Dave Moreland's Bozo Criminal of the Day - The world famous daily report on dumb crimes

March 30, 2007

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Mostar, Bosnia where lovesick bozo Mladen Krajulj planted five explosive devices in the city. The bombs went off near a local restaurant, causing property damage but no injuries. It was after the police arrested our bozo that he assured his place in the Bozo Hall of Fame. He told the cops his girlfriend had left his hometown and had moved to the city, accepting a waitress job in the restaurant that was damaged. He said he set off the bombs to show his girlfriend that it was unsafe in the city and that she should return home and marry him. But hold on, it worked. She has accepted and will marry him after he serves ten months jail time.

March 29, 2007

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Michael Moore for sending in today’s report. From the International File in Berlin, Germany comes the story of an unidentified bozo who tried to pull off a heist just like he had seen it done on TV. He stuck his credit card in the door of a residence and tried to use it to jimmy the lock. Unfortunately, in real life, those credit cards aren’t that tough and his broke off inside the door. And the part that fell inside the house was the part with his name and account number on it. Busted! Police tracked him down and made the arrest.

March 28, 2007

Bozo criminals for today come from the International File in Burila Mare, Romania. Our band of bozos raided a woman’s stable and stole two cows. Wanting to be sure that the police couldn’t follow a trail of cow footprints, our bozos carefully strapped rubber booties on the cows’ hooves. Guess they didn’t realize the cops could still follow the footprints, even though they weren’t hoofprints. And that’s just what they did, directly to our bozos’ residence, where they were arrested for rustling.

March 27, 2007

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report. From North Miami Beach, Florida comes the story of bozo Abdul Mafood who was waiting for friends outside a restaurant when he saw a couple of police officers walking toward the place. Being a polite sort, he graciously opened the doors for them, greeting them as they prepared to enter. Unfortunately, when he removed his hand from his pocket to open the door, out fell a small plastic bag of cocaine. Oops. And when the officers checked his other pockets, they found a baggie of marijuana. Busted!

March 26, 2007

Bozo criminal for today comes from Winona, Wisconsin where bozo Jason Kowalski liked ladies underwear. Really, really liked ladies underwear. He broke into a residence and stole several unmentionables, stuffing them into his pants as he headed for the door. Unfortunately for him, police had been called to a report of a prowler and they were nearby when he jumped on his bicycle and tried to flee. The cops had no problem tracking him down, they just followed a trail of underwear that fell from our bozos pants as he pedaled. He’s under arrest.

March 23, 2007

(Best of Bozo) Bozo criminal for today comes from Stanberry, Missouri, where bozo Michael Massey was caught trying to steal six 350 pound commercial electrical tansformers from the local power company. It was his reason for stealing them that landed him in the Bozo Hall of Fame. He told the cops he needed the transformers to power his home-built time machine. He said he wanted to travel a few days into the future, learn the winning lottery numbers and return to buy the winning ticket.

March 22, 2007

(Best of Bozo) Bozo criminal for today comes from Canton, Ohio. Bozo Daniel Fogelman, for reasons known only to the bozo mind, was walking down the street, carrying a marijuana plant. He walked up to another pedestrian and said, "Would you believe I’m walking down the street in the middle of the day with this pot plant?" The pedestrian answered, "Would you believe I’m a cop?" Oops. He’d chosen to speak to a plainclothes detective returning from court. He’s been arrested.

March 21, 2007

(Best of Bozo) Bozo criminal for today comes from Marshall County, Indiana, where bozo Christopher Adams was pulled over for a minor traffic offense. While talking to our bozo, the officer couldn’t help but notice his bright orange T-shirt, which read, "Fugitive. You never saw me." Playing a hunch, the officer ran our bozo’s name through his computer and, sure enough, he was a fugitive, wanted for failure to appear at a court hearing. He’s now wearing a completely different orange outfit, this one provided by the county jail.

March 20, 2007

(Best of Bozo) Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Bruno d’ Asti, Italy, where Carlo Brunelli held up a post office at gunpoint, fleeing with about $5,000. Postal employees quickly locked the door after our bozo fled and watched in amazement as he got into his car, sat there for a moment and then ran back to the door. Finding it locked, he began to shout for them to please let him in, as he’d left his car keys inside. Sorry, Carlo. He was still crying and begging to be let back in when the police arrived.

March 19, 2007

(Best of Bozo) Bozo criminal for today violated Bozo Rule Number 2346: You should always be suspicious when your victims are a little too helpful. From the International File in Tsu, Japan, comes the story of an unidentified bozo who marched into a bank and demanded cash. The teller and several other employees said the really big money was in the vault, and if he would just step this way … They led him to the bank’s main vault, and when he went inside to grab his cash, they slammed the door shut on him, locking him inside. And that’s where he remained until the police arrived.

March 16, 2007

Bozo criminal for today comes from Titusville, Florida where bozo Garrett Norman broke into a residence, getting away with a few items and leaving one item of his own behind. The police were called and were investigating when our bozo returned…to retrieve his cell phone which he had left inside the house. He’s under arrest.

March 15, 2007

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Laura Davidson for sending in today’s report. From Troutdale, Oregon comes the story of a couple of bozos who decided they needed some beer. So, they contacted each other on their nifty little walkie talkies and agreed to meet at a local convenience store. This wouldn’t have been a problem except for one thing. Those little walkie talkies were actually police two way radios that our bozos had stolen. And since they were still using the police frequency, their get together plans were overheard by police officers who were waiting for our bozos at the store when they arrived. Busted!

March 14, 2007

Bozo criminals for today come from Brandon, Florida where three bozos were trying for a late night break in of a residence. As they were fumbling with the door, trying to jimmy it open with a pocket knife, one of them rang the doorbell. Oops. The suspicious homeowner called the cops and our bozos were quickly arrested.

March 13, 2007

Bozo criminal for today comes from Chandler, Arizona where bozo Jonathan Wilson had himself a little meth lab in his condo, cooking up the stuff in his closet using a toaster oven. This probably wasn’t the safest setup as the toaster caught fire and the condo was soon engulfed in flames. Our bozo first tried to put the fire out with water and then window cleaner with no success. So, with his house on fire, he did what any bozo would do. He drove down to Wal Mart to buy a fire extinguisher. While he was away, the fire department arrived and, upon discovering the lab, called the cops. Our bozo didn’t even get to try out the fire extinguisher. He was arrested when he returned home.

March 12, 2007

Bozo criminal for today comes from Mount Clemens, Michigan where another bozo was foiled by technology. Sixteen year old Jordan Duffner escaped from the juvenile detention center where he was held on assault charges. And shortly after his escape, he posted this on his My Space page: "Catch me if you can. 2 fast for the feds, to cocky for the cops." It’s probably not the best idea to challenge the authorities in such a public forum. He’s now back under arrest.

March 9, 2007

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Alex Digger for sending in today’s report. From Ormond Beach Florida comes the story of three bozos who thought they had the perfect plan for robbing a bank. They had their getaway car ready. They had their guns drawn and their masks on. What they didn’t count on was that at this particular bank you have to be buzzed in at the front door by bank employees. And a bank usually won’t unlock the door for three bozos wearing ski masks with guns drawn. Instead the cops were called and our bozos were arrested.

March 8, 2007

Bozo criminal for today comes from Stevens Point, Wisconsin where an unidentified bozo wanted to get married in church. For some reason however, he didn’t go through the proper channels to set it up. Instead, he showed up in the middle of the night (without his bride, we assume) and attempted to break through the doors using a metal shovel. After several unsuccessful attempts, he called for help. He dialed up the police and told them what he was trying to do and asked could they please help him. They helped him to jail after finding him in possession of pot and stolen prescription drugs.

March 7, 2007

Bozo criminal for today forgot one of the things he should have learned in kindergarten: Don’t forget to zip up your pants. From Sheboygan, Wisconsin comes the story of bozo James Stapleton who ran off the road and got his car stuck in a ditch. When police officers arrived to help him, one of them noticed that our bozo’s pants were unzipped. Upon further investigation, it was discovered that he had stashed his pipe and marijuana in his underwear. Busted!

March 6, 2007

Bozo criminal for today from Pawtucket, Rhode Island is the first ever bozo who literally tried to fly the coop. Bozo Stephen Landers set off the burglar alarm when he tried to break into the local laundromat. Seeing the cops rapidly approaching, our bozo took off, leaping from the roof of the laundromat and landing atop a nearby building, which just happened to be a large chicken coop. This caused enough of a commotion among the chickens that our bozo decided it was no place to hide, so he flew the coop and landed right in the arms of the arriving police officers. He’s under arrest.

March 5, 2007

Bozo criminal for today comes from Clarence Township, Ontario, Canada where an unidentified bozo spotted a snowmobile he liked. Unfortunately, the snowmobile was chained to the front porch of a house. Undeterred, our bozo hooked an even larger chain to the snowmobile and to his truck. This must have been an extra heavy duty chain and truck as our bozo was able to drag the snowmobile, along with the the porch of the house, out into a nearby field. Seeing what he had done, our bozo panicked and fled, leaving behind the porch, the snowmobile and the truck. He’s been arrested.