Dave Moreland's Bozo Criminal of the Day - The world famous daily report on dumb crimes

October 31, 2011

Bozo criminal for today comes from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, where bozo Sean Farmer walked into a bar and ordered a Reuben sandwich. When it arrived, he grabbed it and bolted for the door without paying. Employees of the bar watched in amazement as our bozo hopped into his getaway vehicle…a forklift. The cops were called and our bozo was quickly apprehended, still in the bar’s parking lot. It seems our bozo, who had stolen the forklift earlier, couldn’t figure out how to get the contraption into reverse. He’s busted!

October 28, 2011

Bozo criminal for today comes from Colorado Springs, Colorado, where bozo Kevin Taylor had set up a little late night rendezvous with a woman he had met on line. His plans went awry when his girlfriend showed up at his home a few minutes before his date was scheduled to arrive. When his would be lover knocked on the door, our bozo pretended she was a burglar and called the cops. It didn’t take the police long to figure out what was going on. Our bozo has been charged with making a false report to police. And he’s no doubt looking for a new girlfriend.

October 27, 2011

Our bozos for today obviously never heard of the book All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten. One of the basic rules in that book is, of course, "Flush", and not only did these guys not flush, they never even made it to the toilet. From the International File in Vara, Sweden, comes the story of two bozo robbers who broke into a home, tied up the residents, and took almost $9000 worth of cash and equipment. One thing kept them from making a "clean" getaway. Before driving away, they both pooped on the ground near their getaway vehicle. Yuk. Police were able to extract DNA evidence from the excrement which led to our bozos’ arrest.

October 26, 2011

With Halloween approaching, our bozos are up to their usual "tricks." From Eric County, Pennsylvania comes the story of bozo Brody Hastings who got drunk and decided he would go door-to-door exposing himself to "scare the kids." His ill-conceived plan came to a screeching halt when he knocked on the door of the chief of police. Oops. He’s under arrest.

October 25, 2011

Our bozo for today is not a criminal, but what his friends did to him is definitely a crime. From Vallejo, California, comes the story of a bozo who accepted a challenge from his friends who bet him that he couldn’t squeeze himself into a child’s swing at a neighborhood park. Our bozo lubed himself up with laundry detergent before sliding his legs into the two small holes on the swing. He made it in, but couldn’t extricate himself. And that’s when his friends pulled their bozo act. Perhaps to keep from having to pay off on the $100 bet, they simply left him swinging. He apparently was stuck for nine hours before police were called to free him. A hospital spokesman says he suffered no major injuries.

October 24, 2011

Bozo Criminal for today comes from the International File in Obernburg, Germany, where our unidentified bozo walked into a jewelry store and presented a bracelet to have cleaned. On her way out, she grabbed a tray filled with $14,000 worth of gold and silver jewelry from a glass case. She didn’t get very far with her loot, however. Remember that bracelet she had brought in for cleaning? She gave the clerk her correct name and address when she handed it to her. Oops. She’s under arrest.

October 21, 2011

Bozo criminal for today forgot Bozo Rule Number 445576: Just because you’re wearing the costume, it doesn’t give you super powers. From Jacksonville, North Carolina, comes the story of bozo Dale Farmer who walked into a convenience store wearing a Spider-Man mask and carrying a samurai sword. He approached the clerk and demanded cash. Immediately recognizing him as a bozo, the clerk grabbed a broom handle and hit him in the stomach and on the head. Another clerk joined the fracas and our bozo’s mask was ripped off and part of his ponytail torn out. Seeing the error of his ways, our bozo fled to a nearby house. Our cops found him there, with a freshly shaved head that only served to show the lumps on his noggin left by the broom handle. He’s under arrest.

October 20, 2011

Bozo criminal for today comes from Cedar Rapids, Iowa, where police were called to a motel to investigate a report of suspicious behavior. Or, perhaps more accurately, bozo behavior. It seems residents of the motel had complained that our bozo had been spraying air freshener all up and down the hallway. He apparently didn’t spray enough. The cops were able to smell the aroma of marijuana coming from underneath his door. He’s busted!

October 19, 2011

Sometimes it’s just bad timing that does our bozos in…along with their own stupidity, that is. From Elkton, Maryland, comes the story of a couple of bozos who were hauling $325,000 worth of marijuana in their van. The heavy load was more than the van’s tires could handle and our bozos were on the side of the road trying to change the tire when a police officer rolled by. And not just any officer, either. An officer returning home from a drug training class. And apparently one of the things they taught him in class was to be on the lookout for bozos. He stopped to help them and noticed the heavy load they were carrying. They’re busted!

October 18, 2011

Bozo criminals for today from New Castle, Pennsylvania must have listened to that song "High Hopes" one time too many. Because they must have figured if an ant could move a rubber tree plant, they could move a 15 ton bridge. And, like that ant, they succeeded. After our bozos dismantled the huge metal bridge, they went to a recycling company and tried to sell what was left of it for scrap. Guess they didn’t think that a couple of 20 somethings trying to sell a 15 ton metal bridge would arouse any suspicions. It did. The recycler called the cops and our bozos were placed under arrest.

October 17, 2011

Bozo criminal for today comes from our Bozo Lonely Hearts Club. From Lake Wales, Florida, comes the story of bozo Hanna Brown who was upset that her boyfriend had taken up with a new girl. After thinking long and hard about what to do, she fired up her 1996 Dodge Neon and headed over to his house. So she walked up to the door and demanded to talk to him? Nope. Maybe called him on the cell phone and asked him to come outside? No way. Rammed the Dodge into the boyfriends house five times, crashing into the girlfriends car in the process before driving away when the cops showed up? Yep. The amazing thing is the Neon was still running. She’s under arrest.

October 13, 2011

Bozo criminal for today comes from Roswell, New Mexico where bozo Anna Davis was new in town and wasn’t sure where to find some marijuana. So, she did what any bozo would do…she placed an ad "looking for Mary Jane" on Craig’s list. Not surprisingly, this attracted a lot of attention, including a response from the local cops. They set up a "buy" in a local parking lot and our bozo was placed under arrest.

October 12, 2011

Based on recent Bozo Criminal activity, it would appear Facebook is one of the most effective crime fighting programs ever invented. From Albuquerque, New Mexico, comes the story of bozo Oscar Gonzalez who broke into a home and stole several items. Unfortunately, he left behind his cell phone. And even more unfortunately, the cell phone’s Facebook app led the cops directly to our bozo. And to add to his woes, when the cops came to arrest him, he fired six shots at them…from a BB gun. He’s in jail.

October 11, 2011

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report. Bozo Kelly Sawyer of Binghamton, New York just loves doggies. That in itself, of course is not a crime. But, there were, as we say, incriminating circumstances. It seems our bozo was attracted to K-9 officer Tarah, who was on patrol with his handler. When our bozo leaned over to pet Tarah, the dog detected the smell of marijuana and alerted the officer. Oops. He’s busted!

October 10, 2011

Bozo criminal for today comes from Carlsbad, New Mexico, where bozo Benito Ramero got into a scuffle with his ex-wife, allegedly hitting her and pulling her hair. Police were called and the fight was broken up. It was then that our bozo revealed the reason for the fight. She had failed to "like" a comment he made on Facebook. He’s under arrest.

October 7, 2011

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Fred McKinney for sending in today’s report from McDonough, Georgia. It seems our bozo broke into a vehicle and took several items, including a cell phone. He then just couldn’t wait to try out all the features on the phone. He began by taking a picture of himself. Bad idea. First, he’s an ugly sucker. And second, the way the victim’s phone settings were set, it automatically posted the photo on her Facebook page. Oops. Police expect to make an arrest shortly.

October 6, 2011

Once again today we have a story of a bozo who was foiled by modern technology. From the International File in Geneva, Switzerland, comes the story of an unidentified bozo who was being questioned by the cops on an unrelated case when the issue of his traffic violations came up. He denied ever speeding in his Bentley Continental, but his cell phone proved otherwise. Apparently he wanted to prove to his friends just how fast the Bentley would go, so he took a photo of the speedometer, showing it going well over posted limits. Unfortunately he also took pictures of the road, revealing where he was. And the phone also put a date and time stamp on the picture. Sort of a do-it-yourself traffic cam. His license has been suspended pending trial.

October 5, 2011

Bozo criminal for today comes from Cobb County, Georgia, where bozo Shanla Stone drove to a car park to negotiate a drug deal. She got out of the car and was finalizing the deal with her customer when a shotgun blast blew a hole in the roof of her minivan. It seems our bozo had taken her three-year-old child along on the drug run and the child had found a shotgun in the backseat and decided to try it out. Luckily, no one was injured but a passer-by reported the incident to the cops, which resulted in our bozo being placed under arrest.

October 4, 2011

Our bozo for today from Yakima, Washington, confirms what we’ve long known…bozos and modern technology are a dangerous combination. Nineteen year old bozo Robert Carson was speeding on his motorcycle when a deputy sheriff gave chase. The chase didn’t last long, however, as our bozo quickly left the deputy in the dust. Apparently this so pleased our bozo that he immediately headed home and bragged about his exploits on Facebook, even posting a photo of the motorcycle. Bad idea. Cops have access to Facebook, too. He’s under arrest.

October 3, 2011

Bozo criminal for today comes from Chicago, Illinois, where our unidentified 37-year old bozo wanted to take a ride in an ambulance. And it just so happened that he came upon an unoccupied one as he was walking past a hospital. Seizing the moment, he hopped in and took off. And that’s when things started to go wrong. Apparently he was unprepared for the powerful acceleration and sensitive steering in the ambulance as he veered all over the road and hit several vehicles during the first mile of his drive. Or maybe he was just really drunk. Anyway, he crashed the vehicle a mile and a half away. He did get his wish to ride in an ambulance, though. He was transported by ambulance to the hospital for treatment pending his arrest.