Dave Moreland's Bozo Criminal of the Day - The world famous daily report on dumb crimes

January 3, 2007

One thing we’ve learned over the years…Bozos and snow don’t mix. From Santa Fe, New Mexico, where they had eight inches of snow last week, comes the story of bozo Mark Marretta who stole a laptop from a government building. It didn’t take Sherlock Holmes to crack the case. The cops simply followed the footprints in the snow, which led them to our bozo who was standing outside his truck, brushing the snow off. Before they even had a chance to ask him, our bozo told them he hadn’t done anything wrong. The officers begged to differ, especially after they found the missing laptop in his apartment. Busted!

January 2, 2007

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Joey Schwartzman for sending in today’s report. From the International File in Chatham, Ontario, Canada comes the story of a couple of bozos who stole several pieces of computer equipment and stuffed it into the trunk of their car. They never made it home to try it out as they were quickly pulled over by an officer who checked the trunk and found the computers along with burglary tools. And just what was it that made the officer suspicious in the first place? The dangling computer mouse that was hanging out of the trunk. Busted!

January 1, 2007

(Best of Bozo) Bozo criminal for today comes from Orlando, Florida where an unidentified bozo from Columbia perhaps misunderstood what "Laundering" means in the drug world. Our bozo showed up at the Orlando International Airport wearing a very heavily starched shirt and equally starched jeans. The jeans were so stiff he had trouble walking. And when he did walk there was a strong smell of vinegar in the air and a trail of white powder fell from his clothes. The clothes had been "starched" with heroin. He’s now wearing unstarched prison black and whites.