Dave Moreland's Bozo Criminal of the Day - The world famous daily report on dumb crimes

June 30, 2008

Bozo criminal for today comes from Bridgeport, Connecticut, where bozo Michael Ingram was wanted by the cops for questioning in a series of motor vehicle accidents. Guess he was still having some problems with his driving when he crashed into the open bay door of the police department garage. He’s under arrest and won’t be driving for a while.

June 27, 2008

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Dave Benoit for sending in today’s report. From Salem, New Hampshire, comes the story of bozo Steven Cook who tried to rob a convenience store by threatening the clerk with a weapon and demanding she place the cash into a plastic bag. Not frightened by his weapon, the clerk refused. Our bozo headed down the street to another store, this time placing a bag over his head for a disguise. Again, things didn’t go as he planned when one of the clerks threatened him with a knife. As he turned to run, he discovered that the bag severely limited his vision, causing him to run into the door and drop his weapon as he made his getaway. And did we mention that weapon that failed to scare anyone? He claimed it was a bazooka. It was actually a rolled up cargo cover from an SUV. He’s under arrest.

June 26, 2008

Bozo criminal for today violated Bozo Rule Number 10099: Don’t believe everything you see on TV. From Alton, Texas comes the story of bozos Jesus Torrez and Roman Rivera who were jailed on burglary charges. Looking for a way to escape, they decided to try a trick that always seems to work on TV. They tried to crawl through the air conditioning ductwork. Didn’t make it very far before the ductwork came crashing through the ceiling…right into the office of the chief of police. Oops. They’ve been moved to a more secure facility.

June 25, 2008

Once again today we have an example of another bozo foiled by modern technology. From Manchester, New Hampshire, comes the story of bozo Stephen Marsh who approached the pharmacist at the local Rite Aid at 4:30 in the morning, demanding drugs. Guess he didn’t notice the pharmacist was wearing a wireless headset phone. And that he was talking to someone when he approached. The person on the other end of the line was a pharmacist at another store who called the cops. They showed up in time to arrest our bozo before he left the store.

June 24, 2008

Bozo criminal for today comes from Fort Worth, Texas, where bozo Larry Don Ellis took a taxi to a local bank, walked in and demanded cash. He got his money but apparently forgot to tell the cabbie to wait. Since he now had no transportation, he told the teller to drive him away from the bank. When she refused, he demanded her car keys. She gave him a set of keys she had in her purse, saying they went to a car in the parking lot. They didn’t. Our bozo spent several minutes going from car to car, trying to find the one that the keys fit before a couple of bystanders grabbed him and held him for the cops.

June 23, 2008

Bozo criminals for today come from Fayette County, Kentucky, where a local theatre was taking donations to repair their classic Wurlitzer theatre organ. A plexiglas box was set up in the lobby for patrons to drop their donations into. This proved too tempting for our bozos to resist. They broke in after hours and cleaned the donation box out. Unfortunately, they didn’t notice that theatre employees had emptied the box at the close of business. All that was left in there was some funny money, fake black and white bills that were used as filler to make the box look full. Oops.

June 20, 2008

Bozo criminals for today come from the International File in San Jose, Costa Rica, where border guards stopped a couple of suspicious acting bozos and discovered they were carrying $372,000 in cash with them. It was when they were asked why they were carrying such a large amount of money that they responded with the Bozo Excuse of the Month. They told the cops they were looking to buy some bananas. Sure. Bananas cost $1.65 a pound in Costa Rica. They’ve been booked on suspicion of money laundering.

June 19, 2008

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report from the International File in Frankfurt, Germany. Our unidentified bozo and three accomplices attempted a late night break-in at a large grocery store. The security guard nabbed our bozo and handcuffed him to a railing while he went after the other crooks. He got them rounded up with some help from the cops, who discovered that our handcuffed bozo had broken the railing and escaped. Faced with the quandary of how to get the handcuffs off, he did what any bozo would do. He went down to the police station and asked the officer on duty to help remove them. Bad idea. He’s under arrest.

June 18, 2008

Bozo criminal for today comes from Lockport, New York, where police noticed bozo Chad McKibbon acting suspiciously outside a convenience store. When the officer pulled up, our bozo tried to hide a baggie containing a white substance. It was where he tried to hide the baggie of heroin that really got him into trouble. He tried to stash it under the hood of the police patrol car. Busted!

June 17, 2008

Bozo criminals for today come from East Price Hill, Ohio, where bozos Marcus Blain and Antoine Harper held up the local Dominos Pizza. A passerby noticed the robbery in progress and alerted a nearby police officer. When our bozos spotted the cop, they made a hasty retreat by heading to the nearest door. Unfortunately, that door was not an exit. It was the door opening directly into the restaurant’s walk-in freezer. They’re now cooling their heels in jail.

June 16, 2008

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Preston, England, where bozo Stuart Graham at least gets points for his honesty. Shortly after burglarizing a residence, our bozo realized he had left his cell phone behind. So, he did what any bozo would do. He returned to the home, rang the doorbell and introduced himself to the homeowner as "the person who broke in" before asking for his cell phone back. The homeowner slammed the door in his face and called the cops. He’s now under arrest.

June 13, 2008

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Joey Schwartzman for sending in today’s report. From the International File in Bromley, England, comes the story of an unidentified bozo who robbed a young man of his $400 silver chain and bracelet. Rather than fleeing, our bozo put the necklace on and then spent several seconds admiring how nice he looked. By staring at his reflection in the lens of the security camera that had recorded the whole thing. Busted!

June 12, 2008

Once again, our bozo for today was foiled by modern technology. From Stockton, California comes the story of bozo Marco Lopez who stole a car and then needed to turn it into some quick cash. So, he logged on to the internet and placed an ad on the online want ad site Craigslist. Bad idea. The owner of the car spotted the familiar looking vehicle and called the cops, who set up an appointment to look at the car and arrest our bozo.

June 11, 2008

Bozo criminal for today comes from Prichard, Alabama, where bozo Chavis Sims was upset with the police, thinking that they had unlawfully kept some of his money after a recent drug arrest. So, he headed down to the police station to complain. Several mistakes ensued. First, when he got out of the car at headquarters, a dense cloud of marijuana smoke emerged along with him. An officer nearby noticed the smell and also the baggie of marijuana plainly visible in the center console and the illegal firearm barely tucked under the front seat. But his problems didn’t end there. That car he that he drove to the station…was stolen. He’s under arrest.

June 10, 2008

Bozo criminal for today comes from Spokane, Washington, where aspiring bozo counterfeiter Thomas Hickman made a couple of big mistakes. First, he spent $100 on a color printer to make counterfeit money so he could buy $90 worth of marijuana. His second mistake was the location he set up as his print shop. Since he needed an electrical outlet and a locking door, he selected the public restroom at the local mall. Security received a complaint that the men’s bathroom door had been locked for more than an hour and our bozo was busted.

June 9, 2008

Bozo criminal for today comes from Shalimar, Florida, where bozo Kristen Lucas thought she was being a good samaritan when she went down to the local police station claiming she had some inside drug dealing information for them. Officers listened to her story and thought she seemed a little fuzzy on some of the details. So, one of the cops asked her when she had last smoked crack. "In the car on the way over here," she replied. Oops. A quick check of the car revealed she wasn’t kidding. Crack and drug paraphernalia, along with scales covered in cocaine residue were found in her car. Busted!

June 6, 2008

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Joey Schwartzman for sending in today’s report. From Boulder, Colorado, comes the story of bozo Paul Hickman who robbed a Starbucks. Guess he must have been a big fan of the place, as he returned to the same Starbucks two days later, not to rob it this time, but to order a cup of coffee. Two problems here. First, he was wearing the same yellow gloves, red backpack and wire rimmed glasses he wore during the robbery. And second, a detective was in the shop at the time questioning employees about the robbery. Busted!

June 5, 2008

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Utrecht, the Netherlands, where a mooning went terribly wrong. Our unidentified 21-year-old bozo was walking by a crowded restaurant when he got the uncontrollable urge to moon the folks inside. He dropped his pants and pressed his backside against the restaurant’s window. He must have pressed a little too hard, as the window broke, causing what the police called "deep wounds to the derriere." The restaurant owner took pity on him and agreed not to press charges when our bozo agreed to pay for the window.

June 4, 2008

Bozo criminals for today comes from Hughes, Arkansas, where Thomas Parker and Wayne Pitts, for reasons known only to the Bozo Mind, decided to steal the Pepsi machine from in front of the local liquor store. They made two basic mistakes that kept them from getting to enjoy their prize. First, they left the big machine in their front yard, in plain sight of sheriff’s deputies who couldn’t help but notice it when they drove by. And second, the set of tracks, made by a dolly, that led directly from their front yard back to the liquor store that had reported it missing. Busted!

June 3, 2008

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Huainan, China, where an unidentified bozo hailed a cab early the other morning. Our bozo had lots of household appliances with him, so the cabbie helped load them into the cab. It was while he was helping that the cabbie realized several of the items looked mighty familiar. Yep, our bozo had robbed the cabbie’s house and was now loading the cabbie’s stuff into his taxi. The cabbie dropped our bozo off at his residence and then called the cops. He’s under arrest.