Dave Moreland's Bozo Criminal of the Day - The world famous daily report on dumb crimes

March 3, 2010

Bozo criminal for today from Hyannis, Massachusetts, sounds like something that could have happened on "The Bachelor" TV show. 22-year-old Marissa Peters had just gotten married and was preparing to leave the ceremony with the groom when she spotted an old flame of her new husband in the parking lot. Guess there must have been some "old business" between the two, as she jumped in her car and tried to run down the ex. Fortunately her aim had been effected by the bottle of champagne she had at the reception. The old flame was uninjured. The bride spent her wedding night in jail.

March 2, 2010

There’s no way our bozo for today can be called a criminal, but his behavior confirms without a doubt that he is indeed a bozo. From the International File in Castle Donington, England, comes the story of an unidentified bozo who was on a Ryanair flight from Poland to England when he discovered the scratch off lottery card he was holding was a winner, worth $13,620. Our bozo understandably became very excited, but there’s no explanation for what he did next. He demanded that the airline crew cash his scratch off ticket right then, on the plane, in mid-air. When the crew informed him that there was not sufficient money on board to cash the ticket, he did what only the rarest of bozos would do. He ate the ticket. Chewed it up and swallowed it. Bad idea. Lottery officials say since there is now no evidence that he held a winning ticket, the money will be donated to charity. Next time he should try the airline’s peanuts instead.

March 1, 2010

With all the bad weather in recent weeks, you knew sooner or later we’d have a case of a Bozo Foiled by Mother Nature. From South Burlington, Vermont, comes the story of bozo Derek West who broke into a store around 4 AM Saturday morning. Seems like a good time to do it, as there aren’t many people around at that hour. Except for one thing. When you’re the only guy around it makes it really easy for the cops to follow your footprints in the snow. And that’s just what the police did, right back to his house. He’s busted!