Dave Moreland's Bozo Criminal of the Day - The world famous daily report on dumb crimes

May 31, 2007

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Beersheba, Israel where an unidentified bozo stole a washing machine from a residence and offered it up for sale on a street corner. He attracted the attention of a police officer who noticed something wasn’t quite right. Our bozo had failed to remove a wet load of clothes from inside the machine. Oops. Police were able to track down the machine’s owner and our bozo’s career as a thief was all washed up.

May 30, 2007

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Barbara Goldstein for sending in today’s report. From Wasilla, Alaska comes the story of bozo Gary O’Reilly who broke into a home and stole a couple of guns, some food and alcohol. Then he decided to load his loot into the car in the garage and make his getaway. He got it loaded, but in the process he may also have gotten himself loaded, as before he could back out of the garage, he fell asleep at the wheel. The homeowner returned, found him and called the cops, who awakened and arrested our bozo.

May 29, 2007

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Joey Schwartzman for sending in today’s report. From Ocean City, Maryland comes the story of bozo Michael Anders who walked into a convenience store to buy some snacks. Unfortunately, he only had a dollar and the total was a couple of bucks more than that. So, he handed the clerk the dollar along with a small baggie of pot in exchange. The clerk informed him that 7-Eleven didn’t accept marijuana as payment. Our bozo stormed out, breaking a bottle on his way. The cops were called, he was found hiding nearby and arrested.

May 28, 2007

(Best of Bozo) Bozo criminal for today may not have been a good thief, but at least he had class. From the International File in Bucharest, Romania comes the story of an unidentified 16 year old bozo who broke into a residence but could find nothing he wanted to steal. Then, realizing that he was behind on his piano practice, he sat down at the home’s piano and began to play. Neighbors heard the sounds and called the cops. Our bozo was still playing when the police arrived.

May 25, 2007

Bozo criminal for today comes from Whitehall, Ohio where police went to a motel during the early morning hours to arrest a man accused of domestic violence. As they knocked on his door, our bozo, who was in the adjacent room, climbed out the back window and into the arms of officers stationed outside. It turns out that our bozo was a suspect in a shooting in Indiana and, of course, when he saw the cops, he thought they were coming for him. They weren’t but they’ve got him now.

May 24, 2007

Bozo criminals for today come from Hilton Head Island, South Carolina where two bozos robbed some tourists at the beach, getting away with purses, wallets and a couple of cell phones. Guess our bozos must really like the water, since their victims spotted them next day lounging around their hotel’s swimming pool. The cops were called, most of the stolen items were recovered and our bozos were arrested.

May 23, 2007

Bozo criminal for today comes from Yonkers, New York where bozo Frankie Trejo broke into a truck and stole several items. When the owner of the vehicle returned to her car, she called the cops to report the break-in. Police were on the scene interviewing the victim when who should walk by but our bozo…carrying the knapsack he had taken from the vehicle. The owner spotted him, recognized the knapsack and our bozo was quickly arrested.

May 22, 2007

Bozo criminal for today violated Bozo Rule Number 0987: Don’t celebrate your heist too early. From the International File in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia comes the story of an unidentified bozo who snatched a woman’s handbag and ran off down the street. The woman gave chase but lost him and was headed to the police station to report the theft when she saw him standing between two parked cars, going through her purse and counting the money. When our bozo saw her, he tried to run, but a couple of bystanders grabbed him and held on until the police arrived.

May 21, 2007

Bozo criminal for today comes from Kansas City, Missouri where bozo John Russell walked into a convenience store and told the cashier to give him all the money. Since the cashier was inside a secure booth, he thought our bozo was joking and told him to leave. That’s when our bozo grabbed a 12 pack of soda and tried to smash the booth’s glass, but succeeded only in smashing the sodas. He then picked up a metal newspaper stand and tried again with no luck. At this time, the cashier remotely locked the store’s doors and called the cops. Our bozo then tried to use the newspaper stand on the doors but found they wouldn’t break, either. Knowing his luck had run out, our bozo grabbed a donut and sat down to wait for the cops. He’s under arrest.

May 18, 2007

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Laura Davidson for sending in today’s report. From Clackamas County, Oregon comes the story of bozo Michael Olson who violated Bozo Rule Number 4678: When you’re a wanted man, it’s best to keep a low profile. Our bozo was in his car at an intersection when a sheriff’s deputy pulled up beside him. Seeing the officer, he grabbed his hat and tried to use it to conceal his face. This rather suspicious maneuver inspired the deputy to do a quick license plate check and, sure enough, the vehicle turned up as stolen. After a brief chase our bozo was placed under arrest.

May 17, 2007

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Netherton, England where bozo Christopher Carlton broke into the local Rolls Royce dealership and grabbed several of the company’s computers. And since he was in a Rolls dealership, he took one of their expensive cars for his getaway, right? Wrong. For reasons known only to the bozo mind, he chose as his getaway vehicle a large forklift. Not surprisingly, that attracted the attention of the police and our bozo was quickly apprehended.

May 16, 2007

Bozo criminal for today comes from Loveland, Colorado where bozo Brian Douglas broke into a tobacco shop, stealing pipes, scales and several other items. He stuffed the loot into a pillowcase and made his getaway. Unfortunately for him, he only stole one pillowcase full…and he brought two pillowcases with him. And even more unfortunately, he left the empty one behind when he fled. And that empty pillowcase was embroidered with the words "Jade Inn," the motel nearby where he was staying. Police took the pillowcase to the motel and the manager was able to direct the cops to our bozo’s room, where he was promptly arrested.

May 15, 2007

Bozo criminal for today comes from Inwood, West Virginia where bozo Steven Shepard made two big mistakes in his attempted robbery of a convenience store. Mistake number one: His disguise. He placed a blue pair of ladies panties over his head in a feeble attempt to cover his face. Mistake number two: His choice of weapon. He used a pistol shaped cigarette lighter to threaten the clerk. Not surprisingly, the clerk refused to take him seriously and our bozo ran out of the store empty handed. The cops were called and our bozo was quickly apprehended.

May 14, 2007

Bozo criminal for today comes from Chehalis, Washington where bozo Eugenio Cortes had to appear in court. For reasons known only to the bozo mind, he brought along his marijuana stash and, just before entering, he hid it in the shrubbery in front of the courthouse. Unfortunately for him, the shrub he chose to hide his stash in was directly underneath the window belonging to county detectives, who saw what he was doing. He was busted as he entered the building.

May 11, 2007

Bozo criminals for today come from Chicago, Illinois where three bozos broke into a shoe store and told the employees to lay down on the floor and keep quiet. Our bozos then went about their business, looking for just the right shoes in their sizes. When one of them would find a style he liked, he would shout out the size he needed so the other bozos could help him look for it. Sounds like an OK plan, except for one thing. All the noise and shouting of sizes alerted workers in the back store room that something was amiss. They called the cops who arrived before our bozos had finished shopping.

May 10, 2007

Bozo criminal for today comes from New York City where bozo Calvin Solly was trying to sell some counterfeit money. Lots of it. $4 million in $100 bills. He was having a tough time getting anyone to buy because the bills were white paper. Totally blank. He did have a classic bozo story to explain it all. He said the bills were intended to be foreign aid for the country of Sierra Leone and had been dyed white to prevent the money couriers from being robbed. He said the paper would be revealed as actual money when placed between two real $100 bills. Not surprisingly, he attracted the attention of the FBI who placed him under arrest.

May 9, 2007

Bozo criminals for today violated Bozo Rule Number 99045: When vandalizing a place, be sure you allow for an escape route. From the International File in Oslo, Norway comes the story of a couple of bozos who decide to vandalize a train station elevator. Once inside the car, they started kicking the doors. Unfortunately, the kicked them so hard that they jammed, effectively trapping our bozos inside. Police were called and they freed and arrested our bozos.

May 8, 2007

Bozo criminal for today from Fort Worth, Texas proves that littering doesn’t pay. Police officers noticed a motorist toss a gray bundle from his car and then speed away. Investigating, the officer found the bundle contained a gray sweatshirt and a black ski mask…the same outfit a robber had worn at a bank robbery the previous day. He radioed ahead for a patrol car to stop our bozo. He was charged with littering, and, after bank employees were able to identify him, bank robbery charges were added.

May 7, 2007

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Joey Schwartzman for sending in today’s report. From Franklin, Ohio comes the story of bozo Christopher Wallace who was wanted by the cops on a probation violation. When an officer approached him, he ran, climbing a nearby fence and then jumping onto the roof of the adjacent building. He ran across the roof and then attempted to jump over to the building next door. No matter how easy this looks in the movies, it’s tough in real life. He fell a little short and found himself stuck in an enclosed courtyard area between the two buildings. He had to wait patiently while the fire department ladder truck was brought in to free him. He’ll be heading to jail after he’s released from the hospital.

May 4, 2007

Bozo criminal for today comes from Houston, Texas where police officers were called to an apartment after a report of a disturbance. Finding the front door open, they went inside where they found several large marijuana plants. They also found bozo John Gonzalez hiding in the bathroom. He made a run for it, getting just outside the door before being caught. As they were cuffing him, one of the officers noticed smoke coming from his pants. In his haste, he had stuffed a burning marijuana cigarette into his pocket. Busted!