Dave Moreland's Bozo Criminal of the Day - The world famous daily report on dumb crimes

February 29, 2012

Bozo criminal for today comes from Chamblee, Georgia, where bozo Trevor Green walked into a bank and handed the teller a note demanding cash. The teller, protected by bullet-resistant glass, read the note and fled. Our bozo, seeing that things weren’t going the way he had planned, left the bank and hailed a cab. When the cabbie told him he would have to pay in cash, he did what any bozo would do. He went back inside the bank to withdraw money from his personal account for the cab ride home. He instead got a free ride to jail.

February 28, 2012

Bozo criminal for today comes from Sacramento, California, where bozo Jose Alvarez needed a job. So, he decided to go knocking on doors looking for employment. But, being a bozo, he made a couple of mistakes. First, he didn’t exactly "dress for success." In fact, he didn’t bother to dress at all. Yep, he walked in and asked for a job totally naked. And, the place he applied at isn’t exactly a good place to be sans clothing. He applied for work at a welding shop. After he owner told him he had no job openings, our bozo kept hanging around (no pun intended) and the cops were called. He’s under arrest.

February 27, 2012

Bozo criminals for today come from the International File in Madrid, Spain where hooded thieves crashed their van into a armored car warehouse vault and grabbed sacks of loot, including money, diamonds and watches. They then loaded the stuff into their waiting getaway car. But, in their haste to make their escape, they crashed the getaway car as they were merging onto the freeway. Undeterred, our bozos quickly carjacked another vehicle and continued on their way. Unfortunately, they continued on without their loot, which was left behind in the back seat of the wrecked vehicle. Oops.

February 24, 2012

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Randy Shereda for sending in today’s report from Miami, Florida. Police were called to a report of a car break-in. When they arrived, they found our bozo still inside the car, looking very confused. When they ordered him out of the car, he said he couldn’t because the driver side door was locked and he couldn’t unlock it. The cops then informed him that cars have TWO doors, and the passenger side door was not locked. Duh. He’s been charged with automobile burglary.

February 23, 2012

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report from Oakland, California, where bozo Paul Harper wanted to smuggle some marijuana on to his commercial airline flight. So, he came up with what he thought was a great plan. He would hide the pot inside a jar of Skippy peanut butter, which he would then place into his luggage. This might have been a good idea except for one thing. Peanut butter is on the list of substances banned from flights under aviation security rules. Oops. He’s busted!

February 22, 2012

Bozo criminal for today comes from Altoona, Pennsylvania, where bozo Mateen Jacobs hit the jackpot, winning $2500 playing blackjack at a casino near Philadelphia. So, why does this land him in our bozo criminal report? For the simple reason that he was a wanted man, with several outstanding drug charges on the books. When he went to claim his money, he had to produce an ID and he was busted. And, even after being arrested, he tried to play it cool, telling the officers that he knew he was going to be arrested soon and he had only visited the casino to win enough money to make bail.

February 21, 2012

Our bozo for today once again proves the adage that the dog is not the bozo’s best friend. From the International File in Asuncion, Paraguay, comes the story of three prison inmates who thought they had come up with the perfect escape plan. They dug a tunnel about 26 feet from their cell to an area just outside prison walls. Just as they burst forth from underground, guess who happened to be passing by? Right, a stray dog who immediately began barking loudly. The dog made enough racket that a guard on the southern edge of the prison noticed what was going on and nabbed them before they were able to make their getaway. Good doggie!

February 17, 2012

Bozo criminals for today from Lawrenceville, Georgia thought they had come up with a sure-fire money making scheme. They would sell fake Nike Air Jordan shoes for a big profit. After loading 78 pair into the trunk of their car, they headed down Interstate 85 northeast of Atlanta. Their problems began when a state trooper pulled them over for speeding. Their problems got worse when he checked their trunk and discovered something strange about the Nike Air Jordans. It seems the image of Michael on the shoes had six fingers on his hand. Oops. They’re busted!

February 16, 2012

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk James Sutter for sending in today’s report. From Ambridge, Pennsylvania, comes the story of bozo Frank Thompson who was a passenger in a car that was pulled over after a patrolman noticed it was being driven erratically. Now, most people who are riding shotgun in such a situation would know enough to keep quiet, but keep in mind we’re dealing with a bozo here. As the officer tried to talk to the driver, our bozo kept mumbling aloud. When the officer tried to quiet him down, he started struggling, resulting in his being zapped with a stun gun. And that’s when the reason for his mumbling became apparent. Out of his mouth flew 23 individually wrapped pieces of crack cocaine. He’s busted!

February 15, 2012

Bozo criminal for today comes from Evanston, Wyoming, where bozo Richard Vail was on the run from the cops, wanted for violating parole on a murder and escape conviction in Georgia. When he ran out of gas, he did what any bozo would do, he called the local sheriff’s department for roadside assistance. Bad idea. Even though he was in Wyoming, his Georgia warrant still showed up in the computers. Oops. He’s under arrest.

February 10, 2012

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Howard Rost for sending in today’s report. From Rochester, New York, comes the story of Bozo graffiti artist Oliver Green, who tagged a bridge with disparaging remarks about President Obama. City crews removed the graffiti, only to have it return a few days later. They removed it again, and again it returned. The process happened three more times before the cops decided it might be a good idea to stake out the bridge. And, lo and behold, the cops noticed a car with anti-Obama slogans painted all over it approaching the bridge. Yep, it was our bozo returning to the scene of the crime once again. He’s busted!

February 9, 2012

Our bozo for today comes from Port St. Lucie, Florida, where Maureen Rhoades was pulled over after an officer saw her driving erratically. After noticing she smelled of alcohol and seeing an empty glass in the street, the officer ordered her out of the car to take a field sobriety test. It was her response to his request that landed her in the Bozo Hall of Fame. She told the officer she couldn’t take the test because her "big boobies" made her unstable. That’s not an acceptable excuse. She was arrested on suspicion of driving under the influence.

February 8, 2012

Bozo criminal for today comes from Letcher County, Kentucky, where bozo Andrew Tarver broke into a supermarket. This alone would not necessarily qualify as bozo activity. It was what he was wearing that landed him the the Bozo Hall of Fame. When the cops arrived, they found our bozo inside, wearing only a pair of black boots, with his entire body covered in peanut butter and chocolate. Sort of a Bozo Reece’s Peanut Butter Cup. Police said our bozo had apparently seen the error of his ways, as he had written the word "Sorry" on the floor in Nyquil. He’s been charged with burglary, criminal mischief and indecent exposure.

February 7, 2012

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Randy Shereda for sending in today’s report from Stock Island, Florida. Bozo Eli Ellis forgot very important Bozo Rule Number 22375: A bank robber’s mask should cover his face. Our bozo placed a pair of shorts on his head, apparently planning to pull them down over his face when he entered the bank. Unfortunately, he forgot to do so, and when he walked up to the teller, his face was in full view, as were the shorts on the top of his head. The teller didn’t understand his request for money and when she asked him to repeat it, he simply said "Nevermind" and walked out of the bank. The cops were called and our bozo was quickly apprehended, after attempting to flee the scene on his bicycle.

February 6, 2012

Our bozo for this morning from Butte, Montana, comes from our Be Careful What You Wish For Department. It seems bozo John Haynes was compiling a "bucket list", a list of things he wanted to do before he died. And one of the things on his list was to be part of a police chase. So, he followed a police patrol car for seven blocks before pulling around and leading the cop on a chase at speeds exceeding 100 MPH. Bad idea. When the cops pulled him over, he told them he had "just always wanted" to be part of a police chase. He got his wish. Wonder if he "always wanted" to be charged with reckless driving and eluding the police. He got that, too.

February 3, 2012

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report from Bangor, Maine. Police were called to a liquor store to investigate a report of a theft of a bottle of Sambuca. Apparently a man had grabbed the bottle and fled, with the help of a woman who accompanied him. Police had little trouble tracking the pair down, as there were tracks in the fresh snow outside leading to a nearby apartment. Once inside, they found only the alleged female accomplice, her male friend was nowhere in sight. Well, almost nowhere in sight. One of the officers noticed a large pile of clothes on the bathroom floor. And when they looked closer, they noticed a leg was sticking out. Oops. They’re both under arrest.

February 2, 2012

Bozo criminal for today comes from Hartford, Connecticut, where our unidentified bozo enjoyed a $9.15 breakfast and presented a credit card for payment. When the card was rejected, our bozo had the server run the card again. And again it was rejected. So, she offered up cash or another card for payment, right? Nope. Instead, she made a run for it, running out the door and jumping into her car. The cops quickly arrived, and, after being given her license number tracked her down. But she still wasn’t giving up, leading the cops on a high speed chase before she finally crashed into a police cruiser. All for a ten dollar breakfast? Not quite. When she got out of the car, a baggie of cocaine fell out of her shoe. She’s busted!

February 1, 2012

Our bozo for today let his road rage get the best of him and that’s what landed him in our Bozo Hall of Fame. From Mount Juliet, Tennessee, comes the story of bozo Warren Morris who was in a hurry to get somewhere when he came upon vehicle parked in the middle of the street, blocking his way. After his honking drew no response, he noticed there was no one inside. So, he did what any bozo would do. He got out of his car, climbed into the vehicle, and prepared to move it out of his way. Bad idea. You see, the vehicle blocking his way was an ambulance and EMT technicians were inside a residence, preparing a patient for transport. Don’t know where he was in such a hurry to get to, but he didn’t make it. He’s been charged with unauthorized use of a vehicle.