Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report from Darlington, South Carolina where we have another bozo foiled by modern technology. It seems bozo Ezekiel Moore had carjacking on his mind. He yanked the driver out of the car in a hospital parking lot and attempted to drive away. Only one problem, the driver had the key fob in his pocket, and the engine shut down before our bozo could leave the area. He then tried to lock himself in the car, but the owner kept unlocking the doors using the key fob. The cops were called and our bozo was quickly placed under arrest.
Bozo criminals for today from Everett, Washington, obviously forgot Bozo Rule Number 2230382: Don’t use a blowtorch when there’s cash involved. Our bozos had the bright idea of using a cutting torch to break into an ATM. While the torch did cut the metal of the ATM, it also incinerated all the cash inside. Our bozos got away with nothing, but they did leave something behind. A nice clear picture of them on the security camera. The cops have already ID’ed the suspects and expect to make an arrest shortly.