Dave Moreland's Bozo Criminal of the Day - The world famous daily report on dumb crimes

August 3, 2001

Thanks to bozo News Hawk Rocco Pallotto for sending in today’s report, and there may be bozos from both sides of the law at work here. From the International File in Rio de Janerio, Brazil comes the story of an unidentified inmate at the Bangu Prison. Our bozo dug a tunnel to escape but seemingly wasn’t very good at directions since he emerged from underground not outside the prison but instead in another prisoner’s cell, right in front of prison guards. And here’s what makes us believe there may be some bozos working inside the prison. The guards said after he realized his mistake our bozo turned back into his hole and crawled away, rejoining other prisoners in the exercise yard. The guards said they didn’t see enough of him to identify him. I’m no rocket scientist, but I’m willing to bet he’s the one with that’s really dirty.

August 2, 2001

bozo criminal for today comes from Miami, Florida where bozo Deshawn Dawson held up a bank and got away with a few hundred dollars. To make it harder for anyone to identify him, our bozo stripped off his shirt and threw it away after leaving the bank. At this point most crooks would have headed home to lay low fo a while, but of course a bozo would have other ideas. Instead he walked into a nearby Subway sandwich shop, shirtless, and ordered a small Coke which he paid for with a $50 bill. Upon receiving his change he offered to buy one of the employee’s shirts for $20. Another worker thought all this was kind of strange and called the cops who, noticing that he matched the description of the robber, arrested him.

August 1, 2001

Our bozo for today had a problem we may all be able to relate to. From Tomah, Wisconsin comes the story of bozo Josh Hamilton who stopped at the ATM to try to get himself some cash. And wouldn’t you know it, the stupid thing ate his card. Bank employees told him they wouldn’t be able to retrieve the card until sometime that afternoon. That just wasn’t good enough for our bozo who walked to his car and returned to the bank lobby with a tire iron. He then proceeded to give that bad ATM a darn good thrashing. He shouldn’t have done that. The police were called and our bozo was arrested, and that was just the beginning of his problems. A routine search turned up some marijuana in his pocket. And his card? He never did get it back.