Dave Moreland's Bozo Criminal of the Day - The world famous daily report on dumb crimes

October 31, 2002

Bozo criminal for this Halloween morning comes from the International File in Lincolnshire, England, where an unidentified bozo wanted to make a dramatic entrance at a fancy Halloween party. He arrived at the door carrying a roaring chain saw and wearing ski goggles and overalls. Perhaps the entrance was a bit more dramatic than he had planned, for the person answering the door ran away screaming and called the police. The cops decided not to charge our bozo after it was discovered the party he wanted to go to was next door.

October 30, 2002

Bozo criminal for today comes from the Bozo Lonely Hearts Club. From the International File in Livorno, Italy comes the story of a 19 year old bozo who felt the spark had gone out of his relationship with his 18 year old girlfriend. To try to rekindle the flame, he decided to recreate a scene from Romeo and Juliet. With his girlfriend waiting for him on the balcony, he began to climb up the side of the building. Sad to say, the lovers did not let the neighbors in on their little plan and one of them was awakened by the noise. Noticing a strange man climbing up the side of an apartment building, he called the cops. The police awakened the girl’s parents and that’s when Romeo decided to fess up. The cops took pity on him and decided not to press charges.

October 29, 2002

Thanks to several Bozo News Hawks who alerted us to this one. From Chattanooga, Tennessee comes the story of bozo Rudy Roberts who along with one of his bozo friends had a couple of sacks of marijuana that needed to be dried out. Not having a microwave of their own, our bozos decided to use the one at the neighborhood convenience store. Leaving his friend asleep in the car, bozo Rudy walked in, right past the police car out front. On his way to the microwave, he spoke to the police officer in the store. He then put his stash in the oven, turned on the heat and immediately the store was filled with the aroma of pot. When the officer asked him what he was doing, he told him, "Drying out my marijuana." He’s now drying out in jail.

October 28, 2002

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report. From the International File in Worthing, England comes the story of a bumbling bozo who did something so silly it sounds like it should have been in a movie. Bozo Michael Wilson along with three of his buddies held up a post office, getting away with a couple thousand dollars in cash. One of the bozos was captured when he was found hiding in a shed, a second was found in a nearby garage and a third was captured when he was spotted wandering around asking for the nearest railway station. But it was Michael who goes into the Bozo Hall of Fame. He called attention to himself when he sought to hide in a hotel lobby. He sat down and pretended to read the newspaper. Only he was holding it upside down. He’s under arrest.

October 25, 2002

Bozo criminal for today comes from Albuquerque, New Mexico where bozo Linda Sanchez was having several of her friends over for a little party. When Linda and her group got to the front door, Linda discovered she’d forgotten her key. No problem, one member of the party forced the door open and the group proceeded to enjoy themselves by having a few drinks and smoking some of Linda’s marijuana. Unfortunately, Linda had also forgotten about her burglar alarm. The forced entry into the house set off the alarm and when the security firm got no answer on Linda’s phone (she had turned off the ringer), sheriff’s deputies were dispatched. As the officers approached, they could smell the marijuana through the open front door. The whole group was busted.

October 24, 2002

Bozo criminals for today come from the International File in Bogota, Columbia. Our bozos were drug smugglers and they knew the Columbian Navy was hot on their trail. So they cooked up a plan-they would burn the $75 million in cocaine on board their boat, destroying the evidence before the Navy could reach them. Somewhere along the way, however, things got crossed up. When the authorities arrived, they found the speedboat aflame and our bozos in the water, surrounded by bags of unburned cocaine. "Uh, did you say to light the boat or the dope?" The Navy rescued the five bozos and then placed them under arrest.

October 23, 2002

Bozo criminal for today comes from Nashville, Arkansas where bozo attorney Rusty Duncan was allegedly in the habit of allowing his clients to pay him with drugs instead of money. This plan works fine until you have a customer dissatisfied with your legal services and that’s just what happened last week. A disgruntled client tipped off the Arkansas drug task force to our bozo’s payment plan. A sting was set up and our bozo was busted.

October 22, 2002

Last week we had the story of a bozo who got himself into trouble when he was out taking his parrot for a walk. Today we have a story that tops even that one. From Regina, Saskatchewan, Canada comes the story of bozo Chynne Krause who was on probation for DUI and was prohibited from possessing alcohol. Police were called when residents noticed him pushing a baby stroller down the street. Only there was no baby in the stroller. In place of the baby, a small keg of beer. Don’t know if it had a little bonnet on or not. He’s been charged with violating his probation.

October 21, 2002

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Berlin, Germany. Our unidentified bozo should perhaps have done a little research before breaking into a jewelry store. While the store contained more than $3 million worth of precious jewels, our bozo left with only $59 worth of zirconium, glass and iron pyrite, leaving all the valuable stuff behind. Cops are looking for a bozo with very poor taste in jewelry.

October 18, 2002

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Jack Decker for sending in today’s report. From Muskegon, Michigan comes the story of a couple of bozos who should have remembered their mother’s advise to "clean your plates." Bozos Darnell Rogers and Freddie Robinson robbed a Papa John’s pizza delivery guy, getting away with three pizzas and two soft drinks. Police were called and in checking out the area found a half eaten pizza that appeared "fresh" and empty soda bottles of the kind reported stolen in the garbage outside a residence. In the backyard, they also discovered pizza boxes containing fresh, half eaten pizzas. Inside they found more pizza and two very full and very busted bozos.

October 17, 2002

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for alerting us to this one. Not sure exactly what’s going on here but today’s story definitely contains the Bozo Excuse of the Month. From Evansville, Indiana comes the story of an unidentified bozo who was found stuck inside the chimney of a grocery store at around 10:30 Monday morning. Employees heard his calls for help and summoned the police. It was when the officers arrived that our bozo came up with the excuse that may land him in the Bozo Hall of Fame. He told them that he was out "walking his parrot" Jojo the night before when the bird got loose, climbed up on the roof and went down the chimney. He climbed up and while trying to rescue the bird, got himself stuck. At this point, Jojo is nowhere to be found and the police are still trying to decide what charges to bring against our bozo.

October 16, 2002

From time to time we’ve had bozo criminals who broke out of jail. We’ve even had a couple that broke into jail. Today’s bozo is the first ever to do both. From the International File in Podgorica, Montenegro comes the story of Bozo Savo Radovanovic who had been waiting for quite some time to be transferred from one of his country’s jails to another. Thinking things had to be better in the new place, and getting tired of waiting to be moved, he decided to take matters into his own hands. He broke out of jail and while police were conducting a nationwide manhunt for him, he turned up at the front gates of the other prison, trying to break in. Authorities are still trying to decide which prison he belongs in.

October 14, 2002

(Best of Bozo) Bozo criminal for today probably should have just used his weapon for lunch. From Nashville, Tennessee comes the story of bozo Leonard Feldman who walked into a bank and pointed a small silver object at the teller and told her to hand over all the cash. If she didn’t, he told her, he would set off the bomb he was carrying. While he got away with a small amount of money the police quickly caught up with out bozo and his "bomb" which turned out to be a hot dog wrapped in aluminum foil.

October 11, 2002

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil. Bozo Eduardo Gonzales broke into a glue factory there and stole several large cans of the stuff. On his way out, he stopped to sniff some of the glue and was overcome by fumes, dropping the cans and falling to the ground. By the time he had come to his senses, the glue had done its job. He was stuck fast to the floor. The fire department had to be called to come by and get him unstuck so he could be arrested.

October 10, 2002

Bozo criminal for today comes from Paw Paw Township, Michigan where bozo Duane Brougher worked at a convenience store. Deciding one evening that he was overworked and underpaid, our bozo decided to grab all the cash from the register and walk out. Fine. But maybe he should have waited until the place closed down for the night. He didn’t and a customer called the cops when he found the store open but deserted. And maybe he should have turned off the security cameras before cleaning out the till. But he didn’t. He’s now under arrest.

October 9, 2002

Bozo criminal for today comes from Kendall, Florida where bozo John Perez held up a bank a couple of weeks ago, making a clean getaway with a small amount of cash. Guess he ran out of money because he returned to the same bank last week and tried to pull another heist. Only problem, he wore the same getup he wore when he robbed them the first time. Same sunglasses, same ugly sports coat. An alert teller recognized him in line and set off the silent alarm. The police arrived before he even made it to the front of the line and found a weapon and a holdup note in his pocket.

October 8, 2002

Bozo criminal for today may set an all time record for stupidity, but at least he’s persistent. From the International File in Stockholm, Sweden comes the story of an unidentified bozo who was stopped for speeding and DUI and was taken in. After posting bail, parking lot security cameras caught him again getting behind the wheel of his car. Officers rushed out and arrested him a second time. He posted bail again and this time a friend came down and promised to drive him home. A half an hour later the cops pulled over a speeder. Guess who? This time, the police promise he won’t be going anywhere for a long time.

October 7, 2002

Bozo criminal for today comes from the "I told you never to call me at work" file. From Orem, Utah comes the story of bozo Paul Dodd who held up a woman at gunpoint, getting away with her purse but leaving his cell phone behind at the crime scene. Officers were in the middle of their investigation when the cell phone rang. It was our bozo’s girlfriend. When the officer answered, she asked, "Are you with Paul Dodd?" The officer replied, "We will be shortly." Armed with this information, it wasn’t long before our bozo was tracked down and arrested.

October 4, 2002

Bozo criminal for today comes from Miami, Florida where our bozo was having a really bad day. This unidentified chap walked into a Miami bank, pulled out his gun and demanded money. After the teller filled his bag with loot, our bozo turned to flee and stuffed the gun back into his pocket. The gun discharged, shooting our bozo in the leg. He was able to limp out of the bank and that’s when things got even worse. He shuffled into the street and was promptly hit by a van. He must have nine lives, though, because he was still able to stagger to his getaway car. But not before spitting out two gold teeth that were knocked loose in the accident. The FBI is checking emergency rooms and dentists offices.

October 3, 2002

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Vancouver, British Columbia Canada where aspiring stuntman and full time bozo William Sanders had a most impressive entrance planned. He hoped to bungee jump from a bridge to the deck of a passing cruise ship. Unfortunately he miscalculated the ship’s speed and the length of his bungee cord. Instead of making a perfect landing, he hit head first on the tennis court, bounced off a rail and a volleyball net and was left dangling in mid air as the ship sailed away. Receiving only minor injuries, he was able to rappel down to the water where he was picked up by a passing water taxi, which turned him over to the cops.