Wow, it's a bunch of fanboy hackers versus people who actually
exercise...Hey, that sounds like my lunch period!
I kid, I kid! I kid
because I love!
Anywho, I believe this will be a victory of the
fellow and foxies from Wudan. This is because of four factors:
Despite having robotic bodies to suppliment their "matrix"
abilities, Neo and haxors aren't at full power. Remember, Neo's ability is
not to raise limits, but to forget they're there and start godmodding. They
can only go as hard as the robotic bodies will let them.
the haxors will be breaking out the firearms. This will not matter, though,
because it was shown at the end of the film that Li Mu Bi can deflect
3) The Green Destiny can chop through
anything. I mean, steel walls, tall buildings, blocks of gouda cheese, it's
4) I have a crush on Michael Yo. You really think I'd
vote against her?
Hmmm.... Matrix vs. Limping Tiger and Visible Tiger, opps, did I say that
wrong. First, EVERY MARTIAL ART and WEAPON known to man are in the minds of
the Matrix people. Within the Matrix, they are faster, stronger, smarter,
and are much cooler in their black clothes. Tiger's, some bad subtitling,
cheasy clothing, and lame weapons, oh yeah, dullard fights. Gotta go with
the guns spewing hot lead all over the place.
This is how I see the
Step 1.) Everyone enters ring.
Step 2.) Matrix people pull out various guns
Step 3.) Matrix people fire.
Step 4.) Some bullets are reflected, but between the
combined power of Ingams, Berretas, Shotguns, and other automatic weapons,
the Tigers are reduced to bloody piles of goo on the ground.
"I am the one."
Step 5.) Matrix do fancy dodges to dodge
any stray bullet reflected back to them.
Step 6.) Matrix put on their
cool sunglasses and walk off.
Dark Queen writes:
Let's face it, Matrix will probably win on account that most of the people
voting probably can't even read the CTHD dialouge on the screen. Never the
less, here is my analysis:
It may be difficult a match for both teams
if they do not know the other teams fighting style. After all, it is hard
to defend against an attack if you are unfamiliar with it.
Tiger may win, depending on how many fighting skills the Matrix crew has
downloaded into their brains. If they have quite a few then they may stand
Besides, the people in CTHD practically fly. Well, glide
anyways. Not even the Matrix gang can load that into their brains.
My vote goes to Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. Snootchi Bootchies!
In a match like this it all comes down to who can bend the laws of physics
the most and Matrix fighters can do that.
CTHD fighters may be
insanely skilled to the point of being able to leap off of air molecules
but they are outmatched in strength and speed.
Then if you factor in
modern guns I'd say the Matrix has this one in the bag.
The people from Crouching Tiger were way better than the people from the
Matrix. One thing, they will have their skills in either universe. The
people from the Matrix won't be able to jump around like that in the real
world. Since the Crouching Tiger team are all true martial artists, they
will be able to use their minds to do all that stuff if their brains are
hooked up to the Matrix. Mind and body are suppose to work together, and
since it'll be just the mind, all hell will break loose. Besides, there is
a good chance that when all the martial arts info Neo and the others were
having downloaded into their brains, there was a computer glitch, screwing
up the info. I admit there was more action in the Matrix, but the quality
of the martial arts action was better in Crouching Tiger.
Hey, they can actually fly in 'The Matrix'. I haven't seen any of that in
'Crouching Stagehand, Hidden Wires'.
This battle really isn't fair, especially if the weapons that are scattered
around the arena are guns. I doubt any of the CTHD fighters even know how
the really old guns of the 18th century work, much less the machine guns of
the 21st century. And once any of the Matix'ers open up fire, no amount of
gravity-defying martial arts would save the CTHD team.
On the other
hand, if by weapons you mean the classic types like swords, bow & arrows,
spears, etc. then the CTHD would definitely have the upper hand due to
their familiarity with such weapons. Since the Matrix'ers spend their time
in a 20th century VR world, I doubt their training included any serious
sword or crude-weapon work. Guns are much more efficient and less of a sign
proclaiming that "I'm not what I seem! Come get me
Without weapons altogether, though, things would become
much more even. Both teams have two "older" more experienced
fighters and one young, arrogant, and very talented youngster. And both can
do some really reality-defying moves.
I voted for CTHD for two
1. Trinity is basically the stereotypical 'girlfriend of the
hero'. The two ladies in CTHD have much more attitude and status in the
show. And as Rudyard Kipling once wrote, "the female of the species is
much deadlier than the male."
2. In terms of strength of media,
Chinese martial arts movies and TV series' have been around since forever.
And they've been actually practicing it for thousands of years beyond that.
Hollywood, OTOH, have only discovered kung fu flicks in the last couple of
decades, many of which were really really bad. Thus, I go with the movie
that knows what it's talking about, martial arts-wise.
The Mad Hatter writes:
In the real world, Team Matrix would be toast. But they get to be their
virtual selfs. And in the words on the Toughest Man on the Planet Mr.T,
"Those Crouching suckas is dead meat, foo!"
admit, the Crouching Tiggers have some pretty impressive moves, but all
they know is Kung-Fu. Team Matrix knows any type of martial arts they want.
And if you think that Kung-Fu is the most deadly martial art in the World,
just read the words of my former sensei, "Kung-Fu is pretty, but
Karate is deadly." Now I don't know about you, but I take the words of
an eighth degree black belt over some yahoo's.
And then there's the
weapons factor. If there are guns, Team Matrix definately has the
advantage. I doubt the Crouching Tiggers know what a gun is, much less know
how to use one. But if there are no guns, i'm sorry, but Team Matrix still
has the advantage. They could just use Ninjutsu which is the way of the
ninja, who are WEAPONS MASTERS. And not only that, they specialize in
keeping as quiet as a mouse when sneaking around. So a Team Matrix member
could just as easily sneak up on a Crouching Tigger before one of those
Tiggers had time to react. And i'll admit, a Kung-Fu master is bad ass, but
a Ninja could take one. They're pretty evenly matched when it comes to
swords but once a Crouching Tigger finds a ninja star jammed in their neck,
the swords will be of no significance.
And let's say they forget
weapons and go straight up hand-to-hand. Well let's see, Team Matrix will
just use Jiu-Jitsu and have all three of them on the ground in five
seconds. And if you want to talk striking and no holds, Aikido outclasses
Kung-Fu most definately.
So in conclusion, whatever the Tiggers can
do, Team Matrix will top it and make them pay for it. Team Matrix in less
than a minute.
The Daemon writes:
Okay the only guy that had any really nifty powers for the Matrix gang was
Neo...and only then he had to die before he could do the slow mo dodgy
thingy...but he doesn't get that now does he?
the pretty much got
mulched in a fight with the agents.
the only one that fought with any
effectiveness against and agent was again neo.
In CTHD we see that Yu
Shu Lien is well versed in the usage of many weapons. As displayed by her
fight against Jen. She was evenly matched with ordinary weaponry against
Jen who was armed with the Green Dragon Destiny Sword.
Jen beat the
snot out of a whole inn full of well accomplished martial artists without
the use of the sword showing she too knows how to fight.
Li Mu Bai
beat a green destiny armed Jen with a friggin stick.
Li Mu Bai is
clearly superior to Jen.
All three acomplished feats of skill that
would make the agents wet themselves.
Namely Li Mu Bai
blocking/deflecting a couple hundrend poison darts darts shot at him from
less than 10 feet away, within the span of a few seconds.
I would say
thats alot faster than a bullet.
Li Mu Bai can easily mulch an agent
of three on his own.
Neo'll go down hard.
and after Neo goes
down....it's all downhill from there for the Matrix team.
Jen and Yu Shen can't defeat Morpheous or Trinity all they have to do is
stalement them until Li Mu Bai shows up to double team them.
are you kidding?Matrix will beat the hidden cat crap out of them and have
new dragon skinned boots when they're finished.Crouching kitten might have
that moon jump stuff but do they have super cool sunglasses,nope.and the
main bad guy in matrix stared in prissila gueen of the desert,so neo's not
afraid of anything.nuff said.
Okay, as cool as Team Matrix would be with all their programmed skills, and
knowledge of ancient and modern weaponry, they still know only what they
know from the programs. Otherwords, their skills are all textbook learned
and chipped in. Team Tiger has faced many different opponents and have
learned the valuable skill of improvisation. Just like playing versus a
computer, sure, the AI of a fighting game is tough, but they can't handle
the improvisation and random ingenuity of a human mind.
prowess may give Team Matrix an edge as their physical bodies are stronger
and tougher than the norm, but strength doesn't always win battles, hence
why martial arts were created. We all know of the story of the ancient,
wizened master beating the snot out of the young tough guy. Why? It's not
always about power.
Team Matrix is good, but it'll end up with
Morpheous and the babe getting taken out first, while Neo is busy figuring
out how Team Tiger can do, what they do. (For Christ's sakes, we're
talking Keanu Reeves here. Remember Bill & Ted? No way is Chow Yun Fat
gonna get aced out by an idiot, Californian metal head.) Team Tiger is the
Close, but you gotta call it for team matrix cos of the punishment they can
take. You wouldn't see the crouching tiger crew take the sort of damage Neo
received from Agent Smith and then get up and run half-way across town
avoiding agent's bullets. Sure Trinity might go down, and Morpheus maybe,
but Neo will juggernaut his way through those floating fighters.
Neo, Morpheus, and Trinity may have every form of martial arts plugged into
their heads, but that doesn't take the place of actual BATTLE EXPERIENCE.
The Matrix gang, sans Neo of course, run away from anything remotely
powerful, the Agents. They are used spanking cops who couldn't hit
paraplegic on a good day.
Li Mu Bai, Yu Shu Lien and, to a lesser
extent, Jen Yu all have experience fighting HIGHLY skilled warriors. Li Mu
Bai in particular, would take all three of them with no problem.
far as I can see it, the CTHD bunch are more peace oriented, so if Team
Matrix took the initiative they might pull off a victory. But given a
chance to show off their MAD SKILLZ, Neo would only manage to get off a
'whoa' before getting his ass handed to him.
Remember in the Highlander (there was only one movie... there was ONLY ONE!
ARGGGGHHHHH)... where that crazy military survivalist guy came running out
of his Firebird with an Uzi and shot the Kurgen in the stomach.
still laugh because as he's running from trashcan to trashcan he's
muttering "Okay Marine, this is it... move it! GO GO GO!"
Sometimes I do this as I leap from my cubicle and make a mad dash towards
the coffee machine in the breakroom.
The cool thing is, this
paranoid, slightly balding guy took down an immortal with nothing more than
a gun notoriously known for it's jams and lock-ups. Sure, of COURSE the
Kurgen got up and rammed his sword into crazy-guys stomach.
another way: Imagine me rolling out of my cubicle, pausing briefly at the
fake-potted-plant-corner (tm), then making a mad dash past the receptionist
desk into the breakroom, where I bowl over the HR lady and steal the
coffee. In this scenario the HR lady has no way to defend against my speed
THIS is exactly the same thing as someone who is holding
a sword (even the Green Destiny) has no way to defend against someone
holding 2 9mm hand guns.
To go back to the Highlander
analogy (from which *all* knowledge is gained) the Kurgen is like the HR
lady who stands up and then has me fired. But since the CTHD cast has no
way to kick Neo out of his job, this doesn't really apply.
we're talking no guns, just a straight fight... the Dragon Cast kicks ass.
I don't care what routines Neo had downloaded into his head (soft storage
hard drive = brain) he's not going to have the Crouching Tiger Hidden
Dragon moves. Those moves simply ARE NOT ON THE WEB.
www.search.com and type in +"Walking" +"On trees"
+"While fighting" into the search query box. You will not find
anything. trust me. In fact, if you do that, the first result that comes
back is for some record company called "Thumbs up records."
Yeah, fight with THAT style, Neo.
They're not fighting in VR.
Here's how it goes...
Liu Mu Bai
moves up to Neo and takes a swing at him with his Cool Oriental Sword (TM).
Neo smirks confidently and goes 'Bullet Time' to dodge the blow
'Oh, crap.' He thinks, as the discovery that there's no
'Bullet Time' outside of VR costs his 'droid an arm.
- after all, it's not actually his arm - he leaps in to an extremely fance
triple-spinning foundhouse kick which should decapitate his
Liu Mu Bai blocks. With his Cool Oriental Sword
Lacking one leg, Neo's 'droid crashes to the ground. In the
last moment before decapitation he's surprised to discover he's the last of
his team standing, as the other two met, respectively, the Green Destiny
and TWO Cool Oriental Swords (TM).
After such a short and bland fight
- 'droids don't bleed - the audience is angry. There's a massive riot, and
only the early return of Callisto and Magneto from their Hawaian beach
honeymoon calms it down. Between them they contain the situation, before
getting back to running Kazan and breeding lots of little Mutant Gods.
Well I have never seen Crouching Tiger...Dragon but I have seen part of the
Automatic point for Tiger-Dragon.
In the last issue I
voted against the X-Men character on the bad movie theory. It goes the same
Let's explain this as bad as I thought X-Men and Phantom Menace
(was that an alternate universe for Star Wars or something) I actually
forced myself to watch those two movies in their entirety.
however I could only watch for 30 minutes. I left extremely confused as to
what the hell I was watching.
I have come a long way from the
after-effects of those 30 minutes. The voice inside my head no longer tells
me to gouge out my eyes to stop the suffering of the memory of the Matrix.
I guess I will just have to deal with the permanent insanity, however.
Of course, the Matrix might pull this one out. I suspect their
opponents will watch the Matrix to better learn the techniques of their
opponents. They reaction to this awful waste of video cassette will
probably be foaming at the mouth and slitting their wrist with their own
swords. So, in effect I'm pulling for Tiger-Dragon. But, expecting a
Matrix win by default (thanks to mass suicide by Tiger-Dragon cast from
after-effects of Matrix viewing).
Point: Swords are much nobler weapons than guns.
I mean, you don't
see politicians back then argue back and forth about sword-control 'cause
some kids took a blade to school and started hacking their classmates with
Point: Real life is much more reliable and powerful than
...as shown to me when my computer crashed last
week...repeatedly. (*stupidcomputer*) And even afterwards, it took sooo
long to reset all my preferences 'cause real life kept getting in the
Point: Ancient China is a much better place to be than the
If Crouching Tiger is real, I doubt history and the present
would be any different. On the other hand, I would so not want to live in a
world like the matrix...inside or out.
Point: I'm biased.
and like nobody else is. Crouching Tiger wins because at least it was
something new out of Hollywood...or was it even out of Hollywood...whatever.
Let me see here. Both fighters defy gravity, both can completely screw with
the laws of physics, and both can move faster than the eye can
However, there is still ground for plausible analysis.
me see, the Matrix warriors, with the exception of Neo, have the advantage
of experiance. I mean yes, all of the Crouching Tiger warriors have been in
multiple battles, but the Matrix team have fought the Agents, warrior who
by definition, are far stronger and faster than human limits.
the simple fact is that Matrix fighters are faster and stronger than
ordinary humans do to the fact that their strength is reflective off their
concentration and mental beliefs. In other words, if they know, in their
own minds, that they are stronger and faste than the Crouching Tiger team,
they are. Technically, all they need is some motivaitonal techniques and
they are set to go.
Plus, we all remember the classic scene in which
Neo was able to move faster than speeding bullets, literally. And to top it
off, the fact is that in the end of the Matrix, Neo had figured out how to
be stronger and faster than an Agent with one hand. Such speed and strength
is indicatvie of how easily he will be able to defeat the Crouching
Of course, this whole thing is dependant on who grabs weapons
first. Naturally, the Crouching Tiger team is hopeless against Trinity
carrying an automatic weapon, but give anyone from the Crouching Tiger team
the Jade Destiney(or whatever that one sword was called) and the Matrix
robots are in a lot of trouble, execpt for Neo.
So in conclusion,
the Neo robot is the only person that I expect to come out of this alive.
As for everyone, they will be happy to know that I have already taken care
of the funeral arrangements.
what the HELL!!!!! crouching tiger losing to the matrix?!?!? whats going
on in the world! can neo ( or like who I like to call "duh.")
fly? is he a master of wuden martial arts? does he weild on one of the
greatest weapons ever? NO!!!!!!!! all he has is a retarded trench coat to
make people forget hes a complete moron and loser. the matrix is THE most
OVERREATED movie EVER "oh! he can stand still in the air!" big
deal against a fighter whom can fly, uh is far superior warrior, and killed
jade fox. fore gods sakes! the guard can cream him! and WHAT WILL HE DO?
get bill and that stupid phone booth to bail his ass?
Boy ,this is a tough 1! The Tigers are just gonna deflect all the bullets
the Matrix fellas shoot at them! But in the end I think Matrix will win,
cause they have leather jackets ànd they've got raybans. I think the final
blow will come when the Tigers trip over their robes.
Lets match up the warriors and see who comes out on top.
ass kicked in a kung fu battle against Morpheus and Agent Smith, took the
entire movie to learn to fly. Killed but came back.
Bai:Greatest Chinese Warrior, kicked any ass he fought, could fly and skip
ponds and bamboo trees. Killed by needle
Aside from wearing form fitting pleather, hasn't really defeated anyone
except expendable swat team members.
Shu Lien:Fought Jen to a
standstill using weapons and the Amazon's Multi Jab from Diablo 2 TM.
Deflected hundreds of tiny poison needles shot at her.
Morpheus:Can break out of steel cuffs, captains a ship, knows
kung fu, taught Neo but got captured.
Jen:kicked the collective asses
of a small army of warriors, kicked the asses of some bandits, surpassed
Looks like Crouching Tiger triumphs over
the Matrix in their quest to take out their Rage TM. over gettin screwed at
Team Matrix takes this one with ease. Why, you ask? Simple.
through the fight, or possibly at the very beginning, that little girl is
gonna take Li's sword and go AWOL. Don' t ask why, its just in her
Li's focus will then dramaticly shift as he chases her around
the ring in a true samurai-bunny-hop-of-doom fashion, uttering all kinds of
unspeakable curses that, fortunately, the kiddies in the audience won't be
able to understand, since they are in Chinese. Team Matrix takes this
opportunity, being the tight knit group they are, to gang up in Li's
girlfriend and pound her into the asphault.
Naturally, when Li
finally catches the theif, she will be less than willing to return his
sword. The fight will be short and brutal, as Li takes out his aggression
from having to die before he could get any nookie in the movie on the
unfortunate Yu. She will be utterly destroyed. Mothers will avert their
childrens' eyes from the carnage. Dogs will whimper. Grown men will
This leaves Li Mu Bai to go solo against team Matrix. Neo will
approach him calmly, and hold up a spoon. This is the beginning of the end
for poor Li. Perplexed by the infamous "There is no spoon"
routine, he will stand, dazed, while Morpheus sneaks up behind him and
brains him with a shovel.
The End. And Morpheus has dibs on the sword.
Yes! This is the fight I've been waiting for! I'm not sure, but I think I
actually posted this fight-suggestion to WWWF a while ago (of course, I
would have posted it to you guys if I only knew how).
So, let's break
this down, but first we'll have a comment from an expert in the field. Mr
Miyagi, what we have here are six of the most dangerous, non-Anime martial
artist ever to exist. What do you say?
Mr M: "Mr Miyagi say
Darth Maul-san spanks all of them."
Eh, okay. Anyway, here's my
take on this.
First of all, Neo cannot use his Chosen One powers in
this fight, which is good. Should he somehow manage to reprogram the
Bio-droid, giving it Hulk-level strength, Li Mu Bai should at least be
allowed to use his Green Destiny sword, aka the
I'm-A-Metal-Sword-But-Can-Do-Anything-A-Lightsaber-Can sword. One thing to
keep in mind is that Team Matrix can jump way higher and longer, but Team
Tiger can actually fly, or at least float in the air.
are dropped onto the arena. Weapons are scattered everywhere. Jen decides
to ignore them and goes in for some hand-to-hand with Neo. She's trying to
make Lo jealous, you see ;) Now, Jen is good (you have to be to beat up an
entire hotel full of angry Chinese dudes) but Neo has an advantage in size,
strength, and in some cases speed (when fighting normally, Jen is faster
then Neo, but when the dude starts to focus we are talking
out-of-this-world speed!). Thus he begins to teach Jen exactly how good you
can get by having all the world's martial arts downloaded into you
Yu Shu Lien and Trinity also starts to fight. Trinity is
obviously the worst fighter in Team Matrix, and Shu Lien is vastly
superior. She picks up a darn dao-sword, almost identical to her own.
Trinity realises that she needs to keep away from this opponent, and picks
up a naginata, giving her the longer reach. Shu Lien decides to even it out
by using her special Wudan technique to split her darn dao into TWO darn
daos. Then they start fighting.
Li Mu Bai approaches Morpheus. Have
anyone besides me noticed how similar these two are? I mean, Morpheus is
black and Li Mu Bai is Chinese, but otherwise there aren't that many
differences. Anyway, Li Mu Bai picks up a standard Chinese sword while
Morpheus arms himself with the scimitar belonging to Ardeth Bay from The
Mummy-movies. They start exchanging blows.
Back to Yu Shu Lien and
Trinity. Shu Lien grows tired of playing around and cuts Trinity's naginata
into firewood. Trinity wheels away from Shu Lien, picks up one of Rafael's
sais and throws it at her. Shu Lien catches the sai with ease, throwing it
back again. The sai hits Trinity straight in the chest and she is out of
When Neo notices that his loved one is hurt he stops
humiliating Jen and head-buts her hard, whereafter he breaks both her legs.
She too is now out. Neo grabs Duncan McLeod's katana with the intent of
teaching Yu Shu Lien a lesson.
Meanwhile, Li Mu Bai manages to use
his Vulcan Nerve Pinch (tm) to paralyse Morpheus. He then simply tips
Morpheus over and breaks his back with his feet while screaming in a
high-pitched voice and doing funny faces, just like Bruce Lee. He turns
around to help his girlfriend out. He is too late, however. Shu Lien just
had the blade of McLeod run through her stomach. As the medics carry her
away, Li Mu Bai looks onto Neo with the Rage(tm) burning in his eyes. He
reaches inside that pyjama of his and rips out the Green Destiny, which he
somehow managed to smuggle into the fight when the judge weren't looking.
Neo realises that he has to do something, and picks up Xena's
chackram, which he hurls at Li Mu Bai. The Chinese warrior merely catches
it in his left hand and throws it to the ground. Neo tries once more, this
time with that S-shapes twirly thing Blade used to decapitate vampires. Li
Mu Bai cuts it in two pieces with his word. He reaches Neo and chops the
katana's blade off with one blow. Neo falls back and grabs the first, best
weapon he can get his hands on. It just happens to be the Excalibur!
And now these blades, two of the most powerful you can get your
hands on, meet in the air! There is a flash of light as bright as the sun,
and thunder rings throughout the arena! And when the light fades away…
Little Bee Fly writes:
The matrix has got to win. I mean, its big and sparkly and is assosciated
with the Transformers, so as soon as its in danger, a whole ass load of
autobots will come crashing down on those crouching tiger pansies
Gosh darn overrated movie, and I am referring to the Matrix.
besides, Chow-Yun-Fat is infinitely sexier than Neo is. =D
M.O.B.(-Man Of Battle-) writes:
This whole battle seems to dictate the two classic conflicts of Magic vs
Science or Sorcery vs Technology. If that is the case then it will be
impossible to say who could win because, like two magnets will the same
power north and north they repel. Magic and Science is just like that.They
both use the same power and that is energy. I say that this match should
end in a tie.