Dave Moreland's Bozo Criminal of the Day - The world famous daily report on dumb crimes

November 30, 2006

Bozo criminal for today comes from Oak Park, Michigan where bozo Shirley Thompson was concerned that her marijuana was laced with a potentially dangerous substance. So, she called the cops and asked if they could come over and inspect her pot and make sure it was pure. While that’s not a service the police usually provide, in this case they were glad to help. The marijuana was confiscated and sent to a lab for further testing. And our bozo was sent to court, charged with possession.

November 29, 2006

Bozo criminal for today comes from Shreveport, Louisiana where bozo Derek Peterson walked into a gas station, flashed a handgun and demanded that the clerk empty the cash register. Guess he didn’t notice the uniformed police officer of the Shreveport police department standing in line inside the store. The officer disarmed our bozo and placed him under arrest.

November 28, 2006

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Joey Schwartzman for sending in today’s report. From the International File in Sremska Mitrovica, Serbia comes the story of a bozo prisoner who was out for the weekend on a work release program. And while out, he robbed a residence, getting away with a nice watch and a cell phone. When he returned to prison on Monday morning, he was showing off his new watch to his fellow inmates when the warden noticed it looked awfully familiar. Yep, he had broken into the warden’s house and stolen his wristwatch. His work release privileges have been terminated.

November 27, 2006

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in New Delhi, India where bozo Divesh Borse pulled off a big jewelry heist, getting away with more than a million dollars worth of gemstones. And to celebrate he went to a local bar where he proceeded to get drunk and request that the same song be played over and over again. The bar staff was willing to put up with it because he was throwing around 1000 rupee notes as tips. And they were even willing to take it when he returned the second night and pulled the same stunt again. It was when he showed up drunk the third night and continued to request the same song over and over that someone got fed up and called the cops. Officers discovered he was carrying over $67,000 worth of the stolen jewels on him. Busted!

November 24, 2006

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Berlin, Germany where off duty police officers spotted our unidentified bozo apparently steal something from a jewelry store window. But, when they searched him, they found nothing but an empty box. Even though the store owner said a ring was missing our bozo continued to deny that he had taken anything. He was being interrogated at the police station when his stomach betrayed him. He doubled over, complaining of severe abdominal pains. Suspecting appendicitis, he was rushed to the hospital where X-rays showed his appendix was fine. The X-rays also showed a clear picture of the swallowed ring. Busted!

November 23, 2006

(Best of Bozo) On this Thanksgiving Day, we thought it would be appropriate to have a bozo whose crime was foiled by food. From the International File in London, England comes the story of bozo Colin Smythe who was attempting to rob a shopkeeper at knifepoint. A quick thinking customer rushed up to our bozo and walloped him on the head with the only weapon he had available. An extra crunchy loaf of bread. The loaf of bread got the job done, temporarily stunning our bozo, giving the shopkeeper and the customer a chance to wrestle him to the ground. They held him there until the police arrived.

November 22, 2006

Bozo Criminals for today comes from Richmond, Virginia where we once again have the story of bozos foiled by modern technology. Bozo Randolph Perkins and three of his friends held up the local Pizza Hut, getting away with about $300 in cash. The store manager got the license plate number of their getaway vehicle and gave it to the cops. They quickly determined that our bozos had rented their getaway vehicle from a car rental agency just a few blocks away. The owner of the agency was able to tell the cops the location of the vehicle using its GPS system. And he could tell them exactly where they were since he could also send a signal to disable the vehicle. When the cops arrived our bozos were still trying to figure out whey their car wouldn’t go. Busted!

November 21, 2006

Bozo criminals for today violated Bozo Rule Number 57098: If you’re doing something illegal, keep your door shut. From Bethany, Oregon comes the story of two bozo marijuana entrepreneurs who had a booming business going, growing, processing and selling marijuana. We say "had" because one afternoon our bozos were in their garage sorting and packing the stuff, with a large amount spread out on the floor, and packaging materials and a scale close by. Maybe it got a little stuffy in there, because our bozos opened the garage door and continued working. Guess they didn’t notice the police cruiser roll by. The cops definitely notice them, though. Busted!

November 20, 2006

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Neville Hiatt for sending in today’s report. From the International File in Mussiday, France comes the story of an unidentified bozo who broke into a residence and stole some hunting rifles and a TV set. Upon returning home, our bozo noticed that he had failed to also pick up the remote control for the TV. And what good’s a TV without the remote? So, he headed back over to get it. The homeowner happened to be at the police station reporting the crime when alert neighbors noticed our bozo rummaging around again at the home and called the cops. They got there quickly and found our bozo still searching for the remote.

November 17, 2006

Bozo criminal for today comes from Wichita, Kansas where bozo Tom Hanson and two of his friends tried to kidnap a teenager in a dispute over a stereo. This dispute quickly escalated into a full scale fight and our bozo pulled out a gun and fired a shot at the teenager. He missed…and when he jammed the gun back into his pants, it went off, hitting him where it hurts. The gun then went off a second time, this time striking him in the calf. Knowing he needed treatment immediately, he gingerly walked to the nearby hospital, where he received treatment before being arrested.

November 16, 2006

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Tim Hutchison for sending in today’s report. From College Station, Texas comes the story of bozo Jeffrey Davis who stopped into Boston’s Gourmet Pizza. He hadn’t been there very long when he decided to take a couple of bottles of wine from behind the bar, without paying, of course. After a brief scuffle with restaurant employees, our bozo fled. Police had no trouble tracking him down, however. Before he stole the wine, he had struck up a conversation with the bartender. And in the course of that conversation, he had given the bartender his business card. Busted!

November 15, 2006

Bozo criminals for today come from Richmond, Indiana where three female bozos were driving around at 2:30 the other morning when a heated argument broke out. We don’t know what it was over, but it was serious. So serious that they pulled over in the next parking lot they passed to settle it right then and there. Unfortunately, they pulled into the parking lot of the Richmond municipal building, right down from police headquarters. An officer on duty heard the commotion and came out to try to calm things down. Our bozos weren’t in the mood for mediation and the fight raged on until the officer finally had to arrest all three. They’ve been charged with public intoxication.

November 14, 2006

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Brenda Helgerson for sending in today’s report. From Sheboygan, Wisconsin comes the story of bozo Leah Jaworski who tried to pass a fake $20 bill at a convenience store to buy chips and cigarettes. Only one problem, the bill was only printed on one side. The back was completely blank. Our bozo tried to say it was an accident, but the alert clerk took down her license plate number as she drove away. The police are taking it seriously…she could face three years in prison.

November 13, 2006

Thanks to Cynthia Kindler Thomas for sending in today’s report. From East Stroudsburg, Pennsylvania comes the story of bozo Edward Oliver who perhaps should have invested in some Band Aids before setting out to break into a garage near the police station. Officers at the station house heard the alarm go off at around 3 AM and rushed over to check things out. Our bozo wasn’t still there but they did find a broken window and a trail of blood leading from the garage to a home across the street. Our bozo was bandaged up and arrested, charged with attempted robbery.

November 10, 2006

Bozo criminal for today comes from La Crosse, Wisconsin where a couple of bozos tried to trick a car wash change machine with a $10 bill on a string. They inserted the bill and the machine ate it, breaking the string, keeping the bill and refusing to give any change. Now, your ordinary crook would chalk it up to experience and let it go at that. A bozo criminal, however, would return the next day and demand a refund from the manager. When he found the bill with the string attached, the manager called the cops who charged our bozos with attempted theft.

November 9, 2006

Bozo criminal for today comes from Marysville, California where bozo Alben Brady held up a cigarette store. He ran out the back door and jumped into his getaway car. Officers later discovered the car abandoned but there was no sign of our bozo. However, inside the car, the cops found the wrapper for the ghost mask our bozo had used as his disguise. They traced the bar codes on the wrapper to the local Wal Mart and, wouldn’t you know it, the store’s surveillance cameras caught our bozo buying the mask. One of the cops recognized him and our bozo is now under arrest.

November 8, 2006

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Tehran, Iran where an unidentified bozo was determined to become a successful thief. So determined, in fact, that he went to see a sorcerer who told our bozo that, for a fee, he could make him invisible, and therefore able to rob banks at will. Our bozo paid the sorcerer the money and he gave him some spells to tie to his arm, which he said would make him invisible. Our bozo knew something wasn’t right when he entered the bank and started snatching money from the hands of the customers and instead of being terrified of the invisible thief, they simply grabbed him and threw him to the floor. Invisible boy is under arrest.

November 7, 2006

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report. From Braceville, Illinois comes the story of bozo Lloyd Kendall who was running a little low on gas, and maybe a little low on brains, too. He pulled up to a well lighted booth and handed the man inside some money, telling him to "Fill ‘er up." Instead he soon found himself surrounded by cops and under arrest for DWI. The booth he had driven up to was not a gas station. It was the guard station at the Braidwood nuclear power plant. Oops.

November 6, 2006

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Bristol, England where bozo Daniel Jefferson burglarized an apartment. While he was making his getaway, he was spotted by a neighbor who whipped out her camera phone. Not being one to avoid the limelight, our bozo stopped and posed for his picture before continuing on his way. She provided the picture to the cops who used it to track down and arrest our bozo.

November 3, 2006

Bozo criminal for today comes from White Plains, New York. Bozo Oscar Alexander was taking his daughter trick or treating Tuesday night and he decided he would wear his old orange prison jumpsuit. A county corrections officer who was taking her kids out for Halloween confronted him about the outfit and he ran to his car. She got his license plate number and called authorities. Fearing an escaped con was loose among the local trick or treaters, the jail went into lockdown and local law enforcement officers went on high alert. Police officers tracked down our bozo and after determining he was not an escapee, charged him with petty theft of the jumpsuit and possession of stolen property.