Dave Moreland's Bozo Criminal of the Day - The world famous daily report on dumb crimes

July 31, 2006

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report. From Enid, Oklahoma comes the story of bozo brothers Buddy Joe and Ricky Swain who were walking past a couple of cops eating lunch when one of them wised off about the officers not eating at a donut shop. Bad idea, as this caused the cops to take notice of them. Worse idea, they were on their way to the local Wal-Mart where they stole a stereo. Worst possible idea, they walked back past the cops a few minutes later with the stolen stereo in a Wal-Mart shopping cart. The cops, still upset at the boys comment, decided to talk to them and when they gave inconsistent stories about how they got the stereo, checked with the Wal-Mart manager who confirmed the robbery. They’ve been charged with theft.

July 27, 2006

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Marion Maher for sending in today’s report. From Bellevue, Washington comes the story of bozo Thomas Hardt who broke into several cars the other evening. Apparently that can be tiring work and after burglarizing a large van, our bozo decided to take a little break and curled up in the back and fell sound asleep. There were a couple of problems he wasn’t aware of. First, the parking lot that he had chosen to vandalize was the facility where city vehicles are sent for maintenance and refueling. And that van he had fallen asleep in was a Bellevue police SWAT vehicle. When the two members of the SWAT team arrived the next morning to pick up the van, o1154101874

July 26, 2006

Bozo criminal for today comes from the Bozo Lonely Hearts Club at the University of Central Florida. Bozo Matthew Daughtry was very lonely and hadn’t had a date for a very long time, so he took a new and decidedly Bozo approach to meeting women. He set the couch in the lobby of the dorm on fire. His theory was that he would be able to talk to the ladies as the place was being evacuated. The only people he was successful in meeting were the cops. He’s been arrested and charged with arson.

July 25, 2006

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Ingolstadt, Germany, where an unidentified bozo was released from jail after serving time for theft. Obviously, he was not rehabilitated, as he walked out of jail and promptly stole a police officer’s bicycle and rode away. He didn’t get very far before he was rearrested.

July 24, 2006

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Frankfurt, Germany where an unidentified bozo locked himself out of his apartment. He called a locksmith but discovered that he didn’t have enough cash to pay him to come out and unlock his door. So he instead put it on a credit card, right? Wrong. Maybe he called a friend and asked to borrow the money? Nope. Instead, he went into the basement and started a fire which burned the place down. That’ll show ‘em! Not only did he lose his belongings, he’s also been charged with arson.

July 21, 2006

Bozo criminal for today went to the well once too often…well, in this case he went to the window once too often. From the International File in Zagreb, Croatia comes the story of an unidentified bozo who held up a string of betting shops, robbing 35 bookies over a period of a few months and never bothering to wear a disguise. Since he was flush with cash, the temptation to place a bet was just too great. So, he went back to one of the shops to place his wager and was immediately recognized by the teller as someone who had robbed him. He called the cops.Our bozo lost that bet. He’s under arrest.

July 20, 2006

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report. From Callaway County, Missouri comes the story of bozos Joseph Schwartz and Michael Sorrels who were drug dealers. And like most dealers, they were just a little paranoid. So worried were they that the cops would pull their car over and discover their two pound stash of meth that they came up with a foolproof plan for disposing of the stuff. Well, foolproof, but not Bozoproof. They loaded the meth into a four foot long rocket which they placed in the truck. Using an elaborate system of ropes and pulleys, the rocket could be pulled into an upright position and then, at the flip of a switch, be sent blasting into the ozone, far away from the prying eyes of the police. Or that was the plan. When a highway patrolman pulled them over, the trunk popped open, the rocket rose into position, but nothing happened when they hit the switch. They had forgotten to plug the firing mechanism into the cigarette lighter. Busted!

July 19, 2006

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Zagreb, Croatia where an unidentified bozo was really proud of his speedy new motorcycle. So proud, in fact, that he took a picture of himself, showing the bike’s speedometer registering over 100 MPH as he sped down a country road. He then posted the photo on the internet. The police got wind of it and tracked him down, intending to give him a speeding ticket. He got another ticket when the cops discovered that the bike had been illegally imported and wasn’t even registered. Busted!

July 18, 2006

Bozo criminal for today comes from Aloha, Oregon where bozo Lorna Dugan’s neighbors called the cops to complain about the noise coming from her house. A deputy arrived and our bozo agreed to keep it down. It was after he left that her problems really started. Thinking the officer was just about the cutest guy she had seen in a while, our bozo called 911 to ask if the dispatcher could send the "cutie pie" deputy back again. When asked why she needed his assistance, our bozo told the operator she wanted him to return so she could give him her phone number, in hopes of a future date. Not a good idea. The 911 number is for emergencies, not for making a dream date. She’s been charged with 911 misuse, which carries a maximum sentence of one year in jail.

July 17, 2006

Bozo criminals for today come from Athens, Alabama, where bozos James Martin and Brandon Lane stole several pieces of heavy equipment, including a forklift, a backhoe and a bulldozer. So they took this stuff and sold it for cash, right? Wrong. These good old boys headed out into the woods and had their own heavy equipment version of a destruction derby, crashing the various pieces into each other. Our boys were busted after neighbors complained about all the loud crashing sounds coming from the woods…Them Duke boys is in a whole mess of trouble!

July 14, 2006

Bozo criminal for today comes from Sylvester, Georgia where bozo Calvin Brady broke into a residence and stole several items, including a checkbook. Thinking he could get some quick cash at a nearby bank, he tried to pass one of the checks with a drive-thru teller. As luck would have it, he had broken into that very teller’s home and he presented her with one of her own checks for cashing. She stalled him by asking for some identification. He obliged by giving her his drivers license and social security card. She called the cops. He’s under arrest.

July 13, 2006

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Joey Schwartzman for sending in today’s report from the International File in Western Australia. Two unidentified bozos were in the process of burglarizing a building when they encountered a third man. And since this guy was carrying a gun, our bozo burglars did just what you wouldn’t expect. They called the cops to ask for help. Police rushed to the scene and placed all three under arrest.

July 12, 2006

Bozo criminal for today comes from Houston, Texas where bozo Ralston Ferguson passed a hold-up note to the teller at a local bank. What he didn’t realize was that standing right behind him in line was a news reporter for KTRK, a local television station. When she saw what was going on, her journalistic instincts kicked in. She quietly walked out of the bank, told her photographer what was happening, and called 911. When our bozo pulled out of the bank parking lot, he didn’t notice that our intrepid reporter was on his tail. They followed him for about ten minutes until the police caught up and made the arrest.

July 11, 2006

Our Bozo Criminal for today from Orange County, Florida wins our "Wrong Place at the Wrong Time" award. Bozo Louis Alvarez spotted what he thought was a nice car to break into. As he was working on getting into it, a man with a dog walked up. And not just any man but the police officer who owned the car. And not just any dog, but the police officer’s K-9 partner. Needless to say, the officer and his partner quickly apprehended our bozo and placed him under arrest.

July 10, 2006

Bozo criminals for today come from Buffalo, New York where Charles Martin and Gregory Curtis pulled up to the drive-in window at the local KFC and asked for the daily special. Unfortunately for them, two narcotics detectives were inside ordering lunch when they noticed the unmistakable aroma of marijuana drifting into the restaurant and a large cloud of smoke coming from our bozo’s car. One of the officers said the driver was smoking the biggest marijuana cigar he had ever seen. Our bozos never got their lunch, but the officers did make sure their lunch money was refunded before they were arrested.

July 7, 2006

Bozo criminals for today come from Moosic, Pennsylvania where two unidentified bozos finished their meal at a restaurant on Montage Mountain. Not having the money to pay, they made a break for it and ran out the door after getting their check. Guess they forgot where they were dining, as, after running out, they proceeded to fall down a deep hillside. And it was so steep that they couldn’t climb out on their own. Dozens of rescuers were required to pull our bozos to safety so they could be arrested.

July 6, 2006

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Fred McKinney for sending in today’s report. From cyberspace comes the story of bozo Rajneel Patel who liked to brag about his marijuana farm on his My Space page. In addition to bragging, he also posted several photos showing his marijuana plants, explaining that all his friends liked his pot, too. The police decided to check for themselves and after observing people coming to his house all hours of the day and night, obtained a search warrant. Inside, they found those same plants he had taken pictures of, plus two ounces of meth. His next My Space posting will probably come from jail.

July 5, 2006

Bozo criminal for today comes from Indianapolis, Indiana where bozo Rodney Hall pulled off a robbery at the local bank, getting away with a few hundred dollars in cash. For reasons known only to the bozo mind, when he entered the bank he brought along a gun, a check cashing card, his phone bill and his birth certificate. When he pulled out the gun, he dropped the birth certificate, the phone bill and his check cashing card. He was arrested when the police visited the address on the phone bill.

July 4, 2006

(Best of Bozo) Our bozo for today comes from the Bozo Lonely Hearts Club in Gateshead, England where bozo Mark Waverly held up a store. While making his getaway he noticed a particularly fine woman waiting at the bus stop. So fine was she that our bozo just had to stop and ask her for a date. After making small talk with her for a few minutes he wrote his name and telephone number on her hand and went on his way. Later, when the woman saw a video tape of the robbery, she recognized the thief as her suitor and called the cops with his name and phone number, which she had saved. His next date is with the judge.

July 3, 2006

Bozo criminal for today comes from Spencer, Iowa, where Bozo Elaine Brown was in jail on drug possession charges. Needing money for bond, she called her son and asked him to sell the marijuana she had stashed in the refrigerator and bring her the cash. Unfortunately, the call was monitored by the police. She now faces an additional charge of possession of marijuana with intent to deliver.