Dave Moreland's Bozo Criminal of the Day - The world famous daily report on dumb crimes

August 27, 2010

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report from Falmouth, Massachusetts, where police officers were trying to catch a thief who had been breaking into cars. So, they placed a "bait car" in a local park and stocked it with tempting goodies, and then settled in nearby in an unmarked van to watch what happened. They didn’t have to wait long. An 18 year-old man walked up, smoking marijuana in a pipe made out of a carrot, and busted out the window. Of the surveillance vehicle, not the bait car. Police officers popped out and placed our bozo under arrest.

August 26, 2010

Bozo criminal for today comes from Eden, New York. Our unidentified bozo placed a dust mask around his neck before entering a bank. Guess he planned to pull it up to conceal his face when he got to the teller’s window, but he forgot. The teller had already gotten a good look at him by the time he passed her the hold-up note. Then his cell phone rang. Apparently it was his getaway car driver calling to remind him that he needed to pull up his mask. And he may have also been calling to tell him that the bank was right across the street from the police station. Either way, our frustrated bozo gave up and ran from the bank. Police expect to make an arrest shortly.

August 25, 2010

Bozo criminals for today come from Elma, Washington, where two unidentified bozos broke into a residence while the homeowner was away on vacation. A neighbor who came by to pick up the mail noticed something was amiss and opened the door. He couldn’t have been more shocked by what he saw. Our bozos, naked on the floor, "in flagrante delicto." With a video camera set up and recording the whole thing. Yep, they were making their own little porno. Our bozos fled out the back door but left the video camera behind. One of the cops recognized the "star" of the show and they were both placed under arrest.

August 24, 2010

Bozo criminal for today found out the hard way that honesty isn’t the best policy when you’re a bozo. From Kimberton, Pennsylvania, comes the story of bozo Justin Carson who went into the local credit union to cash a check. As he left, he didn’t notice as something fell out of his pocket. That something turned out to be a packet of heroin. The cops were called and they used information from our bozo’s account to track him down. When an officer asked him if he’d lost anything in the bank, he replied, "two bags of heroin." Busted!

August 23, 2010

Bozo criminal for today comes from Athens, Georgia, where bozo Gregg Thomas broke into an elementary school cafeteria. He set off a burglar alarm and was still inside rummaging around when the police arrived. Before they could reach him, our bozo ran out through the back door, dropping his cell phone in the process. The cops couldn’t catch up to him, but one of the officers had an idea. He picked up the phone, looked in the contact list and called the number marked "Ma." His mother picked up and after the cop explained what was going on, she gave him her son’s name and address. He’s under arrest.

August 20, 2010

Bozo criminals for today violated seldom used Bozo Rule Number 575701: When selecting an animal to guard your marijuana crop, make sure it actually "guards." From the International File in Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada, comes the story of a bozo husband and wife team who had a large marijuana growing operation, with over 1000 plants covering two large outdoor plots. Our bozos apparently knew that they had a valuable commodity that needed to be protected. So, they brought in 10 large black bears to guard the place. Don’t know whether the bears were never properly trained or whether they’d simply been dipping into the crop, but when the cops arrived they found 10 of the most laid-back, docile bears you’d ever want to see. According to the cops, they were just "laying around watching," and saying the bear version of "Wow, man"! Busted!

August 19, 2010

Bozo criminal for today did something that no doubt most of us have thought about at least once. It was how he went about it that got him into trouble. Bozo Richard Wilkinson was picking up a few items in the grocery store and as he was heading for the checkout lane, when a woman stepped in front of him. She walked up to the express lane, which was empty, and asked the clerk if she could check out there even though she had more than the required 10 items. The clerk let her proceed and that set our bozo off. He started berating her, calling her fat and ugly and in general causing a disturbance. She called 911. Our bozo was issued a $429 fine. No word on whether he ever got to use the express lane.

August 18, 2010

Bozo criminal for today comes from Waterloo, Iowa, where bozo Terrance Mitchell loves video equipment. Loves it a lot, but unfortunately can’t afford it. So he did what any Bozo would do, he stole some. Unfortunately, what he stole was the video surveillance camera from a local home improvement store. And the store’s other cameras caught him in the act of swiping it. Store employees chased him down and caught him before he got out of the parking lot.

August 17, 2010

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Jim Kelly for sending in today’s report. Bozo Carlos Ruiz had just landed a job at the local TGI Fridays but apparently still needed to supplement his income. So, he visited Sears and shoplifted a watch from a display table. When the store’s security guard approached him, he handed over the watch. Then, for reasons known only to the Bozo Mind, he shoved the officer and ran out of the mall. Unfortunately, during the scuffle, he dropped a bag he was carrying. And even more unfortunately, that bag was from TGI Fridays and contained information that he had just been hired. Oops. That new job will have to wait. He’s been arrested.

August 16, 2010

This has been a very hot summer and we have to think that perhaps the heat was the reason for our bozo for today’s actions. From the International File in Hamilton, Ontario, Canada comes the story of bozo Charles Olson who went for a ride on his motorcycle. The problem was that he failed to get dressed for the trip. Literally. He was wearing a t-shirt and nothing else. Needless to say, his lack of clothing attracted quite a bit of attention, including that of a police officer. Hopefully he was given a pair of pants before being taken to jail.

August 13, 2010

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Jim Kelly for sending in today’s report from Fort Myers, Florida. Police were searching a residence after getting a report that bozo fugitive Tyler Blair might be hiding there. Our bozo was nowhere to be found, but one of the officers had a plan. He had our bozo’s cell phone number and dialed it. Immediately they heard a ring tone coming from a bedroom closet. Yep, that’s where he was hiding. Busted!

August 12, 2010

Bozo criminal for today forgot all-important Bozo Rule Number 110098: First, check the gas gauge. From Wenatchee, Washington, comes the story of bozo Paul Caldwell who stole items worth over $10,000 from a Native American collectibles shop. The police were called and they found our bozo on foot a short distance away from the crime scene. And the reason he was on foot was found near the store. His getaway car, stalled out due to an empty gas tank. Oops. He’s under arrest.

August 11, 2010

Bozo criminals for today come from Springfield, Missouri, where three women skipped out on their bill at the local Waffle House by running out the front door when they were presented with the check. Unfortunately for the ladies, they left behind two of their purses when they made a break for it. Police were called, and wouldn’t you know it, a short time later one of our bozos came back in, demanding that their purses be returned. They’re busted!

August 10, 2010

Bozo criminal for today comes from Sarasota, Florida, where bozo Gerald Martin triggered a burglar alarm when he broke into a residence. When the police arrived, they found our bozo inside, carrying a stack of jewelry and other items that he had picked up. It was when they confronted him that he offered up the Bozo Excuse of the Week. He told the cops that he had robbed the place last year and he had simply returned to leave a thank-you note. While the police appreciated his good manners, they weren’t buying the story. He’s under arrest.

August 9, 2010

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Dave Benoit for sending in today’s report. From Boston, Massachusetts, comes the story of bozo Saeed Mustafa who approached an off-duty police officer and said, "Hey! You want to buy some dope?" Our bozo then pulled out a clear baggie containing a substance believed to be heroin. It was when the officer identified himself that our bozo offered up the Bozo Backtrack of the Week. He then said "I was just kidding. It’s my thyroid medicine." The officer didn’t buy the old thyroid medicine excuse. He’s busted.

August 6, 2010

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Sarnia, Ontario, Canada. Bozo Russell Stone broke into a residence and hauled out tools, woodworking equipment and various other items. Unfortunately, he only hauled them out into the front yard, where he set up a big garage sale. Yep, he broke into the house and then proceeded to try to sell the stuff in the front yard. Things were going pretty well until suspicious neighbors called the cops. He’s busted.

August 5, 2010

We can’t confirm, but we suspect our bozo criminal for today might have decided it was time to play possum. Bozo Derrick Thibideaux attempted to break into the mobile home of an 82 year old woman in Walker, Louisiana. Our homeowner was totally prepared. She grabbed her trusty crowbar with one hand and dialed 911 with the other. And that’s when our bozo moved into possum mode. When he saw her, he passed out. Sleeping beauty was awakened and taken to jail.

August 4, 2010

Bozo criminal for today comes from St. Augustine, Florida, where bozo George McMeans had worked up quite a thirst. He had a problem, however. He was out of beer and he had no transportation. So, he did what any bozo would do, he called 911 from his room at the Budget Inn and asked for a ride. The dispatcher told him that 911 wasn’t a taxi service and hung up. Undeterred, our bozo called a second time. This time officers were sent to the motel to tell him he would be arrested if he continued to call 911 for non-emergencies. Obviously this man was severely dehydrated as he called a third time. This time when the officers returned, they took a look around the room and discovered marijuana. Oops. He’s busted! He’s been charged with 911 abuse and drug possession.

August 3, 2010

Bozo criminals for today come from Jackson, Mississippi, where a group of bozos came up with what they thought was a fantastic money making scheme: Sell fake computers. Might have been a good idea except for what they tried to pass off as a computer. A block of wood wrapped in duct tape. Yep, they attached a Toshiba label on the block and tried to sell it as a laptop. They were caught when they tried to sell one of the "computers" to an off duty state trooper. As far as can be determined, no one bought one of the fake machines.

August 2, 2010

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Fred McKinney for sending in today’s report from the International File in New Westminster, Canada. Bozo Paul Wilkinson knew the local Starbucks did a lot of business so he thought it would be a good place to rob. Guess he didn’t take into account what a wide variety of customers that Starbucks attracts. He walked in, threw a can at the cashier and demanded all the money in the register. Unfortunately, he did not notice the two uniformed police officers who were standing at the counter waiting for their order. Oops. He’s under arrest.