Dave Moreland's Bozo Criminal of the Day - The world famous daily report on dumb crimes

April 2, 2004

Bozo criminal for today violated a basic rule for all men, bozos or not: Never, ever, stop and ask for directions. From Monterey, Tennessee comes the story of bozo Daniel Ward who had just robbed a sandwich shop and in his haste had made a wrong turn and was hopelessly lost. So, he stopped and asked a woman at an apartment complex if she could direct him to Interstate 40. So far, so good. But then for reason known only to the bozo mind, he told her he was driving a stolen car. She gave him the directions and then called the cops. He’s under arrest.

April 1, 2004

Bozo criminals for today come from the International File in Bonn, Germany where two unidentified bozos walked into a post office and demanded cash. After tying up the postal workers, the crooks began stuffing money from the safe into a bag they had brought along. When one of the employees managed to free himself, our bozos panicked. They ran off, grabbing a bag as they went. Unfortunately for them, instead of taking the bag with the cash, they grabbed a sack in which one of the workers had brought his lunch. Two helpings of potato salad. Hope they enjoyed the meal.