Dave Moreland's world famous Bozo Criminal of the DayŠ Report

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Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Joey Schwartzman for sending in today's report. From Lake Havasu City, Arizona comes the story about bozo Rafael Dellacruz who wanted to talk to the cops about an ongoing investigation. So he drove himself down to the station house and asked to talk to a detective. He didn't bother to make himself presentable, as he looked very tired and smelled as if he hadn't bathed in a couple of days. And he seemed kind of nervous, too, as he kept fidgeting with the car keys that he was holding. In fact, he acted so weird that one of the officers decided to run a quick check on the car he had driven up it. Yep, it was stolen. Just a few hours earlier. He's under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Cumberland, Rhode Island where bozo Charlene Harper dropped a couple of rolls of film off to be developed at the local pharmacy. Unfortunately for our bozo instead of grabbing the film canister with film inside, she grabbed the film canister she had been using to store her cocaine. A lab technician called the cops when he discovered the white powder and the cops where waiting for our bozo when she dropped back by to pick up her pictures.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today's report. From St. Charles, Missouri comes the story of a bozo who is obviously a fan of tales of the Wild West. When police officers noticed a car driving erratically, they pulled him over, only to discover inside a bozo dressed like Davy Crockett. When the officer asked Davy where he was headed, he told them he was headed west to deliver blankets and supplies to the Indians. Inside the car they found an assault rifle with a fully loaded clip, handguns, ammunition, and a large amount of marijuana. Never knew that's what went into the peace pipe!

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Les Smith for sending in today's report. From Long Beach, California comes the story of bozo Raymond Ortega who drove past a police officer's parked car, heading in the wrong way on a one way street. When the officer flashed his lights at our bozo, he pulled over. As the officer approached the car, our bozo told him he was having trouble finding an address and could he help him out, as he needed to make a delivery. When the officer shined his light into the car, he saw exactly what our bozo was delivering. On the floorboard, in plain sight was a large plastic baggie filled with methamphetamines. He was given directions to the jail.

Bozo criminal for today forgot Bozo Rule Number 16781: Bring along a strong bag to hold your loot. From Coopersburg, Pennsylvania comes the story of an unidentified bozo who held up the Sovereign Bank and trust, carrying out the bank's cash drawer and some cash that he stuffed into a plastic grocery bag. It was rather windy outside and most of his money immediately blew out of the cash drawer. Not having time to try to pick it up, our bozo continued on to his getaway car, spilling money from the grocery sack as he went. Police recovered most of the money, and are continuing to look for our bozo.

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Haramachi, Japan where bozo Yoshimasa Inoki broke into what he thought was the Japan Railways office. Seeing a number of people inside, our bozo thought he had hit the jackpot when he flashed his knife and demanded money. Didn't work out quite like he planned, however. You see, the Japan Railways office is next door. The building he broke into housed the local police dormitory. He's under arrest.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Joey Schwartzman for sending in today's report. From Carnegie, Pennsylvania comes the story of an unidentified bozo who had a little too much to drink. Well, a lot too much actually. So she arranged for a designated driver, right? Nope. Called a cab? No, she had no money left. Maybe walked to clear her head? No way. Instead she just hopped in the first car she came to and drove herself home. Unfortunately for her she didn't notice that the car she hopped into was a police cruiser. She's facing formal arraignment charges next month.

Bozo criminal for today obviously doesn't know right from wrong, and there's a real possibility he doesn't know right from left. From the International File in Oslo, Norway comes the story of an unidentified bozo who broke into the car of a traveling shoe salesman and stole 25 shoes. Not 25 pair of shoes, just 25 shoes. All of them samples and all of them for the left foot. Police are looking for a bozo with two left feet.

From Rogersville, Tennessee comes our story for today, featuring yet another bozo tripped up by technology. Bozos Jason Adams and James Barber had big plans to steal a refrigerator from a mobile home dealership, probably because they needed a place to store their beer. Imagine their surprise when the cops were waiting for them as they struggled to carry the fridge out of one of the mobile homes. The cops knew every move they were planning to make, because when they were going over the details of the robbery, one of them accidentally hit the 911 button on his cell phone. He never realized their 40 minute "brain session" was overheard by the sheriff's department dispatchers. They're under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Portsmouth, Virginia where bozo Tabarus Hoffman was wanted in connection with the robbery of a grocery store, for which his girlfriend was under arrest. Guess curiosity must have gotten the better of our bozo, as he showed up at the courthouse one day to see how his girlfriend was doing. Not the best idea as an officer quickly recognized him as a wanted man. And that's when our bozo made a run for it. Sadly, instead of running in the direction of the nearest exit, he ran directly into the office housing the detectives. He's joined his girlfriend in jail.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Barbara Goldstein for sending in today's report, which proves once again that you should stay out of those handicapped parking spaces unless you have a permit. From Greenwood Village, Colorado comes the story of bozo Sonja Alfonzo who couldn't find a parking space at the local motel, so she took a chance and parked in the handicapped space, hoping no one would notice. Someone did. And unfortunately for her it was a police officer who noticed almost immediately and came up to talk to her before she ever got out of the car. It was then he noticed the steering column had been damaged and ran a quick license check, which revealed the car had been stolen. When he asked our bozo to step out of the vehicle, she mentioned something about their being drugs in the vehicle. She wasn't kidding. A quick check turned up 265 pounds of marijuana. She's under arrest.

Our bozo story for today proves that even bozos do a good deed every now and then. From Fostoria, Ohio comes the story of a gang of bozos who broke into an agency that serves the poor and stole their safe. Unfortunately for them, it was empty. In fact, it was an old one that the agency had been wanting to get rid of, but it was too heavy for anyone to carry off, until our bozos came along.

Bozo criminal for today violated Bozo Rule Number 13676: Disguises are meant to be frightening, not humorous. Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in this one from Cranberry, Pennsylvania. An unidentified bozo walked into a convenience store armed with a pellet gun and wearing a mask of the Disney dog, Pluto. After the clerk stopped laughing, he asked our bozo if he planned to shoot him with a pellet gun if he didn't give him money. Our bozo simply shrugged and left, empty-handed.

Bozo criminals for today come from the International File in Prague, the Czech Republic. It seems our bozos were bitten by the show business bug and had taken to videotaping themselves when they robbed and assaulted people on the streets of the Czech capital. They also taped themselves destroying park benches and road signs. And they weren't satisfied just passing the tape around among friends. They set up their own website where they posted the videos for everyone's entertainment. Including the local authorities, who got wind of the site and tracked down our bozos, who have now been arrested. And don't go looking for the site. It's been shut down.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Cedar Rapids, Iowa where our bozo may not techincally have been a crook, but he was criminally stupid. Bozo Travis Wilson was headed down I-380 when the hood of his car popped open. He must have really been in a hurry, because, instead of pulling over to fix the problem, our bozo simply stuck his head out the window and kept on driving. Until a police officer noticed what was going on. He pulled him over and charged him with driving under suspension and having no proof of insurance.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Kingsland, Georgia where bozo Eddie Hall went shopping at the local K-Mart, picking up a Coleman Lantern and various over the counter items from the pharmacy department. Then, instead of heading to the checkout area, he took all the items into the men's restroom, which attracted the attention of a security guard. Since it was nearing closing time, and since he been in there a long time, the guard decided to go in and check on him. He caught our bozo in the process of setting up a methamphetamine lab...in the K-Mart restroom. He's under arrest.

Another one from the "When you gotta go, you gotta go" file. From Santa Clara, California comes the story of bozo Frank Simmons who had been driving around all afternoon, drinking beer with one of his buddies. And right now they needed to find a restroom, and quick. But on this stretch of highway there were no convenience stores or service stations in sight. Suddenly they spotted a large bus. Thinking it was a Greyhound, our bozos began following it, hoping the driver would lead them to the depot where they could use its facilities. It looked like they were in luck as the bus slowed down and pulled into a large compound with the bozos in hot pursuit. But this place didn't look much like a bus station. It had a tall fence around it and a security gate in front. Our bozos had followed a department of corrections bus transporting prisoners into the Elmwood Correctional Facility. Our bozo was arrested for DWI.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Manassas, Virginia where bozo Wayne Snider had big plans for holding up an armored car as it made its pickup at a local bowling alley. He went up to the driver, flashed a gun at him and said, "Give it up." The startled driver handed our bozo a large sack and he ran away. He'd only gone a short way before he discovered his terrible mistake. Instead of holding up the armored car he had robbed a laundry truck as it made its pickup at the bowling alley. And that sack contained not cash but a bunch of dirty mop heads.

(Best of Bozo)Bozo criminal for today comes from Hood River, Oregon where bozo Lee Nance was arrested on suspicion of public indecency when the cops found him running around a parking lot in the nude. It was the reason he gave for being naked that won him the Bozo Excuse of the Month award. He told the police he was merely working on his tan because he was on a church softball team and was afraid that if he didn't have a good base tan he would get sunburned. Sorry, we don't think they have tanning beds in jail, either.

(Best of Bozo) Bozo criminal for today comes from Santa Cruz, California where the cops were investigating the robbery of a residence. They suspected a youngster was the culprit since, besides taking money and a watch, a skateboard and some baseball cards were stolen. Their suspicions were confirmed when they discovered a very important piece of evidence our bozo left behind. His homework, complete with his name at the top.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Dallas, Texas where bozo Vashon Rhymes stole an inner city passenger bus from the Greyhound terminal downtown. It seems our bozo knew how to drive the bus but unfortunately he didn't know how to release the parking brake and the back of the bus caught fire not too far down the road. Police arrested our bozo when he left his smoldering bus to go into a nearby Waffle House to call for help.

Bozo criminal for today comes from the Intergalactic File. From Toronto, Canada comes the story of bozo Rene Joly, who brought a lawsuit against the Canadian Minister of Defense, Citibank, and several doctors, dentists, hospitals and drug store chains, claiming they are all part of a plot by the United States Government to murder him. Because he's from Mars. He says he was cloned from Martian genetic material recovered by NASA in the '60's. He can't prove it, though, because records of DNA tests performed on him have been falsified, or so he claims. The judge dismissed his case by saying that since our bozo was not human, he had no status before the court, which is exclusively for earthlings.

(Best of Bozo) Bozo criminal for today comes from Seymour, Indiana where bozo Casey Carpenter stopped into the local florist, placed an order for his girlfriend, filled out a card and gave the clerk his girlfriend's address. As the clerk went to the register, our bozo told her, "While you're at it, give me the rest of your money." He got about $150 and fled. Investigating officers went to the girlfriend's house, and while questioning her, who should show up but our bozo. He quickly confessed and was arrested.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Pawtucket, Rhode Island where bozo Kenneth Barnhart planned on robbing an apartment. Needing a lookout to stand guard he took his brother along and positioned him outside the apartment. A neighbor noticed the suspicious activity, called the cops and then went outside to wait for the police to arrive. When they got there, our bozo lookout was standing next to the neighbor, mistaking him for his brother who was still ransacking the apartment. One thing we forgot to point out, the man our bozo crook had used to be his lookout, his brother, is legally blind. They're both under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Spearfish, South Dakota where 17 year old bozo Randy Hill stole a car. A while later our bozo stopped off at a restaurant in his stolen vehicle to get something to eat. While inside, he noticed a couple of police officers walking in. Thinking the jig was up, our bozo threw himself spread eagled on the floor in front of the cops and said, "Please don't shoot me. The car is in the parking lot." The officers, who had simply stopped in for a cup of coffee were more than happy to arrest him.

(Best of Bozo) Bozo criminal for today comes from Big Spring, Texas where bozo Kirk Moore reported his car stolen to the police. A short time later the police spotted the vehicle in question and pulled the driver over. As fate would have it, our bozo, the one who reported the car stolen, was in the area and pulled up to claim the car as his. The officer on the scene ran a check on the vehicle's license plates and, guess what, it turns out the car was stolen by our bozo before it was stolen from him. That's right, he reported a stolen car as stolen. And to add to his problems, he was wanted on a parole violation. He's under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Bristol, England where bozo Nigel Firth had a hankering for a lobster dinner. And since he didn't have the cash for the expensive crustaceans, he simply shoplifted a couple of them. By stuffing them down his pants and sprinting for the exit. Not a good idea. The lobsters were none too happy with their situation, so they did what lobsters do to defend themselves. They used their powerful claws to clamp down on whatever was available. Emergency medical technicians had to be called to pry the lobsters loose. Doctors say our bozo will recover but can give up hopes of ever becoming a papa. Thinking he had gone through enough pain, the supermarket manager declined to prosecute.

(Best of Bozo) Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Rivoli, Italy where bozo Eduard Lacque jumped into a car and forced the driver to hand over his cash. He then ordered the victim at gunpoint to drive him to his hometown. And since it was going to be a rather long trip, our bozo settled back into his seat, made himself comfortable and was soon sound asleep. Taking note of the situation, the victim instead drove to the nearest police station, where the cops woke up and arrested our bozo.

(Best of Bozo) Bozo criminal for today provides us with our Bozo Excuse of the Month. From Wellington, New Zealand comes the story of bozo Peter Sanders who was arrested for dangerous driving after he switched his headlights off and swerved to the wrong side of the road. When a police officer asked him why he did that, he replied that he was an amateur astronomer, searching the sky for a black hole, and he could see better with his headlights off. His attorney said he hadn't been taking his medication.

(Best of Bozo) Bozo criminals for today come from Huntsville, Texas where three very bored bozos noticed a large smoothing machine had been left in the apartment parking lot overnight by the crew that was resurfacing the lot. Thinking it might be fun to take it for a drive, our bozos fired it up at 1:45 in the morning at took it for a little spin. And to record the event for posterity, one bozo videotaped the whole thing. Of course this caused quit a bit of racket and the neighbors called the cops, but by the time the officers arrived the machine had been parked and our bozos had returned safely to their apartment. They might have gotten away with it except that they left their apartment door open and were watching the videotape and laughing and whooping it up as the officers happened to pass by.

(Best of Bozo)Bozo criminal for today comes from Newburgh, New York where bozo Wayne Hamilton fled from the cops during a drug raid. He was rather fleet of foot and was putting some distance between himself and the police when he decided the best thing for him to do would be to find a safe place to hide. So he ducked into the foyer of a large building. The place he found was safe, all right, but not the best place to hide. He had stumbled into the foyer of the city's northeast community police station. He's been arrested.

(Best of Bozo) Bozo criminal for today comes from Manchester, New Hampshire where bozo Joshua Adams had plans to rob the local Osco Drug Store. And since he wanted to make sure they had plenty of oxycontin, his drug of choice, in stock, he called ahead and told the pharmacist he was on his way over to rob the place. Instead of checking his stock, the pharmacist called the cops who were waiting for our bozo when he arrived.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Los Angeles, California where James Watson had vandalized more than 40 locations in the past month, spray painting graffiti on them. Police had no leads until our bozo slipped up and wrote one bit of graffiti that should never have seen the light of day. It was so bad that almost immediately after he wrote it his own ex-girlfriend called the cops and turned him in. And just what was it that our bozo wrote? He revealed the one thing that every woman wants to keep private. He wrote her name and beside it wrote her weight. And a note from your bozo webmaster to those of you expecting a comment on the current situation. Larry Lujack said it best, "The eagle does not hunt flies."

(Best of Bozo) Bozo criminal for today comes from Van Buren, Arkansas where bozo Mark Thompson stole a car stereo and an amplifier from a car parked in front of a tire store. And our bozo just couldn't leave well enough alone. After stealing the stereo he broke a few bottles in the parking lot, tore up a few things and then, for his crowning achievement, he decided to moon the empty store. And how did the cops know he did this? Because of that rather large print he left on the store window. He left one other thing behind, also. His wallet which fell out when he dropped his pants. He's under arrest.

(Best of Bozo)Bozo criminal for today comes from Charlotte, North Carolina where bozo Greg Worthy broke into a 65 year old woman's home and demanded money. The woman convinced our bozo that she had no money in the house but she would be glad to write him a check. But before she could do that, she would have to see some identification. He showed her his drivers license. After copying the information from it, she gave him a check and showed him the door. She then called the cops who went to the address she gave them and there they found our bozo, check in hand. He's been arrested.

(Best of Bozo) Bozo criminal for today comes from Memphis, Tennessee, where bozo Allen Glazier was caught driving a stolen Greyhound bus. Our bozo stole his first bus in Kansas, drove it to Jackson, Mississippi, where he stole another bus, drove it to Baton Rouge, Louisiana, and stole yet another Greyhound and drove it to Memphis. Don't know what he's been doing for gas on the other buses, but it was a little stop at a truck stop that got him in trouble this time. After filling up the bus, our bozo told the attendant to "Bill it to Greyhound." While our bozo was waiting for his receipt, the cops were called.

(Best of Bozo) Bozo criminal for today comes from Slidell, Louisiana, where bozo Darryl Evans called the 911 operator and told her he needed help from the police in getting his mother to cook him a pork chop dinner. When the operator told him 911 was for emergencies only, he told her this was an emergency, he really wanted that pork chop dinner. The operator again politely tried to get off the line. Our bozo refused to shut up and finally became abusive to the operator. So the police were sent to his home, and he was arrested for disorderly conduct. Maybe they're serving pork chops in jail this week.

(Best of Bozo) Bozo criminal for today comes from Kansas City, Missouri, where bozo Lawrence Kimbrough was a night clerk at a convenience store. It was while working the late shift that our bozo hatched his plan. (And after hearing the details, you may think he was half asleep when he came up with it!) He put tape over the lenses of the store's security cameras, took the money from the cash registers, stashed it in a trash bin behind the store, and called the cops to report an armed robbery. Officers investigating the robbery quickly figured out what our bozo had done...He placed tape over the lenses of the security cameras, that's true. Unfortunately, he used transparent tape. Everything he did was caught on video.

(Best of Bozo) Bozo criminal for today comes from Blaine, Washington, where bozo James Barker made his first mistake when he accepted a job from a marijuana farmer to haul off 38 bags full of marijuana leaves, stems and potting soil. Instead of hauling the stuff to the dump about six miles away from the farm, our bozo headed toward the U.S./Canadian border. That's mistake two. He then got into the express lane for frequent border crossers, where vehicles without a special sticker are automatically pulled over for inspections. And that's strike three, as the agents searched our bozo's truck and found the dope. Do you think maybe he smoked a little of the stuff before he headed to the dump?

(Best of Bozo) We all know that curiosity killed the cat, and it didn't do our bozo any good, either. From Topeka, Kansas comes the story of bozo Vaughn Smalls. Our bozo and a buddy had set up a little counterfeiting operation in a local hotel room and were hard at work one evening printing up bills on their computer when bozo Vaughn noticed the police cruising around the parking lot. If you're a bozo and you're doing something illegal, and you notice the police outside, what do you do? You walk outside, leave the door to the room wide open, call the police over and ask them what they are doing. And that's exactly what he did. The cops noticed all the printing equipment and got suspicious. While checking out the room, the cops also found some illegal drugs and discovered that our bozo's car was stolen. He's under arrest.

(Best of Bozo) Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil where bozo Jose Rocha hopped on board a packed bus and robbed the passengers of about $800. He then jumped off...right in front of the 410 police gathered on the city square for an official ceremony with the Rio governor. The commanding general of the military police himself abandoned the podium and with a little help from his fellow officers quickly apprehended our bozo.

Bozo criminal for today forgot a rule that he should have learned when he was but a mere baby bozo: Always get a good night's rest when you have a busy day ahead of you. From the International File in Berlin, Germany, comes the story of an unidentified bozo who broke into a car late one night. He was hard at work trying to pry the car's radio out of the dash but it turned out to be an exhausting job and before long he was sound asleep. And that's how the cops found him, still clutching his screwdriver. They woke him up and arrested him.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Charlottesville, Virginia where bozo Raymond Caldwell walked into a jewelry store on Valentine's Day and asked to look at a couple of diamond rings. While the clerk was getting another ring from the case, our bozo stuffed an engagement ring and two wedding bands into his pocket and ran from the store. And then, a couple of days later, he proposed to his girlfriend and presented her with the rings. She happily accepted, but there was one problem. The rings didn't fit. Not to worry, our bozo told her, just take them back to the jewelry store and have them sized. And of course he sent her to the very store he had stolen the rings from. A clerk recognized them when she came in, told her they'd be ready in a week, and called the cops. Our lovesick bozo has been charged with theft.

Bozo criminal for today forgot Bozo Rule Number 8904: Bozos and technology don't mix. From Cambridge, England comes the story of bozo Benjamin Payne who broke into the home of a software developer and stole his computer. Not a good idea. This particular fellow had been robbed before and this time he was ready. When our bozo entered the house, a motion detector kicked on and the several cameras around the house caught our bozo in action. The pictures were then automatically sent to a private website. When the homeowner returned home and saw everything in a state of disarray, he used another computer to log on to the website. He then forwarded the pictures to the cops, who immediately recognized our bozo. He had 33 previous convictions for theft. He now has 34.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Rock County, Wisconsin where bozo Charles Thompson spotted a high tech looking device on the porch of a home. Thinking it had to be valuable, our bozo grabbed it. He didn't get very far before he found himself surrounded by police officers. The box he picked up was a GPS tracking device used to monitor criminals on probation. When it was moved, it automatically began transmitting its location to authorities. Oops...he's been charged with theft.

Test Bozo of the Day

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Gregg Hanke for sending in today's report. From Plainville, Connecticut comes the story of bozo Jack Painter who was planning to hold up the local Dairy Mart. And as part of his plan, just before pulling the holdup, he called 911 to report a robbery in progress at another Dairy Mart across town, thinking the cops would go to that location and he would have clear sailing to pull off his heist. And the plan might have worked, too, except for one thing. Instead of giving them the address of the Dairy Mart across town, he messed up and gave them the address of the one he was going to rob. The cops showed up just as he was pulling the heist and arrested him on the spot.

Bozo criminal for today comes from West Paterson, New Jersey where bozo Ernest Costello held up a bank but it seems he didn't have a clear exit strategy. In fact, he was so desperate, he asked a bank employee to call him a cab. She did. But she also called the cops. He's under arrest.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Chris Blake for sending in today's report. From the International File in Newbridge, Ireland comes the story of bozo Thomas Sheerin who broke into a house by climbing in through a bedroom window. This woke up the homeowner who shouted, "Who's there?" to which our bozo replied, "It's me, Tommy," before fleeing. And since the owner recognized the voice as that of his neighbor, the cops were able to make a quick arrest.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today's report. Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Hamburg, Germany, where an unidentified bozo tried to shoplift some wine, some candy and an energy drink from a convenience store. Unknown to him, a 100 man police unit was outside the store taking a break on their way from Southern Germany to Hamburg for a major assignment. And through the glass wall of the store, they saw everything that was going on. When our bozo walked out of the store, he was surrounded by policemen.

Bozo criminal for today might have been able to get away with this in Italy, but not in the good old USA. From Indianapolis, Indiana comes the story of bozo Alan Robertson who was riding his bicycle in the downtown area. He approached a woman, also on a bicycle and as he passed by he pinched her on the behind. Bad idea. The woman was a deputy probation officer. A police officer nearby saw what had happened and our bozo was quickly corralled and placed under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today comes form Naples, Florida where bozo Duane Harrigan worked at a convenience store. He was caught by the store manager, scratching off a stack of not yet purchased lottery tickets. When confronted, our bozo calmly took his stack of tickets and left the store. The manager called the cops and as they were there writing up the incident, our bozo returned, to ask for his paycheck. He didn't get it. He's under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today comes from the Mile High Club. Bozo Lee Richards downed nearly a bottle of vodka before boarding an easyJet flight from Alicante, Spain to Bristol, England. Once onboard, he got into a disagreement with another passenger. As the argument got more heated, our bozo, forgetting where he was, challenged the other man to "step outside" to settle things...at 25,000 feet. Flight attendants were able to subdue him before he made it to the door. He's facing disorderly conduct charges.

Bozo criminals for today come from Springfield, Massachusetts where two bozos stole a 1995 Honda from in front of a residence. Guess it must not have been kept in a garage because instead of heading home with the car, our bozos took it down to the neighborhood car wash. Not the best idea. The owner of the car happened to be passing by when he noticed his car waiting in line to be washed. He called the cops who were there when the car emerged from the wash and wax. Guess you could say they didn't make a "clean" getaway.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today's report. From the International File in Solingen, Germany comes the story of an unidentified bozo who forced a man in a train station to hand over his wallet. After taking the cash, our bozo meant to hand the empty wallet back to the victim. But, somehow, in all the commotion, our bozo got mixed up and handed him his own wallet. And of course it contained his name and address. The victim turned the wallet over to the cops who quickly arrested our bozo.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Bozeman, Montana where bozo David Langston called 911 to report his house was being robbed. When the police arrived, our bozo directed them to the closet where he said the robber was hiding. The cops took a look inside and found no burglar. But they did find a couple of marijuana plants our bozo had hidden in there. Oops. He's under arrest.

Bozo criminals for today come from Everett, Washington, where three bozos noticed a woman taking pictures with a nice camera. They walked up and one of them grabbed it right out of her hands. Bad idea. She was an undercover cop doing surveillance and backup officers immediately swarmed over them, grabbing one immediately. The second bozo briefly fled on foot, dropping incriminating evidence along the way, including a gun, drugs and other stolen items. After the cops corralled him, they turned their attention to bozo number three who fled in a pickup truck. After he was cornered, he jumped out and tried to run, but forgot to put the truck into park. It ran over him. All three are in jail.

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Dusseldorf, Germany where bozo Marko Nunni was already waiting outside the bank before it opened up one morning. Dressed in shorts, a sleeveless shirt and a woolen hat, he attracted quite a bit of attention as he spent three hours outside, pacing around, working up the courage to go in. When he finally entered, he pulled his hat down over his face but he couldn't see a thing because he had cut the eye holes in the wrong place. Ripping off the cap in frustration, he walked right past a security camera on the way to the teller, who he threatened with a cigarette lighter shaped like a pistol. She simply told him to get out, which he did, only to be arrested by police officers waiting outside. At his trial, the judge did a Simon Cowell on him, telling him he should find another line of work, since he was clearly unsuited for robbing banks.

Many times our bozos have left behind their ID, their wallet or even a paycheck at the scene of the crime, but our bozo for today "breaks" new ground. From the International File in Berlin, Germany comes the story of an unidentified bozo who broke into the house of an 80 year old woman and stole her life savings, almost $27,000 in cash. But, the police had no trouble catching up with him. It seems he pulled the heist on his way home from the hospital where he had been receiving treatment for a broken arm. And in his haste to get away, he left his X-rays, complete with his name and address, behind. He's under arrest.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Renata Hawks for sending in today's report. Our bozo for today, from Whitefish Bay, Wisconsin, violated Bozo Rule Number 0737: Go before you leave. Bozo Otha Simon broke into a house in the middle of the night and was rummaging around when he had to answer the call of nature. At about that same time 19 year old Dewey Coulson woke up and noticed a light on in the bedroom. Thinking someone had forgotten to turn it off, Dewey got up and opened the door, catching our bozo in the act, so to speak. Dewey ran upstairs to get his stepfather. They tackled our bozo as he was heading for the door and held him until the cops came.

Bozo criminal for today gets extra credit for originality. From Kansas City, Missouri comes the story of bozo Wesley Fitzgerald who was on parole for several offenses and was required to meet with his parole officer weekly. Apparently, this was just too often for Wesley, so he hatched a bozo scheme. He applied for and was granted a temporary restraining order against a woman he claimed was stalking him. That woman was his parole officer. When he showed up at a hearing to make the restraining order permanent, the judge put two and two together and realized what was going on. He won't have to worry about seeing her for a while. He's back in jail.

Bozo criminal for today from the International File in Frankfurt, Germany proves once again that bozos and food are a dangerous combination. Police were investigating a sandwich shop burglary where some cash was stolen and one bite was taken out of a meatball sandwich. The cops decided to run a DNA test on the meatball and bingo! They found a match in our bozo who was already in jail on another burglary charge.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk John Morgan for sending in today's report. From Omaha, Nebraska comes the story of a couple of bozos who had a methamphetamine lab set up in their house. One of the primary ingredients in the manufacture of meth is anhydrous ammonia which usually comes in relatively small canisters. Guess our bozos must have had bigger plans. They obtained a 9,600 gallon tanker of ammonia, the type that is hauled around by 18 wheelers. And they parked it in front of their house. With a hose running from the tank to the inside. Needless to say, this attracted the attention of the cops who shut down the operation.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Hamilton Township, Pennsylvania where the high price of gasoline got our bozo into trouble. Bozo Jerry Doughtry was running low on gas in his 1990 Firebird and decided to steal some from a 300 gallon overhead gas tank that a local resident used to fuel his vehicles. Our bozo filled his tank and took off, but he didn't get very far. The tank's owner was tired of people stealing his expensive gas, so he filled the tank with water. Our bozos fines totaled $458.28. Add that to what it'll take to repair his car and that was the most expensive tank of gas he ever purchased.

Bozo criminals for today come from Middlebury, Indiana where a couple of unidentified bozos robbed a bank and hopped into their getaway car hoping to make a quick exit from town. Perhaps they should have checked with the highway department first. They headed West out of town on highway 20 with the cops in hot pursuit. They didn't get very far before they found themselves stuck in a huge traffic jam caused by a highway construction project. The police simply walked up to our bozos' car and placed them under arrest.

Bozo criminals for today come from Austin, Minnesota where an alert cab driver noticed a couple of bozos breaking into a business early Saturday morning. He called the cops and when they arrived they discovered the front door had been kicked in and the cash register stolen. Unfortunately for our bozos, as they fled the scene, the cash register tape unrolled behind them. The cops simply followed the 100 foot trail of tape into the nearby bushes where our two bozos were hiding. They're under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today violated Bozo Rule Number 1108: Eat a hearty lunch before attempting your crime. From San Antonio, Texas comes the story of bozo Frank Spencer who held up the local branch of Guaranty Bank, getting away with about $5000. He left the bank and was trying to hail a taxi when it occurred to him he hadn't had lunch. So he went into the B&B Smokehouse near the bank and ordered himself the $5.99 "Po-Boy and fries" lunch special. He was sitting at a table enjoying his lunch when the cops arrived.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Jamie Axthelm for sending in today's report. From the International File in Arnsberg, Germany comes the story of a bozo who suffered the ultimate humiliation. He broke into a doctor's office, climbing in through a skylight. When it came time to leave our bozo noticed, much to his distress, that he was too short to reach the skylight so he couldn't go back out the way he came in. After attempts to escape via doors and windows failed, he did the only thing left to do. He called the police for help. They were more than glad to come by and free him before locking him up.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Marsfield, Wisconsin where bozo Joel Porter put on a mask, walked into a pharmacy, strolled up to the counter, configured his fingers into a gun shape, pointed them at the cashier and demanded money. Not surprisingly, the cashier said "You've got to be kidding" and reached over and grabbed his gun, er, his hand. He also pulled off our bozo's mask to reveal him as someone known to the pharmacist for forging prescriptions. Our bozo fled, but the cops soon tracked him down and arrested him.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Elkart, County Indiana where bozo James Huffman was sick and tired of being in jail. So he came up with a plan to escape. He thought it out thoroughly until he was sure the plan was perfect. Then he put his plan into action. He loosened the window of his jail cell and started to climb through. Freedom was so near he could almost taste it. And then it happened. He got stuck. He couldn't get out and worst of all he couldn't back himself back in. So there he was, stuck, for everyone to see, half in and half out of the jailhouse window. The guards couldn't get him out, either. Firefighters had to be called, our bozo was freed and moved to a cell without a window.

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Kassel, Germany where bozo Otto Schmidt was picked up by police for questioning on theft charges. It was when they took him to his residence to look for evidence that our bozo noticed the investigating officer's glasses. A really nice designer pair laying behind the front seat. When he thought no one was looking our bozo snatched them. Right out of the police car. He got away with them, too. For a little while at least, until the officer needed them and noticed they were missing. A quick trip back to our bozo's house turned them up. He was only under suspicion for theft, now he's under arrest.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Tom Naras for sending in today's report. From the International File in Dalry, Scotland comes the story of Bozo John Cole, who was just trying to help out a friend. Knowing that his friend had had a little too much to drink, our good samaritan bozo offered to drive him home. When they were pulled over for a traffic violation, our bozo decided to give the officer a false name. And that's when his drunk friend came to, shouting, "That's not his name!" The policeman had already figured that out, since our bozo had his name "John" written on his knuckles. He was fined for giving false information to the police and for driving without insurance.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Adam Mair for sending in today's report. From the International File in Waterford, Ontario, Canada comes the story of bozo Andre Passot who had a little too much to drink and lost control of his car, sending it crashing into a residence. The car wasn't damaged too badly and our bozo wasn't injured, so he just put the thing in reverse and headed home, thinking no one had seen a thing. Things would perhaps have worked out for him except for one minor detail. The impact of the crash knocked off the car's license plate, which was left behind at the accident scene. He's facing charges.

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