Dave Moreland's Bozo Criminal of the Day - The world famous daily report on dumb crimes

September 28, 2007

Bozo criminal for today comes from Escatawpa, Mississippi where bozo Curtiss Collins wanted to call the local TV station to complain that he never got a FEMA trailer after the Hurricane Katrina disaster. In trying to get the number of the station’s consumer reporter, he accidentally dialed 911 instead of 411. And since he hung up on them without saying anything, the county sheriff’s department was sent over to check on him. When the cops arrived, our bozo didn’t answer the door. Fearing something was wrong, they broke in. And that’s when they discovered the meth lab set up in his living room. Busted!

September 27, 2007

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Zinzhu, Taiwan where our unidentified bozo, a notorious drug dealer, had just escaped from the local prison. That evening the police department was holding a picnic to celebrate a local holiday, the Moon Festival. The public was invited, and our bozo must have assumed that included him, too. He was spotted sitting at a table in the corner wearing a bright yellow windbreaker and enjoying the free meal. Several officers recognized him and he was quickly placed under arrest.

September 26, 2007

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Joey Schwartzman for sending in today’s report. From Oley, Pennsylvania comes the story of bozo Scott Baxter who violated Bozo Rule Number 0005: In most circumstances it’s best to keep your mouth shut. Neighbors complained to the cops that our bozo was shouting obscenities in his back yard. When police arrived, they found him, just as the neighbors had described him, cursing in his back yard. What the neighbors didn’t tell the cops was that also in that back yard were about 100 marijuana plants, some of them nine feet tall. You should have heard him cuss when they busted him.

September 25, 2007

Bozo criminals for today come from Hendersonville, Tennessee where six bozos came up with a plan to rob a home. Four of them were dropped off at the targeted house and told to hide in the bushes until they received further instructions from the other two bozos, supposedly the brains of the operation. The four bozos waited patiently for four hours before coming out of hiding. Unfortunately, when they emerged from the bushes, they set off the home’s burglar alarm. The police quickly arrived and arrested the four and also found the "brains" asleep in their getaway car in a nearby parking lot.

September 24, 2007

Bozo criminal for today comes from Antioch, California where bozo Raymond Scott broke into an abandoned warehouse looking for copper wiring to steal. What he didn’t know was that the building was being used by the Antioch police K-9 unit for a training session, which was in progress at the time of the break in. As part of the training, a police officer hid in the building while a K-9 officer shouted out that a dog was about to be released and the suspect should surrender. Just as he was supposed to do, the police officer "suspect" came out of hiding, as did our bozo who thought the cops were looking for him. He’s under arrest.

September 21, 2007

Bozo criminal for today comes from New York City where bozo Roger Gates rented a storage locker to stash 35 pounds of marijuana. His first mistake was selecting a storage locker in the same building as the Drug Enforcement Administration. And his second mistake was not wrapping it tightly enough to prevent an agent from getting a whiff of it as he walked into work. He brought in a drug sniffing dog who immediately went to our bozo’s locker. Busted!

September 20, 2007

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Barbara Goldstein for sending in today’s report. From Fond du Lac, Wisconsin comes the story of bozo Paul Jacobs who went out for a little spin the other evening. Unfortunately, he forgot to turn on his headlights, which caused the cops to pull him over. Even more unfortunately, he had made a poor fashion choice which aroused the cops suspicions. He was wearing a Batgirl costume…and it’s still over a month until Halloween. Not surprisingly, the officer also found our bozo to be in possession of marijuana. Busted!

September 19, 2007

Bozo criminal for today comes from Cincinnati, Ohio where a police officer noticed an interesting plant in bozo Bobby Sanders’ lawn. When the officer knocked on the door to inquire about the plant, our bozo was more than happy to give him too much information. He told him that it was a pot plant and it needed at least 12 hours of sunlight and plenty of water and fertilizer to grow. The officer thanked him for the information before informing him it was illegal to grow marijuana in Ohio and placing him under arrest.

September 18, 2007

Bozo criminal for today comes from Geneva, New York where our bozo’s heart was in the right place but his brain wasn’t. Vincent Ellis was scheduled to appear in court to turn himself in on robbery charges. Not having transportation, he did what any bozo would do. He stole a car and proceeded to drive himself to court. He never made it. He was pulled over by the cops after the vehicle was reported stolen. He’s now had car theft charges added to his rap sheet.

September 17, 2007

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Dan Kuras for sending in today’s report. From Jackson, Michigan comes the story of bozo Michael Hardy who was wanted for assault and failed to show for his scheduled appearance before the judge. Officers got an anonymous tip telling them that our bozo was planning to flee town, so they drove by his residence and noticed a big garage sale was in progress. Plainclothes officers struck up a conversation with the woman selling the items and negotiated a price for the freezer she had for sale. When the cop told her he’d need some help loading it into his truck, she went into the house and brought out her husband, our bozo. Busted! He’s under arrest.

September 14, 2007

Bozo Criminal for today comes from Englewood, Colorado where bozo Kelly Baxter was in need of some cash, so he used a check in a truly bozo fashion. He scratched out his name on the front of one of his checks and wrote a hold up note on the back, which he presented to a teller at the Bank of the West. The teller gave him his money but retained the check, which the police used to track down and arrest our bozo.

September 13, 2007

Bozo criminal for today comes from Hempstead, New York where bozo Barry Miller had been charged with drunken driving and possession of marijuana. He appeared before the judge and pled guilty in exchange for not having to serve time. As part of the deal, the judge asked our bozo to hand over his conditional drivers license. The judge took the folded up license and was shocked to find, inside its folds, some marijuana. Busted! He’s headed back to jail.

September 12, 2007

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Michael Tooher for sending in today’s report. From Portland, Maine comes the story of bozo Daniel Carson who put on a hard hat and reflective vest and, after telling a security guard that he was here to take a Pepsi vending machine back to the plant for repairs, began an attempt to remove it from the Westgate Shopping Center. A few things aroused suspicion. Number one: He tried to remove the machine by dragging it out with a length of rope tied to his pickup. Number two: The pickup had become stuck in the the shopping center’s flower beds. And number three: It was 3:30 in the morning. The security guard called the cops who placed our bozo under arrest.

September 11, 2007

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Frankfurt, Germany where a group of bozo drug dealers forgot something very important when they returned to their rental car. They left behind $60,000 worth of heroin that they had hidden in the car’s first aid kit. The crew that was making the car ready for another customer found the dope and called the cops who used the rental car records to track down and arrest our bozos.

September 10, 2007

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Joey Schwartzman for sending in today’s report from the International File in Goerwihl, Germany. Our bozo for today was involved in an accident where he plowed into two parked cars. Unable to restart his car, our bozo fled on foot. Investigating officers were quickly able to determine at least part of the reason for the accident. They found a half eaten spaghetti carbonara dinner inside the car, which our bozo had apparently been chowing down upon at the time of the crash. Using vehicle records, the cops payed a visit to our bozo’s home. When he answered the door, the cops noticed stains from the meal on his shirt and there was even a stray piece of spaghetti still in his hair. Busted!

September 7, 2007

Bozo criminals for today come from Boston, Massachusetts where a couple of bozo college freshmen had just moved into their dorm room at Northeastern University. Thinking this was the land of opportunity, one of them leaned out the dorm window and shouted, "If you’re looking for weed, my roommate has some for sale!" Bad idea. Two plainclothes police officers in the building heard the offer and walked up to their dorm room and busted our bozos.

September 6, 2007

Bozo criminal for today comes from Sheboygan, Wisconsin where police paid a visit to bozo George Harper’s house after he missed a meeting with his probation officer. The cops were preparing to take him in when our bozo asked if he could put on a pair of pants. Certainly, one of the officers said, and followed him into his bedroom. It was there that his troubles really began. There was a bong sitting in plain sight by the bed and when our bozo opened a drawer to get out a pair of pants, what should be on top but a large baggie of marijuana. Busted!

September 5, 2007

Bozo criminals for today come from De Soto, Missouri where three bozos wanted some beer really bad, but were a little short of cash. So, they came up with the ultimate Bozo Distraction. One of our bozos donned a mask and stripped naked. He walked into a convenience store and began doing a hula dance in front of the clerk, hoping to distract him while his accomplice stole a case of beer. They then rushed back to their getaway car where our third bozo was waiting. Must not have been a very impressive hula as the clerk was able to keep his wits about him and call the cops after a customer got their license plate number. Our bozos have been charged with theft and indecent exposure.

September 4, 2007

Bozo criminal for today comes from Eugene, Oregon where police vice squad officers had raided an apartment and were questioning the tenant when our bozo stopped by. He walked up to one of the officers who was wearing a badge and asked him if he could hook him up with some drugs. The officer told him he couldn’t help him. Not wanting to take no for an answer, our bozo asked the same question of another officer who wasn’t quite so obliging. He checked our bozo out, found him to be in possession of marijuana and placed him under arrest.

September 3, 2007

(Best of Bozo) Bozo criminals for today come from the International File. From Manchester, England comes the story of bozo Roland Tweed and five of his bozo cohorts who held up a department store. One of our bozo’s duties was to be the official photographer of the crime. He snapped pictures of the group before, during and after the break-in. The gang got away clean and might still be free today if not for that film, which our bozo dropped off for developing at the one hour photo shop in the very department store they had robbed. The person developing the film realized what the pictures were and called the cops.