Woodland Critters (South Park)

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Researched by: knightstick

"Woodland Critter Christmas" is episode 125 of the Comedy Central series South Park, and originally aired December 15, 2004. It is currently the last South Park Christmas theme episode.

This episode, which like many Christmas shows has an anapest rhyming narration and storybook style, begins in the forest, where "the boy in the red poof-ball hat" discovers a group of talking animal, the Woodland Christmas Critters, building a Christmas tree. They convince a confused Stan to help make a star for their tree before he goes home. That night, they wake him in his room and explain that one of the animals, a porcupine named Porcupiney, is pregnant with the creatures' Savior. Tired and drowsy, Stan agrees to help them build a manger for the baby. They then enlist his help against another problem: every year, they explain, one of the animals conceives their Savior, but every time, a mountain lion kills it before it gives birth to the baby. They insist that Stan is the only one capable of helping them. Exasperated, Stan manages to kill the beast (by tricking her into jumping off a ledge after him), but is dismayed to find that the lion was the mother of three now-orphaned cubs. Returning to the critters, Stan is further horrified to discover that the woodland critters are, in fact, Satan worship, and that their Savior is actually the Antichrist, not an animalistic Son of God. The animals point out that this is obvious, saying, " Think about it. Do you really think God would have sex with a porcupine?". The animals celebrate by sacrificing Rabbitty the Rabbit (much to his delight) and devouring his entrails, which is immediately followed by a blood orgy in the remains. It is also revealed that the mountain lion was only killing the woodland creatures to stop the Anti-Christ from being born.

Stan tries to stop the animals himself, but they rebuff him with their Satanic powers, cheerfully conjuring up fire and demonic beasts. After he learns that only a mountain lion can kill the Antichrist, Stan returns to the mountains to enlist the orphaned cubs. The cubs, however, note that they need to learn "how to kill babies," so Stan (against his will—the narrator forces him to) takes them to an abortion doctor to teach them how to perform abortions. Meanwhile, the animals are searching for a human host for the Antichrist to possess when born—the person in question must be a non-baptized non-Christian. They discover Kyle, who is Jewish, and kidnap him to serve their purpose.

Stan arrives in time to discover that the Antichrist—a strange, vicious little creature—has already been born, and that his best friend Kyle is tied to a Satanic altar to receive the evil creature. Santa Claus arrives and, when he learns what is happening, pulls out a shotgun and slaughters all the creatures. He is about to kill the Antichrist, but Kyle—now free from the altar—declares that he wants the Antichrist to possess him, so that he can make the world better for the Jew. He allows the demon to possess him, and is about to unleash a devastating blow on the world when...

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