Dave Moreland's Bozo Criminal of the Day - The world famous daily report on dumb crimes

April 30, 2008

Bozo criminal for today comes from Lake Charles, Louisiana, where police officers pulled over a car they suspected was stolen, so they called the registered owner and left a message. And that’s when the problems really began for the car’s owner. For reasons known only to the Bozo Brain, she thought the message was from her drug dealer, so when she returned the call, she told the cops she’d like to buy $150 in crack. Busted!

April 29, 2008

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Tauranga, New Zealand, where our bozo team planned to take advantage of the high cost of metals by robbing a scrap metal firm. One of our bozos went inside while the second one waited in the getaway car a short distance away. Our first bozo ran into trouble when he tripped a burglar alarm and was collared by the cops. While they were talking to him, his buddy wondered what was going on and sent him a text message, asking if he was ready for him to come pick him up. The cops texted back that sure, they were ready. Ready to arrest him when he arrived.

April 28, 2008

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Randy Shereda for sending in today’s report. From Cleveland, Ohio, comes the story of bozo Travis Brown who carjacked a vehicle and then didn’t know how to get out of town. When he spotted a TV news crew filming on a downtown street, he stopped and asked the reporter for directions. His victim signaled to the reporter that he was being carjacked and our bozo took off, with the TV crew in hot pursuit. They gave their exact location to 911 and our bozo not only ended up arrested but the top story on the evening news.

April 25, 2008

Bozo criminal for today comes from Louisville, Kentucky. What bozo Joshua Mitchell did would have attracted attention under any circumstances, but with the price of gas being what it is, it assured his induction into the Bozo Hall of Fame. Convenience store employees say our bozo walked up to the pumps and began to try to pump gas into an imaginary car (wonder what kind of mileage it gets?). The cops arrived before he had a chance to fill ‘er up. Not surprisingly, he’s been charged with possession of marijuana and other drugs.

April 24, 2008

Bozo criminal for today comes from Phoenix, New York, where bozo John Aldridge was pulled over by the cops under suspicion of drunken driving. Before the officer was able to reach the car, our bozo jumped out and ran, disappearing into the nearby neighborhood. The cops spent about twenty minutes combing the area, to no avail. Then, one of the officers heard the sound of snoring coming from underneath a backyard deck. Yep, our bozo had found a comfy hiding place and had fallen sound asleep. He’s been charged with DUI, speeding and resisting arrest.

April 23, 2008

Bozo criminal for today comes from Minocqua, Wisconsin, where bozo John Sanders called 911 to report that his mobile home was on fire. Local firefighters and police raced to the scene and, after the fire had been extinguished, one of the firefighters noticed something strange. In spite of the fact that the fire had done significant damage to the home, an object on the dining room table had survived. And that item was…a bag of marijuana. Another bozo busted!

April 22, 2008

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report. From Tempe, Arizona, comes the story of bozo Thomas Watkins who was upset when another driver cut him off in traffic. So upset that he reached down and grabbed a gun he was carrying in the car and waved it at the other driver. Satisfied that he had scared the other guy, he was putting the gun away when he accidentally shot himself. And he’s a pretty good shot, too. Police plan on arresting him as soon as he’s released from the hospital.

April 21, 2008

Bozo criminal for today comes from the Bozo Disgruntled former employee file. From Orland Park, Illinois, comes the story of bozo Silvia Dover who was upset at being fired from her former place of employment so she went back late one night and let herself back in with a key she had kept. Security tapes showed her carrying stuff out of the building for the next couple of hours. Then, the inevitable happened. On one of her trips outside, the door blew shut, locking her purse, car keys and other belongings inside. Oops. She’s under arrest.

April 18, 2008

Bozo criminal for today comes from Columbus, Ohio, where another bozo was foiled by modern technology. Keith Starkey was trying to rob a Wendy’s Restaurant and was having problems because employees couldn’t open the safe, which was on a timer. Already frustrated while waiting for the safe to open, our bozo screamed at one of the employees when her Bluetooth cell phone rang. What he didn’t realize was that his scream had caused the phone to automatically answer, allowing the person on the other end of the line to hear everything that was going on. She quickly figured out the situation and called the cops, who arrived while our bozo was still waiting for the safe to open.

April 17, 2008

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Joey Schwartzman for sending in today’s report. From Lakehurst, New Jersey comes the story of bozo Benjamin Green who stepped outside his house to smoke some marijuana. Which might have been OK except for the fact that his back yard faces the police station parking lot, separated only by a chain link fence. An officer heading home noticed the familiar smell wafting into the parking lot, spotted our bozo and busted him.

April 16, 2008

Bozo criminal for today comes from Akron, Ohio, where bozo Michael Kovaks tried to hold up a couple of people outside a video store. His choice of weapon was a bottle of cologne that he had colored black with a magic marker in an effort to make it resemble a gun. In the ensuing scuffle, the bottle broke and our bozo ran away. When the officers arrived on the scene, they didn’t have any trouble tracking him down. They literally just had to follow their noses.

April 15, 2008

Bozo criminal for today comes from Buffalo, New York, where bozo Bernard Flowers picked the worst possible place to stash his drugs. Police officers were checking out drug activity in our bozo’s neighborhood and he got nervous. They watched as he walked up to a cardboard box and placed a packet containing a white substance into it. And of all the boxes to hide your dope in, our bozo had selected a donut box. Of course the officers had to check out a donut box. And of course he was placed under arrest.

April 14, 2008

Bozo criminals for today come from Benzie County, Michigan, where two unidentified bozos had a plan to rob a local convenience store. All they needed to complete the heist was an accomplice. So, they went to the store and told the clerk the details of their plan and that they’d be back within two hours to pull off the robbery. Only one problem, they failed to confirm that the clerk was on board with the scheme. She wasn’t. Instead of helping our bozos, she called the cops who were waiting for them when they returned with masks and guns. Busted!

April 11, 2008

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Eric Tuggle for sending in today’s report. From Louisville, Kentucky, comes the story of bozo Allen Watkins who walked into the local bank and told the teller he needed to make a withdrawal. She got some information from him, including his actual Social Security number, before he made it clear he was making a forcible withdrawal, threatening her with a gun. He got away with some cash, but she got away with his Social Security number. He’s under arrest.

April 10, 2008

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Shad Bickering for sending in today’s report. From Athens, Georgia, comes the story of bozo Demetrius Russell who wanted to hold up a convenience store, but when he got there it was very busy with customers. So, to kill time while the store emptied, he asked for a job application, which he filled out with his real name and turned in to the clerk. He then threatened the clerk with a knife, getting away with a small amount of cash. He may need to update his resume now, as he’s currently residing in jail.

April 9, 2008

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Don Reese for sending in today’s report. From Viera, Florida, comes the story of bozo Heather Anders who was involved in a two-car accident that injured four other people but left her unhurt. When the police arrived on the scene, she jumped from her car, leaving her six year old behind, and tried to climb over a nearby fence. The cops quickly corralled her and, when asked why she tried to flee, she gave an answer that confirmed her status as a bozo. She told the officers she ran because, "That’s what they do on ‘Cops’". If she’s such a big fan of the show, she should also know that someone usually goes to jail. Which she did.

April 8, 2008

Bozo criminal for today comes from Kalispell, Montana, where bozo Shane Rucker flashed a gun and demanded free food from a local taco restaurant. Noting his weapon looked a lot like a BB gun, the clerk refused. Our bozo told him he was serious and this time demanded cash. Again, the clerk refused his demands. Knowing when it was time to quit, our bozo put the gun back into his pocket and ordered a meal for himself, which he paid for. He had just sat down to eat it when the police arrived. Busted!

April 7, 2008

Bozo criminal for today comes from Waterloo, Iowa, where bozo Cash Brown broke into a Ford Explorer, with plans to steal it. Only one problem, he couldn’t get it to start. Not one to give up easily, he kept trying and trying until finally he ran the battery down. And that’s when his problems really began. The Explorer has a feature that automatically locks the doors whenever the battery goes dead. It worked perfectly, locking our bozo inside. At about this same time, the owner of the Explorer returned, saw our trapped bozo and called the cops. He was still struggling to get out when the police arrived.

April 4, 2008

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Joe Miller for sending in today’s report. From the International File in Madrid, Spain, comes the story of an unidentified bozo who broke into a funeral home. Neighbors noticed something suspicious going on and called the cops. The funeral home’s owner arrived at about the same time the police did and once inside he noticed something strange. In one of the display caskets was our bozo, playing dead and hoping no one would notice. His breathing was a "dead" giveaway. He’s under arrest.

April 3, 2008

Bozo criminal for today comes from New York City, where bozo Cory Blakely held up a bank, getting away with $3900. To throw the cops off his trail, he peeled off his clothes and left them by a tree near the bank. Unfortunately, he forgot all about his wallet, with his birth certificate and social security card, which he left in his pants pocket. Busted!