Dave Moreland's Bozo Criminal of the Day - The world famous daily report on dumb crimes

January 5, 2004

Bozo criminal for today comes from Minneapolis, Minnesota where bozo Bob Franklin ventured out on Christmas morning. We’re not sure exactly how he got himself into this fix, but he found himself naked and stuck in a one foot by one foot chimney leading into a bookstore. (Maybe he was trying to be a Bad Santa?) Anyway, police rescued him before anything bad happened. It was when he was being arrested that he came up with the Bozo Excuse of the Month. He told the cops that he went into the chimney to find keys that he had dropped.

January 2, 2004

(Best of Bozo) Bozo criminal for today may not have actually committed a crime, but he’s a bozo nonetheless. From the Anti War Department in Olympia, Washington comes the story of bozo Jody Miller who wanted to protest U.S. involvement in the war in Iraq by chaining himself to a U.S. Department of Energy building. However, he was somewhat confused about just which building it was and mistakenly padlocked himself to a building housing an organization that helps farmers and people in rural areas. After he discovered his error, he also discovered that he didn’t have the key to his padlock. Police brought in heavy duty bolt cutters and sent him home.