Dave Moreland's Bozo Criminal of the Day - The world famous daily report on dumb crimes

July 31, 2008

Bozo criminal for today comes from Miami, Florida, where bozo Elio Vargas claimed he was just trying to do a little recycling. The power company had left an aluminum light pole by the side of the road, waiting for clearance to install it on a street corner. Somehow, our bozo managed to pick it up and strap the 40 foot long pole on top of his minivan. Needless to say he attracted a lot of attention on his way to the recycling center, including the cops. They didn’t buy the recycling story and placed him under arrest.

July 30, 2008

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Abbotsford, British Columbia, Canada, where police were called to the Liquor Barn late one night after a security guard spotted what he thought was a stick poking out of the ceiling of the establishment. Police arrived and discovered our bozo, in the crawlspace above the liquor store, using a two by four with a coat hanger attached to "fish" for bottles of booze in the store below. And fishing had been pretty good that day, as he was able to catch four bottles of booze before the cops caught him.

July 29, 2008

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Dave Benoit for sending in today’s report. From Colchester, Connecticut, comes the story of bozo Stephanie Simmons who was arrested for DUI and taken to the station house where she spent the night. When she was released the next morning, she called a friend to come pick her up, right? Nope. Maybe she caught a bus? No. Perhaps a cab? No way. Instead, she spotted an empty police cruiser with the keys in the ignition and simply drove herself home. She’s back under arrest.

July 28, 2008

Our bozo criminal story for today from Terrell, North Carolina, once again confirms that bozos and modern technology are a dangerous combination. The cops caught up with one of two teenagers suspected in a number of burglaries. While they were booking him, he received a text message from his accomplice, asking if he had been caught. The cops texted back, "No" and gave him a location where they could meet up. Instead of meeting his friend, he met up with the cops who placed him under arrest.

July 25, 2008

The high price of gasoline is putting the squeeze on everyone, including our bozos. From Cookeville, Tennessee, comes the story of three bozos who loaded up their truck with a recliner and several other items they stole from the Goodwill store. They didn’t even make it out of the parking lot before their truck ran out of gas. They’re under arrest.

July 24, 2008

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Sonthofen, Germany, where bozo Birgit Krause stuffed her handbag full of almost $200 worth of cosmetics and left the store without paying, setting off store alarms as she exited. She was able to elude security on the crowded sidewalk, but, unfortunately, she left one very important thing behind when she fled. Her six-year-old daughter, who wondered where mommy went. A social worker swooped up the little girl and took care of her until her father arrived a while later to report her missing. After hearing the story, he told the cops where to find and arrest his wife.

July 23, 2008

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Laura Davidson for sending in today’s report. From Monroe, Washington, comes the story of bozos Allen Payne and Kyle Baxter who broke into a department store and stole a bunch of pillows and several backpacks. And like many of us, our bozos couldn’t wait until they got home to try out the merchandise. Police followed a trail of cardboard and pillows to a secluded area near the store, where they found our bozos sound asleep on their stolen pillows. They’ve been awakened and arrested.

July 22, 2008

Bozo criminal for today comes from Naples, Florida, where bozo Douglas French held up a cell phone store, getting away with a small amount of cash. Guess our bozo didn’t recognize the clerk as someone he had gone to high school with a couple of years earlier, but she certainly remembered him. And, after he had fled the scene, the clerk did two things. First, she called the cops to report the robbery. And second, she called our Bozo’s mother to tell her what her son had done. Don’t know which call got the job done, but he’s now under arrest.

July 21, 2008

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Leeds, England, where bozo Andrew King was a crook who was proud of his exploits. A little too proud, as it turns out. Our bozo posted more than 80 of his crimes on You Tube, including videos of him stealing gas, trespassing, taking drugs and driving recklessly. Unfortunately, the videos became so popular that someone at the police station heard about them. He’s busted!

July 18, 2008

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Anaset, Sweden, where our unidentified bozo took $3300 in cash from a bank and then had second thoughts. A couple of days after stealing the money, he mailed it back to the bank with a note apologizing for the theft. Police used fingerprints on the letter to track down our bozo who then offered up the Bozo Excuse of the Month. He told the cops he never intended to keep the money, he was just checking the bank’s security systems. He’s under arrest.

July 17, 2008

From South Charleston, West Virginia, comes the story of another bozo who got himself into trouble while seeking relief from the heat. Bozo Karl Stevenson broke into a car and stole 11 cans of cold beer out of an ice chest. Police arrived on the scene quickly and wasted no time in placing our bozo under arrest. All they had to do was follow the trail of water droplets to a home nearby where they found our bozo enjoying his beer.

July 16, 2008

Bozo criminal for today comes from New York City, where bozo Victor Mayes had a problem. He had broken into an apartment, getting away with a little cash, but had left his wallet and sunglasses behind. Wanting to retrieve his stuff, he returned to the apartment only to find the tenant had returned home. He knocked on the kitchen window and flashed a wad of bills, telling the homeowner he’d give him his money back in exchange for his wallet. The homeowner told him to wait a minute while he went to look for the wallet, stalling our bozo long enough to call the cops. He then told him he’d return the wallet, but first our bozo would have to slide the bills under the front door. And that’s exactly what he was doing when the police arrived. He’s under arrest.

July 15, 2008

Bozo criminal for today comes from Hartford, Wisconsin, where bozo Warren Franks robbed a convenience store, getting away with $412 and a pack of cigarettes. In an effort to avoid detection, he took off his overalls and shirt before pedaling away on his bicycle with the cash and cigarettes stuffed in his undershorts. Didn’t work. The cops quickly caught up with him and that’s when he offered up the Bozo Excuse of the Week. In an effort to explain his attire, he said he had been robbed by a thief who only wanted his clothes and let him keep the money. He’s under arrest.

July 14, 2008

Bozo criminal for today comes from Winnsboro, Texas, where bozo John Barnes violated Bozo Rule Number 32334: When you’re in the process of pulling off a robbery, it’s no time to be neighborly. Our bozo was burglarizing a residence when the homeowner came home and caught him in the act. As Winnsboro is a small town, it was no surprise that the homeowner knew our bozo and the two men started chatting. They were still chewing the fat when the cops arrived and placed him under arrest.

July 11, 2008

Bozo criminal for today violated Bozo Rule Number 09879: After committing a robbery, it’s not usually a good idea to ask a total stranger to be your getaway driver. From Kissimmee, Florida, comes the story of bozo John Graham who held up a 7-Eleven, getting away with a small amount of cash. Realizing he needed to get out of there as quickly as possible, he tried to get a ride with some men he didn’t know. Bad idea. They robbed him of the money he had just stolen and left him on the side of the road. Our bozo was arrested when he called the cops to complain that he had just been robbed.

July 10, 2008

Bozo criminal for today from Huntsville, Alabama provides us with another example of how bozos and modern technology just don’t mix. Bozo Harvey Pierce came up with what he thought was a great scam. He set up an auto phone dialer to call residents with a recorded message urging them to got to a website where they could update their bank account records. The idea, of course, being that this would be an easy way to gather personal account information from lots of people. And his plan might have worked except for one big glitch. For reasons known only to the bozo mind, he set the dialer up so that the words "This is a scam" appeared on the recipients caller ID. Busted!

July 9, 2008

Bozo criminal for today comes from Duluth, Minnesota, where bozo Chad Tarver approached a woman at a pool hall and asked for a cigarette. He then snatched her purse as she opened it and ran off. A little over an hour later, the police received a call from our bozo, using the cell phone he found in the stolen purse. No, he didn’t want to confess to the crime. He was calling to complain to the cops that someone had assaulted him. Investigating officers could find no evidence of the assault, but they found enough evidence of his crime to arrest him for theft.

July 8, 2008

Bozo criminal for today comes from Appleton, Wisconsin, where bozo John Warren broke into a house and began rummaging around. His whistling awakened the homeowner who grabbed a shotgun and went downstairs to investigate. He found our bozo in the basement, wearing the homeowner’s hat, his wife’s jacket, and, inexplicably, covered in barbeque sauce. He quickly surrendered to the homeowner and then came up with our Bozo Excuse of the Month. He told him that he was a special ops Army officer and that someone had tipped him off that the homeowner was harboring terrorists. And the barbeque sauce? That was an "urban disguise". The Army says they’ve never heard of him. He’s under arrest.

July 7, 2008

Bozo criminal for today comes from Ocala, Florida, where bozo Tommy Allen burglarized a home, getting away with several items, including some bedroom furniture. The homeowner called the cops and reported the incident but really wasn’t ever expecting to see his stuff again. And when he did see it, he couldn’t believe where it was. In front of an apartment house in the neighborhood, where a yard sale was going on. Yep, our bozo had put the stuff out in plain view at a big garage sale. He’s under arrest.

July 4, 2008

(Best of Bozo) Bozo criminal for today comes from New York City, where bozo Irene Hess was on the run from the law on charges that she had destroyed property at her employer’s home while she was serving as a nanny. When an article appeared in the New York Post detailing what she had allegedly done our bozo was very upset. So upset that she stopped a New York Police officer on the street, showed him the article and asked if he thought she could sue for slander over the article. The officer didn’t know about the slander part, but he did know that she was a wanted woman, so he arrested her.