Dave Moreland's Bozo Criminal of the Day - The world famous daily report on dumb crimes

March 31, 2009

Thanks to several Bozo News Hawks for sending in today’s report from Harrisburg, Pennsylvania. Bozo Shawn Moore flashed a gun at a man in a convention center restroom and demanded that he hand over his cash. The man gave him his money and cell phone, but our bozo was apprehended almost as soon as he ran out of the men’s room. You see, the convention center was hosting a gathering of over 300 narcotics officers from across the state. Needless to say, he’s under arrest.

March 30, 2009

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Kenny Perkey for sending in today’s report from Sacramento, California, where there had been a rash of broken windows reported in recent weeks, costing local businesses thousands of dollars to replace. Cops had no leads until surveillance cameras caught a white van near the scene of several of the crimes. And when the cops pulled over Bozo Arthur Cooke, they found a slingshot and a bunch of ball bearings inside the van. He had apparently been using a slingshot to shoot out the windows as he drove by. But what qualifies him as a true bozo is his profession. He owns a glass and mirror shop and was just drumming up a little business for himself. He’s busted!

March 27, 2009

Bozo criminal for today from Indian River County, Florida, made it really easy for the cops. He walked into a liquor store, picked up a bottle of vodka and told the clerk he wasn’t paying for it. As he was walking out, he told her he would be drinking it around the back of the store and if she wanted to call the cops, that’s where they’d find him. She did. They did…find him. They also arrested him.

March 26, 2009

Bozo criminal for today comes from Des Moines, Iowa, where bozo David Welch walked into a Domino’s Pizza, told the clerk he had a gun and demanded money. He got away with $117 but was followed by two Domino’s managers who confronted him a short distance down the street and demanded he return the money. He told them he only needed $20 and gave them the rest back. He should have returned it all. $20 is still theft. The cops arrested him a few minutes later at his nearby apartment.

March 25, 2009

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Fred McKinney for sending in today’s report from Springfield, Missouri. Most people know that when the traffic department places road cones across a roadway it means you should not enter. Apparently this fact was lost on bozo Jane Thomas who drove around the road cones and onto a closed exit ramp. She didn’t drive very far, however. The ramp was closed because fresh concrete had been poured on the road surface. A tow truck had to pull the stuck car out. Our "hardened" criminal has been arrested.

March 24, 2009

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Richard Boyle for sending in today’s report. From Chicago, Illinois, comes the story of bozo James Teel who would lure cash-laden victims by placing ads on Craig’s List for expensive cars and other items. When they showed up to view the items, he would rob them, taking cash, jewelry and expensive clothes. His plan might have worked except that he would then turn around and post pictures of himself wearing the stolen items on his My Space page. One of the victims spotted him there and he was quickly placed under arrest.

March 23, 2009

Bozo criminal for today comes from El Cerrito, California, where bozo Anthony Carlson visited the Department of Motor Vehicles office to register his car. Which would have been OK except for one little thing. The car he wanted to register was one he had recently stolen. Oops. He’s under arrest.

March 20, 2009

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Fred McKinney for sending in today’s report from Poplar Bluff, Missouri. Bozo Shannon Davis was in jail on burglary charges and since she didn’t have money for bail, she hatched our Bozo Scheme of the Week. She called her sister on the jailhouse phone and, ignoring the signs all around that said phone calls were monitored and recorded, came up with a plan to have her sister burglarize the store where she worked. The cops were in on the plan from the beginning and placed our bozo’s sister under arrest when she showed up to pay her bail with a fistful of stolen cash. They now have adjoining cells.

March 19, 2009

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Portsmouth, England. We’re not sure, but it looks like allergies could be as big a problem in England this time of the year as they are around here…and that’s just what got our bozo arrested. Bozo Timothy McCain broke into a residence and got away with a television set and a jacket. He made a clean getaway except for one thing, a used handkerchief that he left at the scene. Cops were able to extract DNA from the hanky, which matched to our bozo, who already had several priors for burglary. He’s busted.

March 18, 2009

Bozo criminal for today comes from Biddeford, Maine, where bozo Mary Green went into a convenience store and threatened to blow her own head off if the clerk didn’t empty the register. He gave her several hundred dollars and then watched her walk across the street to a pizza restaurant, where she ordered herself a pepperoni pizza and calmly sat down to wait for her order. She was still waiting when the cops arrived.

March 17, 2009

Bozo criminal for today comes from Burlington, Vermont, where bozo Marcel French wanted a trophy deer really bad. So bad that he used epoxy glue and lag bolts to attach a 10-point rack to an antlerless deer. Guess he must not have tightened those lag bolts down enough. The game warden was tipped off and said, in addition to looking out of place on a small deer, the antlers wiggled like a loose tooth when you grabbed them. Oops. He’s been fined and jailed for game violations.

March 16, 2009

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report. From Seattle, Washington, comes the story of bozo James Green who was clocked by the cops doing 110 MPH on Interstate 90. It was when the cops asked him why he was in such a hurry that he offered up the Bozo Excuse of the Week. He told them that he was trying to get home before bidding closed on an e-Bay auction item that he wanted. Wonder if it was a radar detector? Anyway, the cops didn’t buy his excuse. He’s under arrest.

March 13, 2009

Bozo criminal for today comes from Sheboygan, Wisconsin, where Bozo Kristopher Lane broke into the local tavern and stole four cases of beer. Police were able to track him down because he left one vital piece of evidence at the scene. Something that, if he had only used it, might have kept him from heading down the road to a life of crime. Police used the information on the library card that our bozo dropped to track him down and place him under arrest.

March 12, 2009

Bozo criminal for today comes from Atlanta, Georgia, where bozo Thomas Baxter broke into a liquor store by climbing in through a hole in the roof. Unfortunately, he didn’t have an exit strategy. He couldn’t climb back up to the roof and burglar bars on the doors and windows kept him from getting out that way. So, he made himself at home until the police arrived. They found him with a bottle of gin in his hand and his pockets stuffed with playing cards and cigarette lighters. He’s under arrest.

March 11, 2009

Bozo criminal for today comes from Jacksonville, Florida, where police pulled over Bozo Ryan Smith after receiving a tip that he was hauling marijuana in his pickup truck. Upon inspection, the cops discovered that he was indeed transporting 17 pot plants. It was then that Ryan offered up the Bozo Excuse of the Week. He told the cops that burglars had been active in his neighborhood and he was moving the plants to another location for safekeeping. The cops weren’t sympathetic. He’s busted!

March 10, 2009

Our bozo for today probably doesn’t deserve the title of "criminal." In fact, he did something that most likely we’ve all thought about doing after dealing with a government agency. From Swanzey, New Hampshire, comes the story of bozo Robert Yates who was upset because his Social Security check had not been deposited into his account as usual. So, he called the Social Security office to complain. After negotiating a complicated voice mail system, he was then shifted from one employee to another until he was put on hold for almost an hour. When someone finally came back on the line, he blew a gasket and said he was going to kill the first person he found at the Social Security office. They took his treat seriously and our bozo was arrested and charged with criminal threatening. And to add insult to injury, when he returned home, he found his Social Security check waiting for him in the mailbox. He had forgotten that he had cancelled his direct deposit.

March 9, 2009

Bozo criminal for today comes from Chicago, Illinois, where bozo Dan Bates was smitten with a co-worker, but he couldn’t get her to pay any attention to him. So, he hatched the ultimate bozo scheme. He put on a ski mask and a hood and went to her work area where he threatened to kill her before running away. Building security was then called and, who should show up to offer comfort and support, but our bozo, without the mask and hood. Unfortunately, he didn’t bring a change of clothes and she quickly identified him as her attacker. He’s under arrest.

March 6, 2009

Bozo criminal for today comes from Charleston, West Virginia, where bozo Shawn Lucas walked into a convenience store, told the clerk he had a gun and demanded that she empty the register. At that very moment, a customer walked in and our bozo got flustered. So flustered that he told the clerk to give him a soft drink, which he paid for with his debit card. Oops. Cops used the debit card to track down and arrest our bozo for attempted robbery.

March 5, 2009

Bozo criminal for today comes from Millington, Tennessee, where bozo Eric McDuff broke into a home and stole a big screen TV. While he was in the house, he took a little break and called the boyfriend of the victim on his cell phone, which he then proceeded to leave on the entertainment center. Our bozo was arrested when he called the victim and asked if he could have his cell phone back.

March 4, 2009

Thanks to several Bozo News Hawks for sending in today’s report from Chula Vista, California. Bozo Romeo Moreno was a suspect on the run from the local cops in connection with a December robbery. Police had no clues to his whereabouts until he sent in an application for a police officers’ exam that the local department was holding. Yep, he wanted to give up crime and become a cop. Detectives were waiting at the registration table for him when he arrived. He’s under arrest.