Dave Moreland's Bozo Criminal of the Day - The world famous daily report on dumb crimes

May 30, 2008

Bozo criminals for today come from the International File in Melbourne, Australia. It’s said that timing is everything, and, in the case of these bozos, bad timing sealed their fates. Our bozos had the misfortune to break into the back of a residence, just as police officers were breaking in the front door in a drug raid. Guess they didn’t notice the cop cars out front. They’re under arrest.

May 29, 2008

Bozo criminal for today comes from Bremerton, Washington, where bozo Claudia Wilkins stopped by her credit union to make a deposit. Since it was after hours, she simply dropped the envelope containing the cash in the night deposit slot. No problem there, except for the additional item she deposited. Inside the envelope, along with the cash and her deposit slip, was a baggie of methamphetamine. Suspicious bank employees called the cops and our bozo was arrested.

May 28, 2008

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report. From Williston, North Dakota, comes the story of bozo Sharon Parker who skipped town after being accused of stealing $5000 from a car dealership where she worked as an office manager. The trail had gone cold until she applied for a job in Pittsburgh and used her former employer, the one she had allegedly been stealing from, as a reference. When the company’s owner got a call about the reference, he called the cops. She’s under arrest.

May 27, 2008

Bozo criminal for today comes from Hamburg, Michigan, where the cops were making a routine bar check at about 11 PM. When they returned to their vehicle, they found the cruiser’s windshield had been smashed. Guess our bozo didn’t notice the video camera on the car’s dash, which captured a nice picture of him jumping on the hood and kicking in the windshield. Officers took the picture back inside the bar where patrons identified him as a regular. Oops. He’s under arrest.

May 26, 2008

(Best of Bozo) Bozo criminals for today come from Richmond, Virginia, where bozos Randy Stevens and Bobby Parker went to a new home site and removed a refrigerator from one of the not yet completed homes. The bozos, after much struggling, got the refrigerator out of the house and into the back of their pickup. However, the extra weight caused the back of the pickup to sink into the mud of the not yet paved driveway. So, our bozos decided to drag the refrigerator back into the house and then try to get the truck out of the mud. Only one problem, when they returned from the house they discovered they’d locked their keys in the truck. They were trying to break into their truck when the police arrived.

May 23, 2008

Bozo criminal for today violated Bozo Rule Number 47371: Before making up a batch of counterfeit bills, do a little research first. From Phoenix, Arizona, comes the story of bozo Scott Mallory who printed up several fake $100 bills and then tried to pass one at a local store. The clerk took one look at it and knew something was up. The face on the $100 bill was Abraham Lincoln. Lincoln is on the $5. Franklin is on the $100. Police found more of the funny money in our bozo’s shirt pocket when he was placed under arrest.

May 22, 2008

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Masterton, New Zealand. We don’t know if the high price of gasoline left bozo Wade Childress without enough money to pay for his potato chips and M&Ms, but when he reached the register at the service station, he discovered he was out of cash. So, he offered the clerk what he had on him…a half ounce of marijuana and a pipe to smoke it with. We’ll never know if the clerk would have accepted the offer, as our bozo failed to notice the police officer, in uniform, standing in line behind him.

May 21, 2008

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Joey Schwartzman for sending in today’s report from Jacksonville, Florida. Bozo Stephon Baker robbed a man outside a restaurant, getting away with some cash, a gold chain, and his cell phone. A few days later, the victim purchased a new cell phone and, when he turned it on, he noticed some pictures had been downloaded to it. Yep, through the magic of modern technology, our bozo had taken a couple of self-portraits of himself with the stolen phone and when he tried to send them to himself, they went to the new phone. To make matters worse, he was wearing the gold chain he had taken in the robbery. And to make things even worse, the cops recognized him from an old mug shot on file. He’s under arrest.

May 20, 2008

Bozo criminal for today comes from Jacksonville, Florida, where bozo Joseph White was a little short of cash, so he decided to pull off a little heist at the local Hungry Howie’s Pizza. One night after closing time he broke into the rear door and grabbed cash and credit card receipts. Unfortunately, he forgot a couple of minor details. Number one, the security cameras caught a nice picture of him. And second, he didn’t bother to change clothes after getting off work. He was employed by Hungry Howie’s and he still had his uniform on when he broke in. He’s under arrest.

May 19, 2008

Bozo criminals for today come from Lower Turkeyfoot Township, Pennsylvania. Fully aware of the growing price of copper, bozos Kevin Lang and Daniel Bates made big plans to steal some copper wire. Unfortunately, their plan had one big flaw. The wires they tried to steal were still attached to a live power line. Both of them have been charged with theft, but only one was well enough to attend the arraignment.

May 16, 2008

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report. From Twin Falls, Idaho, comes the story of bozo Samuel West who moved out of his apartment and got arrested. Because he didn’t pay his rent? Nope. Maybe he trashed the place? No. Because he forgot and left behind 21 pounds of marijuana when he moved? Yep. An apartment employee discovered the dope and our bozo was charged with drug trafficking.

May 15, 2008

Bozo criminal for today comes from Bismarck, North Dakota, where bozo Anthony Halsted attended a big auction. And, while he was there, he helped himself to a tool kit and a bracelet from a couple of the displays, without bothering to pay for either one of them. Didn’t get away with it, however. He was spotted and placed under arrest. Maybe it was his choice of auction that caused him problems. He tried to shoplift from the annual Bismarck Police Department auction, which was held on the police impound lot.

May 14, 2008

Bozo criminal for today from White Plains, New York, is yet another example of a bozo foiled by modern technology. Bozo Ian Fowler broke into an apartment and stole a number of items, including an Apple notebook computer. Our bozo was relaxing at his house, surfing the internet on the stolen laptop when the computer started acting strange. Using a remote control feature included on Macs the owner had logged on to her stolen computer and was controlling it remotely. She then told the computer to take a picture of our bozo, using its onboard camera. Before he knew what was going on, the picture was taken and sent to the remote computer. And, wouldn’t you know it, the victim recognized our bozo as an acquaintance who had attended a party at her apartment a few weeks ago. Busted!

May 13, 2008

Bozo criminal for today comes from Fort Pierce, Florida, where bozo Israel Rosales was having an argument with his girlfriend. When he couldn’t get her to stop yelling at him, he took the bozo approach to solving the problem. He cut himself on the leg and then called the cops, telling them his girlfriend had attacked him. This was not the best plan to begin with, but it quickly turned from bad to worse when investigating officers discovered our bozo had an outstanding warrant for his arrest on probation violation charges. After the hospital stitched him up, he was taken to jail.

May 12, 2008

Bozo criminal for today comes from Bensalem, Pennsylvania, where bozo Andre Stone was at a bar where a bachelorette party was being held. He kept annoying the ladies and when he jumped in front of their camera as they were taking pictures, he was kicked out. A while later, two of the women left the bar to go to a convenience store next door. As they were walking down the sidewalk, who should jump out and rob them but our bozo. Apparently, he didn’t recognize them from the bar, but they sure knew who he was. They gave police officers a copy of the picture of him they had taken and he was quickly identified and arrested.

May 9, 2008

Bozo criminal for today comes from Houston, Texas, where bozo Cornelia Meyers had been called for jury duty on a marijuana possession trial. The prospective jurors took a 45-minute break and when our bozo did not return to the courtroom, deputies went in search of her. They found her outside the courthouse on a smoking break. One big problem, it was a marijuana cigarette she was smoking. She’s busted!

May 8, 2008

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report. From White Plains, New York, comes the story of bozo Martin Fulmer who was arrested on disorderly conduct charges. When he was taken to the police station for booking, he became agitated and began to take off all his clothes, right there in front of the officers. This is not a good idea under any circumstances, but it’s especially bad when you have a baggie of marijuana hidden in your underwear, which fell out as he was doing hs strip tease. He’s busted!

May 7, 2008

Bozo criminal for today comes from our Just Desserts File. From Copiague, New York, comes the story of bozo Frank Palmer who was riding his motorcycle when he spotted a police cruiser. For reasons known only to the bozo mind, he thought the cops might appreciate his next trick. He made an obscene gesture and then popped a wheelie on his motorcycle and sped away, with the cops in hot pursuit. Trying to shake them, he turned into a parking lot where he promptly crashed…into another police cruiser that was preparing to join the chase. After being treated for minor injuries, he was placed under arrest.

May 6, 2008

Bozo criminal for today comes from Cheyenne, Wyoming, where bozo Eric Livingston was enrolled in a work release program while serving his sentence on a burglary conviction. Everything was going fine until one day our bozo didn’t return from his day job. Police had no leads as to his whereabouts until he contacted his former employer to ask them to forward his final check to his new address in New Hampshire. Oops. They called the cops who used the info to track down and arrest our bozo.

May 5, 2008

Bozo criminal for today comes from Manchester, New Hampshire, where bozo Tiffany Bowman made it easy for the cops to arrest her. She brought along her own evidence. Our bozo pulled into a parking lot, with the "No Parking" sign and post from her last parking attempt still attached to the front end of the car. Police were called and, when they arrived, they found our bozo sound asleep in the driver’s seat. She’s been charged with DUI and possession of marijuana.