From Chicago, Illinois comes our first ever story of assault with a tasty weapon. Bozo Brian Lane attempted to hold up a bar with a ham sandwich which he had molded into the shape of a gun. When no one would take him seriously, our bozo attempted to flee, only to trip on the way out of the bar. He’s under arrest.
Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report from Des Moines, Iowa. Bozo Stewart Jamieson just didn’t know when to shut up. Noticing a man checking license plates on cars in the neighborhood, our bozo walked up and asked "What’s up?" The man checking the plates was an undercover cop on a drug investigation and he simply responded back, "What’s up?" To which our bozo replied, "What’s up?" The cop answered back again, "What’s up?" Having heard enough, our bozo said, "I’ll show you what’s up," went inside his house and came out with a .38 caliber handgun. Not a good idea. The cop showed him his badge and placed him under arrest after finding him to be in possession of crack cocaine.
Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Joey Schwartzman for sending in today’s report. From the International File in Moscow, Russia comes the story of an unidentified bozo who forgot Bozo Rule Number 5476: There’s usually a reason a car is in the repair shop. Our bozo stole a nice looking Nissan from a garage and was really enjoying its acceleration when he noticed something. It had no brakes. He sailed through a couple of traffic lights before crashing into another car just a few hundred yards from the garage. Police helped him from the wreckage before hauling him off to jail.