Dave Moreland's Bozo Criminal of the Day - The world famous daily report on dumb crimes

August 03, 2000

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Neal Tooni for sending in today’s report from Chesterfield, New Jersey where bozo Kenneth Green was wanted by the cops for assaulting his wife. Our bozo was doing a good job of avoiding arrest until he decided to pick up his paycheck. And it was his place of employment that caused a little problem. He was a 20 year employee of the state corrections department. His co-workers knew there was a warrant out for him and when he stopped by the prison to pick up his check he was arrested.

August 02, 2000

Today we’ll learn that love does not necessarily conquer all if you’re a bozo. From the International File in Sao Paulo, Brazil comes the story of bozo Pedro da Silva who was serving time for robbery. Pedro was getting a little lonely in his cell; he needed companionship. So he did what any bozo would do. He broke out of jail and headed straight across town to the female prison, where his girlfriend was also doing time and sprang her. The star crossed lovers then headed for the nearest hotel, which was of course the first place the cops checked. They’re both back in jail. And, one more thing, if Romeo could have just controlled his passion for three more days his girlfriend could have visited him legally. That’s all the time that was left on her sentence.

August 01, 2000

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Victoriaville, Canada where bozo James Hannigan was perhaps the world’s most meticulous drug dealer. Our bozo charged his customers sales tax on the crack cocaine he sold them. This led one of his equally stupid clients to complain to the police about the practice. The police were quickly able to track down and arrest our bozo because of another one of his quirks. He gave his customers signed receipts for the drugs they purchased.