Dave Moreland's Bozo Criminal of the Day - The world famous daily report on dumb crimes

April 29, 2005

There’s really no criminal intent in today’s story but there was simply no way we were going to pass this one up. Our bozo story for today comes from Clovis, New Mexico where a report of a possible weapon at the middle school caused authorities to lock down the school, close nearby streets and place armed officers on the rooftops. It all came about after there was a report of a student entering the school carrying a long object wrapped in foil and covered by a t-shirt. While the police were conducting a search for the "weapon" one of the students came forward. He told the officers that he had been working on a class project where the assignment was to create a commercial for a product. His commercial was for a restaurant that specialized in making extra large burritos. And that’s the "weapon" that caused the lockdown. A thirty inch burrito filled with steak, guacamole, lettuce, salsa and jalapenos. The only thing this was a threat to was your diet!

April 28, 2005

Bozo criminal for today proves that things may be a lot worse out there than we realized. From Boston, Massachusetts comes the story of bozo Michael Mason who walked into the Nashua Street Jail and told the officers behind the desk that he was a wanted man, that there was an outstanding warrant against him and would they please be so kind as to arrest him. When the officer checked the records, no warrant could immediately be found. Not to be deterred, our bozo simply sat down, lit a cigarette and told the officer he would wait. Before long, the warrant was found and our bozo’s wish was granted. That Boston jailhouse chow must be really tasty.

April 27, 2005

Bozo criminal for today comes from Latrobe, Pennsylvania where bozo Bradley Haynes just can’t seem to understand that it’s not a good idea to leave your name and phone number at the scene of the crime. Our bozo left that information earlier this month when he applied for a job and took the company’s cash box when he left. The cops confronted our bozo and he returned the money only to head over to the local hospital where he again applied for a job, stealing the wallets of several employees while he was there. The cops called our bozo again and again he returned the money. But this time the police were taking no chances…he’s under arrest for theft.

April 26, 2005

Bozo criminal for today comes from Fresno, California where bozo Charles Hancock staked out a car to rob. Thinking there were valuable items in the trunk, our bozo got it open, crawled inside and checked out the contents. His problems began when he tried to climb out. He reached up, grabbed the trunk lid, and as he went to heave himself out, pulled the lid down and locked himself inside. A security guard called the cops when he heard banging sounds coming from the trunk. After being treated for minor cuts and bruises, our bozo was arrested.

April 25, 2005

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Angela Brown for sending in today’s report. From Richland, Washington comes the story of Julie Alexander who was having a bad hair day. A really bad hair day. So bad that she drove to the salon she had used for years and waited for her stylist to show up. When she arrived, she pulled a gun on her and demanded cash, we assume as a sort of refund for the bad ‘do. After she got her cash, she then fired a couple of rounds into the rear window of her stylist’s car. Police arrested her a few minutes later, at another salon where she was getting a new style. Guess she’ll have to get used to the "jailhouse cut" now.