WRAP UP
PAT: Huh? Where'd Frank go? Why is Gambit suddenly holding the jewel?
JAY: Pat, word is that the jewel grants a wish.
PAT: Really? Oh. Poor Catwoman...
[Visit Current Battle] [See Back Issues]
Related CBUB Fights:
Issue #12 Robin Hood vs. Aladdin vs. Autolycus
Issue #38 Lara Croft vs. Indiana Jones
Issue #86 Deadpool vs. Scud vs. Golgo 13
Issue #133 Kira vs. Ivanova vs. Aeryn
Pictures for this weeks big fight came from:
The Gambit! Page.
This cool Spidey page.
Catwoman scanned by moi.
DISCLAIMER / NOTICE:
Catwoman(TM) is the property (c) of DC Comics
Gambit and Black Cat (TM) is the property (c) of Marvel Comics
This webpage makes no claims and attempts no infringement... this is just for fun.