NAIL IN THE COFFIN
VAMPIRE HUNTER D
This evening, the steel gates of the Arena of Khazan rise to reveal three amazing contestants...
Blade: An aberrant vampire, strange circumstances as an unborn infant left this hi-tech hunter of the undead with much of a Vamps abilities, and few of the weaknesses.
Buffy: The power to smash Vamps is her right of birth. As the protector of humanity, she uses her abilities to destroy the creatures of the night wherever they be found.
Vampire Hunter D: Half-Vampire, Half-Human, this mystic warrior is thought to be the offspring of the most powerful of Vamps, and as he brings their downfall, he must also guard against a darker nature.
By the light of the moon, these three face off in a combat exhibition bound to delight and dazzle. Who will walk away the mightiest vampire hunter? Don't bother with Pay-Per-View... get your tickets now and see it live.
THE SPORTS BOX
PAT: LIVE from the Interdimensionally Famous Arena of Khazan, we have an
Amazing match for you today. Hello and Welcome! I'm Pat Summers.
JAY: And I'm Jay Peoples. This evening we have a three way contest to determine who's the top vampire hunter
of all time! Buffy, Blade or Vampire Hunter D.
PAT: That's right Jay. There's not an empty seat in the stadium here tonight! By the
way, Jay, is "basic black" suddenly the height of fashion or what? Most the audience is dressed in nothing but black.
JAY: Got me. seems something unusual about tonight’s crowd.... Ha! Maybe they all know something that we don't!
PAT: Well, one thing we all know: this is sure to be one hell of a show
here tonight. The exhibition will consist of swordplay, acrobatics and amazing feats of physical powers. In the end, though, we know this is all
for charity, and the proceeds for tonight’s event will be donated to worthy organizations. That's nice of the vampire hunters to put on this show.
JAY: It's very admirable. Still, there will be some serious bragging rights for the hunter who comes out the winner tonight. Wait! I see our three contestants coming out...
Hmmmm. Our audience is very reserved tonight. Not a single cheer or round of applause from anyone...
PAT: Yeah, sheesh! How rude! O.K, let's get a look at what the viewers at
home are saying...
Favorite letter of the Week
First I want to say thank you for I've been waiting on this for a long time but anyway here's my take. Buffy sadly, would probably be the first to go down because while D and Blade have vampiric strengths, they have no weaknesses so it's best she trade in that stake. Now Blade vs. D is the main event because this one will definitely rock the house. I have to go with D because while the powers and weapons even up, silver and garlic won't hurt D.I should also mention that D has experiences outside vampires such as mutants and demons which makes him a versatile warrior. Let the blood flow. And Thank you, Ped, for dropping by and contributing to this page for so long. We really do appreciate it.
Ghost of Roy Fokker writes:
This fight has to come down to a qualifications test.
Question 1. Overcoming death (blade has, Buffy has, D has not disqualified)
Question 2. weapon experience (both blade and Buffy blade has expertise)
Question 3. logistical support (as of now Buffy has a considerable lead on that also blade has lost only support engineer)
So the winner has to be Buffy she has experience, support, and the skills. Now my prediction will be that blade will slice and dice vampire D because he looks like hand man in the movie. next the two competitors will go at it in a lengthy battle but jills will give Buffy the special platinum stake that kills blade like normal silver kills the usual vamps. Victor Buffy hopefully wearing a see through!
Vampire Hunter D's Hand writes:
You fools! All of you, FOOLS! How do you think D ever survived this long? It's cause of me!
Thanks to my intuition, and great deadpan 1-liners, my man D has whipped up on the baddest of the baddest! I mean, I even got sliced off for him, and I still came back to him. Despite his refusal to acknowledge what he is at times (a royal pain in the behind, I assure you), the man can open the can of whoop-ass when he needs it. (Witness my great saving of his tail from the Mist Monster).
Also, the man is featured in 14 novels in Japan. That's right. 14 NOVELS, and they were there first. What do Blade and Buffy have? 1 movie and 1 novelisation apiece, and a watered-down TV series for Buffy. I -- we -- don't need that pansy crap. Doris could take Buffy. Hell, her LITTLE BROTHER Dan could take Buffy.
Besides, Ruganci is probably waiting somewhere to kick their asses...
Umm...Pat...Jay... are these contestants fighting each other or is it a vampire slaughter fest to see who can return the most undead to their hollow graves. Personally, I can't see these people fighting each other and being life and death serious about it. Now if we're talking a contest of skills a la The Tick vs. Hercules then that's a different matter.
OK... I'm assuming its a test of skills like a sparring match. So then its safe to say that there isn't any actual slaying involved. The lack of slaying eliminates Buffy. You may be the best at what you do, but if your not actually doing it then it don't very well matter, does it??? Let's knock down Buffy some more (it's fun ^_^...I know some rabid Buffy fans). VH D and Blade aren't full Vampires, their hybrids and on the side of good. Buffy's powers versus evil are nil against them. Lastly, thanks to Angel its a fact that Buffy won't kill all Vampires, she'll in turn be staked herself ^_-.
So Buffy's powers won't work IMO. YOU HEAR THAT YOU BUFFY FREAKS!!! THEY AREN'T EVIL NOR ARE THEY TRUE VAMPIRES!!!! That leaves VH D and Blade. Blade may have firepower, but D has ANIME (Yes, I'm otaku). Anime is the ultimate kickass creative force and D is a classic of that art.
Blade loses vs. D. Why because once D's little friend in hand (yes, D has little supernatural dude living in his hand) once he sucks down all those bullets and stakes that Blade is shooting, D gets the jump in the sword fight. D kicks ass with a sword. Wesley (what kind of a name is Wesley for action star anyways. It reminds me of Wesley Crusher who deserves death too!) Not only the fact that Blade is played by a guy named Wesley will contribute to his defeat, but D is in essence the son of Cain (for all you Storyteller freaks). D has such skill, stamina, power, and Anime-hero greatness, that his defeat is impossible by an actor named WESLEY.
So in the end Buffy is in Sunnydale killing vampires and Blade is kneeling before D with D's sword pointed at his heart.
And the winner is....Vampire Hunter D. Why you ask? Well it call comes down to power, and D has LOTS of it. Not only does he have the power of an immortal, the soul of a human and the heart of the hero, but he has all those wacky manga abilities that we Americans just don't think of. When he is down for the count(pardon the pun) his very hand can come to life and save him. He beat up not only vampires, but mutants, ghouls and all kinds of hellish creations. Also, he is related to DRACULA himself. Now Blade was a stud I'll give him that. C'mon though, how tough could a guy who played a drag queen be? I should know, I am one, and you don't see me hunting vampires. I think Blade was a better movie, but D has the power. Now, Buffy, girlfriend, sweetheart....not to put you down or anything, but those outfits you wear are so last century. Get some new threads and I MIGHT vote for you next time. Of course if they keep putting you up against REAL monsters and REAL vampire! hunters I don't see that happening, but you never know. When does Professor Van Helsing get to join the fisticuffs?
Sailor Xena writes:
Man! talk about your tough decisions! First of all there all pretty equal when it comes to killing vamps, they all have the number of vampire corpses on their score card and all have sidekicks. But I'll have to eliminate Buffy off the bat; Blade and D are half vampire, this is an advantage she doesn't have(and no having a sexy bod will not compensate).
I see Blade and D will be pilling up the corpses left and right; but, although Wesly is cool, Anime is cooler. At the last minute of darkness left to him D will perform the "Super Samurai Vampier Slashing Kick Ass" power combo( it's an Anime thing) and kill all the rest of the blood suckers before Mr. Snipes can think of a snappy come back line.
I am shocked to see Buffy leading the way. That overrated little prat has a chance at taking out Blade and D as one legged man winning an asskicking contest. The reason so is because both D and Blade are not vampires which makes the use of stakes, garlic and holy water absolutely useless while both D and Blade have powers of strength, speed and regeneration while Buffy might be fast but she's still a human. Now the fight gets real interesting between Blade and D.I have to go with D because he can take the Silver Bullets, UV light and Garlic and keep moving. I do expect a good sword fight between the D.D is straightforward with little weaknesses and goes out and kick ass.
BL00D ANGEL writes:
It's GOTTA be BLADE all the way dammit!. He has a whole armory of weapons to choose from, and have you seen his sword? And his gun? He could take out that stupid Vampire Hunter D w. his Anti-Vampire Solution. After all, VHD is half Vampire right? he's got vampire blood. which will explode his ass when the liquid makes contact! And as for that Blonde Bitch, Buffy, she's just a damn gifted HUMAN. Who has She got to back her up? Some friends and a damn bookie! She ain't got the reflexes to outrun Blade or VHD. And her experience is only against phony Vampires. This fight HAS to end with BLADE STANDING LAST
Gryphon Mage writes:
Buffy is obviously gonna kick butt. She's whipped a huge variety of demons, monsters and vamps. And she took on the Master, Spike, and Dru, not to mention Cordy, with no better weapon than stakes and fists. Blade and D may have fancy weapons, but their vamp blood is against them Further, give Buffy the anti-tank weapon she took out the judge with and the whole place is going down. The boys can kiss there sorry behinds good-bye, Buffy's had to kill the love of her life so I doubt she'll hesitate to take them out.GM
Ares Wannabe writes:
Buffy all the way. I mean, look at her! And then there's her opponents. One's a freakin' cartoon!! And I mean.... BLADE? Is that really his name? I feel his pain. First of all, Buffster's gotta win cause not only is it her job, she's the one that looks the best doing it. Blade will probably be arrested by the fashion police before he gets to enter the ring. In the words of the almighty Aphrodite "That whole basic black thing is SOO five minutes ago."
I say ten seconds into the fight Blade figures out his high tech mumbo jumbo don't work on the cartoon guy, and he's the first to go. All Buffy needs to do now is pull out an eraser and the Anime is history.
I am shocked to see Buffy leading the votes, some of you need to get a girlfriend. Using SupersSoakers loaded with holy water and garlic will have much of an affect on D and Blade as a fork does with soup. Buffy might be ordained hunter but remember she is human with normal abilities even though she is very athletic but still a human. However D and Blade not only immune to normal vampire weaknesses but also have powers of them such as strength, speed and regeneration which poor little Buffy doesn’t have. Now for Blade and D this should be a good one but D comes out on top. Blade has more experience with Vampires but D has experiences with not only vampires but demons, mutants and werewolves. Blade's silver bullets might slow D down but he'll keep coming and pretty much give Blade a run for the money. Yeah Buffy is a hot babe but what can she do against something that has all the vamps powers and 0 of it's weaknesses.
Blade: Part-human, part-vampire, Blade is still a relative newcomer to the vampire slaying scene. He has enough power to fight a vampire on its own terms, an arsenal of gadgets specifically designed for vampire slaying, and has trained himself for the task. Still, he's a relative newcomer, and has only limited practical experience.
Buffy: The latest incarnation in a long line of vampire slayers. She has superhuman strength and agility which allow her to fight a vampire on equal terms. To paraphrase her mentor, however, "one vampire is easy enough to kill, twenty is an entirely different matter." All previous incarnations of the slayer line were eventually slain themselves by vampires. It's only a matter of time until she bites off more than she can swallow.
Vampire Hunter D: Part-vampire, part-human, rumored to be the child of the archetype of all vampires, D's power exceeds Blade's by a longshot, and he has an arsenal of magical artifacts specifically suited to slaying vampires. He is also experienced in dealing with the armies of werewolves, demons, mutants, and lesser vampires which surround vampire lords as defenses and servants. He has been slaying vampires for CENTURIES, in a SINGLE INCARNATION. His magical powers have been sufficient to overcome even ancient vampire lords in battles of will.
D may not have a massive advantage in physical prowess, but has demonstrated an ability to counter vampiric mental powers which his rivals cannot match.
First off Buffy should be dead with in the first two seconds. Blade and V.H.D. are in another class of speed and strength. They have much better weapons Buffy while being very cute is not going to live long with these two. We are talking titanium swords and a son of Dracula here.
One thing that too many commentators on this matchup forget is that D has any single contestant outnumbered because of the nasty but extremely powerful symbiotic creature in his left palm. D's right hand can go steel-on-steel with Blade while his left hand can take Buffy out with a mere touch! This dhampire is tougher than a cockroach to kill. If he doesn't win, we'll know it's because someone slipped him a garlicseltzer.
Okay, the Blade/D battle will be one for the ages, but Buffy? I don't have anything against her, but she's only been a Slayer for about two years. For Blade and D, its a way of life. I think Blade has the slight advantage over D for one reason; he will take down anyone who stands in the way of his mission. But then again, D has his cool demeanor, and lord knows how much experience HE has. He's Dracula's son, after all. Unfortunately, they couldn't go into much backstory in the movie, but it is possible he took Drac down himself. Hmmmmm. Like I said, one for the ages.
Vampire Hunter D, hands down. Not only is he unbelievably fast and strong, but he can heal his own wounds in seconds and come back from the dead. Not to mention, he has the obligatory Big Ass Sword. Blade just can't measure up, and however skilled, Buffy would lose to both of them.
I have to say D will win this fight hands down. The true match of skills will be between D and Blade. Buffy...well, she can fight vampires, but Blade and D are both half-breeds. Buffy has never had experience with them and may not even get over the shock of seeing them both able to walk in Sunlight.
OK, let's compare the stats of Blade and D. Blade is a half breed who fears his Vampire side and refuses to take blood. He suppresses his Vampiric tendencies as much as possible (i.e. - the concentrated blood serums). Blade's Vampiric "father" was nothing more than a converted human...he was not even of true blood. D is the son of Count Dracula...the almighty of the Vampires. D is also not afraid to show his fangs when needed and is immune to most of Blade's tactics (Silver bullets, titanium sword, etc...). D's sword...well, it just slices ANYTHING in half.
And poor little Buffy...D has a sword as long as he is tall...Buffy has a stake. Do the math people...
D wins hands down.
I just do not think this is going to take all that long. Blade and V. H. D are just going to kick the absolute S#$% out of that sorry excuse for a vally girl. why she is even thinking of taking on V .H. D is beyond me. Oh blade is going to get his but kicked to but not quite as bad. he at least has enough killer instinct to kill of the bad acting in the movie with as much pointless special effects as possible. lets face it Anime characters are reknown for going so far in to the absurdly super powerful that no matter what these two do D will always have some spectacularly complicated ability that will over come it. putting D in this is like bringing an uzi to a fist fight.
Joshua the Demon Slayer writes:
Vampire Hunter D is Dracula's son. His mother was a human. Buffy beat Dracula down in CBUB #9. Don't tell me she can't beat down Dracula's son who's not even a pure blood vampire. Now Blade is a different matter. I suspect though that he will see that of the two opponents he has, one is a vampire who is the son of Dracula and the other is a teenage girl. Who do you think he's going after. Vampire hunter D. Of course while he's fighting D Buffy will use this time to get herself ready to kick some sorry Blade a**. Game, set, match.
First let me say that Buffy should win this poll, for the simple reason that she is the most popular of the three. (And we all know that popularity has a huge impact on who wins these things).
As much as I love the Sunnydale Slayer, she is quite simply outclassed by her other opponents. As far as strength, speed, and skill let us assume that they are all reasonably close. They all have the physical attributes of a vampire. But that is where the similarities end.
Blade has an edge over the other two in terms of weaponry. He has a variety of close range (swords, blades) and long range (shot gun, semi-automatics, bladed boomerang) weapons that give him great versatility on combat. That is what allows him to fight off 20-30 vamps at a time while someone like Buffy has difficulty with 3-4. Plus, he seems to wear some sort of Body armor, which gives him an added edge.
Vampire Hunter D seems to have the edge in raw power. Towards the end of his movie he demonstrated certain magical and telekinetic powers, that in my opinion would give him the advantage and the win in this contest. That should allow him to counter any offense Buffy or Blade throw at him. They, however would be hard pressed to counter him. Additionally, he seems to be able to take more damage than the other two (he is an Anime character after all). He took blows that would have severely crippled for life if not killed the other two.
Provided Vampire Hunter D fought intelligently, using his various other powers to wear down his opponents instead of meeting them head on with pure skill, he should have an easy time taking Blade and Buffy out.
Still, Buffy will win here. She's the most popular and that's what counts.
Blade may be a Daywalker, and Buffy may be the Slayer, but D is a true blue Vampiere. He's what Blade wishes he was: all the powers of the undead, none of their weaknesses. And he has a talking left hand, to boot! Ever see Vampire Hunter D? His main weapon isn't silver, or garlic. It's a big honkin' sword! Garlic can only kill the undead. A five foot long katana can kill whatever the hell it wants. First, he'll kill Buffy, just out of sheer annoyance. Then Blade, and then whatever else pops up from the ground.
It's all Vampire Hunter D, no contest. Who could know how to fight vampires better than a guy who's half vampire himself? Plus, Buffy can't slay him since he doesn't die like a vampire (there's a scene in the movie where he gets a stake through his heart & he's okay a few minutes later. If he survived a dubbed release by Streamline Pictures & a translation by Carl Macek, there's nothing he can't handle!
Buffy wins this one hands down. I mean' the others are vampires right? It is her destiny to kill vampire. Not to mention demons, Hellmouths robots, fish-men, and whatever else decides to cross her path. Blade is just a Wolverine clone with fangs. He will be the first one out. VHD is cool, but, if I'm not mistaken, he was almost killed by a creature made out of mist! Oooh, scary! It could be beaten by a fan! The only thing that saved him was his talking hand, and it had to eat dirt first! That one left me a little confused. Heck, the whole movie was confusing! At least Buffy sometimes makes sense. Buffy all the way.
Well this fight should be Hell on Earth. I bet all the forces of darkness will be in the stands.
Well, I'd say Blade's days are numbered.. zero. Both Buffy and D will see him as the major threat. They will team up against him. Once D kicks the sword out of Blades hand, Buffy will use it to behead him. Now the real fun begins.
Now that these two are standing blade to blade, over what's left of Blade }8-}, Buffy will start to become attracted to D. Let's face it, this is her type of guy. But then she'll hear the words that will set her off, "I don't date."
The fight will be fast and furious. Both are skilled sword fighters. I see Buffy stabbing D, but it wouldn't slow him down much. Eventually she should knock the sword from his hand and slice his neck, but the head stays on. He'd remove his glove as he turns around, and place his hand in the dirt. Buffy would pauses as she hears a chomping sound. D would lunge at her with the bare hand. She should pull back to strike but be frozen in shock when she sees the face on his hand. She'll try to swat it away, but he'll grab her arm, and the touch would knock her out cold.
Now D can kill her, but wait a minute. Last time Buffy was here she kicked Dracula's butt. Is this the same Drac as his father? Yeah, why not. For this he will spare her life and awaken her. The forces of darkness in the crowd would not like this, and they would start boo-ing. Big mistake. Buffy and D would then notice the evil in the crowd and start killing demon left and right.
Or at least that's how I see it.
ricci the four year old at kmart writes:
Buffy kicks butt! for a number of reasons
- she’s a chick (chicks always win!)
- she’s a hot chick (hot chicks always win)
- she’s got a good movie (good movies always win)
- she’s got an even better t.v. show (and I think you know what I’m gonna say next: good t.v. shows always win)
Lady Alhana Brightblade writes:
This is a really hard choice!!!!!!!!!!! Do I go with Vampire Hunter D who belongs to the best form of animation ever (Anime, of course), Blade and his high tech vampire crushing toys, or Buffy whose destiny is to defeat those unholy armies of undead? I'll have to go with Buffy cause noway do those other guys have a chance against destiny. There are three things people should always do: 1) keep your nose clean, 2) never test Karma because it'll come back to kick you in the butt, and 3) never ever EVER deny destiny.
Buffy? BUFFY? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Some stupid blonde slut versus the two most powerful mortal creatures in the supernatural world? She's a weakling and both would probably defile her before doing away with her on nothing more than principle. Anyway, after Buffy is harshly dealt with and slain, Mr. D and Blade would go at it for probably hours on end. But I'm afraid Blade takes this one in the end. Sure, Mr. D is also a half-vampire, but he's just not got the coolness factor of the contemporary Blade. Mr. D would be lost in a world like today's, where the vampires seclude themselves rather than being boisterous about their activities like they are in D's reality. Blade is an investigator, detective, ass-kicker, and martial arts genius. Mr. D is none of these things. Plus, Blade is portrayed by a real person (in movie format, at least)and D is a cartoon. Ah, and wasn't blade originally one of the hunters and killers of Dracula in marvel comics? And who was Mr. D's father? Dracula? Well then, I guess that settles that.
Beta Caped Crusader writes:
Vampire Hunter D all the way... Let us not forget, that while Buffy, sweeeeeet and innocent dangerous as she is, she would not be able to match the power of D.
What has Buffy got, Willow, some guy who's got a bad case of puppy love and the school librarian!! I have to say that while Buffy could be smart enough to let Blade and D do most of the damage while trying to defend little ol' innocent her, she doesn't have the smarts for that, and she's a slayer.... it's in her nature to *try* to kick ass from the beginning... she fights strength, where she is hopelessly outmatched, when she probably ought to fight strategy, where she is again outmatched. Sure, we could count Angel, but let's be truthful, Angel and D probably would not touch one another.
D goes after the Vampires, and that's it. He lets everyone else think what they want, and keeps to himself. Hell, He should get points for Dark Mystique alone!!!
D has the experience, the physical prowess, and powers beyond those of normal vampiels.
D and Blade are the strong competition, and it might have been a Draw if not for D's hand and his lineage. Blade might be able to claim the strengths of a vampire and none of the weaknesses, but D is Dracula's son for Pete's Sake!! With that kind of power behind him, Blade is practically a poor knock-off of D.
Another thing to think about under the training department is that Blade's been doing shit for years in the city, but really that cannot compare to D's universe. As messed up and dangerous as Ravenloft, only the Strongest Survive there. 'Nuf Said.
Green Lantern writes:
Why the HELL is Buffy in the lead?! See, this is another case of "popularity votes." People are voting for Buffy, and most likely, they're very unfamiliar with Blade or D. First off all--Buffy's HUMAN. Second--D's been hunting for hundreds of years--his experience outlasts even Blade's. D should take this contest by storm. Want more proof of the "popularity vote" problem? Look at the JLA vs. X-Men contest held a while back. The X-Men victorious?! Come ON. As much as I love the X-Men, the JLA would tear them apart. They've got Superman, fer cryin' out loud. He'd take out half the X-Men himself! But enough digression. D comes out on top, hands down.
I agree with Pat. Although blade has one of the coolest swords I've seen since Highlander and Hunter is a form of one I say it's gotta be the chosen. She's already died once and came back fighting, she's killed the Master, Angel(us), The Judge, several different demons, and a movie and two seasons worth of vamps! Besides, who here looks better in black, our blonde cheerleader like heroine that everyone wants to shag or two half vamps?!
I'd say Buffy would spank 'em like a 4 year olds at K-mart but since they don't enough emotions to enjoy it as much as us guys ages 13-30 I guess she'll have to hit em from a far with her crossbow :-)
Neofelis nebulosa writes:
Please. This one is no contest. Blade and the Hunter are vampire halfbreeds. Angel was a vampire halfbreed. Buffy made shishkebab out of Angel. Furthermore, this is her destiny- given birthright, whereas they're just two guys that probably couldn't find another line of work, given that they'd never pass the physical. Buffy will make a few witty quips, then have a stake party. She won't even break a nail on this one.
This battle goes to Blade. Have you seen the movie, that must hold the record for dead bodies in an opening sequence! He's better than a black Jackie Chan. Maybe not, but still he kicked necroplasmic ass. Buffy's hot and all but, does she have the bitch master of all katanas? As for the last guy, I don't know who he is, but it looks like he's going down first.
Atomic Skull writes:
I can't believe Buffy is leading this, guess people have no taste....
Really, it should come down to Blade vs D.. D is an Anime character, but Blade has many Anime-like qualities..
I'd really have to go with D though, Anime power levels are MUCH higher than "live action" power levels.
Vamp Hunter writes:
Buffy kicks a**. I don't care how many guns Blade pulls out because all Buffy has to say is "Hi, meet my missile launcher." And I've never heard of this Vampire Hunter D guy. For all I care he's just a Blade knockoff. I see the real battle between Buffy and Blade. In hand to hand combat it's close, Blade has the strength of a vampire. Buffy has the strength of a vampire slayer. Note those words 'vampire slayer.' You do the math. Next we look at the popularity. Blade has a comic book and a movie. Buffy has a comic book (yes, it's true), a T.V. show and a movie. Now we get to the weapons. I'll give Blade this, he's got weapons, and lots of them. Buffy's got a missile launcher, and if she wants anything else all she has to do is ask her friend Xander to break into the Sunnydale army station and take it (it's happened before and it could happen again). Finally we get into actual personalities. Blade's got a bad-boy attitude, but seeing a teenage girl as one of the competitors he's probably gonna forget about her and focus on Vampire Hunter D. This gives Buffy time to get all of her weapons out, ready, and aimed. Vampire Hunter D is down within as much time as it takes for Blade to cock and aim his gun. Blade goes down soon too. And the last reason that Buffy wins, cause she's a total chick. A little biased? Yeah, maybe.
Muffy the Vapire Spayer? Come on! She should have been canceled years ago. Besides, Vampire Hunter D is the clear-cut winner, even if you put in some REAL opponents for him to fight against. He's the half-son of Dracula, for crying out loud. Prepare for some major 4-year-old-in-K-Mart-style spanking.
I don't know if this factor comes to anyone else's mind but all three contenders each fight vampires with different strengths and weaknesses. While Blade's foes fall to silver, UV and Garlic chemicals Buffy's foes pretty much are prone to holy water and stakes. I’m putting my money D because he has experience with other supernatural and vampires of different powers and weakness. I expect Blade as a runner up since his gear can be affective against non vampires.
§indel 77 writes:
Excuse me, but I think that Blade could whoop Buffy's ass! Look at all the kick ass weaponry he has, compared to a steak? As for Vampire hunter D, I can't say because I've never heard of him. By the way, I hate those people that spank their kids at K-Mart, it's so embarrassing!
Buffy is weak, but hot.
I am confused.
JAY: Thankfully even though our audience here might be quiet tonight, our home
viewers are quite vocal in their feelings to who should win.
PAT: Indeed. The three contestants are waving to the...er... silent crowd,
now. And there is are own Arena Judge, the Goddess Callisto in her balcony motioning for the contest to begin! First-up... the stake-throwing contest.
JAY: The referee presents three straws to the contestants to determine who will throw first. And it looks like Blade has
the draw and will go... WHAT THE!?!
PAT: Half the entire audience is suddenly on their feet. All those black clothes wearing... Wait, wait... look how pasty white their faces are! Jay I got a real bad feeling...
JAY: We're in a stadium full of Bloodsuckers!!!!!
PAT: Yeah. That.
JAY: The vampire hunters on the stadium floor also see the danger. They're... running for the gates!?! No! The gates are suddenly blocked as Vampires pour down to the stadium floor! They're moving back to back with one another!! God, there are hundreds of vamps surrounding them!!!!
PAT: Jay, there's a bunch all right. And the other half of tonight’s audience is slumped in their seats, drained dry. The first wave of vamps are rushing the three... unnaturally fast these creatures... claws out, they're intent on tearing the hunters into itsy-bitsy tiny bits!
JAY: I can't watch! Errrr... Maybe a little. Hunter D remains motionless while Buffy and Blade both reach into their equipment bags. I hope they pull out an armored tank regiment or something. Pat, I think the ref down on the field just wet himself.
PAT: Something.... Blade pulls out an Uzi and shoots death into the undead ranks before him.... Hunter D... Jay, look at the size of that freakin' sword!!
JAY: I see it Pat. And Buffy pulls out an anti-tank missile launcher! These three are packing!! Buffy fires...
PAT: God the carnage!!! Jay, even with all this weaponry, there's too many against three!
JAY: Yes Pat, it's only a matter time before... Wait! Hunter D is bringing his big ass sword into play. God, he's slicing through their ranks like... like... like a sword wielding vampire hunter through bloodsucking undead! the referee, Blade and Buffy are falling in behind him! It looks like they're trying to breakout...
PAT: Blade drops a fresh clip in as Buffy plays rear guard... Just
slugging and kicking every vampire that dares to draw near to her.
JAY: New waves of fresh nightsuckers are jumping in now. The three are
doing a great job despite the overwhelming odds against them. Pat, it
looks like they're fighting their way to one of the side gates, either to
escape or to find a better place to fight.
PAT: They're getting close to an exit gate, Jay... I don't think they're
gonna make it... vamps coming from all sides... even from above now!!!
They won't survive!!!!
JAY: Blade throws something in the air...
Blade: SHIELD YOUR EYES!!!
PAT: Super Sunlight Flash Grenade! Just another of his many devices. It's a temporary distraction... the are splitting up and rabbiting towards the closest gate! Slashing and Staking ... Wait!!! Buffy's in trouble here!!!
JAY: One vampire on the ground that doesn't appear to be too affected by the blinding flash grabs Buffy by the leg knocking her down... She's struggling to free herself. Blade and Hunter D don't see she's in
distress... and the vampires are quickly recovering their sight!!
PAT: No! D sees the problem, and begins a desperate gambit to reach he
troubled slayer! Swordblade slashing, jumping.. leaping through the air...
JAY: And now Blade is turning back, too...
PAT: And so is the ref! All his protection is going the other way!
JAY: It might be too late. The Vamps see the helpless Buffy and begin to attack, piling on top of her... Blade charges back in with guns blazing.... but will there be anything left of Buffy to rescue?
PAT: The vamps, overcoming the grenade, launch themselves to block D... Blade covers his back... trying to pick off vamps... D slashes with his Big Ass Sword... uses his Left Hand to punch and rend.... He 's reaching Buffy!
JAY: NO! A vampire jumps on Hunter D's back, now he's in trouble!
PAT: Blade busts a move with a crazy vampire killing boomerang! The thing
flies true and sinks deep into the undead creatures head! D begins sweeping the vamps off Buffy... mowing them like wheat!!
JAY: The vampires retreat from the devastating blade of D's great sword but
as the nightcreatures clear away... Where's Buffy?!
PAT: There she is... covered in dead vampires. She's up. She's scratched up.... the vampires are
retreating in the face of such devastation of their numbers... Wait! D and Buffy... their gazes lock. they're looking deeply into each other's
eyes. What are we seeing here, Jay? Some kind of chemistry? Let's get
sound on this...
Buffy: Thank you, D... I owe you.
D: I may try to collect.
Buffy: Say... can I borrow your sword? Just for a moment?
JAY: Wow, what a Kodak moment! Buffy swipes D's sword and barrels off screaming at the top of her
lungs, looking to do some serious payback to the vampires who assaulted her.
PAT: Jay, this chick is pissed off! Look at the limbs, heads and undead
entrails fly! Blade, D, the referee... even D's hand just watch with silent appreciation!
Blade: You know what D?
Blade: I almost feel sorry for those vampires.
JAY: Two vampires maneuver around to attack Blade and D from behind but as
they jump at them, the two hunters just backhand them both, never taking their eyes off Buffy.
Blade: But then I get over it.
PAT: Blade draws his sword and Hunter D pulls two short swords out from
under his cloak. They don't want Buffy to have all the fun.
JAY: The vampires had it bad enough against an enraged slayer but the added
weight of Blade and Hunter D being thrown into the battle is proving to be too much.
PAT: It's pure chaos now with vampires in the front-line trying to retreat
from the battle frenzied hunters while with ones in the rear are trying to push forward not knowing the spinning blender of death that is waiting for them.
JAY: Buffy is in berserker mode, she's killing them faster than I can keep
count. Even Blade and Hunter D is staying clear of her... Just to be on the safe side.
PAT: Blade is pushing hard too with a sword in one hand and a gun in the other, creating an effective kill zone.
JAY: Vampire bodies are just littering the floor of the stadium like a bloody carpet and the hunters are still laying it down!
PAT: But they are being pressed in... back to back with a sweating, trembling little lump of a referee stuck in their center. There's too many vamps!!!
JAY: Wait... no... the Vampire lines are breaking... the losses are too devastating... hey!
PAT: A column of flame appears behind the vampire hordes ... It's Callisto!
JAY: The vampire hunters are now pressing the attack forward with new vigor! Callisto is incinerating and slashing from the rear! Now this is a Kodak moment.
PAT: The hordes of undead suddenly break and scatter in every direction!! It's over, folks. The combined might of these hunters could not be beaten.
JAY: Wow, what a night. The Hunters have their victory, and are checking themselves and the bug-eyed referee for damages. The arena is strewn with kills and... er... the stands are strewn with patrons. Callisto does not look happy with this, Pat.
PAT: Well, I guess that's a wrap. This has been Pat Sum...
JAY: Wait. But what about the contest? A winner needs to be declared to determine charitable contributions! What a terrible disaster!
PAT: Jay, I see the three hunters are chatting amongst themselves and with the referee. They might realize they have unfinished business... Wait, they may be trying to agreed on something down there...
JAY: They're facing each other with their right hand clinched into a fist,
pumping it up and down... Uh? ... What are they doing?
PAT: I don't believe it! Blade, Buffy and Vampire Hunter D have been reduced to a game of Rock, Paper, Siscors for the championship!
JAY: One, two, three... They drew all rocks. A three way tie.
PAT: They go again. One, two, three... Blade went with paper but Buffy and Hunter D did scissors. Blade is out and Buffy and Hunter are left.
JAY: One, two, three... Hunter D went with rock and Buffy went with paper! Buffy takes it!
PAT: This was oddest match we had but the hunters are glad it's over and they can go home to rest.
THE FINAL VOTE
(match called around 9:00 P.M. central)
V.H. D: 615
THE WRAP UP
PAT: Our winner for today is Buffy but they're all champs in my book. They worked together to survive.
JAY: Pat, Callisto is signaling to us.
Callisto: Pat? Jay? The vampires ate the stadium grounds keepers, I need someone to clean this mess.
PAT: But Callisto it's not in our contracts...
Callisto: Are you questioning me?
JAY: Ah, no Callisto.
PAT: Well, now I know what we'll be doing for the rest of
JAY: Why couldn't these vampires be the type that turned to dust when killed?
DISCLAIMER / NOTICE:
Buffy (TM) is the property (c) of Warner Bros. (I think)
Vampire Hunter D (TM) is the property (c) of (?)
Blade (TM) is (originally) the property (c) of Marvel Comics
This webpage makes no claims and attempts no infringement... this is just for fun.