Dave Moreland's Bozo Criminal of the Day - The world famous daily report on dumb crimes

October 3, 2008

Bozo criminal for today comes from our Bozos Never Learn file. From Mukwonago, Wisconsin, comes the story of bozo Paul Carpenter who was running a little low on gas. And, with the cost of fuel these days, he thought rather than buying any, he’d just siphon what he needed from a nearby van. It was late, there wasn’t much light and he couldn’t tell how much gas he had in the container. So, he did what any bozo would do. He used his lighter to check. After being treated for burns, he was arrested.

October 2, 2008

Bozo criminal for today comes from Inyokern, California, where bozo Donald Drake stole about $8000 in cash from a local restaurant. Police had no leads until he showed up in court to pay a fine…in cash…using those stolen bills. Which wouldn’t have been a problem except that the money he stole had been used as decorations on the restaurant’s wall and there was a tradition where the customers would write the name of the restaurant on the bills before pinning them to the wall. The clerk immediately recognized them and our bozo was placed under arrest.

October 1, 2008

Bozo criminals for today come from the International File in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, where it looks like the high cost of gasoline is causing everyone, even our bozos, to try to conserve. Two bozos hijacked a security van with $1.3 million inside. So far, so good. It was when they tried to transfer the money into their gas saving compact car that they ran into trouble. There simply wasn’t enough room in there and they had to leave behind almost $800,000. Police recovered the cash and hopefully will arrest our bozos before they buy a bigger car and try again.