Dave Moreland's Bozo Criminal of the Day - The world famous daily report on dumb crimes

November 30, 2000

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Eddie Forgey for sending in today’s report. From the International File in Athens, Greece comes the story of a bozo Greek executive who was running late for a plane flight and came up with a rather unusual way to delay the takeoff. He called in a bomb threat. Being a busy executive, he had his secretary call the airline first before putting him through. Our bozo wasn’t aware that his very efficient secretary had already identified the executive before he came on the line and told the very surprised airline operator there was a bomb on the plane. Police checked the plane for explosives and, finding none, arrested our late arriving bozo.

November 29, 2000

Bozo criminal for today comes from the rapper file. You may be familiar with the rap group Wu Tang Clan. The leader of the group who goes by the name of "ODB" has been on the run from the cops for the last five weeks on drug related charges. Bozo rapper Mr. ODB stopped by a McDonalds in Philadelphia this week where he was quickly surrounded by a mob of autograph seekers. The crowd grew so large that the manager of the McDonalds, fearing a gang riot, called the cops. When the police arrived, our bozo rapper automatically assumed they were fans and walked toward them, offering them his autograph. They took his signature, all right, when he he was arrested and signed into custody.

November 28, 2000

Bozo criminals for today learned the hard way that if you’re gonna get caught by the border patrol in Juarez, Mexico, you need to have a better excuse than this. Bozo brother and sister Nancy Lee and Terry Lee Alexander were stopped by the guards as they tried to pass over the border between El Paso, Texas and Ciudad Juarez, Mexico. During a routine inspection border guards discovered 550,000 rounds of ammuniton in their trunk. Our bozos then complained that they had no idea how they had ended up in Mexico. They said they were traveling from their home in Arkansas to Montana and must have made a wrong turn somewhere. (Didn’t Bugs Bunny always talk about taking a wrong turn in Albuquerque?) The cops detained them and their ammunition.

November 27, 2000

Bozo criminals for today come from Bellingham, Washington where an armed bozo wearing a ski mask burst through the front door of a home while his bozo accomplice, also wearing a ski mask, waited just outside. Once inside, our bozo took a look around and noticed that the occupants, a husband, wife and a baby were sitting in the living room watching TV. Not at all what he had expected to find. Our bozo thought he was breaking into the home of a drug dealer, hoping to find drugs and cash. When the family told the bozo he had the wrong house, he apologized and left, along with his partner. Police are looking for them.

November 22, 2000

Bozo criminal for today comes from Denver, Colorado where bozo Mark Haley served on a grand jury which handed down secret indictments against a major drug dealer. Our bozo then got the bright idea of going to the drug dealer and offering to sell him information on the case for $50,000. Guess he must not have been paying very close attention to all of the grand jury proceedings. If he had been, our bozo would have known that an FBI agent had testifed that the drug dealer’s house was bugged. He was arrested.

November 21, 2000

Bozo criminal for today comes from New Jersey where Bozo Larry Pryor was arrested for trying to help out his girlfriend. Here’s how his little plan worked. His girlfriend worked for one of those psychic hotline companies and apparently those companies pay their psychics based on how long the customers are kept on the line. Our bozo would dial up his girlfriend’s psychic line when he got to the bank where he worked and then would leave the phone off the hook and connected to her line for hours. Many, many hours. 546 hours over a five month span. The calls cost $163,000 in charges before someone got suspicious. Our question is–if his girlfriend is psychic, why didn’t she see this coming?

November 20, 2000

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File. Bozo Luis Moreno was wanted on drug charges in Boston and fled to Puerto Rico. Now most people on the lam would adopt a low profile and try not to draw any attention to themselves, right? But not if you’re a bozo. Bozo Luis entered the Mr. Puerto Rico bodybuilding contest and won. He won’t be around to defend his title, though. He was arrested after authorities recognized his picture in the paper.

November 17, 2000

Bozo criminals for today come from Hackensack, New Jersey where police pulled over a weaving van, anticipating finding a drunk driver inside. What they actually found were two bozos. When the officer approached the car he saw an obviously drunk 20 year old bozo in the drivers seat with an even drunker 22 year old bozo sitting in his lap, facing the wrong way. The two men were apparently trying to switch seats after pulling over in the mistaken belief that the passenger was less drunk than the driver. He wasn’t. They were both arrested.

November 16, 2000

Bozo criminal for today comes from Chardon, Ohio where bozo David Taber was waiting to check out a few books at the local library when something came over him. Or came off of him to be more exact. While standing in line, our bozo dropped his pants. He then retrieved them, checked out his books and went on his merry way. The cops were called and had no problem tracking him down using his address on the library card. When confronted, he offered up the excuse of the month. He told the police he didn’t mean to drop his pants, he was just lowering them to show off his washboard abs and they slipped down.

November 15, 2000

Bozo criminal for today comes from Santa Rosa, California where bozo Tyrone Brown stole a Chrysler PT Cruiser from a car dealership. Our bozo hadn’t driven very far when he noticed that the car was low on fuel. Thinking he could bring it back and exchange it for one with more gas, our bozo drove back by the dealership. Unfortunately the police were there investigating the crime and spotted our bozo as he drove by. A brief chase ensued with the police catching up to our bozo when his stolen car ran out of gas.

November 14, 2000

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in London, England where bozo Auburn Mason, a native of Trinidad and Tobago, attempted to hijack a British airliner. Our bozo threatened the flight attendant with a mini tape recorder he was carrying, claiming it was a bomb. He then demanded that the captain take the plane to London’s Gatwick Airport. Fine, said the captain, who then continued on course. You see, our bozo had attempted to hijack a plane that was already enroute to London’s Gatwick Airport…and was only about 15 minutes from its destination. He was arrested upon arrival.

November 13, 2000

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk "Cheryl" in New York for sending in today’s report. From St. Charles, Missouri comes the story of bozo Harvey Clampitt who was in the process of robbing a home when the phone rang. He then did what any bozo would, he answered the phone. The homeowner, who was calling home to check his messages, asked our bozo what he was doing there and he answered that he was just sitting in the house and wasn’t going to steal anything. Still not convinced that he had actually called his own home, the man asked our bozo if he could tell him the number of the house. Our bozo put down the phone, checked the number on the outside of the house and returned with the information. The man quickly hung up and called neighbors who rushed over and detained the bozo until the cops arrived.

November 10, 2000

Bozo criminal for today comes from Boston, Massachusetts where bozo Ronnie Harrell stole a pickup truck from a downtown parking lot. That was his first mistake. And it wasn’t from just any parking lot, either. It was from the police station parking lot. That’s mistake two. Even though it was dark, our bozo proceeded to drive around town with his lights off. His third mistake. A cop noticed the light-less truck and flashed his lights at him. Instead of flipping on his lights, our bozo flipped the cop the peace sign (at least we think that’s what he flipped him) and kept on truckin’. That’s four strikes and that’s more than enough. Our bozo was arrested.

November 09, 2000

Bozo criminal for today comes from Sonoma County, California where bozo Howard Jones had a foolproof plan for breaking out of jail. Or so he thought. Our bozo switched identities with another inmate who was scheduled to be released on bail. He had airport shuttle bus schedules and even a hotel pamphlet for a Chicago hotel. At about 3 A.M., the bail had been posted and our bozo began what he thought would be a short walk to freedom. It turned out to be a shorter walk than he expected. Our bozo hadn’t been quite as thorough on his identity switch with the other inmate as he should have been. A guard on duty checked his prison ID and noticed that the picture and the bozo weren’t the same person. He had forgotten to change the photos in the ID. He’s back in jail.

November 08, 2000

Bozo criminal for today comes from Longview, Texas where bozo Marvin Jennings was stopped by a sheriff’s deputy for speeding. Noticing that our bozo seemed a little nervous, the officer asked for permission to search the car. The bozo agreed and the officer tried to open the rear door. It was so heavy that it took a strong tug to open it. Suspecting that something was up, the officer tried to roll down the rear window and found that it would only lower a couple of inches. When he removed the door panel, the officer discovered the reason why. It was jammed full of marijuana. About 13 bags of the stuff. And the door on the other side was packed, too. Our bozo was arrested.

November 07, 2000

For election day today we present a bozo story not about criminals but about government regulations that are criminal. Maybe the bozos who thought this one up will be voted out today. Our story for today comes from Coeur d’Alene Idaho where highway department officials issued $100 dollar citations to U.S. Government trucks on their way to fight last summers raging wildfires in Montana. It seems the trucks, loaded with water to fight the fires, exceeded the highway weight limit. So the authorities made a truly bozo decision. They ordered the trucks to dump their loads of water before sending them on their way to fight the fires.

November 06, 2000

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File. From Olso, Norway comes the story of an unidenentified bozo who thought he would break into an apartment. And of all the apartments in Olso he picked the worst possible one. You see, Oslo television has one of those reality TV shows where cameras are set up all over the house. Yep, that’s the place he selected to break into. Seventeen video cameras recorded his every move and the whole thing was shown live over the internet. Needless to say, he’s very embarassed and very arrested. Smile, you’re on Bozo Camera!

November 03, 2000

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Dan Losada for sending in today’s report. From Hastings, Nebraska comes the story of bozo Jerry Hardy who was arrested on a couple of outstanding warrants. When he arrived at the police station, our bozo said they had the wrong man. He insisted that he was in fact Jerry Hardy’s brother, Jerome. Unfortunately for our bozo a quick check of police computers found that there was also an outstanding warrant on his brother Jerome. Our bozo was trying to claim he was yet a third brother when he was locked up.

November 02, 2000

Bozo criminals for today come from Albuquerque, New Mexico where bozos Paul Smith and James Allen were being held by the cops under suspicion of burglary. During a break in questioning, the officers left our bozos alone in the interview room. Not knowing that the officers could see everything through a two way mirror, our bozo proceeded to steal some Twizzlers licorice and the change from the office coffee fund box. An additional theft charge was added.

November 01, 2000

Bozo criminal for today is our first ever from the Bozo Radio Station Employees file. From Boise, Idaho comes the story of father and son Byron and Rich Carson who were both employees of a local radio station. These bozos convinced a couple of their teen aged listeners to call an 800 number and then use the "phrase that pays" when the number was answered to win a prize. What they didn’t make clear was that the 800 number they gave out was for the White House. And the phrase that the listener was supposed to say to win was, "I’m going to kill the president." Needless to say, the Secret Service takes such calls quite seriously and after determining that the callers had no idea they were phoning the White House, decided to go after our radio bozos. These guys won’t be pulling any more on-air pranks for a while. After the secret service visited the station they were fired.