Dave Moreland's Bozo Criminal of the Day - The world famous daily report on dumb crimes

August 31, 2000

Bozo criminal for today comes from the Celebrity File. From Ft. Lauderdale, Florida comes the story of bozo actor Brad Renfro, best known for his co-starring role in the movie "The Client". The 18 year old actor and a buddy allegedly tried to steal a 45 foot yacht from its berth at a Ft. Lauderdale marina. Our bozos got the big boat started and were on their way…almost. They forgot to untie the dock lines and when they tried to pull away, the ropes tightened and yanked the $175,000 boat back to the dock. Nearby boaters were awakened by the ruckus and held our bozo actor and his friend until the police arrived.

August 30, 2000

Bozo criminal for today comes from West Haven, Connecticut where bozo Kenneth James walked into a convenience store and offered the clerk a dollar bill for a pack of gum. When the clerk opened the register, our bozo grabbed about $40 in cash and fled. After awhile, our bozo started feeling a little guilty and walked back into the store, asking the clerk, "Did I pay for the gum?" Unfortunately for our bozo he returned at about the same time the cops arrived to investigate the robbery. He was quickly arrested.

August 29, 2000

Bozo criminal for today proves that sometimes the biggest bozos of them all are the lawyers. From Detroit, Michigan comes the story of bozo Dwayne Nolan who was scheduled to meet his lawyer at the police station to pick up his car, which had been impounded in an alleged drug deal. As he walked through the station house, an officer thought he recognized our bozo from a wanted poster in a local murder case. The officer stopped the bozo and his attorney and, showing them the wanted poster, asked the attorney if he could identify the man in the poster. When the lawyer identified him as his client, our bozo was was arrested. Needless to say, he didn’t get his car back that day.

August 28, 2000

Thanks to several Bozo News Hawks who called this one to our attention. From East Peoria, Illinois comes the story of bozos Ricky Brown and Steven Gaines who held up a filling station, getting away with a small amount of cash. Our bozos made a quick getaway but only made it about four blocks before they were apprehended by the police. The bozos who had robbed the filling station ran out of gas!

August 25, 2000

(Best of Bozo) Bozo criminal for today comes from Miami, Florida where bozo Jaime Velasquez left behind his stash of marijuana when he got out of a cab. A few miles down the road, the cabbie noticed the dope and turned it in to the dispatcher, who called the cops. Sure enough, a little later the bozo called the cab company to ask if anyone had turned in some "tobacco" that he had left in the cab. The dispatcher told him yes, but that he would have to come down and identify it as his to get it back. He did. Cops busted him afer he made the positive ID.

August 24, 2000

(Best of Bozo) Bozo criminal for today just didn’t know when to leave well enough alone. From London, England comes the story of bozo Freddie Smyth who was arrested and charged with shoplifting. When he was brought in to be booked, the police couldn’t believe their eyes when the bozo began stealing the little magnetic letters off the board he was holding for his mug shot.

August 23, 2000

(Best of Bozo)Bozo criminal for today comes from Topeka, Kansas where bozo Raymond Fletcher held up a convenience store. When the bozo discovered there was not much money in the register, he decided to wait on customers for a while to build up a little more cash. His plan failed when one of the clerk’s friends came in, became suspicious and called the cops.

August 22, 2000

(Best of Bozo) Bozo criminal for today is from the International File. From Porsgrunn, Norway comes the story of a bozo car thief who stole a car from the front yard of its owner. The owner happened to see what was going on and as the bozo sped away, he jumped in his other car and gave chase. The bozo led the owner on a chase that lasted fifteen minutes. During this time the owner was right on the bozo’s tail, so close that the bozo could see his enraged face in the rear view mirror. Finally, the bozo decided to do the right thing. He picked up the cell phone in the car and called the cops to come arrest him, figuring he would be better off in the custody of the police than in the grips of the car’s owner.

August 21, 2000

(Best of Bozo) Bozo criminal for today comes from Atlantic City, New Jersey where bozo Ron Middleton stuck a piece of paper in the lock at an office building so he could sneak in later and rob it, which he did. He would probably have gotten away with his crime if it had not been for his choice of paper to stuff in the lock. It was a parking ticket with his name and address on it!

August 18, 2000

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Suzanne Williams of Tyler, Texas who gave us today’s report. From College Station, Texas comes the story of Bozo Natalie Copeland who held up the Bank of America there. While Natalie was waiting for the teller to get her money she made the mistake of mentioning a used car dealer in town that had a car she had been eyeing for the last couple of months. After our bozo left with the cash the teller told the cops about the car dealer the bozo had mentioned. The police checked, and, yep, our bozo had just left in her new car after coming in with a cash down payment. The cops went to the address she had given on her credit application, found the car and arrested our bozo.

August 17, 2000

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Neal Tooni for sending in today’s report. From Bartlett, New Hampshire comes the story of bozo Daniel Williams who broke into a home, ransacked it and stacked his loot outside the door. It must have been hard work, because after placing all his stuff outside, our bozo went back inside and crawled into a bed for a little cat nap. Unfortunately, his internal alarm clock didn’t go off and a neighbor who noticed all the stuff outside and a strange vehicle in the driveway called the cops who came over and awakened and arrested our bozo.

August 16, 2000

Bozo criminal for today comes from Los Angeles, California where bozo Randy Lamar stole a Nissan 300ZX. Our bozo had not gone very far before he was spotted by a cop who took off after him. Our bozo stepped on the gas, trying to flee but in the process rear-ended another car. Boxed in, he jumped out and took off on foot. He then grabbed the door handle of a car stopped at a red light only to have that car take off, dragging him along with our bozo holding on for dear life to the car door. The driver then sideswiped a trash can, scraping our bozo off. He was apprehended and taken to a hospital by the cops to be treated for bumps and bruises. It was here that he gave an answer that belongs in the Bozo Hall of Fame. A doctor examining him, assuming that our bozo was on drugs, asked him what he had taken. Our bozo replied, "A 300ZX."

August 15, 2000

Bozo criminal for today comes from Bound Brook, New Jersey where bozo Brendan Snider had a rather busy day when he broke into a residence early the other morning. First he went into the kitchen and cooked himself some sausages. He then ransacked a downstairs bedroom, finding a pair of jeans he liked and putting them on. He then went out into the backyard and lit the grill to cook a couple of steaks he had found in the refrigerator. While the grill was warming up he went upstairs and awoke the family’s daughter while he was rummaging around her bedroom. He apologized for waking her, introduced himself and locked himself in the bathroom where he proceeded to take a shower. The daughter then awoke her parents who confronted our bozo behind the locked bathroom door. The bozo replied, "I’m taking a shower. I’ll be out in a few minutes." The cops were waiting when he finished his shower.

August 14, 2000

Bozo criminal for today comes from Manchester, Connecticut where bozo Ron Simpson stole a car and then quickly got lost. Not being one of those macho guys who won’t stop for directions, our bozo pulled into a convenience store, walked up to a cop who was in the store at the time and asked him for directions to a specific address. The cop gave him the info, but thinking it strange that a man would stop and ask, decided to run a quick check on the license plate as the bozo was pulling away. When it turned up as stolen, the cop headed to the address he had given him and, sure enough, the car was there. The bozo was inside, hiding behind a dresser. He’s now found his way to jail.

August 11, 2000

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File. From Russia comes the story of a Russian crook who was on the run and was going to try to sneak across the Ukranian-Slovak border. Our bozo stole a passport and then had himself made up to look like the picture on the passport, complete with a pair of large fake ears. And wouldn’t you know it, just as our bozo was passing through customs, the glue on the fake ears came unstuck and the ears began to slowly slide down his head. After being arrested our bozo blamed all his problems on the fact that he had used cheap Russian glue instead of a better Western one. Guess Elmer’s is hard to come by over there.

August 10, 2000

Bozo criminals sometimes have bozo friends as well, as today’s story will prove. From the International File in Uganda comes the story of five bozos who set out to free their bozo colleagues from prison. The bozos were successful, cutting a hole through the fence and freeing 138 prisoners. So why do they qualify as bozos? Because they freed the wrong crooks. They cut through the wrong fence-their friends were waiting for them on the other side of the prison.

August 09, 2000

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Gordon Galbraith for sending in today’s report. From Robbinsdale, Minnesota comes the story of bozo Paul Harris who walked into a pawn shop with several power tools he had just stolen and asked for cash for them. The man behind the counter took a look at the tools and thought, "These are pretty nice. I’ve got one just like that…and that…and that!" Finally it dawned on him-he was looking at his own tools. The bozo had broken into the pawnbroker’s house, stolen his tools, and, as fate would have it, brought those tools to his shop to pawn them. The pawnbroker called the cops who detained our bozo on a previous warrant while he hurried home to confirm that those were indeed his tools. They were. The bozo was arrested.

August 08, 2000

Bozo criminal for today comes from Flatwood, Kentucky where bozo Elbert Harrigan was trying to break into an ATM machine at the local bank. Our bozo had brought along a drill and two bits but had broken both of them off trying to drill into the machine, so he left. And that’s when patrolman David Smith of the Flatwoods Police Department arrived, responding to a report of a break-in at the bank. The officer took a look around, noticed the two broken drill bits and decided to wait a few mintutes to see what happened. And sure enough, a few minutes later our bozo showed up with a crowbar and went back to work on the ATM. He was quickly arrested.

August 07, 2000

As the old saying goes, the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. And the way to catching a bozo may be through his stomach as the following story will prove. From Fayetteville, Arkansas comes the story of bozo Anthony Rogers who stopped by to visit an old boyhood friend that he hadn’t seen in years. After paying his friend a visit our bozo returned later and stole about $1800 worth of property from his home. It didn’t take a genius to figure out that our bozo was the culprit. The homeowner noticed several cheese wrappers laying on the kitchen counter and remembered our bozo had mentioned that this type of cheese was his favorite food. The cops followed up and our bozo was arrested.

August 04, 2000

Bozo criminal for today comes from Chippewa Falls, Wisconsin where bozo Kenneth Green checked into the Indianhead Motel and when he checked out he took almost the whole room with him. Including the TV, refrigerator, microwave, mirror, three lamps, two wall pictures, the towels and the sheets. Didn’t take the cops long to find him, however. He checked into the room under his real name with his home address and that’s where the cops found him, with the stuff spread out all over his living room. Sounds like he was planning a big garage sale.