Dave Moreland's Bozo Criminal of the Day - The world famous daily report on dumb crimes

January 3, 2002

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Heater Lawrence for alerting us to this bozo from a recent column by Dave Barry. From Vernon, Connecticut comes the story of bozo James Hardt who wins our bozo award for Worst Disguise of the Month and perhaps of the year. It’s tough to imagine anyone coming up with a worse one. Our bozo planned to rob the local mini mart of which he was a regular customer so he needed a good disguise. For reasons known only to the bozo brain he picked shaving cream as his disguise. Yes, he covered his face with shaving cream and went in to demand money. Unfortunately, the store manager immediately recognized our bozo, who went running from the store and was quickly captured by the cops.

January 2, 2002

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for contributing today’s report. You can accuse our bozo for today of being many things but being dirty is not one of them. Our bozo is from Bedford, Indiana where he apparently broke into a home and decided to take himself a nice long shower. A builder working in the house heard the sound of the shower and asked our bozo what he was doing there. He replied that it was his grandmother’s house and he was visiting. Knowing this was a lie, the builder grabbed our bozo’s clothes and called the cops while he was still lathered up. Unfortunately before the cops arrived our bozo toweled off and dashed out the back door. Cops are looking for a naked, but clean bozo.

January 1, 2002

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Gregg Hanke for sending in today’s report. In case you need further proof that bozos have the worst sense of direction of any creature, here’s another story to prove that fact. From Yakima, Washington comes the story of bozo Harold Lane who shoplifted a DVD player from a store in the mall. Our bozo burst out of the front entrance with mall security in hot pursuit. He quickly ran across the street and into the county’s restitution center, a minimum security jail. Quickly realizing this was not the place to be, he bolted out with officers from the Department of Corrections now joining mall security in hot pursuit. He then ran into a nearby field where he met up with local police answering a call of a robbery at the mall. He’s been arrested.