Dave Moreland's Bozo Criminal of the Day - The world famous daily report on dumb crimes

March 3, 2006

Bozo criminal for today comes from Chattanooga, Tennessee, where bozo John Hastings was pulled over by the cops for a broken taillight. As the officers were approaching the car, our bozo jumped from the vehicle and ran into the nearby woods. The officers’ calls to our bozo went unanswered, so one of them shouted that since he hadn’t surrendered, they were going to turn their police dog loose. Of course, they had no dog, but the other officer could do a good imitation, so he started barking. Must have been a vicious- sounding bark, because after only a minute or so, bozo stood up and said, "I’m here! Call off the dog." He’s very embarrassed and very arrested.

March 2, 2006

Bozo criminal for today comes from Martin County, Florida, where bozo Michael Massey was pulled over by the cops on suspicion of drunk driving. The officer’s suspicions were confirmed when he saw the open bottle of rum in the seat next to our bozo. He was writing out the citation when our bozo came up with an offer that sealed his fate and secured his position in the Bozo Hall of Fame. Reaching into the glove compartment, our bozo pulled out a stack of Dunkin’ Donuts coupons and said, "You can have these if you’ll just let me park the car and walk home." He let him park the car all right, so he could haul him off to the county jail.

March 1, 2006

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Canada where bozo Richard Carter was stopped at a Saskatchewan border crossing. A customs agent noticed our bozo acting nervously. And when he took a closer look at his shirt, he noticed several moving bulges underneath his clothing. Upon further inspection, it was discovered that our bozo was attempting to smuggle four pigeons across the border by hiding them under his shirt. But, it was the reason that he offered to the officers for having the birds under there that sent him to the Bozo Hall of Fame. He told them he only had the birds under his shirt because they were cold.