Dave Moreland's Bozo Criminal of the Day - The world famous daily report on dumb crimes

July 31, 2007

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Len Ward for sending in today’s report. From Bowie County, Texas comes the story of bozo Charles Whitaker who panicked when the cops came to his house with a warrant to look for drugs. He let them in and as they were checking out the place, excused himself to go to the bathroom. He then tried to flush some pot and methamphetamines down the toilet. Which might have been a good idea except for one thing. The utility company had just shut off his water for failure to pay his bill. Busted!

July 30, 2007

Bozo criminal for today from Independence, Missouri proves this whole "You Tube" thing may be getting out of hand. It all started when an officer noticed our bozos drive by in a car with expired tags. When he tried to pull them over, they took off and the chase was on. It was then that the officer noticed another car following closely behind him, with the driver holding a video camera. It seems our bozos had purposely set up a car chase for the sole purpose of trying to get it on videotape. Bad idea. The driver was arrested for outstanding warrants and the amateur photographer was ticketed for reckless driving, with the tape confiscated for evidence.

July 27, 2007

Bozo criminal for today comes from Phoenix, Arizona where bozo Charles Hampton robbed a bank but quickly found himself being pursued by the cops. At stressful times such as these, what a bozo really needs is a cigarette and, since our bozo was without any, he made a quick stop at a convenience store where he ran in and bought himself a pack. Hope he enjoyed the smokes. The quick pit stop slowed him down enough that the cops were able to catch up to him.

July 26, 2007

Bozo criminal for today comes from Prescott, Arizona where bozo Terence Kennedy stole a woman’s purse and used the credit card inside to purchase some videos. The next day the victim went to the local video store to alert them that someone had been using her credit card to buy DVDs. And while she was there complaining to the manager, who should show up to try to exchange eight DVDs for cash but our bozo. Busted!

July 25, 2007

Bozo criminal for today comes from Palm Bay, Florida where bozo Joseph Saunders was walking down a road at 5 AM when a police car passed by. He flagged down the officer and asked him for a ride home. The cop said sure, but before he could get in he would have to pat him down. And that’s when our bozo’s troubles began. The officer found marijuana on him and our bozo blurted out that he had lots more of it growing at home. Busted!

July 24, 2007

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Joey Schwartzman for sending in today’s report. From Little Ferry, New Jersey comes the story of bozo Anthony Marzetta who attempted to break into a residence before being frightened away by the homeowner. Police were called and they discovered that in his haste to get away, our bozo had left his getaway car parked out front. The cops had the car towed and were completing their investigation when who should show back up looking for his car but our bozo. Busted!

July 23, 2007

Bozo criminal for today comes from Salt Lake City, Utah where bozo Jeff Harper stole a bag of golf clubs from outside the Mountain Dell Golf Course Clubhouse. The cops learned that, in addition to the clubs, there was also a $25 gift card to a local restaurant inside the bag. A quick check found that our bozo had used the gift card that very evening, treating himself to an $18 dollar meal. The staff was asked that, if he returned use the rest of the credit on the card, to please call. He did, two days later. The cops were there before his meal arrived.

July 20, 2007

Bozo criminal for today comes from Denton, Texas where bozo Paul Thompson tried to break into a residence. A homeowner alerted the cops and the chase was on. Our bozo, fleeing on foot, ducked into what looked like a good hiding place, a large drain pipe. Either it wasn’t large enough or he was too large…either was he quickly found himself stuck in the pipe. It took rescue crews 10 hours to get him out. Jail may look pretty good to him now.

July 19, 2007

Bozo criminal for today learned the hard way not to be a litterbug. From Leon County, Florida comes the story of an unidentified man who was cruising around in his pickup while enjoying a cold brewski. And when he finished, he did what most any bozo would do, he tossed the can out the window. Maybe he should have checked the mirror first. A deputy sheriff was driving right behind him and the can hit the deputy’s squad car. Oops. He was immediately arrested and charged with DUI.

July 18, 2007

Bozo criminal for today comes from Largo, Florida where bozo Dana Steiner had a little too much to drink and got involved in a quarrel outside a bar. The police arrived, began questioning him and after a couple of minutes told him he was free to go. And that’s when he went into Full Bozo Mode. He reached into his pocket, pulled out his cell phone and dialed 911, telling the operator he was surrounded by cops with their guns drawn and needed help. They helped him all right, into the back of the squad car.

July 17, 2007

Bozo criminal for today comes from Phoenix, Arizona where bozo Charles Lane held up a local bank. He got some cash and fled. As he ran across the street, he dropped his wallet and some of the money, but was in too big of a hurry to stop and retrieve it. Bad idea. Several witness who saw him drop it told the police and gave them a good description. While the cops were still interviewing witnesses, guess who came wandering up? Yep, our bozo, looking for his wallet. He was quickly arrested.

July 16, 2007

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Monheim, Germany where an unidentified bozo was having car problems. He had a blowout late one evening while driving his girlfriend’s car. And, wouldn’t you know it, it had no spare. So, he called what he thought was the German equivalent of the AAA and told them his sad story. He said he was a little drunk, his license was expired and he had a flat tire…could they please come and help him. Which would have been a smart move except for one thing. Somehow he had dialed the wrong number and instead of the auto club he called the local police department. No matter. They were more than happy to come pick him up and take him to jail.

July 13, 2007

Bozo criminal for today comes from Edmonton, Alberta, Canada where bozo Eric Snyder tried to use a counterfeit credit card at the local mall. When the clerk noticed something was wrong with the card, he asked our bozo to show his ID. When he did, the clerk noticed he was carrying a handful of other cards, all of which also appeared to be bogus. The quick thinking clerk grabbed the cards and called the cops. Our bozo left and went to a nearby police station to issue a complaint that the clerk had stolen his counterfeit credit cards. Bad idea. When the police discovered that the cards were indeed fake, our bozo was placed under arrest.

July 12, 2007

Bozo criminals for today come from Cheshire, Connecticut where bozos George Darby and Anthony Walker stole some cash and a laptop computer from a guest at a local hotel. The police were called and were soon in hot pursuit. To try to lose them, our bozos made a quick turn off the main road, hoping to find a shortcut. Maybe they should have invested in a map. The shortcut turned out to be the entrance to the Cheshire Police Department’s dead-end parking lot. Oops. They’re under arrest.

July 11, 2007

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk C.F. O’Brien for sending in today’s report. From Syracuse, New York comes the story of bozo Morgan Watson who noticed his car was getting low on gas. It must have been running on fumes because our bozo pulled into the first station he came to, ignoring the fact that police had blocked off the station because of a disturbance. He drove over the curb and across the sidewalk, bypassing the police barricade and ignoring the officers’ flashing lights and sirens. He pulled up to the pump and began filling up his car, telling the approaching officers he couldn’t hear their sirens over his stereo. He never got to finish gassing up, as the officers discovered he had a suspended driver’s license and was carrying a loaded 45 caliber pistol under the seat. He’s under arrest.

July 10, 2007

Thanks to several Bozo News Hawks for alerting us to today’s bozo from Manchester, New Hampshire. Bozo James Campbell came up with one of the all time unique bozo disguises. Using duct tape, he taped tree branches to his head and body and entered the local bank disguised as a tree. Not wanting to mess with someone dressed as an elm, the cashier handed over some cash to our bozo who then walked out of the building. Unfortunately, the tree disguise was not fully leafed out and security cameras got a good picture of his face through the branches. When the photo was shown on TV, the police received an anonymous tip identifying our bozo who was promptly pruned and placed under arrest.

July 9, 2007

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report. From Niagara Falls, New York comes the story of bozo Joel Haynes who walked into the local Walgreen’s and asked the cashier for a carton of cigarettes. The clerk requested an ID and our bozo handed over his driver’s license. While she entered his birth date into the register, a major nicotine urge must have kicked in as our bozo grabbed the carton and ran out of the store without paying. Unfortunately, he left his driver’s license behind. Busted!

July 6, 2007

Bozo criminal for today comes from La Porte Indiana where bozo Michael Hardy broke into an auto parts shop by kicking a hole through a wall. A neighbor called the cops, who arrived to find our bozo half in and half out of the hole. And all that kicking must have really tired him out, as he was sound asleep when the cops found him. When they tried to awaken him, he told them to leave him alone, as he lived in the building. After our bozo was extracted from the hole he was placed under arrest.

July 5, 2007

Bozo criminal for today comes from Des Moines, Iowa where three bozos encountered a number of problems in their quest to rob a pawn shop. The robbery itself went OK, with our bozos smashing a display case and getting away with several guns. Mistake number one was parking their getaway car a block and a half away from the store. And when they were seen running down the street wearing red bandannas over their faces and carrying armloads of guns, several witnesses called the cops. That’s mistake two. Mistake three was failing to account for one of the pawn shop employees who gave chase. And it was while they were being pursued that they encountered mistake number four. A large landscaping boulder which they crashed their getaway car into. Four mistakes equal one arrest for three bozos.

July 4, 2007

(Best of Bozo)From Glenwood Springs, Colorado comes the story of bozo Steven Harper who went into the air conditioned Wal-Mart store to get some relief from the heat. After doing a little shopping, he plopped down in a display chair to cool off. He promptly fell asleep and when associates had a tough time waking him up, the police were called. The cops did a quick check on his ID and, wouldn’t you know it, he was wanted on an outstanding warrant for contempt of court. He’s cooling his heels in jail.