Brave Heart vs. Maximus
William Wallace: The Brave Heart. Instrumental in liberating Scotland from the
tyranny of England. Driven by the rage of having his beloved murdered by English hands,
simple revenge turns into a quest to free his entire people from the English. His brutal
methods and single-minded fury give hope to an entire nation which rallies behind him. Before
his inevitable capture and execution he cuts a bloody swath across Britan and, in the end,
succeeds in his quest to free Scotland.
Maximus: The Gladiator. Instrumental in liberating Rome from the
tyranny of a mad emperor... A mad emperor which murdered his family, usurped
the throne and left him for dead. Driven for vengance, his preserverance and
combat abilities leave a trail of dead warriors behind as he comes ever closer
to realizing his goal. Before his end, Maximus exacts revenge for all wrongs and
gives Rome new hope for the future.
Two great warriors go head to head for your amusement, today, in the fabled Arena of Khazan.
Only one will be left standing at contest's end. Who walks away? As always... you be the judge.
Join us now in a battle we had to call....
No Guts, No Glory!
THE SPORTS BOX
Callisto: Hello and Welcome to another great match here in the Arena of Khazan! We are LIVE, here in the Sports Box waiting for this contest to begin! Hello, my name is Callisto, and joining me from down in the Arena pit, it's Clown Girl.
Quinn: Thanks Callisto. Hi everyone, I'm Clown Girl... Hey, waitaminute! I'm Harley Quinn. Our fighters are just steppin' out onna hot sand of the Arena. Wallace looks fierce carryin' that huge Claymore sword. Maximus looks very professional with his armor and Gladius. The crowd is going nuts!
Callisto: Well, don't just stand around. Get out there and get some sound bites!
Quinn: Right! First I'm gonna talk ta' Mr. Brave Heart, here. How ya' doin' Mr. Brave Heart?
William Wallace: FREEEEEEDOOOOOM!
Quinn: Ouchies! Ooookay, you wanna tell the folks at home somethin', Mr. Brave Heart? ... Hey, wait. What are you doing?!
Callisto: Oh, no! Can he get away with that?
Quinn: Yes, you saw it right here, folks! Mr. Brave Heart just lifted his skirt and is mooning the entire stadium!
Callisto: Further, one butt cheek is painted entirely in blue. What a charmer.
William Wallace: FREEEEEEDOOOOOM!
Quinn: Okay, okay. Down boy. Lemme go talk to the Roman. Hey, Mr. Maximus, how ya' doin'?
Maximus: Are you not entertained? Are You Not Entertained!?!
Quinn: Geeze, what is it with these guys? So, Mr. Maximus... why did your parents name you Maximus, anyways?
Callisto: Oh, god. Now he's lifting up his skirt, too.
Quinn: Oh, my... Can we get a close-up on that?
Maximus: ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED!?!
Callisto: Yuck. Well, let's see what the people at home thought. Cut to letters...
Sir Christopher writes:
Classic history: gladius defeats claymore. It's how the Romans first drove back the Gaelic hordes and established what would eventually become the greatest empire in human history. There's going to be two swings in this fight: Braveheart swinging and getting his sword stuck in the arena floor, and Maximus swinging and getting his sword stuck in the Scot's chest. It'll be a real swingin' kinda fight.
Welcome back Maximus to the Max Maximus is; A Trained Roman General at the peak of the empire the only thing those guys lose to are a small villiage in france (gaul) Played by a New Zealander, this is a species that ties rubberbands around their legs and jumps off bridges for fun Frightened GERMANS! William is; A Farmer with thoughts of revenge Played by an Australian, Tough but after letting season two of survivor to be filmed there they lose a lot of credibility. Frightened English Aristocracy, the same people who get put in jane austin novels to mope around whining.
I voted for Maximus, the first reason is my feeling for the film Braveheart:
*****Warning Anti-Braveheart rant ahead**** Secondly because Maximimus, is a highly trained roman legionary, skilled leader of men, an well versed in the art of kicking the arse of any screaming painted barbarian who stands in his way.
Speaking as an Englishman, Braveheart was abomination of a film that rewrote history to an unbelievable degree, and was so full of pointless and gratuitous anti-English sentiment, that any Englishmen associated with its making should locked up for treason William Wallace, died a well deserved death for treason, with a final cry of "you can take my life but never take my freedom!" which is kind of dumb since he'd spent the preceding weeks/months in a dungeon thus proving that you could indeed take both. It is not the portrayal of the British as viscose imperialists I mind since this is largely true (in the historical context). but: A the level of incompetent camp villainous behaviour ascribed to the English and :B the one dimensional portrayal of Wallace as a noble hero/good guy/son of the highlands, rather than as a viscose and bloody highland warrior and politician who spent most of his life in exile in France. ****rant over******
Boba Foot writes:
Dunno about you guys, but when I see two people in skirts fighting each other, I'd rather they be female.
Several things to remember in this fight:
a) Formal & scientific combat training, whether it be with unarmed martial arts or weapons, did not exist in medieval Scotland. It *did*, however, exist in the Roman Empire. In a battle between the naturally talented brawler and the natural talent who also went to professional fighting school(s), who loses?
b) William Wallace, although notable in personal combat, had his main talents as a rabble-rouser and leader. Maximus, OTOH, was a champion in *two* fields -- leading men in battle (when he was a general) *and* solo combat a la deathmatch (he was a Roman gladiator!)
c) Maximus beat the reigning grand champion of the Roman gladiatorial games in the Colosseum, despite the fact that his opponent was a highly experienced and trained man with the advantages of both size and reach. Maximus beat the World Champ of his day and age. And that was with the additional handicap of the fight promoters trying to cheat with the tigers.
d) And when it comes to sheer sticktoitiveness -- Wallace is no slouch, but I give this to the guy who can still win deathmatches despite having lethal internal bleeding of the lung the whole time, having no armor vs. the other guy's full armor, *and* losing their sword. Anybody who's already a walking unarmed corpse who can still take his enemy's weapon and feed it to him is obviously a Stone Badass.
Reasons why Maximus shouldn't win this battle (or why William Wallace is a badass):
1) Maximus didn't exist!!! This is like Alexander the Great vs Skeletor.
2) Mel Gibson can film a GREAT fight scene without having the camera man jump around. The reason Maximus' fight scenes were so shaky was because Russel Crowe isn't a good action star.
3) Wallace didn't need a CG tiger to make him look good.
4) Maximus seemed more depressed and pouty that his wife died. Wallace seemed ready to take on the English, French, Russians, and anyone else who got in the way. So, c'mon, be smart. Vote Wallace.
Borneo Jimmy writes:
I don't believe it -- I check the old CBUB site in a fit of nostalgia, and whoomp, there it is, alive, alive-o...Thanks so much for bringing it back. So what are we faced with here? Two action chick-flick heroes played by Aussie heartthrobs. The two most successful implementations to date of what would have to be called "the Braveheart formula..." How to choose between nearly identical characters? Simple: one ex-girlfriend successfully dragged me to see "Braveheart," whereas a more recent one completely failed to get me to see "Gladiator." I defeated Maximus, but Braveheart defeated me; therefore, Braveheart defeats Maximus. Quod erat demonstrandum.
This was crasy hard. Maximus specializes in fighting barbarians just like Wallace, but Wallace specializes in fighting military trained soldiers like Maximus. I really had no clue which way to call it. in the end, it came down to this: which movie I like better. and as good as Gladiator is, Braveheart is one of my favorite movies of all time. Sorry, russel :(
Thanks to everone who wrote in to say welcome back to the CBUB.
Callisto: And, this fight is underway!
Quinn: The two skirted, sword-wielding warriors wave their weapons as this waltz begins.
Callisto: So, you stay up at night coming up with those lines?
Quinn: Nah, it's all natural.
Callisto: Battle is joined as the warrior's steel clashes together! Maximus parries Brave Heart's initial attack!
Quinn: So, you're a sword fighter, Cally. What kind'a strategy might we be seeing out there, today?
Callisto: Well, Quinn - you've got two different weapons out there which require different fighting styles. Maximus carries the Gladius, which is a short sword primarily used for thrusting attacks. His strategy will be to get inside the reach of Brave Heart's longer weapon. Brave Heart carries a Claymore, which is a heavy, two-handed weapon made for overhanded swipes. His strategy will be to keep Maximus at a distance and cut with heavy swings...
Quinn: You mean, like that?
Quinn: The crowd goes wild as a heavy blow from Brave Heart cleaves straight through Maximus' shield and bites into his shield arm!
Callisto: Blood sprays from Maximus' wounded arm - but he takes advantage of the situation!
Quinn: Maximus lunges forward, trying to get in a death stab before Wallace can recover...
Callisto: But, no! Wallace side-steps it! And maintaines full control of his Claymore...
Quinn: Maximus... wounded and overextended...
Callisto: Brave Heart lands a solid second blow!
Quinn: Ack! That Claymore cleaves straight down into the side of Maxies neck, busts through the collar bone and comes to a halt.
Callisto: He ain't coming back from that one.
Quinn: Nope. Medics are rushing on the field.
William Wallace: Best picture, eh? How you won I dinna ken! *Ptoi!* That's for Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon! They should have the Oscar! But Nooooo, we had to reward Ridley Scott, didn't we? Maximus, my bum! Och! I've not seen such a spectacle since "Unforgiven" got the Acadamy! FREEEEDOOOOM!
THE FINAL VOTE
Brave Heart: 588
THE WRAP UP
Quinn: Well, at least Wallace knows what he's fighting for.
Callisto: Yes, always important to have goals. Join us next CBUB Edition for somemore major mayhem. Bye, now.
[The Comic Book Universe Battles]
"Callisto" is the property of Renaissance Pictures, MCA TV.
"Harley Quinn" is the property of DC comics.
Brave Heart (TM) is the property (c) of (I don't really know. Scotland, maybe?)
Maximus (TM) is the property (c) of (I don't really know... Ridley Scott, maybe?)
This webpage makes no claims and attempts no infringement... this is just for fun.