Dave Moreland's Bozo Criminal of the Day - The world famous daily report on dumb crimes

Another Reason to Always Keep Your Phone Charged

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Fred McKinney for sending in today’s report from Fort Smith, Arkansas, where police were called to a report of a burglary at a local business. Don’t know exactly what happened, but it would seem that sometime during the burglary, our bozo noticed his cell phone was almost dead. So, he did the most logical thing…he plugged the phone into an outlet and went back to burglarizing. Sadly for him, he got so wrapped up in his work that when it came time to leave with his loot he left his cell phone, still plugged in, behind. The cops took a look at our bozo’s personal facebook page on the phone and were able to determine that he was living at a campground nearby. A visit to the campground turned up several items stolen from the business. He’s busted!

Next Time Choose the One With an Evinrude

Bozo criminal for today comes from Waterford, Michigan, where the cops rang the doorbell of bozo Mark Rowley with the intention of arresting him on a felony probabation violation. While his father discussed the matter with the cops, our bozo fled out the back door. So far, so good. It was his poor choice of a getaway vehicle that ultimately led to his demise. He ran to a nearby lake where he spotted a neighbor’s paddleboat and, for reasons known only to the bozo mind, decided to use it to make his escape. Don’t know if there was a problem with the boat or simple operator error, but the paddle boat began taking on water and sank, leaving our bozo no option but to swim back to shore where he was quickly placed under arrest.

How Does This Color Go With My Eyes?

Getting caught red-handed is so yesterday. Today the way to go is “green-faced”, especially if you’re a bozo. From the International File in London, England, comes the story of bozo Yafet Askale, who was charged with breaking into a vehicle. Thinking they had no evidence against him, our bozo denied the charges. It was then that the cops revealed their high-tech plan for foiling bozo thieves. They shined an ultraviolet light in our bozos face and he glowed as green as the Grinch at Christmas. The British cops had set the car up with a dye-trap. When our bozo attempted to break-in, he was sprayed with a light mist that doesn’t show in normal light but glows emerald green under ultraviolet. He’s busted!