Dave Moreland's Bozo Criminal of the Day - The world famous daily report on dumb crimes

August 4, 2006

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Alex Edwards for sending in today’s report. From the International File in Dunedin, New Zealand comes the story of two bozos who violated Bozo Rule Number 86532: When it comes to a disguise, keep it simple. Our bozos heisted a trampoline and were carrying it down the street at 1 AM. That in itself would certainly attract the attention of the police. But it was their choice of disguise that really sank them. For reasons known only to the Bozo Brain, they decided to dress up as Smurfs, the formerly popular cartoon characters. Papa Smurf and his accomplices are under arrest.

August 3, 2006

Bozo criminal for today comes from Westlake, Ohio where bozo Maria Bryant was getting a little thirsty, so she walked into the Moosehead Saloon. Since she looked a little young, the bartender asked to see an ID. Our bozo reached into her purse and tossed the ID to the bartender who did a double take. She was looking at her own driver’s license, which, along with her credit cards, had been stolen a few weeks back. Yep, our bozo had ordered a drink from the very person whose home she had burglarized previously. Suspecting something was up, she ran out of the bar only to be arrested by the cops a short time later.

August 2, 2006

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Howard Rost for sending in today’s report. From Springfield, Vermont comes the story of bozo Paul Mitchell who had done his research and found a location that was really in need of a liquor store. So, he applied to the state alcoholic beverage commission to request a license to sell liquor our of his home. One big problem, our bozo was in the Springfield Correctional Center and the address he gave as his home was the jail. Needless to say, the request was denied.

August 1, 2006

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Hamburg, Germany where bozo Michael Baumgarden broke into and robbed a leisure center. Unfortunately, he left behind a crucial piece of evidence which led the police right to him. His finger. He caught it on a metal fence and ripped it off as he was trying to escape. Police found the severed digit and were able to match up the fingerprint to our bozo. Minus one finger, he’s now behind bars.