Dave Moreland's Bozo Criminal of the Day - The world famous daily report on dumb crimes

October 31, 2008

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Randy Shereda for sending in today’s report from Frisco, Texas. Bozo James Hathaway broke into and stole a pickup truck from a downtown parking lot. He had gone less than one hundred yards when he came to an intersection with an off-duty police officer directing traffic. Which wouldn’t have been a problem except for the fact that the pickup he chose to steal belonged to the officer. When he saw his own truck headed his way, the officer signaled for our bozo to pull over. Instead, he slammed it into reverse and hit several other vehicles. Oops. He’s under arrest.

October 30, 2008

Bozo criminal for today comes from Stuart, Florida, where bozo Sharon Lewis stole a $300 dress from a local shop. She must have really thought she looked good in it, because less than one week later she was back at the shop looking for another one. One problem…she wore the stolen dress when she returned to the shop. Employees recognized her and called the cops. Busted!

October 29, 2008

Bozo criminal for today comes from Boonville, Indiana, where bozo Jesse Gerard broke into a food co-op with big plans for stealing the anhydrous ammonia used for refrigeration. Unfortunately, during the break-in he accidentally hit the speed dial button on his phone. And even more unfortunately, the speed dial button he hit was for 911. The emergency operator could hear what was going on and, thinking something sounded suspicious, dispatched police to the scene where our bozo was caught in the act. He’s under arrest.

October 28, 2008

Bozo criminal for today comes from Mt. Isa, Australia, where, after carefully studying today’s case, we can only ask, "Why?" About 11 o’clock Saturday night, bozo Stan Wilbanks stripped down to his underwear and put on his bike helmet, upon which he had attached a large number of firecrackers. He then lit the firecrackers and began running up and down the city’s main street. Police didn’t find his little parade particularly charming. He’s been arrested and charged with being a public nuisance and also with unlawful possession of fireworks. We’re just glad he didn’t try to put on his big finale…where he fired a Roman candle down his shorts.

October 27, 2008

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Cliff Weixel for sending in today’s report. From Bismarck, North Dakota, comes the story of four teenage bozos who left the local Applebees without paying their $77 tab. Police didn’t have any trouble tracking them down, however. One of them had filled out the comment card and signed her name to it before walking out.

October 24, 2008

Bozo criminal for today comes from Milford, Connecticut, where bozo Charles Abbott was stopped by the cops for speeding, driving erratically and almost hitting a patrol car. The officer noticed our bozo had a teddy bear and flowers inside the car and asked him why he was in such a hurry. It was his answer that landed him in the Bozo Hall of Fame. He told the cops he was speeding because he was supposed to be meeting Beyonce Knowles on a nearby bridge. Awwww….Maybe she’ll come see him in jail.

October 23, 2008

Bozo criminal for today comes from Mesa, Florida, where bozo Scott Bates broke into a home and was rummaging around when he was surprised by the homeowner, a detention officer. The officer was quickly able to subdue our bozo and found that he had several knives, a large pry bar and other burglary tools in a bag he was carrying. Instead of simply fessing up, our bozo then offered up the Bozo Excuse of the Week. He told the man he broke into his house because he needed to charge his cell phone. Sure. He’s under arrest.

October 22, 2008

Bozo criminal for today comes from San Francisco, California, where bozo Darwin Perez used a cinder block to break a window of a liquor store. As you are no doubt aware, being a bozo is hot, exhausting work, which perhaps explains why our bozo decided to take a little break inside the liquor store’s walk-in beer cooler. And that’s where the cops found him, enjoying a refreshing beverage. He’s busted!

October 21, 2008

Bozo criminal for today comes from Reno, Nevada, where bozo Justin Taylor robbed a tourist at one of the local casinos, grabbing his fanny pack which contained cash and his cell phone. Not able to resist the temptation to try out the phone, our bozo called a relative. When the relative tried to call back a while later, he instead got the victim who had transferred his number to a new phone. When the victim asked him for our bozo’s name and address, he was more than happy to give it to him. Our bozo is under arrest.

October 20, 2008

Bozo criminal for today comes from Altoona, Pennsylvania, where bozo James Carpenter had a bet with his girlfriend that he wouldn’t wear a gorilla suit into a convenience store. He donned the suit around midnight the other night and as he left the store he was spotted by the cops who decided to see just what he was doing. It was after they ran a check on him that they discovered he was a wanted man, with a warrant out for his arrest on theft charges. Oops. Hope they took the suit off him before they took him to jail.

October 17, 2008

Bozo criminal for today comes from Kansas City, Missouri, where bozo Daryl Dodds smashed the window of a vehicle, only to discover that he’d broken into an undercover police car. The smart thing to do at the time would have been to make as quick a getaway as possible. The bozo way is a little different. Our bozo reached inside the police vehicle, leaving behind a clear fingerprint for the cops. He then grabbed a bulletproof vest and a gun from inside and stashed them in the woods behind his home. When the cops ID’ed the fingerprint they called his home, where a relative told them she’d heard him tell someone on his cell phone that he hidden some stuff in the woods. Busted!

October 16, 2008

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Fred McKinney for sending in today’s report. From Vero Beach, Florida, comes the story of bozo Shawn Palmer who pulled up to the drive thru window at the local McDonalds and tried to pay for his food with marijuana. Yep, he tried to exchange pot for a couple of Big Macs. The cashier turned down his offer and called the cops who placed our bozo under arrest. Guess this gives a whole new meaning to "Happy Meal."

October 15, 2008

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Joe Haig for sending in today’s report. From the International File in Manchester, England, comes the story of bozo Trevor Arthur who stole several ATM cards. He had the cards, but he didn’t have the PIN numbers. So, he did what any bozo would do. He marched down to his local bank and started randomly entering PIN numbers into the ATM, hoping to hit the jackpot. After returning several days in a row to try his hand at the ATM, bank officials became suspicious and called the cops. He’s now under arrest.

October 14, 2008

Bozo criminals for today come from Chalmette, Louisiana, where bozo Troy McLain and his aunt, Lisa Snyder, burglarized a home and got away with several items, including a distinctive blanket with a dog pattern on it. Our bozos put the blanket to good use, hanging it in their front window so peering eyes couldn’t see all the other loot they had stolen and had stashed there. Which might have been a good idea except for the fact that they were next door neighbors of the people they robbed. And the victims spotted that distinctive blanket in the window immediately and called the cops. They’re under arrest.

October 13, 2008

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Randy Shereda for sending in today’s report. From Detroit, Michigan, comes the story of an unidentified bozo who approached a man on the street and demanded that he turn over his cash. The man gave him $50, but when our bozo turned to flee, the man jumped on him, threw him to the ground and placed him in a chokehold. And that’s when our bozo offered up the Bozo Deal of the Week. If he would let him go, not only would he give him back the $50, but he would also throw in and extra $30 he had on him. Yep, our bozo lost $30 in the robbery. The cops are looking for him but he can’t exactly be charged with theft, can he?

October 10, 2008

Bozo criminal for today comes from Fargo, North Dakota where bozo Joseph West noticed a bicycle sitting unattended in a parking lot. So, he grabbed it and was just beginning to pedal off when he was confronted by a police officer. Our bozo tried to pass off the story that it was his bike. Didn’t work. You see, the parking lot he stole the bike from was the police impound lot. And the bicycle was one that the cops had tagged and were holding after its owner had been arrested. And that cop, he was sitting in his patrol car in the parking lot and saw the whole thing. Busted!

October 9, 2008

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Bristol, England, where bozo Aaron Easley broke into a police surveillance car that had been placed in a high crime neighborhood as bait for car thieves. Our bozo didn’t take the car but he did steal the vehicle’s satellite navigation system. Unfortunately, he didn’t notice the surveillance camera that caught a nice picture of his neck, complete with a tattoo that contained his name and birthdate. Cops used this information to place our bozo under arrest.

October 8, 2008

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Barbara Goldstein for sending in today’s report. From Crestview, Florida, comes the story of bozo Charles Dowler who showed up at his girlfriend’s house just as the cops arrived to serve a search warrant for suspected illegal drugs. Our bozo took a look at what was going on and, pointing at a bag of marijuana in the bedroom, said, "That weed’s mine!" The cops thanked him for the help and placed him under arrest.

October 7, 2008

Bozo criminal for today comes from Newark, New Jersey, where bozo Shawn Joslin led the cops on a wild chase after they tried to pull him over for driving erratically. He hit several signs before veering off the road, nearly striking a utility pole and then swerving back across the road again. This left his truck with four flat tires so he finally gave up and pulled over. It was the excuse he gave the officers for his erratic driving that landed him in the Bozo Hall of Fame. He said he was swerving all over the road because he was trying to roll a marijuana cigarette while he was driving. He’s busted!

October 6, 2008

Bozo criminal for today comes from New York City where at least Bozo Robert Bradley’s heart was in the right place. Our bozo was a guard for an armored car company and he held up another company employee as she was leaving a bank with a cash delivery, getting away with $330,000. He didn’t get very far, however, as he was concerned about his co-worker and sent her a text message after the heist asking if she was OK. Bad idea the cops used that and the six pictures taken by surveillance cameras to identify and arrest our bozo.