Dave Moreland's Bozo Criminal of the Day - The world famous daily report on dumb crimes

October 31, 2007

Bozo criminal for today comes from Cincinnati, Ohio where bozo Theresa Woods was pulled over for speeding. She became upset when she felt the cop was being anything but speedy in writing out her citation. The longer he took, the more upset she got until she finally got on her cell phone and called police headquarters to complain, telling the officer on duty she would shoot the patrolman if he didn’t write her ticket faster. Not the best idea. She’s now been arrested and charged with making threats against an officer.

October 30, 2007

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Laura Davidson for sending in today’s report. From Port Townsend, Washington comes the story of bozo Daniel Simpson who was a regular at the local bar. Customers there who were used to hearing him complain about being broke were shocked when he came in one evening, throwing cash around and buying drinks for everyone in the bar. One customer thought it was very strange and, after hearing that a nearby bank had been robbed that morning, called the cops. Officers found more cash and the holdup note in our bozo’s apartment. He’s under arrest.

October 29, 2007

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Joey Schwartzman for sending in today’s report. From the International File in Blackpool, England comes the story of bozo Alan Folkes who had been partying with his friends when the beer ran out. So, instead of going out to buy more, he decided to break into a place that he believed had a bar. A prison. Yep, he tried to break into the officer’s club at the deserted Kirkham Prison. There was no booze in there but there was still a functioning burglar alarm. The police arrived while our bozo was still searching for something to drink. He’s under arrest.

October 26, 2007

Bozo criminal for today forgot Bozo Rule Number 8904: Bozos and technology don’t mix. From St. Charles, Missouri comes the story of bozo Timothy Sloan who had big plans. He stole a printer used for printing driver’s licenses from the Missouri Department of Revenue. He obviously envisioned a thriving business printing fake ID’s. Only one problem…that printer required a software key to operate and he didn’t have it. So, he did what any bozo would do. He called the printer’s tech support hotline for help. Bad idea. They had already been alerted to be on the lookout for anyone asking about the printer. He left them a phone number for a call back and instead found the Secret Service calling on his door to place him under arrest.

October 25, 2007

Bozo criminals for today come from the International File in Stockholm, Sweden where two bozos, armed with a handgun and a crowbar, attempted to rob a bank. Unfortunately, they failed to read the sign on the front door stating that this was a "cashless" bank and there was no cash on the premises. Undaunted, they left and headed to a nearby grocery store but were foiled by a quick thinking employee who saw them coming and locked the doors before they could get inside. The same employee also got the license plate number of their car as they attempted to escape. They’re under arrest.

October 24, 2007

Bozo criminal for today comes from Springport, Michigan where two unidentified teenage bozos tried getting ready for Halloween by stealing several large blow-up Halloween ornaments from the front yard of a residence. And they might have gotten away with it if they had not decided to paint a few choice words on a nearby building. In the process, they spilled some paint and then stepped in it, giving the police a nice paint trail to follow right to their house. Busted!

October 23, 2007

Bozo criminal for today violated Bozo Rule Number 10909: Make sure your getaway vehicle is up to the task. From the International File in Limbach, Germany comes the story of an unidentified bozo who shoplifted some cheese from the local market, only to be spotted by the store security guard. Our bozo managed to break free and made a dash for his getaway vehicle…a cement truck. That’s right, one of those huge cement mixer trucks. Needless to say, it’s not built for speed and the cops caught our "hardened" criminal at the next light.

October 22, 2007

Bozo criminal for today comes from Santa Fe, New Mexico where bozo Victor Gonzalez was on probation for theft. When he made his regularly scheduled visit to see his probation officer, the officer noticed something different about him. It was that flashy gold Rolex watch that he was wearing. On a hunch, the officer decided to check and, sure enough, it was the same Rolex that had been reported as stolen that week. Busted. Our bozo now has another charge added to his rap sheet.

October 19, 2007

Bozo criminals for today from the International File in Soweto, South Africa made several mistakes on their evening out on the town. Their first mistake was their choice of vehicle…a hearse that they stole when the driver left it unattended,with a dead body inside. Second, they forgot to check the gas gauge in the hearse and it ran out of fuel just as they were leaving the bar after enjoying several drinks. And their third and final mistake was asking three of the women they had met inside the bar to help them push the hearse. Thinking something was up, the women declined and instead called the cops who came by and placed our bozos under arrest.

October 18, 2007

Bozo criminal for today comes from Ligonier, Pennsylvania where bozo Robert Dixon decided he wanted a day off from his job at an amusement park. So, he used one of his vacation days, right? Wrong. Maybe called in sick? Nope. Called in a bomb threat to shut down the park for a day? Yep, that’s what he did. Unfortunately for him he called from his cell phone, which was easily traced. And, he made on effort to disguise his voice, which was recognized by park employees. He’s spending his time off in jail.

October 17, 2007

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report. From Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania comes the story of bozo Jeannette Harrison who wasn’t a criminal but certainly qualifies as a bozo. Bozo Jeannette was sure that her husband was cheating on her so she went to spy on him by crawling underneath his SUV while it was parked outside the residence of a woman she thought might be his girlfriend. Spying on cheating husbands can be boring work and, as the night drug on, our bozo fell asleep. And it was while she was sleeping that someone came by and let the air out of the SUV’s tires, trapping her underneath. A neighbor heard her cries for help and called the cops, who freed our bozo and took her in for evaluation.

October 16, 2007

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia where an unidentified bozo stole several items from a residence, including a cell phone. When the victim called her missing phone, our bozo surprisingly answered. And when she asked if she could have the ID chip from the phone back, he even more surprisingly agreed, and said he’d meet her at a nearby restaurant to return it. Bad idea. She called the cops who instead met him there and placed him under arrest.

October 15, 2007

Bozo criminal for today comes from Greenburgh, New York where bozo James Marshall saw a man walking out of a store with an artificial rose he had just purchased. Our bozo pulled a knife on him and told him he wanted the rose, and $4. When the man told him he only had a $10 bill, our bozo ordered him into a nearby pizza parlor to get change. While he was inside, the young man’s mother, who was across the street, called the cops who arrived quickly and placed our bozo under arrest. No word on why he only wanted $4.

October 12, 2007

Bozo criminal for today comes from Duluth, Minnesota where bozo thief Dwayne Holden made a number of mistakes. First, he broke into a home where the homeowners were next door having dinner and they returned home early, catching him in the act. His second mistake was when he told the homeowner, "I’m with the FBI. You’re blowing my cover." That lame excuse didn’t fool our homeowner, a former boxer who grabbed our bozo in a headlock. Our bozo’s third mistake was wearing loose fitting clothes to the heist. In the struggle, he slipped completely out of his shirt and pants and fled the scene totally nude. Since a naked man running down the street is a rare sight in Duluth, the police were quickly able to track him down and place him under arrest.

October 11, 2007

Bozo criminal for today violated Bozo Rule Number 90807: Always make sure your getaway vehicle is up to the job. From the International File in Ilkeston, England comes the story of metal thief Clive Hudson who broke into a warehouse and loaded several pallets of copper and other metals into his truck. He then proceeded to attempt his getaway. Didn’t make it very far before the suspension broke, causing the back of the vehicle to drag on the ground. He was creeping along, throwing sparks everywhere, when he attracted the attention of the cops. He’s under arrest.

October 10, 2007

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Joey Schwartzman for sending in today’s report. From the International File in Slough, England comes the story of bozo Jason Richards who just couldn’t believe his luck. He noticed a house where there was no one at home and the front window was wide open, a temptation he just couldn’t resist. He crawled in and rummaged through the house, taking a few items. It was the reason the window was open in the first place that led to our bozo’s downfall. The room had just been repainted and the window had been left open to allow the paint to dry. Unfortunately, it hadn’t dried before our bozo let himself in. He left a perfect fingerprint in the wet paint which the cops used to identify him.

October 9, 2007

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Jerusalem where an unidentified bozo stole a pair of the popular Crocks shoes from a store. And since she was stealing them for her son, she had to guess what size he would wear. When she got the stolen shoes home and they didn’t fit, she did what any bozo would do. She marched down to the store and tried to exchange them for another pair. Bad idea. The store clerk recognized her from the security camera footage and stalled her while the cops were called. She’s under arrest.

October 8, 2007

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Rick Harrison for sending in today’s report. From Boulder, Colorado comes the story of bozo Jan White who was upset over a traffic ticket. So upset that she went down to the police station to complain. And it was while she was giving the officer on duty a piece of her mind that he noticed a familiar aroma emanating from our bozo, and it wasn’t Chanel No. 5. When the officer asked her about it, she told him, yes she had some marijuana on her and she had been selling it at the mall. Busted!

October 5, 2007

Bozo criminals for today come from Salem, Oregon where bozos Chelsi Green and Kristie Johnson made a couple of mistakes when they went to court this week to attend a court appearance for Chelsi’s boyfriend. Mistake number one: They parked their truck in the court parking lot, which wouldn’t have been a problem except for the fact that it was stolen and an alert officer spotted it. And second, inside that truck, 21 grams of methamphetamine and drug packaging material. Busted!

October 4, 2007

Bozo criminal for today comes from Yonkers, New York where bozo John Lang attempted to burglarize a home by climbing in through an open window. He took off his boots to avoid making any noise as he crept through the house. Sadly, he wasn’t quiet enough to avoid waking up the homeowner’s dog, who began barking loudly. Our bozo made a hasty retreat back through the window, leaving his boots behind. After hearing a report of the crime, a patrolman noticed a man walking in his sock feet outside a nearby apartment. Yep, it was our shoeless bozo. He’s under arrest.