Dave Moreland's Bozo Criminal of the Day - The world famous daily report on dumb crimes

February 27, 2009

Bozo criminal for today comes from New York City where bozo Raymond Green pulled a knife on a deli owner and escaped with two bottles of malt liquor. Officers followed our bozo back to his apartment building but accidentally grabbed a different man who answered the door. As the cops led the man down the street, our bozo opened the window and shouted, "It was me, you idiots, you arrested the wrong guy!" It didn’t take them long to correct their mistake. He’s now under arrest.

February 26, 2009

Bozo criminal for today comes from Cedarcrest, Delaware, where bozo Sean Klein broke into a residence and was surprised by the homeowner when he strolled into the den. Our bozo immediately made a beeline for the front door, dropping his cell phone on the way out. While officers were investigating, the cell phone began to ring with the display indicating that the incoming call was from "Mom." The officers answered and Mom gave them all the information they needed to place our bozo under arrest.

February 25, 2009

Bozo criminal for today comes from Camden, Arkansas, where bozo Troy Wade brought a bag containing $88 worth of nickels down to the local bank and asked the teller to change the coins into paper money. When she opened the bag, the teller discovered there was something else in there besides coins. It also contained a .44 caliber handgun. Our bozo hadn’t intended to rob the bank; he had simply forgotten about the gun in the bag. The teller told her supervisor who then called the cops. They searched our bozo’s house and found $16,000 worth of stolen property. He’s busted.

February 24, 2009

Bozo criminal for today comes from Barnstable, Massachusetts, where bozo Ahmad Mustafa showed up at the police station with a pair of handcuffs dangling from one wrist. He told the cops he couldn’t get them off after putting them on at a child’s birthday party. The officers were more than happy to help him remove them and while they were doing so, another officer ran our bozo’s name through their computer database. Turns out he had four outstanding warrants against him, including leaving the scene of an accident and making threats. Oops. They’ve placed a fresh new pair of cuffs on him.

February 23, 2009

(Best of Bozo) Bozo criminal for today comes from Albuquerque, New Mexico, where bozo Charles Anderson went to the county jail to pick up his wife. Our bozo made a number of mistakes along the way. Number one, he drove a stolen truck to the jail to pick her up. Second, he parked it in a handicapped spot, which attracted the attention of one of the deputies. And, third, he left his crack cocaine and pipe in plain view inside the vehicle. Don’t know when his wife will get to come pick him up.

February 20, 2009

(Best of Bozo) Bozo criminal for today violated Bozo Rule Number 6789: When you’ve got it, don’t flaunt it. From Reno, Nevada, comes the story of bozo Ernest Dugan who stole a large amount of money while renovating a woman’s house. Flush with cash, he called his landlord, who also happened to be a police officer, and told him he had $50,000 and wanted to pay his rent several years in advance. Our cop smelled a rat and sent several officers to investigate. Our bozo was arrested when they found $90,000 in cash in his room.

February 19, 2009

Best of Bozo) From Stuart, Florida, comes the story of bozo Shawn Baker who tried to purchase a hot dog and a beer at a convenience store. When the clerk asked our bozo if he was old enough to buy the beer, he simply raised his shirt and showed her a gun tucked into his waistband. When she asked if the gun was real, he took it out and placed it, along with his ID, in the money tray under the protective glass. The alert clerk snatched the gun and called the cops while our bozo fled without paying for his hot dog and beer. To make the case even easier for the cops, our bozo called back about 30 minutes later and asked if he could stop by and pick up his gun and ID. Police officers were waiting for him when he arrived.

February 17, 2009

Best of Bozo) Bozo criminal for today comes from Farmington Hills, Michigan, where bozo Karen Chester was obviously in need of a makeover. Bozo Karen held up a bank and got away with a substantial amount of cash. So, she jumped into a getaway car and fled, right? Wrong. Maybe she just blended in with passersby and vanished? Nope. Instead she walked into the hair salon next door and asked for the works… a haircut and dye and new nails. Her day of beauty was interrupted when shop employees recognized her and called the cops.

February 16, 2009

(Best of Bozo) Bozo criminal for today comes from Albuquerque, New Mexico, where bozo Charles Anderson went to the county jail to pick up his wife. Our bozo made a number of mistakes along the way. Number one, he drove a stolen truck to the jail to pick her up. Second, he parked it in a handicapped spot, which attracted the attention of one of the deputies. And, third, he left his crack cocaine and pipe in plain view inside the vehicle. Don’t know when his wife will get to come pick him up.

February 13, 2009

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Don Reese for sending in today’s report. From Cape Haze, Florida, comes the story of bozo Charles Harris who used a Bowie Knife to hold up a service station, getting away with a small amount of cash. He should have held them up for some gas instead, as officers found him on the side of the road a short distance away, his escape vehicle out of gas.

February 12, 2009

Bozo criminal for today comes from Searcy, Arkansas, where an officer on patrol the other evening was involved in a minor accident with a gentleman on a motorcycle. Since it was an icy evening, with sleet falling, the accident was no surprise. What was surprising was our bozo’s attire, or lack of it. As the officer so colorfully put it, he was "naked as a jaybird." In sub freezing weather. On a motorcycle. He was at a loss to explain why. He’s been charged with indecent exposure, reckless driving and driving without a license.

February 11, 2009

Bozo criminal for today comes from Upper Darby, Pennsylvania, where bozo Robert Fenton pulled off a heist from a local pharmacy, getting away with about $400,000 worth of drugs. It looked like our bozo had pulled off the perfect crime…he had disabled the store’s alarm and security systems and the cops had no leads. That is, until they received a phone call from our bozo’s neighbor. He told them that our bozo’s car had been parked in the driveway for several days with the keys left dangling in the trunk’s lock. Police came by to check it out and when they opened the trunk, inside they found a large amount of the stolen drugs and a gym bag with our bozo’s name and address in it. Oops. He’s busted!

February 10, 2009

Bozo criminal for today comes from White Rock, British Columbia, Canada, where bozo Paul Hendrix gave his 11 month-old-son his cell phone to play with. This wouldn’t ordinarily have been a problem but the little tyke managed to hit a speed dial button and called 911. Officers, who thought someone had called them and then hung up, broke down the door of the residence when no one answered their knocks. Once they got inside, they discovered why dad was hesitant to answer the door. He had a 500-plant marijuana farm inside. He’s busted.

February 9, 2009

Bozo criminal for today violated Bozo Rule Number 34076: When carrying illegal items in your vehicle, it’s best to try to avoid obvious traffic violations. From Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, comes the story of bozo Sharon Hill who double-parked her car without using her emergency flashers early the other morning. An officer noticed and, as he approached, her male companion jumped from the car and ran, never a good sign. It was soon obvious why he wanted to run. Inside the car was 60 pounds of marijuana. She’s busted!

February 6, 2009

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Howard Rost for sending in today’s report from the International File in Niagara Falls, Canada. Bozo Mark Painter, from the USA and his girlfriend, Linda Slater, a British citizen, wanted to come to the United States, but Linda was denied entry. They hatched a bozo scheme to get her into the country. The Niagara River was frozen, so she walked across the border on the frozen river to where Mark was waiting for her, on top of the bridge. But the walls of the Niagara gorge were too steep and icy for her to climb, so our bozo climbed down to help her. But he couldn’t climb back up, either. They were stuck there until the cops noticed and rescued them. She did get into the U.S., but for now her residence is in jail.

February 5, 2009

Bozo criminal for today comes from Cleveland, Ohio, where bozo Alex Moreno called 911 to report that two men with guns were watching him and that he feared for his life. When he abruptly hung up, the 911 operator called back only to be told by our bozo to "hold on a minute." And since he didn’t bother to use the Hold button, the operator could hear what was going on while he was holding on. Our bozo was making a drug deal, selling a bundle of heroin. The operator called the cops who stopped by and, finding our bozo in possession of heroin, placed him under arrest.

February 3, 2009

Bozo criminal for today comes from Cheboygan, Michigan, where bozo Howard Keller got lost while hunting and called 911 for help. Police and a Coast Guard helicopter braved high winds and blowing snow to locate him. But our story doesn’t have such a happy ending, at least not for our bozo. After he was rescued, it was discovered he was a convicted felon with outstanding warrants. And did we mention he was prohibited from carrying a weapon, even on a hunting trip? He’s under arrest.

February 2, 2009

Bozo criminal for today comes from Everett, Washington, where bozo Robert Green was trying to make a drug deal from a restroom stall. Only problem, the stall was in the police station restroom. An officer heard what was going on and nabbed our bozo who told the cops he thought he was in a probation office rather than the police station. He wasn’t, and he’s busted!

February 1, 2009

Bozo criminals for today come from the International File in Wellington, New Zealand, where bozos Regan Rhodes and Tiranara Hale were being led back to their jail cells after a court appearance when they decided to make a run for it. Deputies tried to spray them with pepper spray but they quickly recovered and ran out of the courthouse. Unfortunately, they forgot that they were handcuffed together and, in a scene right of the Three Stooges, one went on one side of a lamppost and the other went on the opposite side. Officers helped them to their feet and escorted them back to their cells.