JAY: O.K! Our two contestants have taken up sides on either end of the street. This is going to be messy. By the way Pat, did we ever get those permission forms back from the Cirrian government? You know... to let us host this fight here?
PAT: ...Er... Uh... I'm not sure... And there's the bell, folks! Fairchild immediately rips a hunk out of the "Cirra Gymnastic Academy" and hurls it at She-Hulk!
JAY: The She-Hulk stands her ground and slams her fist into the flying
debris. No threat.
PAT: She-Hulk Rips out a lamppost now...
JAY: Caitlin Fairchild heaves a city bus over her head. She-hulk is now holding the lamp post like a spear... She chucks the spear...
PAT: They both throw their projectiles at one another... and... They
both duck, of course. Ooof! Those poor buildings...
JAY: ...She-Hulk and Fairchild are charging each other...
PAT: ...I'm getting a report, Jay... The lamppost smashed a
window of the "First National Bank of Cirra", and the flying bus demolished
"Michale's Royal Stables!" Michael and his horses are unharmed!
JAY: The She-Hulk and Fairchild are tearing into each other but Fairchild seems a little faster on her feet...
PAT: Maybe Fairchild is using her latent psi-abilities, Jay. Maybe warning her of danger?
JAY: ...Fairchild is staying out of harms way. Wow! Fairchild got the She-Hulk with a vicious upper-cut! The She-Hulk is flying back into...uh...
PAT: That would be "Gene's General Store", Jay. And there's Gene now... he
does not look real happy watching She-Hulk dig herself out of the frozen
foods section.
JAY: Fairchild is closing in but the She-Hulk is having trouble raising to
her feet. She looks a little shaken Pat.
PAT: Hmmm.... Fairchild is reaching out for a new weapon... yep, she has
just ripped a giant golden "E" off the "Cirra Embassy Suites Hotel"...
JAY: Fairchild is in the store... Fairchild swings her new weapon... the She-hulk catches the giant "E" with one hand! She's standing-up now looking at Fairchild...
PAT: Gene of "Gene's General Store", in an incredible move of bravery, has
stepped between the two women looming in his frozen food isle... he is attempting to shoo them out through the giant gaping hole they came in by!
JAY: They look at him and the She-Hulk shrugs her shoulder... POW! She
helps Fairchild through the opening first with a mighty right!!
PAT: And what a wallop! Fairchild is... is... well she's not stopping is she?
JAY: Whoa... Fairchild is knocked FOUR city blocks before coming to a stop.
PAT: Wow! Lets Go LIVE now to our own Jack Gibson who has this on the
scene report!
MY GOD!! Did you get that on tape?!? This is Jack Gibson and I'm
live in what's left of the middle of Cirra. These ladies are a site to
behold and the damage they're doing is... uh... well, it's a site to behold in itself. Uh-oh... the She-Hulk is coming my way! I'd better get out of here before she
tries to cash my frequent flyer miles like she just did Fairchild!! Back to you Pat.
PAT: Thanks Jack! Well, what have you got now, Jay?
JAY: Well Pat the She-Hulk followed the path of destruction made by
Fairchild but she can't find her... What?! TIMBER!!!
PAT: That looks like about a ten story building to me, Jay.
JAY: a huge building is crashing upon the She-Hulk... Toppled with a little push by Fairchild.
PAT: er... that would be the "Cirra Science and Research" Building.... Um...
I'm trying to tally up some of the other damages... Hold on...
JAY: The She-Hulk explodes from the rubble!! The She-Hulk didn't like having that building dropped on her Pat.
SLAM!!
JAY: Ohhh... Fairchild felt that one. She's flying like she was shot out of a cannon, Pat. She's... she... She just hit a Cirrian Airship!
PAT: ...Police are urging people away from Cirra's "Kindling Gate Mall"...
JAY: ...She Hulk looks smug...
PAT: Patients at the "Cirra Therapy Clinic" have escaped in the chaos...
JAY: I lost track of Fairchild... Just a second. O.K., I got her... Fairchild has landed near the Space Center. She-Hulk is in hot pursuit... Using her incredible leg muscles to hyper leap across town....
PAT: ...and... OH NO! The next showing of Anaconda has been cancelled at the "Callistoplex" Movie thea...
JAY: ...er... Pat?
PAT: ...man named Trouz has telephoned to say he will sue for damages to the "Cirra Art Gallery"...
JAY: ...Pat... this is bad...
PAT: ... and we have a woman named Pandora on the line now who wants to say that the "Cirra Candy Shoppe" is...
JAY: PAT!!!!!!! O.K... Fine... We go now to a special report by our own Frank Williams. Pat, look at...
Gott in Himmel! This is worse than the Borg vs.
Aliens fight! Look at the destruction, the ruin....Hey! No! Not the "Law
Offices of I.M. Akrooke"! I'm still trying to sue these guys for employment hazards! Well,
there you go. She-Hulk threw a car at Fairchild, who easily ducks, and the
car has crashed into the Law Offices. I.M. Akrooke, who barely escaped with his
life, is now attempting to give business cards to these brutal women. This might be
continued in the Courthouse later... Back to you.
JAY: ...not this fight here... I'm saying that this is the wrong city, Pat. OH LOOK, the women are using some of the Cirra Space Center rockets as clubs...
BOOM!!
PAT: ...Nice Fireball...
JAY: The smoke clears and both of them are still standing... smoldering but unharmed. Fairchild doesn't wait. She slugs the She-hulk down the street into the "Cirra Museum".
PAT: Is this it? Is this the end? She-Hulk is not getting up!
JAY: Fairchild is rushing over to make sure she gets the kibosh on her...
PAT: Nope, She-Hulk is dow... WAIT! She-Hulk lashes out...
JAY: ...She has Fairchild from behind and by the throat, Pat.
PAT: Oh My, Folks. Look at these titans, locked together in final struggle!
JAY: Fairchild is slowly losing air... losing consciousness...
PAT: Fairchild hits the ground... passed out. That's it. It's over.
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