Callisto: Warlord of ancient times, and immortal to boot.
Watching her parents die at the hands of Xena: The conqueror of Nations
is no easy task. Then again, she killed her own family, so it's really
hard to say just WHO killed her family, but no matter who did it, she's
ruthless. A fearsome warlord, her only goal is to see Xena go down in
flames, preferably with a side of death. After years of commenting on
CBUB fights with Harley Quinn, Callisto has found a new target. A
clown-girl can only push so many buttons.
Harley Quinn: Clown Princess of Crime, and Right Hand Woman
of the infamous Joker himself. She's chock-full of one liners and
witticisms that she uses to get to the heart of her "Puddin". Not
necessarily living up to the Joker's standing as far as having all his
tricks up her sleeve, she has a few of her own that wouldn't be
something to trifle with.
It's been years that these two have been Skybox partners through no
decision of their own. Despite it all, they've managed to put up with
each other for long enough that the Powers That Be here around the Arena
have decided they've done their time. Now freed of their bonds of
employment, these two have a vendetta against each other. Harley's a
wise-cracking clown girl that gets on Callisto's last nerve, and
Callisto is an evil Barbie poser in sexy leather armor. This fight is
definitely not one to be missed.
Join us now in a battle we like to call...
Rumble in the Skybox
Callisto and Harley Quinn hosted their first CBUB Sportscast in issue #85 Superman vs. Thor.
The chemestry between them seemed quite strong, and, thirty one issues later they became the primary sportscasters in issue #116 The Animaniacs vs. Power Puff Girls.
I have consistently enjoyed writing battles with these two... watching a fight through their perspectives and watching them try to get it over on each other. Of course, they've played a lot of mean tricks on each other, so it was inevitable they'd have to settle it some day.
I think my top five entertaining Callisto and Quinn sportscasts have been:
Issue #125 Great Pumpkin vs. Jack Skellington
Issue #137 The Predator vs. The Road Runner
Issue #144 Kerrigan vs. Diablo
Issue #145 Planet of the Apes vs. Star Trek Away Team
Issue #154 Xena vs. Buffy
... on with the fight and may the best woman win.
THE SPORTS BOX
My name is Preston Davidson, and I'm the one that you
need to listen to. Rather that SLEEP when I'm supposed to be commenting
on the SuperBowl Matt, I actually pay attention. In one
corner, we have Harley Quinn, who has more tricks up her sleeve than a
Mississippi gambler. On the other hand, we have Callisto, who's
immortal, kills people for fun, and is all-around badass. This should be
a good fight, ladies and gentlemen. Let's get it on.
Greetings and Salutations, fight-watchers! With these two having done
their time the Powers That Be have decided to actually HIRE some new
sportscasters. Subsequently, I'm Matthew Allen. You want quality, you
find somebody who's getting PAID to watch these fights. You want pure,
unadulterated suck, you force somebody into servitude commenting on
Preston: Hello sports fans and
welcome to the Comic Book Universe Battles, now under NEW MANAGEMENT!
That's right. Crack open a beer and get ready for the fight of the century.
These two hardcore chicks have been waiting patiently for their chance at each
other's throats, and now it's here.
Here they are, stepping out of their corridors and waving to the crowds of
Matthew: Damn, that's a lot of
Preston: Watch your
language, Matthew. This is a family show.
Right. We're not casting on Foks or anything anymore.
The two are meeting up in the middle of the arena, and exchanging a few words
that from here don't look too friendly.....Matt, are you watching this?
opening a beer: Uh, sure old timer. These two FINE ladies
look about ready to brawl, and it's been a long time coming. Let's see what some
of the fans have to say.
The Catwoman writes:
Well this is really a "When are these women fighting?" type of battle. If we are talking the Original Callisto vs. Harley Quinn then I give Harley the advantage. While Callisto is strong fast and good with a sword she is no match of the rampage of destruction Harley can pull out of her hat. The laughing gas, boxing gloves, just about anything in the Joker's arsenal is also in her's. Now if we are talking about the Immortal Callisto that had the big scare on her face then I still give the edge to Harley albeit in a much closer battle. Now if we are talking about the God Callisto then she would win and win quickly. If we are talking about the Ghost Callisto then she would loose easily. If we are talking about the Demon Callisto she would win. If we are talking about the Angel Callisto she would loose. If we are talking about Livia she would loose, and finally if we are talking about Eve she would really loose. We all hated Livia and Eve and know they could not hope to match Harley. So I was completely unable to figure out who to vote for. Callisto has undergone more changes then the line up of the Avengers, however she was the most powerful of the two for awhile there so I voted for her.
The Joker & Xena writes:
A stpuid whore in leather VS a psychopat?
We all know the raw power advantage that Callisto has over Harley. Callisto's a goddess, she's a legendary warrior, she devious...etc. Yes we are all quite familiar with all this tripe. However, I, being a devoted fan of Harley knows that Harley will win this. I have a gut feeling that is saying, "Hey Justy, It's gonna be alright." Now everyone will just see how all those years of living with the joker has warped Harley's mind. Harley is an olympian level gymnast and quite resourceful in her own right. Its going to be a brutal shock to Callisto. Overconfidence is the enemy.
the way I see it is this, Harley Quinn uses technolegy such as bombs, gases, fire and guns. Now Callisto has yet to prove she can hold up to a gun. could she dodge it? yeah right. Could she take the bullet to the chest? I don't think so, I have yet to see any thing that would show that Callisto has skin or bones powerfull enough to stop a bullet. So could she get at Miss. Quinn before she can fire the trigger? I really don't think shes that fast. So inconclusion BANG BANG the witch is dead. Nuff said.
Comic Patron Supreme writes:
If it were the JOKER vs. Calisto, I would have voted differently. But Quinn is more or less simply Joker Jr. A mini-Joker...so to speak.
And Calisto is sort of an evil-Wonder Woman type villain.
Just my opinion, but Quinn isn't exactly on the list of the DC Universe's most dangerous people.
Here's a thought. If it were a beauty contest...preferably swimsuit...
I wouldn't vote period. That's because I would prefer to stay in one piece after Calisto found out I voted for Quinn.
Katrover Swatroad writes:
And the winner is......Callisto. Harley Quinn may have wits, beauty, and the better outfit, but Callisto has weapons. And knowledge of how to use weapons. As much as I like Harley, I cannot ignore weapons. And divinity. Unless you're an RPG hero you don't beat divinity.
'Course the REAL winners are.....Pat and Jay, who shall get their revenege on Callisto for taking away their jobs then enslaving them! At least, they'd BETTER!
Comic Master. writes:
Okay here is the anylsis for this fight.
1.Callisto has been P'od by "Clown girl" as she calls her antics, and a mad power female is not to be trifled with.
2. Callisto has won atleast one match here in the arena. Harley lost her only match here to date against Cheetara.
3.Harley may have a lot of tricks up her sleeve yet Callisto is also packing power and she is a warrior.
4. Calisto has gone up against Xena and even Hercules, While Harley has gone against the Batman family though she usualy stays out of the action.
WWWF Grudge Match writes:
A psychiatrist who's in love with The Joker and pumped up on more colorful horse tranquilizers and whale uppers than an army of crack whores is no one to mess around with. Harley will just drive Callisto completely insane and take her down with a boking glove machine gun or something.
ive read all of the battles that these two have commentated on and i am glade to see them finally going at it. callisto has all of the battle experience to do the job but quinn has got one thing that her opponent doesnt got and that is the experience that has come from being with the joker which gave batman so much grief and anyone that can do that to batman certainly has rubbed a few trickes off on their colligues so quinn should win.
Lord X-spider writes:
How can Callisto be losing!?!? I mean Harley may be cute but Call is the sexiest bomb in CBUB.
And even if Harley has her fighting abilites and wepons itīs nothing against Calls godly powers.
So please all who vote listen to your hormones if you (think Call is hotter) or your logic (if you think Harley is hotter).
I know nobody can read this when I first write it but still.
O.K., we have in one corner Callisto, great hunting nymph and partner to Artemis, the goddess of the hunt. She's been abused by Zeus, had her hair ripped out by Zeus' wife, and hes been transformed into a bear and killed by her own son. Sucky life. She obviously has some endurance, yes? Oh, yes. Even so, when not fighting against premenstral goddess', she can keep her own pretty darn well, plus in human form she's IMMORTAL! In other words, she has the inability to DIE.
This woman of all women has to fight who? The princess of pranksters, Harley Quinn, who has the I.Q. of a nipple, who has the wondrous ability TO DIE!! How much battle prowness could she have for god's sake: she slept with a man all her life who threw happy fish at people in the streets "in the name of evil!" Yeah...right. Physically strong against mentally gone, who could the winner be?...I say The Great Callisto!
DamieN Brimstone writes:
The CBUB Is Back! Again! After a long abscence, let us resume the Sacred Chant...
CALL-IST-O, CALL-IST-O, CALL-IST-O, CALL-IST-O!!!
Having ssociated with both these ladies, I find myself pitying that poor clown girl. Cally always brings the pain. Battle On, Warrior Queen!
Let me begin with stating that I am deeply saddend to see these two babes, once co-workers and semi-friends of sorts, being pited against each other is vicious gladitorial combat! (Sorta like cuter, curvier versions of Kirk and Spock.)
Really, I am!
That being said, Goddess Callisto oblidirates puny Harley Quinn, and I get the remains to speed up the creation of my Mutant Clown-Girl Clone Army/Harem!
And thus, everyone is happy again! :)
Calisto will be laying the samckdown on Harley...but then He-Man will sneak in adn K.O. her, giving the win to the clown girl.
as far as combat capabilities, bother are quite even. However, Callisto gets the edge on the psychlogical advatange. Yes, both of them are dereanged but Callisto has the obsession to win. Yas, Harley is obsessed but that obsession is of The Joker. Callisto has absession of total #$%$&@! carnage. So I give it to Callisto.
Callisto has been trapped in larva, shot full of arrows, sent to hell, become an angel, become immortal and then a god then a demon the a angel. She watched her whole village burn. She served the most evil creature in the world. Has been trapped deep within a cave. There is no way anyone but Xena could beat her. End of Story. 2 second battle. No contest
Hamster gundam writes:
uh... I think Harley Quinn is cute so thats why I voted for her... I guess.
Deep Sea Dolphin writes:
Obviously Callisto has this in the bag right?
If we've learned anything from watching way too much TV, playing too many videogames, and watching too many videogames it's that gods and goddesses always lose when pitted against mortals.
Ares-Always defeated by Hercules and Xena.
Callisto-Gets her butt kicked by Xena.
Galactis-Defeated by the Fantastic Four.
Unicron-Killed by the Transformers(Unicron is a god of Chaos in the comics).
Hellmaster Phibrizzo, Gaav, Grausherra, Shabranigdo-Killed by Lina Inverse.
Following this line of logic it becomes obvious that Callisto has no chance in Hell of defeating Harley. It'll be a long drawn out battle with Callisto torturing Harley in many a creative manner but in the end Harley will come up with some utterly improbable plan that should never work but nonetheless will take down Callisto. Probably in a very embarrassing way seeing how this is Harley we're talking about.
I'm afraid that if this is a straight fight, as opposed to some other type of contest, it is rather one-sided.
True, Harley has some tricks up her sleeve, but she is out of her league here. The Callisto of CBUB is Goddess Callisto, who shoots fireballs out of her hands and blows things to bits. Pitting Harley against Callisto is like pitting the Joker against Darkseid.
Barring outside interference (such as from Xena and Buffy, who must be very upset that their fight was turned into a degrading spectacle), I'm not sure HOW Harley can hope to defeat Goddess Callisto. I don't think Callisto's going to fall for that 'imprison in substance like lava or cement' trick again.
So I think Callisto's undefeated CBUB streak will remain intact.
lord masterson writes:
The goddess is going to whip the clown-girl straight to hell. Callisto is probably immune to anything that Harleen Quinzelle throws at her. Plus the fact that if little miss laughing stock gets lucky and manages to kill her mortal vessel, her divine essence would probably allow her to resurrect/reincarnate herself back to full living health - in other words, Harley has about as much chance as a sinner would have against Satan - none at all!
The Master Fighter of Anime writes:
This is Quinn's.I know people think "Callisto is gonna kickass! She's the strongest and can just punch Quinn right out of the staduim!" Well she can if she can get a punch on Quinn.Quinn's got alot of tricks and she's probably gonna have some crazy gadgets and mallets. She's probably gonna be packing some firepower as well for this one. There is that chance of Callisto winning,with all here power and crazy attacks. Also I have a feeling it's gonna be more then just those 2. Something's gonna happen. It will either be a long match or it will be 2 seconds. Either way we're in for a wild ride so get a snack scroll down,put on your seatbelt and enjoy.Now I gotta go eat some pie then milk my girl. *grins evilly then gets grabbed by the collar of his shirt and pulled away*
I think Callisto's gonna win this one. Doctor Harleen Quinzel gets plus points for her cartoon incarnation, fabulously colour dis-coordinated outfit, and other cool things(like being a psycho barbie, but Goddess Callie's got that going for her too) She gets minus points for having the New Yawk gunmoll voice, and being protrayed by Mia Sara in Birds of Prey.
Goddess Callisto on the other hand, has only ever been played by the lovely Hudson Leick(What's not to like about a person whose name is pronounced like "like"? Damn, I sound like a valley girl!), has immortality, can teleport, and can fling fireballs.
All in all, this should be a fairly close match, if and only if, Callisto's godly powers were somehow removed(maybe stick those 2 in a ring in a hardcore match?) Otherwise, my predicted events timeline: Both competitors strut to the ring to the tune of All the Things She Said(by t.A.T.u), at the part where it says "Have I lost my mind?" Heheh. Then Callie teleports behind Harley, fries her pretty little head off, and has her hand raised in victory 1 second after the bell is rung...
He Who Can Not Be Named writes:
Well...it's good to see things back up and running...A change in sports-casters...I remember the days of Pat and Jay (what ever happened to them? They disapeared when Serge first retired, then when things started up again they never resurfaced...). Anyway, enough about that! On to the fight.
I know what a lot of people are thinking, and how they will be voting: Callisto is
b) Super Strong
c) Resistant to injury
e) Greek God Lightning Bolts(tm) (really handy)
f) Expert in many forms of combat and weapons.
g) REALLY likes to KILL and Hurt things, prefarably people.
Harly is NONE of these, no powers, nothing, just an insane human. And that is the reason why she should win.
In these sorts of battles, POWER means nothing!!! BATMAN fought SUPERMAN to a stand-still (without either throwing a punch actually) in MAN OF STEEL #3 1986 because he could OUT THINK the man who can juggle planets. The JOKER once usurped the power of the SPECTER, arguably the most powerful force in the DCU (Wrath of God!). To give you an idea how powerful the Specter is he has taken out Great Old Ones, Fought the Anti-Monitor to a stand-still which the rest of the DCU combined couldn't do (Crisis #10), Initiated the Big Bang (Zero Hour) and Taken ON the entire DCU when possessed by a fallen Angel) and a mere (insane) human took him down?
Votes will most likely show Callisto as the winner, but I throw my hat in the ring for Harley, because you just don't know...
Thus sayeth the Dark One from Down Under
The One writes:
Callisto tears her apart (duh) with her powers, but IMO it should be a bloody and humiliating battle before Harley, known for struggling against far tougher opponents, gives in. My vote for Cally though.
Clarg, Baboon Lord writes:
I have to say that Harley should win. Why? Because Callisto's a... Oh... hi. No! No! Not he sword! Not he sword! *dies* *respawns* *dies* *respawns* *dies*
Mimk Galstron writes:
Harley Quinn is better looking, smarter, less arrogant, and a larger arsenal of weapons than Calistos mid evil warfare what can I say give it up for modern explosives. Besides she has the Joker on her side and no one but Batman can beat him.
my girl is going to win because i say so. callisto is a hot babe and all that but not as hot as harley did you read emperor joker. not only this but harley has a lot of allies like poison ivy [wowza!] i bet batman and xena are going to show up at the end arn't they? i know of only one callisto whilst theire are quite a few harley quinn the one from kingdom come, the one who was a teen titan and i'm sure theire are multitudes of elsworld harleys yes callisto has the power advantage but harley is a member of the bat cast and you don't get tougher
if you'd pit killer croc against doomsday dday would be dust
Grumble man writes:
Harley Quinn is the best there is at TRICKERY. Callisto is just a muscle bound freaka babe. There is no contest. Harley Quinn will pull out her toy springing fist, and Callisto's glass jaw will shatter. This is the word.
Freak with a Stick writes:
You know from reading spiderman and batman comics its never about whose bigest and strongest or even whose the smartest or best fighter...its who has the most tricks up their sleeve and who has the balls to use em. When it comes to trick who are you going to choose: A) A phsycho medevil bitch with tight ass and a short fuse or B) Perky Clown girl? When it comes to tricks never bet against a clown...
Darth Raptorx writes:
Althoug i like both of them I gota go with Callisto i mean she is a god for crying out loud. But Harleqyn is a clever girl. But this fight must go to callisto i mean she kills for fun and (forgive me callisto) she is a total nut job. Harleqyn is a therapist so mayde she can work something out with Callisto. But callisto will befenetly win SHES A GODDESS MAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The Invisible Voice of Mortal Kombat writes:
Well it's like this, a warrior woman against a clown woman. No contest in the fighting:It's Callisto all the way. Harley Quinn my use all her gadgets but at best she can only hope for is a stand off. Which won't happen! Callisto will gut Harley Quinn and she will die laughing!
I can't believe Harl is losing by so much!!!1 Maybe she isn't a goddess, but she hangs around the Joker. The JOKER! He defeated the Justice league before! If she learned anything from Jack Napier it's to always have a trick up you sleeve. There's no telling what Harley might have in store for Calliso
Callisto's love child writes:
Even if Harley gets her hands on the dagger with hind blood on it, it's doubtful she could get close enough before Callisto would show her what it feels like to be a steak on char-broil. Another factor in Callisto's favor is that Harley lacks self-esteem. In the end she will just run back to her puddin Mistah J. who will abuse her and treat her like dirt. Callisto on the other hand won't take crap from anyone! Specially not from some psycho with bad skin complexion and hair the color of nasal mucus.
Loser Geek writes:
Harley should/will win because she is hotter. Plus Xena and Hercules are both cancelled. Are their still Batman comics? I do believe their are. Therefore people liked Harley and her crowd better than Callisto's.
Well despite the current score, I'd personally favor Harley Quinn for this one.
Simply put, she's more gimmicked than James Bond. Despite being semi-immortal Callisto doesn't have any paticular resistance to chemicals, and her costume leaves too much skin exposed to nerve toxins and the like.
A couple of gas bombs and Callisto would be on the ground sleeping or (more likely) laughing helplessly on the ground holding her gut, allowing Harley to finish her off at her leisure.
It's all about the tech level.
Preston: Thanks a lot for your
Matthew: That's a LOT
of fans...is it legal to have that many fans in her....OH CRAP, Callisto just
slapped Harley in the face!
That's what you get for running your mouth. Harley doesn't look to happy about
it, 'cause she's pulling out a gun.
Callisto doesn't look to shaken by it. In fact, from here it looks like she's
Preston: She does,
doesn't she? Harley's pulling the trigger...looks like it's over right here and
Matthew: Or not. Let's zoom in on
what that sign hanging from a stick in the barrel says. I think it says "Bang."
That's simply sad, Matthew.
Matthew: Yeah, it
is...wait....yeah, that's DEFINITELY an explosion right under Callisto. Ooooh...the
rubble is falling right on top of her. Add another tally mark to the number of
piles of rocks she's been buried under.
But she's somehow squirming her way out from underneath, ladies and gentlemen.
How many times she's done that, we can't count. Callisto looks decidedly unhappy
right about now.
Matthew: So very true, old
man. I can see this getting ugly right about...now. Callisto's going after
Harley with a sword...a big sword. I used to have a sword like that...
Pay attention, Matthew. She's swinging that thing like only a true warrior can,
but Harley has the skills of a gymnast, dodging and dodging again.
RIGHT up into the corner. This can only get uglier, folks.
Preston: Ugly is not the word I'd
use to describe it.
Matthew: That's an ugly gash,
how would you describe that?
Matthew: That's right. It's beginning to
look like Callisto has this one in the bag. Can we say "Curbstomp?"
You can. I've seen meat grinders that didn't leave that much mess.
Callisto is turning around and walking away now...she obviously didn't hate
Harley enough to really kill her.
Yes, but Harley is getting up slowly, and moving toward the unsuspecting
Callisto with something that looks a lot like a spiked bat in her hands.
OOH! That HAD to hurt. Right across the back of her head.
The goddess couldn't have liked that.
I'd say not, by the way she's turning around with that mean look on her face and
that mean sword in her hand.
This won't be good.
Matthew: It can't be good.
THE FINAL VOTE
Harley Quinn: 630
THE WRAP UP
Preston: Well, Callisto settled
that right quickly, and with a minimum of bloodshed.
Professionals are like that. I doubt Harley will be walking around any time
Preston: Or using
Matthew: Or any other appendage, for
ladies and gentlemen, we thank you for joining us for CBUB, and hope you'll tune
in next week.
Matthew: I know I would...we got
good stuff coming up. Thanks for tuning in!
[The Comic Book Universe Battles]
"Callisto" is the property of Renaissance Pictures, MCA TV.
"Harley Quinn" is the property of DC comics.
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